my baby daddy has not been paying any child support. is it right for me to deny visitation?

Catrina - posted on 04/19/2010 ( 33 moms have responded )

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i have received no kind of support from my ex. he only randomly visits the children like 1 or 2 time every two weeks. i recently told him he could not see the children. but i feel he should. but when he does see them he is always starting some kind of drama with me. asking the kids if we should get back together telling them life would be better if we were back together. so is it wrong to not let him see them?

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Linda - posted on 04/26/2010

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I'm a single mother myself,and I think it's wrong to tell him that he cant see them,cuz your children gonna get to a age that they'll understand what's going on,and the blame will be on you,if he wonna see his children don't stop him,and for the child support part take him to court,and you guys have to be the adult for them children,cuz at the end of all this they're the one that end up getting hurt,the money helps a lot,but that's not going to make him more of a father,but that doesn't mean that he can't help you by giving money for them!!!!!

Rebekah - posted on 04/24/2010

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No...I am a single mom who has never recieved any support. I dont think a man should see his child till he starts paying. That is part of being a father. I know I used to feel like the bad person by not letting him see my baby. But if he does not care enough to help finacially the he does not care at all. It is not worth it!

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Yes it is totally wrong...you may have problems with your husband, but he is the children's father...you cannot deny them the chance of knowing him, after all they have half of his genes in their makeup. It's a hard pill to swallow when you feel its unfair but its one you must for your children's sake. I always tried to ensure that my kid's father was not spoken badly about in the kid's presence (he had no such qualms with me) but it's important for the children.

Jennifer - posted on 04/25/2010

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If it was up to me I would say no way but I live in the good old state of South Carolina and the law states that no matter if the father has never paid a dime in child support he still gets to see his kids. My kid's daddy took me to court for visitation and even got to take them out of state for the summer all while not paying a dime of child support even though it was court ordered. It wasn't fair but I fixed him at the divorce hearing, he now pays child support monthly plus extra for arrearage. The courts said they would not chase him since he was out of state, I was so angry!! I felt betrayed, I didn't have those kids all by myself. Oh well, now I live in a beautiful apartment with a gym, a pool, a huge playground, etc.

Rachael - posted on 04/24/2010

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No way is it wrong. Think of what it is doing to your children all the drama. It doesn't sound like he is coming to see the kids, it is you he wants to see. Lay the law down and make a regular time that he can see them, then find someone you trust to supervise the visits and end them proptly if he starts on about getting back together or questions about you. My guess is that it will only last a couple of visits and he will either step up and be a dad or show his true colours. Either way you can look your kids straight in the eye and know that you have had their best interests at heart and if the case is that he stops visiting - it was his choice and he can explain that later in life when / if they want to find them.

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WENDY - posted on 06/08/2014

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You should not deprive your child from seeing the other parent. child support is totally separate issue. you should nto use your kid or kids as a asset to gain money from the other parent. you take this to court and have it addressed and order for him to pay child support. NEVER stop the child from seeing the other parent. it is not a healthy situation ... the love of the other parent is as important to the child s life. THINK ABOUT YOUR KID! DO NOT USE MONEY TO HOLD BACK THE PARENTS RIGHT TO SEE THE KID. shame on you if you do! your kid will growup and learn about it and will hold that against you later on inlife. DO NOT BE SO SELFISH

Brandie - posted on 12/26/2011

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You should file at your local domestic relations office for support. That way the support is taken right out of his checks and there is no battle for support directly from him.

LEAH - posted on 11/19/2011

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Unfortunately one thing has nothing to do with the other. I would go to court for sole custody and set up visitation through the courts. Is he just trying to pop in and see the child whenever OR is he genuinely wanting to spend a good bit of quality time with your child? I have a friend who has a son by a guy who hardly ever pays child support but he is at all of his son's events, visits with him weekly and keeps him weekends etc. In this case I would actually not make too much of a big deal about it. I know it takes a lot of money to raise a child but time is so priceless and end the end, that is really what our kids remember the most. Not that their parents paid child support, but that their parents were there for them. Good luck with your decision, I know it is a tough one!

