Last names?

Brianne - posted on 08/12/2009 ( 186 moms have responded )

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I am no longer with the father of my baby boy and I dont want to give my baby his last name. He hasn't really been intrested in him either. Do I still need to give the baby his last name or can I just give him mine, or do I give him both?

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Noella - posted on 09/12/2009

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In my opinion it is really a decision of yours to make. If it were me I would give him my last name as there are many issues that can come with having a different last name than your child's. I am divorced now and raising my son on my own. I have kept my married name and will until my child is grown up or chooses to change his last name to my maiden name. When it comes to traveling or registering your child into things it can become an extra hassle to deal with. Good luck in making a decision.

Carla - posted on 09/11/2009

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yours as a teacher and a single mom it's just easier as in a lot less explanation if you give your baby your last name. My daughter has mine

Stephanie - posted on 09/11/2009

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i was stupid enough to give my child his fathers name, taught id have his name 1 day as well and 3 months later he walked out, now wen im filling in forms im always asked for id as i have a different 2nd name as my son and half the time people dont even think he's my son i want to change it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kristen - posted on 09/11/2009

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you can give him any name you want. it is completely up to you. give him your name, i wish i had. My son has my ex's name and the only way i can change it is to take my ex to court and have him sign over his parental rights and then get my son's name changed... its a big pain that if you can avoid it you should

Valerie - posted on 09/10/2009

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I hate the fact that my kids have my ex's last name but when my daughter was born I didn't want to give her a different last name than her brother and changing his name was not and easy task so now we all are stuck with my ex's name.

Heaven - posted on 09/10/2009

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you can just give him yours!

i had a child young and was still with the father and gave my daughter his last name, and i DEEPLY regret it since hes not apart of her life now and hasnt seen her in like two years!

Heaven - posted on 09/10/2009

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you can just give him yours!

i had a child young and was still with the father and gave my daughter his last name, and i DEEPLY regret it since hes not apart of her life now and hasnt seen her in like two years!

Heaven - posted on 09/10/2009

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you can just give him yours!

i had a child young and was still with the father and gave my daughter his last name, and i DEEPLY regret it since hes not apart of her life now and hasnt seen her in like two years!

Mandy - posted on 09/10/2009

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you dont have to give the father's last name AT ALL. Unless you are married always give them your last name. ALWAYS

Erika - posted on 09/10/2009

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just give him yours!!! and if the father doesn't want to be around dont even put him on the birth certificate!! someday you might meet the man of your dreams and you may want your son to have his last name... if you put his last name the same as yours you wont have to go through a bunch of legal messy-ness to have your childs last name the same as yours!!

Shelly - posted on 09/04/2009

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We decided to hyphenate our daughters last names. We were together when they were born, but no longer are. In school they use just my name, as I am the sole provider, but on any legal documents, they use both. My oldest prefers both names, as she remembers her dad, more. Definitely put your name in there, somewhere, it makes it easier especailly when they get school age and "daddy" isn't around. It is less confusing for their friends.

Sheila - posted on 09/04/2009

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No give him your last name. My babys father was no where around so i gave her my last name.

[deleted account]

You have to do what you feel most comfortable with, and what you feel will be best for your child. When my son was born, his father and I were still together, but not married. In my heart, I knew it probably wasn't going to work out and wanted my son to have both of our names, but didn't want to hyphenate. I gave my son my last name as a second middle name, and his father's last name. You could also use the father's last name as a second middle name if you prefer. However, if your child's father has not been involved in the pregnancy, and won't be actively involved in raising the child, I think it's fine not to use it at all.

Antoinette - posted on 09/03/2009

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There is nothing wrong with giving your child your last name. My first son has his fathers last name and i am often called mrs. so and so, and i politely correct them. My 2nd child has my last name and i dont see any issue with it.

Katrina - posted on 09/03/2009

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if the baby your talking about is the second one then i think you have to keep your kids the same. keep the birth certificates the same but you can change the name via a justice of the peace, only thing is you need the fathers consent. altho with extenuating circumstances you may be able to do it without. need to look into that a bit more but i do think its important for the future to keep the kids the same as they might ask why later on and you dont want one feeling more important than the other. good luck

Tricia - posted on 09/03/2009

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I would give he/she your last name.... My son has my last name....my story is almost like yours... his bialogical father was never there for the pregnancy or any of the rest. I have never regretted my decision.

Brittany - posted on 09/02/2009

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I gave my baby boy my last name, I went thro the same thought process! His dad wasn't there for my whole pregnany and now my son is living with me and I provide for him. I strongly recommend giving him your last name!!! I am VERY glad I did!

