Mother's day just another day for single mothers?

Alicia - posted on 05/06/2010 ( 33 moms have responded )

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I have been a single parent for the last 7 years & I don't really understand the big deal about Mother's day. My kids are 7 & 11 & yes they bring me hand made gifts & my sister takes them shopping for me every year but than it goes back to being just another day with fighting kids,house needing to be cleaned, yard work needing to be done. What is the big deal? Is it like Valentines day just for couples? Maybe it is because my kids are so young that I don't get it. I am starting to beleive my sister pities me because I don't have a husband to take my kids for a little while or to plan this big special day for me & I don't beleive I deserve to be pitied. Does anybody else have this problem?

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Loria - posted on 05/20/2010

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I understand what you are feeling as a single mom.. its hard to see women at work who receive flowers and you get more of the same ole same ole but I also receive alot of recognition from other mothers (both single/married) and its needs to become more of women celebrating women. I am thinking that's all your sister was doing not taking pity on you

Rachel - posted on 05/19/2010

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I do! I was a single mother from the time my kids were 3 & 7. Mother's Day was always difficult in the beginning, because there is no father there to help the kids figure out what to do. I decided at that time, to take the kids to the local plant sale. I would let them pick out whatever flowers they wanted to plant. I was quite broke at the time, as most single moms are, but we were able to get a 6 pk of annuals for about $2.00 each. Then on Mother's Day, we would go outside to my flower garden, I would sit in a lawn chair, while my children would decide where they wanted to plant their flowers. They could plant them anywhere and did all the work! They loved doing something for me, which is what the day is all about. To this day, children are now 36 and 32, my daughter always sends me something to plant on Mother's Day. She lives in CA, I'm in RI. So, almost 30 years later, the tradition continues.

Krista - posted on 05/19/2010

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Absolutely we deserve to celebrate mother's day! My kids are young too, 7, 5, and 4 and I have been a single mom for 4 years.

Yes, all the same work is involved no matter what the day, but the day is what you make it. I take my kids shopping, and they get to pick a little something out (sometimes with hints from me) or I go out and buy something for myself that for me represents being a mom. I love the willow tree figurines.

This year at the church my oldest asked a friend of mine what she could do for me that was special. The two of them made a list - Cover a cake tray with a pretty cloth. Find a special cup and fill it 1/2 full with juice or milk, add cookies, apple/banana, bread with jam, make a card.

And in response to the comment above, it does not have to be a thankless job. My children tell me that I am the best mommy ever, and that they are glad I am their mommy. Even without these comments, those little hugs or kisses just because make it all worthwhile.

When I find that the stress of being a mom is overtaking me, I also know that is when I am forgetting to take time to just enjoy my children. I plan an activity where I can focus on being with them, and leave all the housework and everything else behind for a few hours, and just enjoy. This can be as simple as going to the playground.

So, enjoy the little things, and take each day as it comes. If mother's day does not hold the same sentiment for you that it does for me, find or create a day, or even a moment, that does. Something that represents how special children are, and the wonderful job that we are doing as mother's even when things seem monotonous. It is surprising how important those little things can be, and how much they notice. My 7 yr old, and sometimes my 5 yr old will thank me for doing their laundry so that their favorite clothes are clean . . . and other times complain bitterly when asked to put it away that "they have to do everything and I never do anything". Ahh, such is the life . . .

Julie - posted on 05/18/2010

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Um, figure out why you have fighting kids... I was single for 28 years with 5 and they weren't always fighting...
SOME DAY - I promise- Mother's day WILL be a big deal for you...
Do chores with your kids and then reward yourselves... at your kids' age you should be doing everything WITH them... Ot al lmay seem like a thankless job now... but ther really IS coming a day when you will miss it all ... ♥

Jackie - posted on 05/18/2010

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Mother's Day is our day... We make it what we want to make it. It is the day that our kids do cherish us for all that we are. Feel great about Mother's day it is your day darling...

