Living at home with Parents..

Vanessa - posted on 10/10/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I seriously need advice.

I live at home with my mum and 6month old son. There is tension between my mum and I. Im not sure why really. i find myself getting very irritated at her, because she says she will help out and stuff..but when i actually ask for help, she does it 'begrudgingly' and so i end up not wanting to ask her. Another thing is that, she will ask if its play time with my son and i say yeah sure, have fun with him, but then as soon as he gets cranky she will just put him in his high chair and say to me here you go (despite the fact that she can CLEARLY see me doing the washing up or making dinner) and i just think to myself, where was this 'help' u were offering. and the things i do for my son she quite often replies with an "i never did that with u, your just being ridiculous" and its really starting to wear me down! she wont listen to me when i talk to her about my son's 'routines' or his little quirks and then i know when i leave my son with her, she doesnt have a good time coz he gets cranky. And she asked me about it and i told her that i thought it could be because ur not "listening" to what he wants. Its like when she offers advice, if i dont do what she says, she thinks im just ignoring her. Oh my god ... i just think i need to go to professional counselling with her (we have tried talking and talking and talking and still we end up at the same cross road) I am reluctant to move out, because I am studying a degree and basically would have to give that up to work for get extra money for rent. so do i perservere til my degree finished (and end up with a better job) or do i move out and put off the degree?!?!?! I want to finish degree/get better job/then move out. but how can i make this work with my mum!?

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Rebecca - posted on 10/13/2010

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I love my mother and sister, don't get me wrong... but what they do with my children I don't always agree with. The thing that is bothering me the most right now is when I put my daughter in time out and my sister comes out and takes her out of time out because she can. When I talk to her about it it always ends up in a fight. And when my mother hears about our fights I am in the wrong. I have no idea what to do. I just want to move out... but I am getting ready to go back to school. And I can't afford to move out right now. So as to the initial post I know exactly what you are going through. And I hope things get better for you.

Kayla - posted on 10/11/2010

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I think you should do what best for you and your child. Im in the same situation with my mom. It's like I'll tell her the routines of how my child day has to go and she would do the opposit. Then he's at the age where he wants to get his way and he if he doesnt he throws fits. I pop him on his hand because I don't want him to grow up thinking if he falls out and crys he'll get his way. I want to go to school in the spring but it's like I have to get a part time job to add money to the check I get for him just to save up money and move out. My son is two and knows if I say no, he goes to his grandmother then he'll get his way. It makes my mother and I agrue because I be like if I say no and he comes to you then you need to say no. I dislike agruing in front of my son because my mother and her husband does it. I know my mother loves my son but I feel like right now what she is doing is not the best for him because he has to learn some way. It's no one's responsibilty to raise him but me. My mother say's she will help and I try to limit the things I ask her for because I know how she is. She does the same thing your mother does which is nag so much when I do ask her it makes me not want to ask her at all after she said she will help or she'll tell me to ask my boyfriend for the money because he's my boyfriend but my boyfriend is not my son's father. He does help out but I don't ask him all the time. I want to stay with my mother and finish school but it's stressful for me and my child. He act's out of control and he know's if I try and pop him with my mother there, my mother will come in the room yelling at me. So like Kimmy Green said you either have to decide to stay there and deal with the mess and better yourself for your son or move out and it won't be like you want it. I saw limit the amount of help you ask for from your mother and just do it on your own. Everything won't be perfect but at the end it will all pay off. Good luck!

Kimmy - posted on 10/10/2010

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I know exactly how you feel. My mom is the same way. I have decided to stay with my parents so I can finish college to make life better for my son and if that means having to put up with the way my mom then so be it. Just think of how much better life will be after finishing cllege and getting a better job and starting a better life for your son, that is what keeps me from leaving my parents house. Good luck with everything I hope this helps.

