Last names?

Stella - posted on 01/13/2013

I'm still unmarried and use my father's name. I use it because it means something, it's the name of the man who not only fathered me but also took care of me all my childhood and is still there for me to this day, I'm a few years over 30! If the father is actively involved in his son's life then he deserves to have a say in the matter. If he doesn't then he's a sperm donor, not a father. "Father" is a title that is earned. I grappled with the same decision and was very pleased when my daughter asked herself that I change her name so she could take mine, it was a wonderful moment. I guess even though she's just a little girl, she knows the difference between people who love her and those who don't. And she's smart enough to know carrying that baggage around simply isn't worth it. Factors to consider: Is he a part of his son's life? How old is your son? Are you sure this is what you want? Once answered you'll make the right decision.

Michelle - posted on 02/02/2012

If he hasn't been interested then I wouldn't bother with it. Your last name is (in my eyes) probably the better choice as you are his family and if his father hasn't been interested then I wouldn't really call him family, biologically yes but it takes more than blood to be a parent

Christa - posted on 01/29/2012

I don't see any thing wrong with giving your son your last name. Its an honor, but also a privilege for a man to pass on his last name, he should be there in order to earn that.



You should also take into consideration how you will feel introducing your child and signing him up for things using your ex's name. Also if you should eventually get married to someone who is not your son's father, would you be more comfortable with your maiden name as his last name?



My daughters father and I were engaged when she was born and we hyphenated her last name, it's been a total nightmare! I am pregnant again and he has completely walked out at this point, this time around the baby will be getting my last name.

Chelly - posted on 01/29/2012

you can give him your last name, his last name or both. As long as the two of you are not married the name is 100% up to the mother. If you wanted too you can give your child the last name of easterbunny! The only thing I do believe but I maybe wrong, he can take you to court and have his last name added.(I have a cousin doing that) That all goes on the judge, and it takes time and money. So give your child whatever last name you would like

Ashley - posted on 01/29/2012

It's all up to you but it will really break your heart if your child gets older and doesn't have any part of his father. I was like that. I have my mother's last name and I wish I had my dad's, they were married then divorced but at the end of the day I am and will always be his biological daughter.

Soribel - posted on 01/26/2012

that might be your decision but from legal issues having him in the birth certificate he has to pay child support. if he dies your son will get the social security income from him.

there are men that might pay child support only.

and later you don't want your son asking why he does not have father last name. even if we hated them or the one night stand they need to be responsible because at least we did our part . but think about it. just once added on birth c. just claim your child as a single mom and write a letter stating that he was only there to sign and will not be involved on your child life. so you ca get full custody. and later you will not have any trouble getting him passport

Soribel - posted on 01/26/2012

that might be your decision but from legal issues having him in the birth certificate he has to pay child support. if he dies your son will get the social security income from him.

there are men that might pay child support only.

and later you don't want your son asking why he does not have father last name. even if we hated them or the one night stand they need to be responsible because at least we did our part . but think about it. just once added on birth c. just claim your child as a single mom and write a letter stating that he was only there to sign and will not be involved on your child life. so you ca get full custody. and later you will not have any trouble getting him passport

Trish - posted on 01/25/2012

Give the baby your name. It will make life easier as he gets to school age. If the ex were truly interested in his son. he would have been there throughout the pregnancy & he'd be helping out financially. You don't even have to name him on the birth certificate. That way if you marry & want to change the baby's name to your new one, its easier if he's not listed. Same for a passport & other issues. If he wants legal status, let HIM pay for it. Why should you hand it to him? If he is paying you support now & plans on paying child support its a little stickier, but still use you maiden name.

Cris - posted on 01/25/2012

You can give the baby your last name. If the father wants the child to have the last name, he will have to take you to court. I made the mistake of giving my daughter her dad's last name because we planned on getting married. In Indiana, you have 1 year to change the child's last name without going to court unless the other parent contests it. I didn't know that and she was a year when I went to change her last name. She now has my last name-his last name. That way she can choose which one she wants to go by in school. I highly recommend your last name only.