Madeline - posted on 05/18/2010

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You're right Sandy, and I wish I had my mom with me to do stuff like that with my son and I would like her to help me with him while I'm doing homework because I study at the university and it is really hard to do well in exams!!! :S

Sandy - posted on 05/18/2010

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I am not sure it should be a day to do nothing. I'm a single mom and every year except 1, our tradition has been going to the Zoo the saturday before mother's day! We have a thing where I live, Mom and Me at the Zoo. It's me, my daughter and my mom. With crazy schedules, school, sports, work, we use it as a time to be together, not for alone time. I can go to the spa any time I want, on mother's day, I want to spend it with the person who gave me the opportunity to be a mother on mother's day, my daughter!

Madeline - posted on 05/17/2010

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Hi! I'm from El Salvador, and I'm a single mom too, my baby is 8 months and I though my first mother's day was going to be a very special day, but instead, it was harder than a normal day: I had to cook, clean, and all that stuff while I just watched my sister's husband taking her to a restaurant because it was a special day for mothers!!! It is hard to live with my sister's family because I feel they look at me as a immature woman or an irresponsible person who doesn't know anything about life or about being a mother, and it is hard to listen to them talking and saying my name as an example of how NOT to do the things in life to be succsesful :(

Allyson - posted on 05/13/2010

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I am a single mom of 3 boys, and I feel like Mothers Day is just another day as well! Another day of arguing with the kids just to get something done, them fighting nonstop, driving me crazy, and me tryin to get the house cleaned up with them following behind me, messing it all back up! I love my children more than anything, but to be honest, what I could REALLY use on Mother's Day, is a BREAK! A day ALONE, where I can shower and go pee by myself, and dont have to deal with all the fighting!!!

Dawgylvr - posted on 05/12/2010

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I really enjoy Mother's Day! And not because of special gifts, or being treated special, etc. Obviously since I am a SINGLE mom, there isn't anything really special done FOR me. I love the holiday because I finally became a mom at 36 yrs. old after thinking I would never have a child. My situation wasn't ideal and the "father" didn't want me to have the baby. But I did and I have been doing it all on my own. To me, celebrating Mother's Day is celebrating the fact that I AM a mom...a title I never thought I would hold! That day I just spent it outdoors w/ my little boy....doing things for HIM that I do every other day. But looking at him and thinking "this is Mother's Day and I get to have this day because I AM a mom" is all it takes! My son gave me paper flowers that he made at daycare and they are up on my shelf where they will probably sit for YEARS! I love looking at them and even though he had no clue why he made them or what they were for, it means the world to me! Being a mom is something I have never and will never take for granted, because there are so many women out there who would love a child and can't have one. Maybe try looking at it like that....despite how hard your life is, you have something special that many women out there may never get to have and motherhood is something many may never experience! And because I have been blessed with this little person in my life, I am eternally grateful!

Now Valentine's Day....that is an entirely different story! LOL! To me, that is just another day! I usually get together w/ my single girlfriends and we have an "Anti-Valentine's Day" and it's AWESOME! :)

Zawanda - posted on 05/12/2010

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Basically its an ordinary day in my home. But the day before, the women in my family get together and do different things. Like last year a few of us got our mani's and pedis, then had dinner at my aunt house. This year the Saturday b4 Mother's Day the girl cousins fixed our moms dinner and served them, then went to a club. But the actual day was a nomal day for my mom, my son and myself. Can't wait til my son starts earning money to at least take grandma and myself out.

[deleted account]

You feel like my daughter and I do. My mom expected to be pampered on that day and out of respect I always did it. Even though my brother would blow it off. LOL he was her favorite haha).. So now I told my daughter to do what she feels like doing, not to feel obligated to do it. (my mom has passed away now) So sometimes we get up early and go to a swap meet, or just call each other, this year she stayed in her PJ's at home and I sewed for my step daughter. We make it our own day to do just what we want. We laugh that if we waited for someone to "MAKE" it this grand deal, cobwebs would grow on us. So take yourself out. Or make cupcakes with the kids and let them know you love them and they wouldn't be here if it wasn't for YOU.. Hope this helps babe...... When I was a single mom I felt like a 5th wheel at couples things, get a circle of single mom friend and make up a new holiday.

Sarah - posted on 05/12/2010

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Being a mother deserves recognition..because it is hard work and a life time job.. we carry the world for them on our backs until they learn to do so themselves even more so when were doing it alone.