Laura - posted on 11/16/2011

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Where I live the county district attorney's office handles child support. Although my deadbeat lived in a different county, I filed the nonpayment complaint in my county. I had to stay on it for over 15 years, but got every nickel owed to me that at one time exceed 27K. My younger child was 24 when the cased finally closed. Make sure you have his social security number and try to keep track of addresses, phone numbers and employers. Job jumpers don't tell they have new jobs, so its up to you to get the info to the DA's office whenever possible. Good luck.

Tammy - posted on 05/02/2010

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you can call children's aid that is mental abuse on the kids and you. mine did the same thing.
as per child support go to court and get his wages garnished. it can take a while to get in flowing regularly and you can have it stipulated that he can not quit his job

Jessica - posted on 04/28/2010

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I think the other advice kind of covers it but i want to tell ya that i know what your going through I get little child support and My ex hasn't seen my son for some time but he did the same thing he only wanted to see my son if we were getting back together and when he realized we weren't he stopped seeing him so all i can say is Good luck with it

Pia - posted on 04/24/2010

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This is a though situation. I am a single mum with no child support as well... Babys father is checking on his baby whenever convinient... not even 1 penny help for day care or else... I have to ask him every time to help me. Depending on which state as a mother you have the rights. Check it out and do not give up.

LaToya - posted on 04/24/2010

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I HAVE HAD THE SAME ISSUES FOR THE PAST WHAT..19YRS N0W. IF THE DAD ISN'T D0ING HIS JOB YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO SAY IF HE CAN/CAN'T SEE UR CHILD. IT'S NOT FAIR THAT WE HAVE TO TAKE FULL TOTALLY RESPONSIBILTY AND WE DID'NT MAKE THEM BY OURSELVES..BUT HAVE TO RAISE BY OURSELF...IN MY OPINION ANYWAYS.

Sarah - posted on 04/23/2010

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hello Catrina, my name is Sarah. i suggest if you know he is working and where he is working at, you may have to go to court and ask for his wages to be garnished for he is not paying child support. if you are unable to pay for the cost of the court fees go to your local child support office and ask them for help and they can also help with any other information you may have questions about as well.

Nicole - posted on 04/22/2010

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I wish they went hand and hand. My son's father happily doesn't pay one dime even though he is court ordered to and gets my son EOW. It sucks that he gets away with being a deadbeat. If I did what he's doing, I'd be in jail for child neglect and endangerment because my son would be on the streets with no clothes or food. The CSS office won't do anything either. He's over 16K behind and hasn't paid a penny in over a year. Yet he picks up my boy in a new car with nice name brand clothes on his deadbet back. It really disgusts me. And to take him back to court would wind up costing me in attorney fees. So much for justice.

Tonja - posted on 04/22/2010

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It may feel right to you but who are you really hurting . The courts could find you in contempt and press charges against you. If the father is not abusive let him see the baby. If he is not paying go and press charges againt him fight for what is right. Just make sure you do what is right for the child. Money is not everything. I have raised by youngest son without any help from his father. I just don't want to be bothered with him being ablt to see him. It was in the best interest of my child. God bless you and your family.

Tanya - posted on 04/22/2010

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Amanda, you're exactly right about the stability. I told my daughter's sperm donor that if he ever decides to be in her life, it's all or nothing. He's not going to pop in and out of her life and confuse her. It's up to me to protect her and that's exactly what I'm going to do.

Amanda - posted on 04/22/2010

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My daughters dad doesnt send doesnt pay child support or try to see roni but my child support papers say i have 100 percent physical custody and all visitation is up to me unless he wants to take me to court i can stop him from seeing her and he doesnt try hes seen her once in 4 months so you are damn right i keep her from him because she deserves stability and love not a man who only wants her when he feels like being a dad and making other people think hes a good guy so read your paperwork

Tanya - posted on 04/22/2010

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Legally, witholding your kids from your ex because he's not paying child support you cannot do; however, if he is doing things like telling your kids things would be better if you were together might start to cause some sort of damage to them, in which case for their protection, I would think that you could; however, you would probably need to see a therapist to see if any sort of damage has actually been done.

