Lonely and Trying To Stay Positive

Elizabeth - posted on 09/09/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I definitely have moments of extreme loneliness. My daughter was born 2weeks ago, 9wks early. I was visiting my mom in Vegas for a few days just so she could rub on my belly and ended up having an emergency c-section. Now my daughter is still in the NICU, her father is stuck Chicago unable to get here do to financial issues and all family, friends, and love ones outside of my mom are in Chicago. I struggle with my emotions on a daily basis and it seems like the only time im really happy and relaxed is with my daughter. My mom has offered to support financially so I feel stuck because I cant support my daughter (neither can her father) alone. I would prefer to be in Chicago but its best for my girl if I stay here. The only thing I can do is stay positive because i know that only good energy is good for her.

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7 Comments

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Doralis - posted on 09/15/2009

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There may be days when you get up in the morning and things aren't the way you had hoped they would be, ....that's when you have to tell yourself that things will get better. I will pray for your family: I hope you and your husband are together soon and that your daughter gets to be discharged from the hospital to come home safe and healthy in your arms again. If you ever want to talk a little I'm here for you :)

Elena - posted on 09/15/2009

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I lived in Chicago for 5yrs and loved it. I ended up getting pregnant 2yrs ago. When I was about 5mos pregnant my son's father was sent to Cook County. He stayed there for 6 months and was finally transferred to Indiana where he was for like 2wks before being deported back to Nigeria. After my son's father was in jail going to court date after court date I told him I needed support and I knew he wasn't gonna be there. All my family was in Idaho/Montana and my parents were offering to give me a place to live and continue my education while helping me with the baby. I knew that was the best thing for me and my son at that time so I visited my son's father, told him I was moving back home, and he knew that was the best thing too. I have so much support here and I have been able to go to school without having to work and struggle trying to make ends meet. I would advise you to do what's best for your daughter. It is so hard transitioning from a place you love to somewhere new, but in the end it's worth it if you have that support, emotionally, mentally, and financially. I think about going back to live in Chicago someday but it's because I like it there. I don't want to be selfish and take my son away from his gramma and grampa who he loves to death, and all the other good things that have come from me making the decision to live here. When you have a child, your life becomes their life and it's best to do what's best for the child.

[deleted account]

I am a single mom also. I struggle with loneliness too, more often around the holidays is difficult for me than any other time of year. I miss the companionship, someone loving me other than family, friends and my son, but a soul mate. I pray, read, relax, remember the good things in my life, but these do not always work, it is just day by day...in time it gets easier...

Billie - posted on 09/11/2009

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I can only imagine how hard this must be for you and my heart goes out to you. Hannah had some great ideas and feedback that I think might help a lot! Stay strong, stay focused, try NOT to beat yourself up and just put one foot in front of the other until you get through this!

Shanythia - posted on 09/10/2009

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keep your head up, mama. i know it's not easy right now, but you're doing what's best for you and your daughter. maybe now is the time to focus on you and what you want. i'm kinda in the same boat and now that i've moved in with family ( not my first choice) i can finally entertain the thought of going back to school. you're blessed to have someone willing to help you with your daughter. times are super hard on everyone, so take the help as long as you can.

Nicole - posted on 09/09/2009

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Hello Elizabeth. I'm a single Mum in Australia and i know what you mean about being lonely. Its not easy bringing up a child on your own, and its good you have your mother to help you, You are going to need the emotional support she can offer, and maybe later you can work out where you want to be. The most important one here is your baby, and she is going to need you.

Be kind to yourself, dont forget that you have needs too, or you will end up feeling like you cant cope, but trust me, it will pass! even if its just a half hour soak in the bath once baby is asleep, just make sure you make time for you.

Life will get better,you wont always be on your own. Good luck.

[deleted account]

My son came early by emergency c-section and was in the NICU too, and my whole family outside of my mom was 150 miles away. You are dealing with so many emotions. First thing - ask the NICU about a local support group for parents. Usually the hospital has one. Join it! No one knows what you are going through right now quite like those who are doing it also.

2nd thing - You are HIGH RISK for depression, especially PPD. Having a child born premie, via c-section, and in the NICU puts you at very high risk - let alone if you have another medical condition or family history of PPD. You need to be seeing a therapist specialising in PPD. Ask the NICU or the OB ward - they will have a social worker or someone they can refer you too.

3rd thing - stay with your daughter if that is where you feel normal. do Kanga care with her (where you put her naked to your naked chest) and cuddle and read and sing to her.

4th thing - you are so smart to try and stay positive! way to go!

Once your daughter is out of the NICU you can make the decision whether to stay in Vegas and start a new life for you two - or you can go home to chicago. Until then - focus on your health and your daughter's health.

Also check out the marchofdimes.com website - invaluable for premie parents.

message me if you need anything!

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