My daughter is lying about molestation?!?

Cassandra - posted on 09/20/2010 ( 68 moms have responded )

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I have partial custody of my two children Jimmy (10) and Jevanah (9) so they come visit me every other weekend. About two years ago, my boyfriend (who has been with me for 8 years) and I had been arguing quite a bit about money and my children sensed my depression. My little girl assumed I was upset because of my boyfriend and that weekend she told my aunt that my boyfirend had touched her down there. The next time she came to visit, I talked the alone to get details and it wasn't but 3 minutes into the conversation when she admitted to making the story up to get him into trouble. I explained the her that an accusation like that could not only get him into trouble, but myself too. Well, that was when she was 7. Now she is almost ten. I had them this weekend and my aunt called me this morning to let me know that Jevanah is now saying that my boyfriend squeezed her boobs intentionally at least three time. My boyfirend works outside 48-60 hours a week. On the weekend I give him the chance to rest and he is in his TV room relaxing most of the weekend and the kids are with me. In the evening we do something together as a family. In other words, my daughter and him are rarely alone together. In fact, when he noticed that she has started wearing a bra, he told me he would be more careful with her so she does feel awkward. He has two neices that love him very much. Just recently, Jevanah told my aunt that she did not want to come see my any more because I do not love her, and now she is telling my aunt this. I really do not want to turn my back on her especially at these preteen years, but I almost sure she is lying again. I strive to give here as much attention as I can, and she is hardly unloved and has almost anything a girl could want or need. Why is she doing this to me? HELP!!!!

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Rachael - posted on 03/07/2013

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I am a child advocate, I work with abused children. Children hardly ever make up sexual abuse and if they do it is usually by older children as young children do not know about sexual situations. Please, please do not ever doubt your children and do not turn your back on your child, she has only one mother. Children who have been abused, especially sexually, will often recant their stories a number of times because they do not think anyone will believe them. Be your child's voice!

Chrissy Van - posted on 03/19/2013

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How would he know that she started wearing a bra? That to me is a red flag.

Julie - posted on 01/27/2013

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I understand your concern..... I will tell you my story, but before I do, know that men come and go, even if your daughter is lying, she came from you and IF she is lying you both need to seek help for your relationship that is for ever!!

She may be telling the truth, and don't let it be too late to do some about it!!!!

I am 40yrs old and have two daughters, 15yrs and 13yrs... My husband and I have been married since 2002. He has three girls with his ex.. 17yr, 15yr, and 12yr... These girls have come to our home every other weekend and long summers..every single yr... their mother, my husband's ex married her lover, and had a baby girl with him that same year, she is now 11yrs.... on Jan 17, 2012, my husband's ex called him around the time school is almost out for the day... She said the school had asked her to come in and that the cops were there, and she wanted to know if the 15yr old, but back the was 14, had mentioned to him that her husband, the girl's step father had molested them... He says no, but that he had noticed that she had been very quiet and distant for the last couple of visits...

Keep in mind these girls grow up with this step father, their mom had the girls call him dad all these years...

the ex was calling from the school both the last two youngest attended... and the cops were there... the oldest of the two had called the cops using a friends phone from the school girl;s bathroom, and they instructed her to go the office while the cops arrived...they took both girl's statements and were transferred to Child Protective Svcs. My husband was instructed by Cps to come only if he was asked to come in... several hours passed and the ex called my husband and said that both girls were lying and she wanted my husband to take the girls for a while because she was not believing them, and was not happy with their lie....
As we arrive to CPS... a case worker asked my husband if he believed his daughters, he said YES.... The case worker explained that the mom was not going to change her mind about not believing them ever, and if the mom does not believe them they cannot let the girls stay with her, because she was not going to make him go... Cps did a full evaluation, video tape both girls version.. and they came to the conclusion that it is believable.. Remember both girls would call him dad, and this is why the mom chose not to believe them... She told us and CPS that she was going to stand behind her husband and both girls are lying...