If he is working, then you need to file the petition for child support because ultimately, your children are suffering. It's a pain in the bum and if you need help, I can certainly tell you what needs to be done but at the end of the day, it will all be worth it!

Sarah - posted on 04/22/2010

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It depends on whether you have a court order for visitation or not. If you DO NOT, you can tell him to get his act together before he comes back and sees you and your kids.

If you DO have a court order, I would complain to your lawyer or whoever you have to talk to about the agreement with that he is creating stress for you and your children and not paying his support so you want to have visitation that is supervised.

And as other moms have said, document everything and show it to your lawyer as proof they he is acting irresponsibly and making life harder for your kids. GOOD LUCK!

Rhonda - posted on 04/22/2010

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If your ex is not paying child support you can either hire an attorney or fill the forms out yourself for contempt for non-payment of child support. There are even forms that you can fill out in order to have the court costs waved. (I have done this myself). You can also ask to have the visits modified to where they are supervised. They can either be supervised by relatives or even a social worker. Definitely document everything and save everything. The courts will not go off of hear say. I know it must be hard on you and the little ones stuck in the middle. I wish you all the luck. If you need any help please send me a message and I will do what I can to help you.

Kristin - posted on 04/22/2010

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The posts below are right. You can't legally withhold visitation because of nonpayment because it is two separate issues. The last thing you want is to go into court and look vindictive. What you can do is file an order to control the visit and what he says to your children. Depending how hard you push for it, saying things like he's saying and floating in and out of their lives is emotionally harmful to them. You just have to think of what is in their best interest long term and make him held accountable. Good luck!

Mary - posted on 04/22/2010

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At least he visits, I don't make my ex pay child support or anything, and he has NEVER seen my son. I know it's illegal to not pay your child support, but you can't get blood from a stone, and i KNOW he has no job either. I also know he can't take care of himself let alone a small child, so I don't want him trying to take my son for a weekend every other week.

I think the legal system should DEFINATLY be changed to suit each families needs, unfortunatly the court doesn't have time for that, and lumps everyone into one big case.

Amanda - posted on 04/21/2010

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If you don't have a court order get one. If it isn't his visitation time that is tough for him, he can see his kids on his parenting time.

Nastasha - posted on 04/21/2010

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I did, my daughter father has not supported my daughter in any way. He tried to pop of once every two years. I told him to scram and thats just what he did. A real father takes care of his kids, and has a relationship with his kids if he does not, why should he be around. This is the choice I made for my daughter to protect her.

Joy - posted on 04/21/2010

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I'm in that situation as well. Legally, you cannot withhold visitation even if he is not paying child support. Yes it sucks, and I wish they went hand-in-hand. But there are groups out there that can help enforce the child support. Good luck.

Shaquincia - posted on 04/21/2010

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Legally,you cant.Your ex can call the police and have you pur in jail and thats not a good idea for your sake,my kids father doesnt do a thing for mines and visits with when he feels like,that like 4times a year,now he is in jail for not paying child support and i dont have to worry about himtrying to visit,and my kids ask for him.

Stephanie - posted on 04/21/2010

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if you dont have a court order in place for him to be paying child support and recieving vistation, you can do whatever you want....

however, if you have a court order for support and hes not paying, you can turn him in for nonpayment, however in most states you may not withhold visitation with a court order for nonpayment of support.

Meghan - posted on 04/19/2010

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It's not legally right and I wish it was morally right too. Trust me the thought has crossed my mind! But Tracy is right, if there is no court order you can "manage" it! Document everything!!! save emails, texts, voicemails etc. Good luck

Vikki - posted on 04/19/2010

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I wish it was. I work for attorneys and ask that very question. They said no. I ended up contacting Support Kids. It is a private agency but they did the job. much better than the attorney general. Downside....they hold back like 34% of what ever he sends to you until all the back child support is caught up. Hang in there and stay strong. Wasnt easy at first but it does get better. divorced 13 years, been receiving child support for about seven now.

Tracy - posted on 04/19/2010

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i had this same issue.. my lawyer told me that LEGALLY i can't with hold visitation because of childsupport....BUT! you can "manage" his visitation by requesting only like supervised visits or restrict the amont of time

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