My daughter, His Sons & Their moms......

Elizabeth - posted on 09/09/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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I have a dilemma, i just had my 1st child with the man who i once considered to be my fiance. Long story short we broke up cause he cheated twice and ended up getting to women pregnant, I found out i was pregnant after we broke up. Now I have my daughter and he has 4 other boys, two of which were born earlier this year. So I am willing to acknowledge the children as my daughter's brothers but I personally don't want to interact with their moms. Here in lines one of the many problems, they actually like me and try to communicate with me. On top of that the moms have other children, between the two their are 5 additional kids. All of which are young and i dont want the confusion for my daughter. WHAT DO I DO?

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17 Comments

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Tasley - posted on 11/29/2012

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Gurl, No. I wouldn't go through all that mess. I personally feel it is not your place to introduce your kids to his other children. That would be his place if he was a good father. I just don't understand men and why they do things like this. It's a shame that that these kids don't even know their own brothers and sisters. How are you going to introduce someone to your child that you don't even know yourself, just doesn't make any sense to me. I say go about your business and take care of child and don't worry about the rest of his kids because his actions show he don't care about them either.

Brittany - posted on 07/13/2012

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I don't think you should ignore them. Explain to your daughter she has 2 half brothers.. and honestly I would consider the rest step-siblings. I think it's kind the mothers want to involve you as there children are technically all related. Your daughter could grow to love these people, why would you not want her too? It wasn't the women that put you in this predicament.... It was your ex-fianced.

[deleted account]

Part of me says that your child has the right to know that she has siblings out there. It could be worth talking to the two other women (without the children present) and get to know them a little bit. Also explain that at the current time you feel uncomfortable/unwilling to interact with them. Leave the door open for future communication.

A thought - maybe have a book, that you put together that has some information about her half siblings (the ones that you know about now and any future ones that you become aware of). That way she has at least some information about them.

Children are brilliant at coping with the vast majority of things that's thrown in their direction, much better than we give them credit for. You could explain to her that x and y are her (half) brothers as all three have the same Dad. As the other 5 children, they are her brothers' half siblings as they share the same Mums as her brothers. It may be confusing while she's young, but as she grows up she'll be able to understand and cope with it better. Remember to keep it age/development appropriate.

Certainly if my ex had any more children then, I probably would inform them that they had half siblings. Also if I had more children, then would explain to my three girls that they're full blood siblings (as got same Mum and Dad), but any and all children afterwards would be half. Then children that the new partner brings to the family are their step siblings.

Elisha - posted on 07/12/2012

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If these chics had slept with him while we were engaged, I can't say that I'd want anything to do with them, either. That's my honest feeling.

Elena - posted on 09/15/2009

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I also have a son from a man who had 3 kids before mine. His first two are from one woman and his 3rd is from another, then there's my son. I really would like my son to know his sisters and brother but I have the opposite problem. Both of the baby mommas before me hate me because he left them both for me (we are not together any longer). I wish we could all get along for the sake of the kids. I would love to have my son know and form relationships with his siblings, but the fact is since they both hate me so much I don't know how they're going to act towards my son. I wouldn't trust either one of them with him but I wish it were different. If the other moms are nice toward you and want their children to know your daughter I would say that's a good thing.

Annette - posted on 09/15/2009

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it's good to see another point of view, so I will try to be more understanding of my son's father's other baby mamma, lol that was a tounge twister. I was trying to communicate with her all the time and at 1st she seemed interested but then stopped contact before our sons got introduced. It was always important to me that my son know all his brothers well (he has 2 others for another girl) but since even his father is not in contact with that particular one of his kids, I tried to initiate the relationship on my own. I see know that maybe she isn't comfortable with the whole thing in general and will give her some space, let her decide what is best for her son. does make me sad though.

Tara - posted on 09/15/2009

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it is only nessacary for your baby to know the siblings, now you have to be open enough to know that if there are siblings envolved there are going be other baby mammas too. all you can do is just try to keep the peace. you explain everything to your child and there shouldnt be any confusion if you are honest and real with your child...it will be ok . just be lucky you dont have to deal with evil baby mamma who like to blow up your cars and crazy stuff like that, i have been down that block. girl just keep the peace and be real.

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u have to admit it, things are gonna be awkward no matter what, especially since it seems you are still pretty bitter towards ur X... but, you need to put ur own feelings aside and worry about what is best for your child.. is it better to encourage a strong relationship between ur kid and their siblings?? it will be awkward at first but its about ur kid...

Amber - posted on 09/14/2009

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i am in a sorta same position except i don't talk to my ex's ex's so my daughter will probably never know her brothers and sister. she is the youngest of 5 but i also know their names so i can at least tell my daughter who her siblings are. but if her sperm doner gets other girls prego because thats what he does i won't know them or their names so i won't be able to help her out there. i can tell you this though if the other women came to me and said that they would like their kids to know my daughter i would definately do it. i would love my daughter to know her siblings but its not up to me at this point.