M - posted on 01/25/2012

This is a really personal issue, so regardless of your decision it is ultimately your decision and your decision alone to make as you will be the provider and loving parent in your child's life. If no one else understands that, that's too bad. If one is even asking this question, that shows that you care enough to consider your options carefully.



Having said that, considering the lack of interest on the biological father's part I would encourage you to have your son or daughter keep your last name. Names are one of our first tangible senses of identity. With your last name, your child will identify with you and your side of the family. He or she is not an outsider. He or she is a member of the family. That can be incredibly important to a child, especially in a single parent household. It also creates less confusion for you in many instances, from doctor's offices to traveling. If things change later, as mentioned, you can always choose (as part of a couple or between yourself and your child) to have it changed. If the biological father steps up later and his involvement is pleasing to all involved, it can be his responsibility to pick up the tab for the name change; again, if that is something you all can agree upon. Until then, your child is yours and yours alone.

Heather - posted on 01/25/2012

I chose my own name for my daughter. I have come to understand that if there is another name on the birth certificate, there can be problems (with required permission forms) when crossing borders. UGH. Besides, he is your son. Yours. And that will NEVER change. If the dad becomes more engaged with him later and you want to reconnect him formally to his son, you can always change his name to the father's...particularly if your last name changes too ;)

A - posted on 01/25/2012

Give the baby your last name. You are the one who is going to be with him. Things will be much simpler if he has your name for school, medical, passports, etc. You will also not be faced with explaining that he is indeed your son and why you have different last names.

Kim - posted on 10/16/2011

GIVE THE BABY YOUR LAST NAME, please. There is no law that says the father's name has to be there at all.

Courtney - posted on 10/16/2011

No dont do both give your baby your last name. because the dad of that baby is gone.

Courtney - posted on 10/16/2011

No dont do both give your baby your last name. because the dad of that baby is gone.

Courtney - posted on 10/16/2011

No dont do both give your baby your last name. because the dad of that baby is gone.

Cynthia - posted on 10/15/2011

i've been wondering that as well!

Cynthia - posted on 10/15/2011

i've been wondering that as well!

MARTINA - posted on 10/12/2011

JUST GIVE HIM YOURS. BECAUSE WHEN IT BOILS DOWN TO IT THERE WILL BE QUESTIONS LATER ON IN HIS LIFE WHEN HE STARTS SCHOOL THT YOU WILL HAVE TO PROVIDE PROOF THT HE IS YOU SON AND EVERTHING OR DO BOTH. I PREFER MY SONS JUST TO HAVE MY LAST NAME AND THTS ALL THERE IS TO IT!

Daniela - posted on 10/08/2011

Its a tough call, you need to think about the future as well as the right now. What do you think your child would prefer when they are adults and are having children of their own? I gave my sons their fathers last name and my daughter my last name, it does get confusing sometimes but I dont regret it at all.

Danielle - posted on 10/03/2011

Girl give him your last name and call it a day

Amber - posted on 09/28/2011

You are not legally obligated to give him the fathers name. I don't know why we all think this for some reason. My son's father tried to say that when he proves he is the father my son will automatically be given his last name and what a crock! There is NO LAW (at least in AZ) that says a child is obligated to get a father's last name. My son has my last name and my son's father was so mad but we weren't together, he is not a great influence, and my son will carry on my last name because I am the one that is raising him. So give your son your last name!

Allison - posted on 09/17/2011

Give him yours thats what I did with my daughter, and will do with my baby when its born this march. Its a decision I've NEVER regretted

Marla - posted on 09/16/2011

give him your name

Lexi - posted on 07/14/2011

I gave my daughter both our names Page-Wilmoth. It's not their fault if the other parent isn't in their lives, but I also feel that she is a part of the 2 of us. I gave her both last names because she is both a Page and a Wilmoth so now she does have something of her father in her life. Whatever decision you make will be whatever is best for you!

