Last names?

Brianne - posted on 08/12/2009 ( 186 moms have responded )

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I am no longer with the father of my baby boy and I dont want to give my baby his last name. He hasn't really been intrested in him either. Do I still need to give the baby his last name or can I just give him mine, or do I give him both?

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Laurena - posted on 08/20/2009

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u can do both...if they're not ridiculously long or anything... but if u dont like the sound of it...jus give him urs....doesnt sound like he deserves to have his last name attached to YOUR child anyways =)

Alisha - posted on 08/20/2009

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give him yours!! i made the mistake of giving my son his fathers and now it has been changed to mine after court and about 2000 dollars...and my daughter i didnt mess around with she has mine and i feel bad now for giving him one name then taking and changing it but it was for the better

[deleted account]

You can give him just your last name. my girls have my last name. I was with their father at the time however it was just about over with us. He did sign the birth certificates.

Lori - posted on 08/19/2009

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I would say just give him or her your last name. Could you amangon having two last names it would be hard for the kid. I know my daughter has my last name. But court let the father decide if he wanted her to have his name to but he said no. He hasn't been around sense she was born anyway.

Amy - posted on 08/19/2009

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Check and see what the state/country you live in requires. My ex and I agreed on my son having my last name, which is on his birth certificate, social security, medical insurance. When my ex and I set up child support through the TX AG, I was told that, because my ex acknowledge paternity, my son had to have his last name (according to the state). Everything we signed still has my son listed with my maiden name. I'm hoping I don't have any problems with this later.

Sandra - posted on 08/19/2009

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You can give him your last name, but it all depends on what makes you feel better... No one can tell you that you are right or wrong which ever you decide..

Casy - posted on 08/19/2009

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well i see it this way.... why give him the last name of someone who doesnt want anything to do with him?? my daughter has my last name.

Heather - posted on 08/19/2009

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im planning on giving my baby both. my dad wasnt around growing up but i had his surname and my mom didnt and it got really annoying at times especially when rude people just cant get their heads around a mother and child with different surnames. i think both suits us but it depends on how you all feel about it.

Becca - posted on 08/19/2009

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I would just give him yours.I'm a teen mom, and even when the relationship was good with the father of my child, I still said he would have my last name. His mother was a teen mom and gave him her last name too. So when he got a tad bit upset, the mother just asked, "what is your last name??" And he stopped, because he was happy to have his last name rather than his fathers. I said if he wants to marry me, then he will take his last name, because then we are truly a family, and we will be living together there for he will be actually helping rather than seeing him every once in a while. For now he will have my last name, and it is the best choice I have made.

Sheri - posted on 08/18/2009

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i would just give him your last name! i'm pregnant with my first baby and the father has already decide he doesn't wan to be in her life so i'm giving her my last name! i just feel it would be better!

[deleted account]

I figured it this way when I was pregnant with both my kids. I wasnt with them and the only way I would give a child of mine their fathers last name is if I was with them and married to them. Both my kids have my last name. My sons father isnt in our lives and my daughters is barely there. I dont have to worry about writing the morons names on anything other then state papers. I was filling out paperwork for daycare the other day and it was kindda nice not putting the deadbeats names on them.

Naeemah - posted on 08/18/2009

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I kinda have the same problem but i already gave my son his fathers last name. I think u should give ur baby ur last name because I should of did the same and I am going to have to go thru the process of getting a name change and changing all his docs

Jennifer - posted on 08/18/2009

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give him yours---when the kid grows up, he can choose to add it or not---

lets see what the "baby daddy" relationship is before we allow him to mark your son for life

Whitney - posted on 08/18/2009

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Give him yours your not together and your son will be with you and around your family more then him anyways it will be easier for him to understand that when growing up at first when he is little then having a different name from you, My son has my name and i wouldnt change it no matter how much his father is fighting it he could care less bout the lil one only about the name. But do what you feel is in the best intrest of your little one

[deleted account]

My father's son left when I was 3 months pregnant. I gave my son his fathers last name even though his father didn't want anything to do with him for over 2 years. My son is now 16 and sees his father once a year. When my son was younger he thanked me for putting aside my feelings about his father being an a-hole and giving him a name that rightfully belongs to him. I regret not hyphenating his last name but for my son I made the best choice for him and I thank god every day for the joy that is my son..regardless of his last name :)

Bridget - posted on 08/18/2009

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i was no longer with my son's father when he was born. i was more comfortable giving him my name. you need to do whatever feels right to you, NOT what others think is right.

