MEDIATION?

[deleted account] ( 17 moms have responded )

In 3 weeks, I have to go to mediation regarding my ex bf wanting to see my daughter who will be 3 next week. He hasn't seen her in 2.5 years and finally wants to see her. I think it is great that my daughter can finally see her dad. But, we live 2 hours away and he doesn't have a car or license due to criminal activity. What kind of parenting time do you think he will get??? Please help!

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Danielle - posted on 05/22/2012

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I'd recommend that if it's decided he's to have visitation where you have to meet him some place, you get it in writing that X amount of prior notice must be given by both parties for cancellation and possibly that if X amount of prior notice isn't given, there's a "late cancellation fee" for the cancelling party. Hopefully that will keep him from cancelling last minute & you losing time/gas to meet him some place.

If it's decided he'll have visitation near your home, (1) I would have him meet you in a public place so you have witnesses and (2) get in the habit of texting/emailing him 12-24hrs in advance to confirm the visit. That way if he doesn't show, you'll have a paper trail showing you did your due diligence.

You might also want to get in writing that he has to request a visit with Y amount of notice so he isn't trying to drop in on you last minute or disrupting your plans. That should also show the mediator (& possibly judge if it comes to that), that you're willing to work with him in a structured manner to facilitate his visitation with your child, but it also keeps him from controlling your schedule.

Good luck w/the ex & congrats on your baby's 3rd bday :)

Lakota - posted on 05/21/2012

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You are very welcome. Happy Birthday to your daughter! You are right, don't think about it this week and don't worry next week either. It will all turn out just fine. Stay strong and have a great week!

Lakota - posted on 05/21/2012

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Hi, Alysha. Hang in there. You sound like a strong woman! I will be praying for you and your daughter. I know that you will be fine. Melissa, you hang in there too. God loves us strong mommies!!!

[deleted account]

If, by chance, he is granted visitation, request supervised visitation.

A judge isn't going to take her from you and they will take into account his absence and his lack of aid in her care. Visitation ALONE is a stretch. The child doesn't know him, so it would be stressful on her to just plop her with this man who hasn't been around for most of her life.



Every state is different with their child custody/visitation laws. I don't know if you have full legal custody, but it would be a good idea to get that also. That way he can't take her, and if he did, it would be "custodial interference" and that will land him in jail.



Also, a mediator is SUPPOSED to be a neutral party. They are not to take sides, but they are there to make sure things are taken care of in a "timely" fashion."

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[deleted account]

Thank you very much. Ill keep you all updated on how it went. I have decided not to even think about it this week bcuz my daughter is turning 3 on sunday!! i'm so proud of her. Thanks for replying though, I don't have many friends so its nice to get some support on here :)

[deleted account]

THanks for the reply! I agree with you...I will do anything and everything in my power to make sure my daughter stays with me. I think i'm pretty up to date on my research. The only thing he wants right now if for my daughter to meet him and his new girlfriend. But I am saying that he needs to come the 2 hours and visit her for at least half a year before she meets anyone else in his family that have never wanted anything to do with her. If we don't agree at mediation I will be ready to fight for my day in court to make sure everything possible happens in me and my daughter's favor. I will be getting a lawyer for sure if we end up going to court. I may even get a free consultation sometime before mediation to make sure i know all my rights. My ex bf will probably never want custody anyway..too much work to care for a child. He just wants visitation to take pictures of her to show that he's a good dad and to play with her for awhile and then go home. Oh well...I am ready for a fight in 2 weeks when we have mediation..and i don't mean with him in general..i just mean i'm sticking to my guns about him having to come here first and if he doesn't agree then I guess we will let the judge decide.

Melissa - posted on 05/20/2012

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i lived in ohio and i told my son's dad i would go for child support if he wanted visitation, well he went to the child support office for me to try and get visitation and they don't do that, they only do child support! Well i got lucky. I followed every single step of what i was supposed to do with the child support office in the agreement set up by them, notified them when i moved, and that was all, i have done that needed notified. My son's dad has never had any documentation needed at any hearing, shown up late to all but 1 or 2 hearings if he showed up at all, never turned in when he moved, and i know he has moved, and he has criminal activity that will prevent him from ever getting custody. Now i live in Canada, and the Canadian border told me when we moved that his dad could come take him from me whenever he wants without even looking at all my papers i had. My son's dad is NOT on the birth certificate, I HAVE, i have never been granted a new one. I have papers saying i am my son's gaurdian, and the Ohio law stating i am the sole custodial parent unless stated different and there has been nothing ever stated different. So i should be safe unless the Canadian government wants to screw with another governments law and I would put up a good fight. Remember your child is your child. I cannot afford a lawyer either. Anything i have had a lawyer for my parents have paid for me because they knew the importance and they had the money to pay for a little bit and there was a program through my dad's work to get at least partical reimbursement. However, saying that, I do have a strong will when it comes to both my kids, i am a single mom of 2! If anything comes to it. I will fight for my kids and do anything i can to fight for them with my mind, with my words, and digging into research. Dig into any research you can using the internet, library, single mom groups, free resources you can find, and go into this mind smart! Don't get screwed over because you don't go into it mind smart!

[deleted account]

So once we establish something, he will only see her when the schedule says he can. But i will still have my custody of her. he will just have parenting time. and i am speaking to a lawyer soon just to make sure i am doing everything right and to make sure i know all my rights :)

[deleted account]

Well when i established child support the visitation he agreed on was to go by the affidavit. so the visitation was whenever he wanted to see her and i'd let him. but he went 2.5 years without seeing her so he had to set up a mediator so we can agree on a visitation schedule..cuz right now he has nothing established..he can't see her unless I let him.

[deleted account]

That makes it sound as though he doesn't have visitation... He'd have to petition the courts for it, which is what he's doing.
Make sure you take that paperwork to the mediator when you go. Ask him/her- he/she can tell you. It could also be recommended that you stay with that just add visitation. Although, if you don't agree, it will go to a judge- and be sure to take that paperwork to a judge too. (Make sure your lawyer sees it!!!)

[deleted account]

thanks for the reply. to be honest...i'm not sure what i have exactly..but i do know that in michigan when my daughter was born the dad sign an affidavit of parentage that says the mother has full custody unless visitation or custody is established..so im assuming i have full custody and he will just have visitation

[deleted account]

i wish i knew why he wanted to see her all of a sudden. he's only paid one payment of child support but that was enough to get his warrant removed so he could take me to court. he actually never had a license because he's had a few dui's but also because he was caught driving so many times before he even was legal to drive that he has it taken away for probably a very long time. i don't have an attorney, but mediation is just something that we can agree on. if it gets taken to actually court then i will be getting an attorney. i think that the mediator will be in favor of me since he did abandon her for many years. and i hope that he agrees to only short visits with no overnights because she will be very scared and this is supposed to be in the best interest of the child.

Lakota - posted on 05/17/2012

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I hope you have an attorney. I guess it depends on the type of criminal activity. No license or car? I'm guessing DUI ? It may not be much because of that and because of how far away he lives. I hope he's going to pay child support and back child support. When you go, remember that this man abandoned you and your child (which automatically goes against him) , he doesn't know her, and you need to be sure that she will be in a safe environment. Always trust your instincts. You don't know what he's been into the last couple of years and why all of a sudden does he want to see her?

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