Misty - posted on 07/12/2011

I would give him your last name only, and put the father's name on the b/c if possible. In my very honest opinion, I wouldn't hyphenate a baby's name particularly a boy's name. It is very complicated for others, like teachers and classmates, to know what name to call them by, or teach them to write, when they see a hyphenated name. What if your son's future wife wants to hyphenate her name? Would that mean a double hyphen? To each his own, but I would only use one name.

How about his father's last name for a middle name???

Koree - posted on 07/12/2011

I would just give your son yours.

Aubrie - posted on 07/11/2011

I was going to give my son Anthonnii his fathers last name. At the time his dad was being a prettyyy big loser. i wasnt sure what was going to happen after words, if he would be there or not. i wasnt sure. so even though COdy (the father) was there at the hospital for the birth (still being stupid during that time period) I named my son Anthonnii JO Aubrey Long, Gave him my last name (: Me n his dad are doing really good and have another baby now named Jemma Monroe Johnston. (codys last name). Its anoying that i have it like that but i was almost thinking about changing his last name to Johnston. (hes only 1 almost 2). (that im unsure of aha) but I still do not regret giving him my last name . That probably didnt help you at all haha (::

Aubrie - posted on 07/11/2011

I was going to give my son Anthonnii his fathers last name. At the time his dad was being a prettyyy big loser. i wasnt sure what was going to happen after words, if he would be there or not. i wasnt sure. so even though COdy (the father) was there at the hospital for the birth (still being stupid during that time period) I named my son Anthonnii JO Aubrey Long, Gave him my last name (: Me n his dad are doing really good and have another baby now named Jemma Monroe Johnston. (codys last name). Its anoying that i have it like that but i was almost thinking about changing his last name to Johnston. (hes only 1 almost 2). (that im unsure of aha) but I still do not regret giving him my last name . That probably didnt help you at all haha (::

Teresa - posted on 07/10/2011

I would give the child your last name. You will be the constant in the child's life.

Sarah - posted on 07/08/2011

If you haven't had him yet and the father isn't there then you give him your last name. He has to be there to sign the birth cert. in order for the child to have his last name.

Tangi - posted on 07/08/2011

My preference was

Camille - posted on 07/08/2011

yours...

BeeJay - posted on 09/19/2009

My ex had nothing to do with my pregnancy. I figured if he wanted to act just like a "sperm doner" then he didnt have any right to the choices that I made for my daughter. She has my last name, and he isnt on the birth certificate. She was born in June and he has seen her only 4 times. The last time he saw her was 2 months and 4 days ago. He does nothing for her, he never asks about her, he doesnt ask to see her, nothing. I am so happy that she has MY last name. My advice to you, give your son YOUR last name. Your the one doing everything for him so your son should have your last name.

Amy - posted on 09/19/2009

My sons father bailed on us when I was six months pregnant. I gave my son my last name so that if I ever do find a man I want to marry, I can allow my new husband to adopt my son if he wants to. I feel like my son's sperm donor does not deserve to have the pride of having a son he didnt care for to carry on his family name. I agree with other posts, I am the one raising my son I'm not going to let people think his dad had any help in raising him. Keep your head up girl! Because your son's dad will try to tear you down and you have to be strong for you and your son.

Melissa - posted on 09/19/2009

Give him your last name. Should you and the father get back together the name can be hypendated or changed. I gave my son my last name as I wanted him to have the same last name as me.

Lori - posted on 09/18/2009

My son has my last name. his father had nothing to do with the pregnancy

Diane - posted on 09/18/2009

I think if the father isn't interested in him you should give him your last name. Than you don't have to explain to him later why your last names are different.