Tammy - posted on 05/12/2010

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I am a single mother as well (of 3 under age of 10) and the only reason Mother's day was nice is because my FRIENDS and Mother in law (I am divorced but still think of her has family) are what made my day great! If it were not for them then yes Mother's day to me would be just another day, as with Father's day. But really shouldnt we be getting the Father's day cards too????? I think soooo!

Tiffany - posted on 05/12/2010

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Yes, well actually, I didn't even get a gift this year. I am an only child and my mom usually takes my daughter shopping, but she has been ill lately. So this year, I decided to focus on my mom and all that she has done for me. This is more like a month long Mother's Day. She has gotten several gifts and my daughter and I even hosted a Tea Party just for her. Sure I was bummed that I didn't get anything. But seeing the joyful tears in her eyes from where I made her so happy, was the best gift of all. The best thing I know to tell you is to make the best of it for now. Do something for yourself, or someone else to make the day brighter.

Anine - posted on 05/11/2010

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Ive been a single parent for 6 years and i love Mother's day even though i spend it with my son and his homemade cards and gifts are the icing on the cake. I use to feel the same way you did and not making it a huge deal but i changed my thoughts quickly because my son makes it a huge deal. I feel that mother's day is everyday not just one day a year but actually being appreciated the whole day is a gift all on it own.

Rebecca - posted on 05/11/2010

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i have been a single mom for so long that when i go to buy myself something i feel guilty and then i think i could by my grandkids this to help out their mom who has become a single mom just before christmas. so how do you over come the guilt when you do buy yourself something..... and then a few days later the kids bring home a note from school saying i need this or that. ????

Dianna - posted on 05/11/2010

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Mothers day for us single women is all about recognizing the amazing life(s) we have created, and for raising fairly well adjusted children. Celebrate yourself. You are a strong amazing woman. Take pride in that. Do something special for yourself. You deserve it. You go girl.

Rebecca - posted on 05/11/2010

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it doesn't get any better i have 3 girls ages 25, 20 and 17. this year my oldest and her kids came to church with me. and i didn't see my middle daughter at all she took her mother in law out to dinner. and my youngest it was her dads weekend so i didn't get to see her until just before church that night. so it was just a normal day. not a big deal. my feelings where hurt when my daughter took his mother to dinner with him and they live with her. and ibarely got a five minute phone call.... i have been a single mom since my baby was 2 so it no big deal any more.... you get used to the work you have to do and the no breaks....

[deleted account]

In the UK, our Mother's Day is in March, because it's stemmed from the religious Church day when people used to go back to their Mother Church many years ago. Now it's more commercial, with children making/buying cards and/or presents for their Mums (or appropriate other female).

Like you I've been a single parent for several years now, 6 years in September. My girls are now aged 10, 8 and 5, so only starting to want to 'buy' me something. I see as an opportuity to treat myself to something special that I wouldn't normally, be it a bottle of wine etc. Apart from that I see it like any other day of the year.

There are some benefits to being a single parent. My girls know that I'll buy my own presents from them, now they're getting older they're starting to have more input into what I may like for Mother's Day/birthday/Easter/Christmas.

See it as an opportunity to possibly get something you may want from your kids (even if you're buying it) rather than something that you don't want or need.

Brittany - posted on 05/10/2010

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I don't think Mother's Day is the same as any other day for single mom's. I have a little girl who turned 4 Jan 17 and all she had to do was tell me "Happy Mother's Day" and it was magical! She is now truly understand the importance of holidays like Mother's Day! That makes it special for me! :D

Jennifer - posted on 05/10/2010

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I think that mothers day should highly honor the single mothers out there. Married couples or couples living together do not realize what we go through as single mothers, not even in the least. I almost believe that there should be a day just for us for all that we go through! I dont do anything special on mothers day with my children, but I do spend the day with them and I am SURE to thank them for making me a mom.

Tina - posted on 05/09/2010

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Michelle I'm with you on valentines day lol.

But I am a single mother of three very opinionated and independant children ages 10, 7 and almost 4 (and sometimes she's the worst) but I absolutely love mothers day. I love that they have put in a effort to create something for me with their own hands. I love the looks on their faces when they give me the presents my family has gotten for them to give to me. They are so proud of themselves and it truly warms my heart. Now any other day I may quit being a parent for the night but even on mothers day, when my kids fight with me or each other, or get into things they shouldn't, or kick me out of my own bed by taking up far too much room for someone so small it is soo worth it when they give me their presents.