[deleted account]

If he is not there at the time your baby is born, and you sign the birth certificate you can give the baby just your last name, it also will prevent you a lot of legal drama not having the dads name on the birth certificate, unless he decides he wants to be a part of the baby's life and comes back and fights you in court then you would most likely go to court to establish paternity and then both agree on the name change, if he has no interest in your baby then don't add his name at all to the birth certificate or the baby's last name, it will make your life easier. My daughter has my last name first then her dads, but she goes by my last name only!

Leslie - posted on 08/18/2009

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Give him yours!!! I did it was the best decesion i ever made!! the last name is to carru on the fathers family name and if he has already bailed what kind of father is he?Also your child will never ask you why his last name is different then yours

[deleted account]

both of my boys have my last name for that same reason...if he is not there now and showing the interest then i don't think he deserves his last name...of course no matter what anyone says the final decsion is yours...but i say give him your last name...

Krystal - posted on 08/18/2009

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just your name is the best choice. its not fun trying to explain things with different last names and sometimes you have to show proof (i.e a birth certificate) for really silly things because of the name difference. If the fathers not involved dont give him the satisfaction of having a beautiful baby named after him.

Angela - posted on 08/18/2009

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IM READING THESE RESPONSES AND I FEEL THE LADIES THAT HAVE ABSENTEE FATHERS, OF COURSE YOU WANT YOUR CHILDREN TO HAVE YOUR NAME. HOWEVER FOR THE ONES THAT HAVE ACTIVE FATHERS, I THINK ITS FAIR TO GIVE THE CHILDREN THE FATHERS NAME, BECAUSE THERE ARE ALOT OF WOMEN OUT THERE GIVING THE GOOD FATHERS A BAD TIME(AND IT DOES GO FURTHER THAN LAST NAMES). SO IF THERE IS A FATHER OUT THERE THAT IS DOING WHAT THEY HAVE TO WHETHER YOU ARE TOGETHER OR NOT, ITS ONLY FAIR. THATS MY PERSONAL OPINION. WE NEED TO PUT OURSELVES ASIDE AND OUR CHILDREN FIRST. I THINK WE AS ADULTS FORGET THAT. BECAUSE IN THE END THE CONFUSION OF OTHERS DOES NOT MATTER, OUR CHILDRENS CONFUSION DOES. MY SON IS HAVING A PHASE RIGHT NOW

Angela - posted on 08/18/2009

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WELL IF YOU WERE NOT WITH THE FATHER AT THE TIME OF BIRTH THEN YOUR LAST NAME I RECOMMEND. IN MY SITUATION I WAS MARRIED AND OF COURSE MY SON HAS HIS FATHERS NAME. BUT NOW WE'VE BEEN DIVORCED FOR 3YEARS AND HE SUCKS AS A FATHER......BUT THATS BEEN MY SONS IDENTITY(HE LOVES HIS NAME) AND I FEEL ITS SELFISH OF ME TO TAKE IT AWAY NO MATTER MY PERSONAL FEELINGS.

LaQuetta - posted on 08/18/2009

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I'm a single mom and my child has my last night. I work in education and I didn't want the confusion.

Stepheny - posted on 08/17/2009

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I gave both of my daughters their dads last names... i wish i would have hyphenated them with mine because then they would each have a little part of me. Then they could choose when they got older. My oldest daughters father is in prison for the next 8 years and while she knows him she also knows he was a bad boy and she will eventually see what kinda person he really is... and maybe one day she wont like carrying his last name. My youngest daughters father is very very very active in her life and even tho that is the case i still wish she would have a part of me all the same. Take your time in considering this... inevitably this is your decision alone... since he isnt around to control it or to care.

Andrea - posted on 08/17/2009

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I originally gave my kids their "dads" last name, then had to pay a lot of money to get it changed later. If you are going to be the sole caregiver, in order to avoid confusion and questions, I recommend giving him yours

Hillary - posted on 08/17/2009

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I am not with my son's father (and never was) and I have sole custody. At birth, I gave him my name becuase I'm the one who wanted him, who showed any interest in him and when he's in school, it will be easier if we have the same last name.

