ls living with your mom when your a mom more helpful then not?

Stephanie - posted on 02/14/2010

oh yes it can big time! When your out on your own you often find yourself missing the nag over the shulder lol

Stephanie - posted on 02/14/2010

take the darn help and extra brain while its their trust you will pay mom back with all the annoying calls saying..."mom what do i do if....when...how dO I...?" and so on and so forth, think about it your alive right?...let your mothers be mothers! dont quickly for get what grandmas are for in the first place..We will all be one someday

Dawn - posted on 02/01/2010

You need to set ground rules for your mom and reiterate that the child is yours and not hers, and that just because she may feel her way is right you do not.

Ashley - posted on 02/01/2010

Hi, I live with both my parents. i moved back when i was 2months pregnant.been a single mamma since then also...but thats a different story lol. Both my parents had taken over at first with everything! it took me a lil while to realise that it was not right. so i asked them to back off.And that backfired cuz now they wont help at all. so my advice is be very very careful cuz it can backfire

Meagan - posted on 01/30/2010

thats part of the grandma code, the junk food thing...i lived w my mom for 3 months after my daughter was born but the independence of living alone reinforced my confidence that i was a good mom and when i moved out grandma was still a big part of our lives... the same problems still exist, hate to say it but at least i can keep my sense of control as the mother and primary caregiver by being an independent woman and role model to my daughter...i think its hard for a grandma not to still see herself as our mother and head of household, which in her household she is, but its important for the real mother to step up otherwise it can lead to giving up out of frustration and create a festering and even more difficult situation...its hard doing it alone but its also rewarding and possible!

Rebecca - posted on 01/30/2010

sorry to hear about that.i live with my mum as my babys dad wasnt interested.at first i my mum was taking over even down to giving my little girl her first bottle which i wanted to do.and sending me off to bed and she would stay up with her which is my responsibilty not hers.every time i was holding my little girl and she started crying my mum would take her off me.i ended up with post natal depression and felt i didnt have a bond with the baby but part of me wonders how much that has to do with my mum taking over with her.i found me and my mum have argued a lot more as if chloe wont take a bottle its like she is trying to say its my fault.i had a good long talk with my mum as explained how she took over and her comments are affecting me she told me she didnt realise she was actually doing it and apologised since then my mum has been great she has backed off and let me take the front seat and only helps when i ask her if she can.now i find it great living with my mum if i need a break and need to go out and be me for a bit she will mind her for a few hours and if im shattered she will give her a bottle bring her up to bed and settle her.so maybe (if you havent done it already)have a good long chat with ur mum maybe like my mum she didnt realise she is doing it good luck xxx

Jenna - posted on 01/30/2010

Honestly it's a tough subject, but you need to tell your mom that even tho she is YOUR mom she's only a grandma to your son. I still live with my mom..., and her husband, and my sister who are all adults, and thinks because they are older, MY kids have to listen. The first thing I had to do was tell my kids that Im mommy and I come first.



I would tell them to go put something away or something, and then mom or sister or whoever would call them, and whatever I asked would get put aside. I had to explain that what I sad was number 1, and if someone else started to pull them away from what I asked that they needed to say "but my mom said..." and then I had to tell all the other adults in the house that they are my kids, and they don't do what I say they are gonna get in trouble.



It was a lil hard at first because I am the baby in my family. It was a lil rough and took some time, but I think you just have to stick with it. LIke I said I told my kids to listen to me first and if not they were in trouble, so if for example your son doesnt eat the food hes suppose to and you tell him to,but gma sneaks him junk food and he eats it then he needs to get in trouble..no dessert, or time out, or a lil hand spank...however you do it, and after people see that they are getting the baby in trouble they back down...



I know if seems a lil hard on your son getting in trouble when another adult who you always say "you need to listen to them"is the one your fighting with, but you need to teach your son that you are more important. And your son might get mad at you and you might have to be the bad guys sometime, but your a parent first, friend second. You have to do whats best for your son, and junk food isn't. Beside your child wont remember...I mean how many memories do you have of when you were 14months?

Carol - posted on 01/30/2010

im in that situation as well but i live wit both of my parents and they each have to always have a say!
my dad is starting to understand that when im tryin to discipline my daughter, its for her to know she did something wrong. but when my mom sees me discipline her she gets mad at me and tells me not to do anything and thats how my daughter knows she can get her ways wit my mom.
my mom does watch her a lot and helps me out since im in school but your mom should understand and allow you to raise your child the way you want to.

Erin - posted on 01/26/2010

The one thing we all learn about being mothers is that mothers always want to look out for their children. Even when we are grown with our own. Give your mother time to adjust to your new status. Ask her to back off and give you a chance. She'll soon realize that your capable of being a great mother. I 100% agree with you on your food choices, as your mother should. If necessary access a food guide and post it on the fridge. I had to battle my own mother when I moved home to complete high school. Both her and myself are diabetic, and because of that my main concern has been over balanced diet. Unfortunately, my mother is the type to indulge on sweets and junk food and tried to push it on my oldest child. Hold firm to your beliefs, they are supported by every health professional out there.
If your mom and you find it hard talking instead of arguing, there is normally free family counseling available in most communities, it wouldn't hurt to try.
Good luck to you and yours

Kai Schele - posted on 01/26/2010

I enjoy living with my mom, I moved back when i was about 4 months pregnant, and now my son is 10 months old. We get aling for the most part but there are times i ask her not to give him somethings ie..powered dougnuts... and she still does but thats what grandmas do, they spoil them and send them back to us!.. but I say you should just sit down and have a talk with her and let her know there are certain things you want for him and she should respect your wishes because you are his mother. I live being home because when i need it she will take him and let me get a little rest or take a shower BY MY SELF! or run some where so my mother has been a blessing to me.

Kristin - posted on 01/26/2010

I had the exact same problem living with my mother. Every time I asked her not to give him something, she did. If I told him it was his last one, she'd give him 5 more. She was constantly undermining me and trying to be his parent rather than grandparent. Once I moved out I found it MUCH easier raising my son the way I wanted, but on the other hand, the extra set of eyes and hands when I wanted to run out to the store, or jump in the shower, or go out at night was greatly missed.

Brittany - posted on 01/26/2010

This is almost always the same with any new mommy living with their mother. Moms (and even Grandmas) will always have their own ways of doing things, and a lot of it has to do with how they raised you and their other children.

I am living with my mom, and although I am only pregnant (soon to have my first son), I am already feeling the wrath of her undermining my decisions. She gets on My case about the foods I eat. Constantly trying to force me to "eat a spoonful of peanutbutter every day". I eat very healthy since before I was pregnant and its just a stressful situation to have someone breathing down your neck.

My best advice, is to ask your mom how HER mom acted when she had her first baby, and see if she tells you any stories or if she ever felt like she wasn't able to just be a mommy without getting criticism from her parents and others around her. Maybe you can try to say to her "Mom, am I a good mommy?" and she will of course say YES, and say "then please, let me show you that I can raise my son and do this right."

Sometimes moms just need to be reminded of the annoyances they went through, and to not do the same in return!

Samantha - posted on 01/26/2010

grat reply!!

Candice - posted on 01/26/2010

First off I am so sorry that its like that. You have to tell your mother that you are HIS mother. I know it sounds bad and disrespectful but you will never be able to have that authority over your son if she is always undermining you. You not only want him to eat but you want him to eat healthy and its important that you let him know that junk food can only be given if he eats right! You arent going to be living with your mother forever so its good to get in charge now! Let me know how it goes...Best of luck!!