Michelle - posted on 05/09/2010

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I am actually glad to read someone else view it this way too!!! Reading everyone's facebook status about how wonderful it is to be a mom an blah blah , i want to put mine as....had to work 10hrs today fought with my kids last night, was kicked all night in bed by my 4yr old went to work tired, spoke to my mouthy kid on the phone who hung up on me....REALITY...happy mother's day??? And it does seem to give everyone yet another chance to throw us single mom's an unwanted pity party, for sure!!! And I am not a fan of Valentine's day either...LOL

Sina - posted on 05/08/2010

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I dont think it's a BIG DEAL, however it's what u make of ur day with ur kids & with or without a man/hubby! Im a solo mum, but still like the fort of being recognised for my hard work i put into my family! Its not about presents but how they make you feel !! So hope u've had a wonderful mothers day!! xox

Donna - posted on 05/08/2010

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I ALSO GET THIS RESPONSE AND JUST DID. BUT, IT SETS THE TONE FOR THEM IN THE FUTURE. They will grow up and you will be the only one that they can ever come home to.

Kristen - posted on 05/08/2010

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i don't think of mother's day as just another day,because everyday for me is mother's day even though i do have the father of my son around to help out and my sister and i are both single parents i guess what im saying is mother's day is a day for us mother's to be reconized for all we do even if it's a husband,parents,or friends to help our children reconize who we are.so embrace your children and try to see the good in having children because there are people who are still fight just to have one child to celebrate this i know i use to be one of those people and now i was blessed with a healthy baby boy

Heidi - posted on 05/07/2010

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OMG its soooo not about a guy on this day. My kids are really into it and they are young...they have made me so many cards and pictures, given me buttons, etc just because I'm their mum. I have organised to have a picnic at the park with the 3 of us. They are so excited to give me their gifts that they have made and wrapped up.

I don't even think its about us mum's as such but about the bonding we can have with our children on this day. I plan not to do any housework but play at the park with them.

Joy - posted on 05/06/2010

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I like the idea of it and my 7 year old thinks its a nice day to celebrate mommy. I don't expect anything extravagant and there's no one to remind him to do anything for me. But he typically makes me a picture or something and is extra nice haha!

Valerie - posted on 05/06/2010

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dont feel sorry for urself...yeah its another day but it's a day to remind u how strong u are to be a single mom. keep ur head up...enjoy everyminute of it. because momma' day is 4 us moms who stay strong not only for themeselves but for their kids too! as for valentine's day it can be saddening but love urself and ur kids!!!

Krista - posted on 05/06/2010

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I dont think its that big of a deal or a holiday which requires a husband. I think its just something that can be as fun as u make it. and the kids making stuff sounds really sweet. I just think its a nice day to recognize all those hard working moms out there! :)

Julie - posted on 05/06/2010

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I our Family Mother's day is not a hunge deal. Usually we have a ( Small dinner or go out) with My uncle and grandparents occasionally my Aunt and other uncle as well. My mother lives in a differetn states so I usually email her pictures and send her flowers.. Usually a spend the day with the kids and my grandmother either just hanging out or shopping what ever we decide to do.. It's like a normal days with a few "perks" My grandmother usually takes the kids to buy something for me for mothers day ... usually it's a small gift...and the kids bring home thier hand made projects from school..

I don't have a problem with someone taking my kids shoipping for me for mothers day.. It's not a pity thing for me .. They just know that you don't have anyone else to buy you anything for mothers day and are trying to be nice and give you something with out them actually giving you something..
Last year my best friend ( Had been thru a rough spot in the last few years) and her son ( 10 years old) Wanted to buy her something but she had no money to give him and he was kinda bummed about it. I slipped him some $$ and told him to take his mom to lunch. I then called her and told her don't ask your son where he got the $$ from when he takes you to lunch.. She told me I didn't need to do that I said I know but I wanted to not becuase I felt bad for her but felt bad for him...

So it may be either way even though you feel this way she may not feel that it is pitty

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