Cara - posted on 08/31/2009

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Give your son your last name! Growing up my mom was a single mom who named me after my father and I hated it! I was always so embarassed because all my teachers and friends and friend's parents automatically called my mom Mrs. (my last name) and I always had to correct them. It was awful for me. Now I was in the same situation when my son was born a few years ago and I chose to give him my last name. His father was very unhappy about it at the time but now, 3 yrs. later the father is gone for the past two years, married to someone else with other kids and my son would not even know who his father is. He just knows that he is a "my last name" the same as his mommy and grandparents and he loves it!

Cathryn - posted on 08/31/2009

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hi,don't they need to be present at the time of naming?.i recommend giving himyour name.i gave my 3 girls their fathers name.children quickly learn their name and i think it would be quite difficult tosuddenly give them a different one.anyway you can encounter a lot of confusion at school and at gp's when their names are different

Jessica - posted on 08/31/2009

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when my daughter was born i gave her my last name and her father and i got back together i never changed it i would rather her have my last name i was there for the early morning feedings i really sacrificed so give the baby your last name if that's what you want

Sarah - posted on 08/30/2009

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When I had my son I gave him his dads last name. When he was having nothing to do with my son i changed his last name ( he was 8 months old). I added my last name. He's just as much a part of me as he is his dad.

Evelyn - posted on 08/30/2009

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I gave my boys both names. They go by my last name mostly, but I didn't know how they would feel about it later. So now I'm getting remarried...now what name to they take? It's a hard one, but it makes life easy for you if your children have the same last name. Good Luck

Jo - posted on 08/30/2009

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I can not speak first hand on this but I can tell you I have known several ADULT friends who go and change their legal last names because they are so ashamed to have a father's name who never took any interest or responsability in their lives. I would think it would be frusterating for your son to go his whole life loving one parent yet having the name of another (mostly unknown) one and having to wait until he was 18 to legally change it.

Jessica - posted on 08/30/2009

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my husband and i divorced only months after jaxson was born and i wish we never got married and jaxson didn't get his last name. i don't want my name tied to him so i changed mine back and now jaxson and i have different last names. :( i highly recommend giving your baby your last name!

Tracy - posted on 08/30/2009

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If you plan to get child support from the father I would make sure you put him as the father on the birth certificate but you dont have to give him the fathers last name.

Kira - posted on 08/30/2009

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i wish i would have given my son my last name, but i gave him his dads b/c he acted like he cared and since the baby has been here, he has ben a complete jerk

EB - posted on 08/30/2009

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By the sounds of it, you already made the choice but are uncertain how it will be perceived socially. If the father isn't involved, and none of you have a connection to him, then you have no connection to him and no obligation to him. Just because he gives his child financial support as required by laws does not mean you must give the father's name to your child.



Check your state laws. In my state, the mother has the legal right to name the child anything she wants even if she is married. I chose to give my children their father's last name which is different than mine. When I introduce them, I use their last names i.e., "Hi, I'm Sue Jones and these are my children Jenny and Ben Smith". My children are old enough to know their last names are different than mine. Your attitude about the name difference is what matters. You have to remember that both you and your child need to be confortable with the name.

Melissa - posted on 08/29/2009

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no u do not it is up 2 u if u are not with him and u give the baby his last name later the kid will be like why do i have a diffrent last name

Angela - posted on 08/29/2009

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my kiddo has her dads last name, but he is around and active in her life. But if you think youre gonna go at this alone give your son your last name. Youll always be there for him and thats a great way to show it. I never had the same last name as my mom and I hated it. My dad gave up his rights. So i had a name that no one else in my family had. I hated having to explain to people who my mom was because our last names were different.

Leslie - posted on 08/29/2009

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I had the same issue with my son's father. I left his name off the birth certificate and gave him my last name. Now that he is wanting to be a part of his life he has no rights. I would leave him off the bc and give him your name.

Amber - posted on 08/29/2009

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Hi,

I have actually been torn by this same issue. I am 23weeks pregnant with a babyboy, and the father and I do not really speak any more. When we do speak, it concerns our child, and only than we speak because I have contacted him to update him. I still have feelings for him, but reality is...I am going to be doing this alone. I originally wanted to give my son his fathers last name because I wanted him to carry on his fathers last name. After speaking to many friends, and other single mothers I decided against it. They brought up valid points on the future....when your child starts school- you will constantly have to explain why your last name is different when you are the primary care giver....or when it comes to filling out paperwork for your son, someone will always question if you are his mother.....and what really got to me the most is when I was told, you dont want your child to look up at you and ask you why you have different names...



It is entirely YOUR decision...you are the primary care giver, you are his mother, and the one who will be nurturing him through his life....make the decision based on your gut instinct. Trust me...my son will have my last name! I will possibly throw in his fathers last name as part of his middle name, only because I want him to have some ties to his father.....The father does not know this yet (we have previously argued about it)...but in the end, that is the best decision for me and my babyboy.