Diana - posted on 08/17/2009

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give him yours. I gave my little girl his and he has nothing to do with her. I wish i would have given her mine from the start it would have been so much easier.

[deleted account]

my son has my last name, but the father fought me on this, so i gave my son 2 middle names, the first was the middle name i picked out, and the second is the fathers last name. so he has a big name, haha



but i am not sure at all what i am going to do if i ever get married.. i guess i will keep my name so that i have the same last name as my son, but if i ever have more children that probably means i wont have the same last name as them, so it really sucks...

Mel - posted on 08/17/2009

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I think your child should have your last name as long as you are single. This is whether you are with the dad or not. If you are not married, I think the child should have the mother's last name.

Tangi - posted on 08/17/2009

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Wow, I guess I'm the only one who thinks you might want to put your son in his father's last name. I say that only because he is a male, and his name will never change unlike a daughter who may marry someday. Whether you are with dad or not, he is still a part of your son. This may help alleviate some identity issues as he gets older. Boys will eventually want to relate to their fathers in some way even if it is by name only.

Kelly - posted on 08/17/2009

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That "father" of my baby isn't in the picture either and I gave the baby my last name. I HIGHLY recommend you give the baby your last name. If you guys ever get back together, you can always change the last name. My parents weren't married when they had me and my mom gave me her last name until they got married and then changed my last name.

Tia - posted on 08/17/2009

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I would just give him your last name. my mom did that with me and she was still with my dad when I was born. I was not with the father of my son when he was born so I gave him my last name too. If you are not planning on getting back with him I would def give him yours.

Rhonda - posted on 08/17/2009

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I'm only 20... my opionion is derived from the many half siblings I have... we don't all have the same last name... I'm giving Peyton my name because her father shows no interest in her and she doesn't need that constant reminder. If she says one day that she would like his name then we will go togeher and have them change it. You should also look at the law in your area. Where I am at if you are not married the child must take the mother's last name. This can be changed through an appeal however if you really want the father's name to be on it. Some areas require the father's signature for such an appeal to be acceted or a paternity test. So keep that in mind as well. When it comes down to it though no one can really make that decision for you. Just do what you feel is right and if your child has a problem or feels uncomfortable with the choice you made they will let you know. : )

Kara - posted on 08/17/2009

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By the way, I am 46 years old. A little older than most of the others who have committed. It's hard to put your own feeling aside sometimes. I have been selfish at times but I know that wasn't the right way to go. Lessons learned you know? Your in my prayers

Kara - posted on 08/17/2009

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My first daughters father and I were together for years but didn't stay together. We gave her his last name for different reasons. First of all, he was her father. There are legal reasons. She would have wanted her fathers name as being part of his family, which have been wonderful grandparents and like family to me all these years. His name was Robbie and he was a wonderful man. Kid like but a good daddy. He was killed in a drunk driving accident 11 years ago. She is proud to have his name and that doesn't take away from me or my side of her family. It's part of who your son is, inside and out. If the father was into crime, drugs or a perv., I could see not wanting to accknowlege his father. Trust yourself to know what to do, His name, both? It's not about how the mother feels about the father. It's all about the child and knowing where he came from. So what the father is not around, it's not about him. When your child has grown up, he can change it if he wants too.

I can't stand my youngest daughters father, but that is her dad. SHE has the right to know him or not. It's a lot in how you handle things as your son grows up. One thing at a time. Too many mothers think about how they feel, when it's not about them. I too have had to deal with different last names. That's life. All actions affect his life and should be your first thought. I wish you luck. I am sure things will turn out the way they are suppose too. Love, love, love and a great mommy and he will be fine.

Rhonda - posted on 08/17/2009

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I wasn't with my daughter's father when I had her and he hasn't showed much interest in her either. He seemed offended when I gave her my last name. I told him that having that connection with her is a priviledge not a right and if he wants her to have it then he needs to earn that right. Needless to say he still has done nothing so it's obviously not to important to him. I think if the father really wants and is there for the child and playing a big role in their life then it is definitely something you should consider. However you are under no obligation to give them their father's name just because he helped create them. If he's not a part of your child's life then I would keep your last name. Worst comes to worse you can always change it later if you think he should have his father's name.