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Mary Gail - posted on 10/23/2010

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First of all, you will always have tension living in your parent's home. I tried it because they asked me to stay when I became a single Mom of a toddler. It was awful. Here's what you need to do - accept total responsibility for your child. If you can afford it, take the baby to a sitter when you are in class or have to study. You eventually plan to move out anyway and should begin to think of how you will get yourself into a routine once you are on your own. Plus, showing your folks that it is your child and your responsibility may help them view you as a maturing parent. They are helping you out; and, you need to just hold your thoughts/tongue in discussions with them while you work toward building a new life for you & your child. Make sure you let them know you are appreciative of the roof over you/your child's head, but develop boundaries that will allow relationships to be strong as the years pass. Good luck! You are no longer their child, but your child's Mother. Keep that in mind.

Charity - posted on 10/20/2010

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counseling sounds like a good idea. I don't suggest giving up because your degree will offer you a better life. Just keep telling yourself it's only temporary and the outcome will be worth it. If you have to talk to her less and less and ask for less help and just do most of it on your own, then so be it. But don't give up! Count the blessings and think about how much worse it COULD be. That usually helps me. :)

Angelique - posted on 10/18/2010

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OMW!!! I can't believe there are so many of us in pretty much the same situation! I have an almost 3yr old daughter, and I've been living with my parents all along. It gets reeeeeeaaally really frustrating most days as my daughter's also in that stage where she wants everything her way or it's a tantrum fit. It causes my mom and I 2 argue sooooooo much coz she'll always be telling me I should've done this or I shouldn't have done that... argh! And when i put her in time-out then she runs away 2 my dad and he'll comfort her which completely defeats the purpose I try to achieve!! I so badly wanna move out as well, even tho I kno it would be really tough as my parents do help out a great deal, and I don't currently have any stable form of income either. I still have 2yrs left of my studies before I'll be placed into a job. I pray everyday just for the strength to persevere without going completely crazy! Goodluck 2 all of u! I am thankful that we can share these frustrations and in so doing support one another.

Felicia - posted on 10/17/2010

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i live with my parents as well...i have a 8 month old and i have no help from his father..my parents will watch him while im at work but thats it...i never have a break...but my parents also help out with food for my son if i ever need it and i always pay them back..some days i want to move out cuz my parents can drive me crazy but i could be putting out money for daycare and rent and i like not having to do that cuz all my money goes to my son..the only government assistance i get is my sons medical

Kalila - posted on 10/17/2010

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Definately stay home and finish your degree. I know it seems hard to live with her but without her you would be in the same situation, just a little less stressed about bubba but you would make up for that with stress from paying the rent!

Michelle - posted on 10/15/2010

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I have the same problem extcept my mom doesn't want to help out unless she's getting paid for it. I want to move out so badly.

Chiwe - posted on 10/15/2010

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just have patiece and finish ur degree.i know it is not easy but u will enjoy it later.try not to notice those things ur mum always did ,just ignore her, i believe that when she noticed that u dont need her help any more she might cme back to her sences, cause i know that she loves u no mater what..and i know that she love her grand child too. be strong and work for a better future-

Michelle - posted on 10/12/2010

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My 6 year old and I live with my parents, and I consider us to be blessed. Some days they drive me crazy, but as a truly single mother (no father at all), I know I am lucky to have them for support. My daughter is old enough to understand too, and brags to her friends that she sees her grandparents every day! Some days were tough, especially at the beginning, but as time has passed and I've gotten older, I do appreciate my mom and dad both.

Samantha - posted on 10/11/2010

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I know how you feel. I have a 22month old and nothing i do is right it seems like for my mom. there is always something she would have done different. I live with my mom and grandma. :( stay there and make a better life for yourself and just shrug off the things she say.

Vanessa - posted on 10/10/2010

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thanks :0) i was havin a "everything seems overwhelming" day yesterday. i know what i have to do and its not forever and in long run will be better off ...

Katie - posted on 10/10/2010

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I am also living with my parents and my son is 6 months old. I never ask for help also because it seems like they dont want to do it even though they offer. but still sometimes you gotta ask and give yourself a little break. Id just finish my schooling if i were you because this is probably your only chance youll get to do it for along time. also once your finished you can make more money and move out. good luck!

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