Jamie - posted on 09/18/2009

In all reality your decision should really depend on the situation. He may be showing a lack of interest in the baby out of vindication and anger towards you after the break up. If he is going to be a solid part of the child's life and your child will know his or her father then I would suggest giving the baby a hyphenated last name. If you know without a doubt that he will not be around and be a part of the babies life then to hell with him and give the baby your name. In my opinion, if the two of you were never married then the baby should at have the mother's last name or at the very least a hyphenated last name combining the two parents. I regret that I gave my oldest two children their father's last name. Think very long and hard about this because it is an important decision. No matter what choice you make though please start preparing yourself for the upcoming questions.

Denise - posted on 09/16/2009

You can give your baby any first or last name that you want. My sister has a different last name than me because she had a different biological father than I but since my father raised her she ended up giving her son my father's last name which would have been hers if he had legally adopted her when she was young. The father of her son too was not there at the time of his birth. He wasn't even around until my nephew turned 13. Now my nephew is 21 and he still has my father's name by choice. So go ahead and give your baby your last name if you want. It's legal.

Denise - posted on 09/16/2009

You can give your baby any first or last name that you want. My sister has a different last name than me because she had a different biological father than I but since my father raised her she ended up giving her son my father's last name which would have been hers if he had legally adopted her when she was young. The father of her son too was not there at the time of his birth. He wasn't even around until my nephew turned 13. Now my nephew is 21 and he still has my father's name by choice. So go ahead and give your baby your last name if you want. It's legal.

Denise - posted on 09/16/2009

You can give your baby any first or last name that you want. My sister has a different last name than me because she had a different biological father than I but since my father raised her she ended up giving her son my father's last name which would have been hers if he had legally adopted her when she was young. The father of her son too was not there at the time of his birth. He wasn't even around until my nephew turned 13. Now my nephew is 21 and he still has my father's name by choice. So go ahead and give your baby your last name if you want. It's legal.

Jeanelle - posted on 09/16/2009

Quoting Brianne:

Last names?

I am no longer with the father of my baby boy and I dont want to give my baby his last name. He hasn't really been intrested in him either. Do I still need to give the baby his last name or can I just give him mine, or do I give him both?

I find it easier to give the baby your last name! My daughter's father was around for 12 days and I then had to go through all the paperwork and hassle of changing her last name to mine. In my opinion, my daughter and I having the same last name make it less confusing (especially when she starts school). If fathers have no interest in their children, why should we give our kids their last name? We are the ones raising them, supporting them, and loving them!

Michelle - posted on 09/15/2009

I would give him your name. You could always use his last name as a middle name if it would work. But don't feel like you have to "honor' the father by using his last name if he isn't involved and doesn't want to be. I wish mine had my last name, but his father was around at the time of naming and then left afterwards.

Linga - posted on 09/15/2009

I say give him your name. Your son's dad is listed on his birth certificate, right? Why have two different names if you don't have to?

Angela - posted on 09/15/2009

did you give your son his fathers name at birth?

Diane - posted on 09/14/2009

just yours...thats what i did:)

Kirsty - posted on 09/14/2009

I have two children whom have different fathers...I stupidly gave them their fathers last names as i was convinced they would be on the scene for ever,sadly i was mistaken...now i am going through the process of having their last names hyponated!!! I think definitely give him your last name or at least have it hyponated.

Rhonda - posted on 09/13/2009

Give the child your own last name. It will be a family name he/she can relate to through your own family involvements, ie.. grandma, grandpa, aunts,uncles, and cousins. My son does not carry his fathers name though I made the father sign paternity papers. It may sound callous, but when that man passes, there might actually be something there for the son he so easily disregarded. I'm talking VA benefits and so forth here. In the mean time my son is so very proud of the family name he has and he wears it proudly.

Laurie - posted on 09/13/2009

give him yours. I gave my daughters mine, and i also didnt get him to sign any of the poapers. I went and got her birth certificate without his name and got a passport, so if i did want to take her anywehre on holidays i dont need permission from him. it was never debated he was the father , but he doesnt need to be on any of it, seeing as how he doesnt care enough to come around.