[deleted account]

I would give him your last name! The passing of a last name is to carry it on and to honor it. I was in the same situation, and i gave my son MY last name. Me and my family are the ones who have been there for him and will be. Besides if you are really nt going to have anything to do with the father anymore than your child will be the only one he knows with the same last name as him. Last names are a way of forming connections, that is important. You are the parent of that baby give him connections to the past of people who do want to be part of his life! Best of Luck!

Tinisha - posted on 08/17/2009

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I gave my son my last name b/c as w/ many other mothers on this forum his father is not in the picture. Not only that though, my last name is important to me b/c of my grandfather and I wanted my son to be able to carry that on for him. It is important though that even if you decide to give your child your name that his father's information is listed on the birth certificate that is one lesson I have learned the hard way.

Caitlyn - posted on 08/17/2009

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Totally give him yours! If you guys are not together and he is not acting interested, then just give him yours.

Gayle - posted on 08/16/2009

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Give him your last name. I did with my son. His father has never been there for us even when I was pregnant. It is the father's loss.

Elizabeth - posted on 08/16/2009

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i gave my son my last name his dad wanted nothing to do with him...such a shame when you think of it but at least in the long run when it all comes down to it its easier...this way when the babies dad does come around after saying he doesn't want anything to do with them and try going through court to deal with things you have the upper hand

Pamela - posted on 08/16/2009

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I would give both for the sake of him having a sense of self-I gave my daughter both of our names and put a hyphen in it so after our divorce I just used his last name for legal purposes.

Katie - posted on 08/16/2009

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Ive just gone through that whole legal process. In Oklahoma the law is that if you were never married then the mom has the right to choose the last name. Legally, the dad has no say. It;s the same with custody too.

Cathy - posted on 08/16/2009

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Give him your last name. You would only double barrell a name if you planned on getting married to the father in the long scheme of things. If he isnt interested then the only thing you should really be debating is weather or not to put his name on the birth certificate. Bare in mind if you do that then you will need the father to be able to sign a form for you if you get the child a passport. That means for every renewal as well

Kay - posted on 08/16/2009

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I gave my son my name because i didn't want to pick him up from school and be asked and you are? LOL

Stephanie - posted on 08/16/2009

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WhaGIVE HIM YOURS!

When he is old enough to understand, if he is sore about it then, well you can figure it out later.



It's not worth the regret you may have later.

Elisa - posted on 08/16/2009

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Quoting Amanda:

you can just give him yours. infact i reccomend it. i gave my son his fathers name and now i regret it. im always getting called by his last name... and explaining we have different last names gets so old so fast



This is very true.  All my children have their father's last name and I am constantly being called Mrs. So and so like he actually married me.  Nope sorry didn't get that far with him.  I noticed some others said that you should put some serious thought into it.  I think that the only reason you should resort to giving your child your last name is if the father doesn't even know and you have absolutely no contact with him.  If your baby's daddy knows you pregnant I think you should give him his dad's last name.  You never know whats going to happen and it's his birthright to as I see it.  I put some serious thought about giving my second son my last name because he wasn't very active in our lives and I really wanted a son to carry on my last name.  Ultimately I did give him their fathers last name because it didn't feel right not doing so.  I didn't want 2 with different last names.    Really really think about it!  Do what feels right.

Elise - posted on 08/16/2009

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My son's name is hyphenated with both my last name and his father's. Although there is no chance of us ever getting back together, we still share time with my son pretty equally. As he grows up we wanted him to have both names to show him that he is part of both of us regardless of the living situation. Also, I believe it will help my son to not feel excluded from either side of his family based on his last name.

However, if the father is not involved, I completely and truly believe you should do what feels right for you. You will be the sole caregiver and I think having the same last name as your child makes things much easier in the long run.

Mikila - posted on 08/16/2009

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my daughter has my last name cus her father hasnt even bought me pampers or n3thing.............if he is there 4 ur son, i would do wat my best friend did and give him a hyphinated last name with both of yalls names.....if hes not, then screw him....

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