Life isnt fair.

Jessica - posted on 02/03/2011 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I have know since I found out that I was pregnant that my daughters father wanted nothing to do with her. I broke up with him when I was 4 months pregnant because of that and because he lies about everything. My daughter will be 1 next month and he has seen her a few times. I recently found out that he has lived with and had a girlfriend for the past 5 years, which included the entire time we were together. This chick has to be the dumbest person in the world because she had no clue. Now she knows that he has cheated on her several times and has had 4 children while with her And she has stayed with him because he loves her Sure. lol I dont know why that iritates me but it does. He has a total of 6 and only claims 2. He has lied to everyone, even his own mother. No one knew about all the other kids including mine. I hate that he is the person that he is, that my daughter has no father, and that I can not fix this. I know that my baby is better off without him, it just hurts so bad. I dont know what to do. I want him to be so miserable, he has in a way ruined my life. Now I have 2 kids by 2 different losers. It was bad enough that my 8 yr olds father has never really been in his life but now I have this. I just want what my kids deserve. Idk I just hate the whole situation.

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Jessica - posted on 02/04/2011

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wow, you just told my story with my first. i am sorry to hear it. i too had dreams and plans to blow everything out of the water for the dad... i kept planning my vengeance and my sweet reward of everyone knowing how big of an asshole he was and how great i was for raising his child alone... i especially dreamed that when i had a really stressful time and lack of sleep because my baby was going through a rough patch. it was hard.



flash forward to ELEVEN YEARS later... nothing changed. still an asshole. still never sees his kid. still blames me for not getting an abortion. still running around with lots of different women... and lies to them all about not having a kid... still says i wrecked his life... still never helped/helps... currently not paying child support... his parents, even thought they know, find some way to warp the situation into him still being a great kid and doing nothing wrong because parents are blind to their own kids and that is what they do... but me? i am sitting here with a GREAT eleven year old that i raised myself. i am sitting here with all these GREAT memories... i feel like i have GREAT strength for raising him alone... and i feel like i got the best vengeance of all... i got to raise a child. i get wonderful memories to look back on. i got the greatest gift of all... and he missed it and he will never get it back. to me that is the suckiest thing of all. i love my son. i raised a beautiful person that makes my day brighter and he will never ever have that. i get to look back on memories of late nights and chubby cheeks and first kisses and first hugs and first words and i can say i was there, my heart can swell up, and i can feel lucky... his father will never have that. he will also never hear the sweetest words come out of a child's mouth, "i love you, mommy." there is your vengeance.



i know it is hard now. she is one. she is a lot of work. you are missing sleep. your nights are spent in front of the tv bored while she goes to bed at 7:30. i know you don't have any freedom. i know you are tired. i know you have lots of laundry and lots of house work... and you wonder why it all has to fall on your shoulders and he gets to run around doing nothing. but tust me, they aren't always little and it gets easier. she will go to school one day. she will be big enough to leave home alone. you will find a great guy... if you have a positive attitude about your situation and you learn from your mistakes. there is nothing wrong with having kids with two different dads. i am sorry you had to go through this twice... i did too and i am a single mom of four kids with two different dads.... but take comfort that in the end you will have accomplished and gained so much more than the dad has... you will be able to say that you raised children all by yourself... the hardest thing ever... what can he say? NOTHING!



as for the relationship with the other girl? there is nothing you can do about it. forget about it. but what ever you do, GO AFTER CHILD SUPPORT.

Contis - posted on 02/03/2011

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I think what you need to do is to accept the reality of the situation and move on and just be the best mommy you can possibly be. Teach them about being responsible and respectful and loving and just enjoy them.

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KELLIKAYZ - posted on 02/05/2011

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HONEY, I KNOW YOUR EMOTIONS ARE RAW RIGHT NOW BUT IN THE FUTURE YOU WILL SEE THAT GOD SENT YOU YOUR 2 BEAUTIFUL BLESSINGS THROUGH THESE PEOPLE AND THAT GOD HAD BETTER THINGS IN STORE FOR ALL 3 OF YOU. I UNDERSTAND IF YOU DON'T SEE IT NOW, BUT IF YOU KEEP YOUR FOCUS AND YOUR HEAD UP HIGH THEN THESE THINGS WILL COME TO PASS. DO NOT DARE LET EITHER OF THEM WIN BY FILLING YOUR TIME WITH ANGER OR REVENGE. SUCCESS FOR YOU AND THEREFORE YOUR CHILDREN WILL BE THE SWEETEST AND MOST REWARDING FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. PLEASE STAY STRONG AND KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT ALONE. GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU.

Telika - posted on 02/04/2011

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hey luv,i too am a single mother of 4 children,and though its not fair,there is nothing you can do to make that person be a part of your daughter's life,all you have to do is let go and let god,and yes,its easier said than done,but its all you can do.you cannot control what he does and spending time racking your brain trying to figure out why he done it is only hindring you and blocking your blessings.what goes around comes around and he will get his.so far as that girl,she might not know your child exists and if she does she may feel the same way about you,the problem with us women is that we tend to blame the women when its the man's fault bc he told us he loved us,not them.all you can do at this point is continue raise your daughter and move on let go of that anger and stop blocking your blessings,learn from this sitiuation and apply this as a way to better yourself for you and your child

Rose - posted on 02/04/2011

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i have been ther very simaliar situation , i left my kids c ther dad twins he was a compulsive liar, lived a doubl life for 6 yrs dont wana go into too much detail but i have a injunctin served agaist him & my kids because aftr 2 yrs of us splitting up he tried to make my life a misery. even tho its all his fault , im still single he has 4 adults over here in london wher i live i get on great with them ,just try not to b 2 hard on yourself & just try to look forward with life with ur kids we all make mistakes ive made 2 very big ones with my 3 kids dads ,my oldest is 14 with autism my oldest sons dad was a liar too but my twins dad is something else ,its not easy but u will b ok believe me ..

Kelly - posted on 02/03/2011

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First of all, i'm sorry that you're going through this.
I agree with Contis, and take it from someone who's a little older & walked your road...don't waste any energy on trying to make him suffer, because it'll never work...for him to suffer and hurt like you do he'd have to care first...i have children with 3 different men who have their own levels of badness, i guess that's the nice way to put it...lol...anyway, i learned after the first, to put all my energy into my kids, my oldest is 20 now, and definitely knows/realizes who's got her back, and who's been there for her from day 1...of course day dreaming of him in pain is kinda therapeutic...lol

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