Karla - posted on 09/13/2009

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I am not in your position but I have known other moms who are. The moms I know have put up with it because kids should not have to pay for the sins of their parents. That being said I don't know what I would do.

Kelli - posted on 09/11/2009

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I UNDERSTAND YOUR SITUATION.. AND IT IS A HARD ONE... CAUSE NOBODY LIKES TO PUSH PEOPLE AWAY AND NOBODY LIKES CONFUSION.. BUT MAY I MAKE A SUGGESTION.. MAYBE TALK TO THE OTHER MOTHERS AND ASK IF MAYBE THEY WOULD LIKE TO BRING THE CHILD WITH THE SAME FATHER AS YOURS OVER SO THAT YOUR DAUGHTER CAN MEET HER SIBLINGS.. AND JUST EXPLAIN TO HER THAT YOU CANT HAVE ADDED CONFUSION TO YOUR DAUGHTERS LIFE RIGHT NOW BUT WOULD LIKE FOR THE SIBLINGS TO MEET.. AND MAYBE THEY COULD COME OVER FOR A PLAY DATE OR MAYBE JUST A VISITATION DEAL.. I AM A FIRM BELIEVER THAT SIBLINGS NEED TO KNOW EACH OTHER AND SHOULD MEET FOR THEIR SAKE ANYWAYS... REMEMBER THAT YOU DONT HAVE TO LIKE THESE WOMEN, JUST TOLERATE THEM FOR THE CHILDRENS SAKE...

Amanda - posted on 09/11/2009

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i can't help you much.. but im dreading this situation myself! my ex sleeps around (and did while we were together) and he's an idiot with birthcontrol.. (obviously) i ahve no idea what to do if he gets a bunch of girls knocked up... i mean those would be my kids siblings.. but...



i've also been on the child side of this.. i have 3 half brothers.. one i grew up with. he was my moms first child. the other two are my fathers children form two pervious relationships... my dad died when i was little so i have no idea where my two older brothers are. its a bit frusterating..



i would keep some sort of conection with them for the sake of the kids. espcially when you think about dating and stuff in the future.. knowing i have brothers out there slightly older then me and i don't even know their last names! kinda nerve wracking!

[deleted account]

My sons dad (who is not fully involved in our sons life) has another son (at least thats the only other kid I know of) but from what I hear from my ex, he doesn't see that son at all. The mom is keeping him away from him, which the story is too common. I don't know who this woman is because, this child was born while my ex had disappeared from our life for two years. If I knew this woman, I think I would try to let my son have a relationship with her son. My son has interaction his his dad's girlfriends kids when he goes to his house (which are not his) so having interaction with his half blood brother would be beneficial. It is not the females fault what the men do. The innocent parties are the kids. I'm sorry that you had to go through this, I also was cheated on consistently by my sons dad, but I always held him liable, not the female. If he has contact with all the children, he should get them all together at the same time so they can be around one another and have a relationship. That way, it takes the pressure off of you and some of the other moms.

Shanythia - posted on 09/10/2009

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why are you acting funny towards the other moms? aren't you all in the same boat? those other brothers can ome in handy one day. ( i'm from a blended family) it's nice to have 4 brothers and the two from the other mom are great. i'm glad i have them. try not to limit your daughter, she might enjoy her brothers like i do.

Rachel - posted on 09/10/2009

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Wow I feel for you, he needs to get fixed! it s up to you how much contact you wish to have but dont put yourself through the extra stress of having relationships with these people if you dont really want to. Once your daughter is old enough she can make that choice if she wants to keep in touch. Set boundries if you want to have relationships with them say ok i ll keep in contact with you but these are my boundries, just do what feels right to you.

Obruche - posted on 09/10/2009

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Ignore them all, am kinda in the same predicament, my SD cheated on me and left me for the gal he cheated, dumb me we kept hooking up and i got preg, long story short she got preg too 4 months after me, and called me stating she isn't going anywhere and we should be cordial my taught s hell no i don't know you don't want to know you, granted you're with the father of my son mind you he married her Jan, i don't know you and want nothing to do with you i take it as you wasn't there when i got preg there isn't any need for you to be there now so like i said just ignore them its better not to invite drama in but good luck

Sarah - posted on 09/09/2009

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I always worry about my sons father moving on and having more children. I would try to keep peace because your daughter should be able to build a relationship with her brothers. It will be a confusing situation but as she gets older she'll understand. You could always offer the moms that you'd like to have a play date at your house with your daughter n her brothers.

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