Anna - posted on 03/10/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )
I'm having issues with my little boy's dad. This is a long story, so buckle your seat belts!!!
My little boy is currently 3 and a half months old. I split up with his dad when I was six months for a variety of reasons. Basically he had started using drugs, was seeing his ex girlfriend (and she had a copy of my baby's scan photo), and was a manipulative psychological bully who tried to convince me I was going mad.
All throughout the last 3 months of my pregnancy, when I moved back in with my parents, he constantly texted me and harassed me asking me which exact day was he going to be born, and if I could make sure it was within a certain few days - as if I had some control over it. When my little boy was born, he was the first person I told - he came into the hospital the same afternoon and didn't say a word to me. I left hospital the day after my little boy was born, and from that day he came over every single day for 2 weeks (at his convenience of course!!!). After then, it was decided that he would come over once a week for 2 hours at a time. He pressurised me into letting him take him away from me (which would never happen, not even now!) and I told him time and time again it wouldn't happen.
In January, we organised the next 8 visits however he demanded more time. During the previous visits, he was absolutely useless - I might just add here that he hasn't paid me a penny towards my little boy and uses the excuse that he can't afford to - although he has a full time job. I said no to the more time, and he demanded that I change my mind in March.
At the end of January, my little one spent a week in hospital. When his dad came to visit, he continued to disturb him while he slept, and insisted on sobbing in front of my son when he was having his feeding tube inserted - after the nurses had asked anyone who couldn't cope watching the procedure to leave the room as it wasn't good for my little boy if people around him were getting upset.
Since the beginning of February, he has always been late. Occasionally up to 45 minutes late, and I haven't said anything. When he comes he always wakes my little boy up when he is sleeping, and sulks if he falls asleep during his 2 hour visits. After he has left, it is becoming commonplace for my little boy to have a disturbed night as his sleeping pattern during the day has been altered.
He always sits on his phone texting people during the 2 hours, and when he's not doing that, he's watching himself in the mirror holding my little boy like he's some sort of fashion accessory.
I don't know what to do anymore, it really gets me down. I could never, ever, take my little boy's dad away from him by stopping him coming over - but I don't want to give him more time as he doesn't use the time he's got properly, and doesn't even contribute towards his bringing up. Financially, physically, emotionally.
He still hands him back to me when he starts crying!
I don't want him to ever look after my little one by himself as he's far too selfish to realise potential dangers, and he has absolutely no common sense when it comes to looking after other people (I should know, he couldn't even look after me when I was pregnant!).
I have gained legal advice, and my solicitor told me that if he was to take it to court to get more access, he would be allowed to look after my little one by himself - despite the drugs, illegal activity, etc. Letting him go would result in me being irresponsible, but preventing him from taking him would be immoral. At the end of the day, I am responsible for my little boy's wellbeing, and me knowing that he cannot care for himself, let alone another person, is just an accident waiting to happen.
Why is cure better than prevention in this circumstance? Surely I am right to determine who is fit to care for my little boy. Just because he is physically able to reproduce does not give him the automatic ability to be able to cope.
What can I do???