I hope this helped a little. Best of luck to you! Remember go with your gut instinct! :)

Mona-Lisa - posted on 08/28/2009

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I had the same "dilema" 13 years ago.....My daughter's father was never and still isn't in her life. She has MY last name. Now for me...I figured because she was a girl and he's never been around at all, it would be just fine for her having my last name and also because she was a girl, if and when she decides to Marry she will probably take on her Husbands last name and also because as they are growing up it's easier if you and your child have the same last name. If It had been a boy....I would definately do exactly the same thing.

Cherie - posted on 08/28/2009

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From my personal experience having a common last name is more helpful. My daughters father made the decision not to be in her life until she was almost 3. He is not on the birth certificate and has seen her maybe 10 times.



Also, I grew up with a single Mom and a disinterested father who had his rights terminated. I am proud to have my Mothers last name, and the last name of the family who has been there for me.



ALSO, depending on his last name if you like it maybe make it your baby boys middle name. I have a friend who hyphenates her name and gave her daughter her madien name as a middle name, that way she can carry her name along and honor her family and her husband.



Hope this helps.

Marie Jordan - posted on 08/28/2009

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The child is his, therefore the child carries his name. but you could have him carry both..

Dusti - posted on 08/28/2009

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Quoting Brianne:

Last names?

I am no longer with the father of my baby boy and I dont want to give my baby his last name. He hasn't really been intrested in him either. Do I still need to give the baby his last name or can I just give him mine, or do I give him both?



I debated the same thing forever...but decided he wasn't involved never called during pregnancy...So do what you want give the baby your last name.  It won't change a thing!





 

Tegan - posted on 08/27/2009

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i'd give him your last name!! I gave my daughter mine so that we would have the same last name!!! Bugger him!!

Cindi - posted on 08/26/2009

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go with your last name. I broke up with my boyfriend when I was 2 months pregnant - the only time I heard from him after was when he got pissed that I gave her my name. Why would I give her the name of someone who has never been around.

Angela - posted on 08/26/2009

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Both of my children are under my last name. Had I not done that they would of had different last names going to school, which can cause lots of confusion. I'm single, 42 and pregnant.....Yes the baby was planned. It's unfortunate that I obviously seem to pick the wrong men in my life. I'm having a baby boy. He is going under my last name. I don't want any of them getting teased by having different last names. When they are older they can decide to change their names if they want.

Haley - posted on 08/25/2009

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I would give him your last name. In fact, unless you are married to the dad, I would give any children you have with your boyfriend or whatever your last name. The biggest mistake I made was giving my son his dad's last name. I regret it all the time. It sucks having to put down a different last name or correcting people when they assume he has the same last name as me. Also, you will probably meet a man someday that wants to be a father to your son and adopt him. If he had his dad's last name, he would have to sign off his rights. Don't put yourself through that hassle.

Kathleen - posted on 08/25/2009

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im trying to figure that out right now.. my son now has his fathers last name but we are no longer together.. i am pregnant with his baby now and i have no idea if i should give this new one his last name or mine...

Alisha - posted on 08/25/2009

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Give him yours don't even hesitate. I told my sons father befor we split that if we were married he would get his last name. But turned out the father wasn't stayen in the picture and we were not getting married and so he got my last name. Suits him just nice.

Jessica - posted on 08/25/2009

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In the state of Texas if you give the child any name but the fathers, then take the father to court for CS the courts can order that the childs name reflects the fathers and that his name is on the birth certificate. I dont know about any other place but in Texas thats what will happen. Although my oldest nephew has my sisters last name [my last name] and the courts never made her change it..... maybe only if the father requests it....

Jodie - posted on 08/22/2009

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I just went to court over this issue and I suggest giving him yours or hypenating it. The law clearly states that without marriage the baby is equally entitled to yours. It is not an automatic anymore that we give our children the paternal name. The courts determine what is in the best interest of the child so you should do the same. If he will be living with you most of the time then it is certainly easier to have your same last name. Adversly, your son may grow up and have identity issues not having his fathers name. If you honestly believe that he will be around for his son, hyphenate it. My opinion is though, if you ever get married, keep your maiden name so that your son continues to have your surname.

Darla - posted on 08/22/2009

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Definitely give him your last name. Especially since you say his dad has little interest in him. He is your precious angel, you are the one raising him. He deserves to have your last name. You will avoid confusion for your son in the future.

Kerri-anne - posted on 08/22/2009

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i gave my son my last name i thought to my self y should i give my sons father the rights to have him with his last name when he hasnt had a nothing to do with him

Brandy - posted on 08/22/2009

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I would give the baby your last name.. I gave my son his fathers last name and he hasnt seen him in over 3 yrs. I hate when I have to put down his last name on anything. I dont know how it is in other states but in Texas the father has to sign the BC to have his name on it if you are not married.

[deleted account]

You can give him whatever last name you want. My daughter has my last name, and Her dad isn't even on Her birth certificate.

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