So if we didn't take the girls to live with us, Cps would send them to foster home, that was not going to happen in our book...

both girls came to live with us, and the mom's conversation was always that of an investigator, why did you do that, why are you lying, please tell the truth....she also said.."you know you lost me, right?'...Imagine the drastic change these two girls had, change schools in the blink of an eye, didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to their school friends, had all their mom's side of the family calling them liars, and had to come live with a the step mom that was nothing like their mother... I have more rules, I go to church, we are are strict on the type of movies they watch. we have to meet their friends, we are careful on the kind of clothes we let them wear....... How can she say that the girls just wanted to leave her house??

I had my doubts too, but being a victim of sexual molestation by MY OWN father, it was easier the see the signs if they were lying... but the major detail, and the things that were going on even before this incident made me believe the girl's...

Remember the older one? well a year before that incident, while I was shopping for her, with her for a trip she was going to take to Hawaii, we were at the underwear dept, and all of a sudden she tells me that her mom had given her some underwear and that she was modeling them, and that her step father was there, ALSO... okay I know it's like wearing a bikini, but there is a difference with underwear, and men R MEN... I thought that was odd.... so when all this CPS hell broke loose, I asked their mom if she remembered that underwear incident? She said no... but during one of the supervised visits she was allowed at my house, she admit it, but said that her husband had just passed by, so what I gathered was, okay he passed by and probably made a compliment.. other wise why would this girl have so much pleasure telling me this underwear incident...

for the first couple of months, the girls were trying to fit in with our life style, they knew it for 36 hrs twice a month since they were little... but now they were living in it,,,, wouldn't it be to their benefit to say it was all a lie? if let's just say, they had no idea it was going to come to this far????

two therapist since then, and both believe the girls are telling the truth...

But I wanna inform you that the mom tried to pressure them and early in those months, she almost got them to say they were lying, because the girls wanted to be with their mom sooo bad... she told them that she would protect them, she told them that she believed them but wanted them back as a family, but they would have to say they lied... ONE of the girls did not like having to lie for her mom, she felt it was not right, she said that if she believed them, HOW could she possibly even sleep with him.... They said they had to feel nasty and uncomfortable and scared by him, how can she not want them instead of him.... So we had to place a protective order on the step father, because the mom was always telling the girls, "your dad loves you" she was talking about her husband,... one of the girls said "yes, this is why I live with him,( meaning her real father, my husband) cuz he loves me and believes me"....

Needless to say, many court dates later through out the year, and mediation and a restraining order against the step father, my husband has fully custody now, and she can only see the girls pending the second therapist's recommendation... TOMORROW we go to court for this....



The therapist had one session with both girls and the mom, she still does not believe them, and the younger one said she wants her mom back BUT ONLY if she divorces him, the mom says she cannot because of the daughter she has with him.... Even with many therapy sessions theses girls have had anger outburst, lashing out at us or anyone when they remember what he did and their mom's betrayal... They say.. "what is the point in visiting with her, it's like having an Elephant in the room and pretending it's not there".. for example "how are you girls?" they say "really?? seriously?? how do you think we are knowing our mother prefers a man over her own daughters, let's hope he never disappoints you another way like cheating on you with another women, cuz you sure can sleep with him know what he did to us".....she didn't even leave room for doubt... she just flat out does not believe them... or she is just to selfish to care more for a man...

I'm not saying that your daughter is telling the truth, but you have to leave room for it, PLEASE LEAVE ROOM FOR IT.... and most important you must seek professional help for both of you if you do not want to loose your daughter, or have a long life awful relationship with her... if it is attention she is seeking, then please your daughter should always come first....
I'm not sure why she doesn't live with you, but maybe she feels like she doesn't have you...
but a major flag should go if he noticed she was wearing a bra....

When these girl's step father would wake them up for school... he would shake there bodies gently to wake them up, but was doing it by placing both his hands on top of the blanket exactly were their boobs were,....HMMMM?? how convenient to do that, to him it was like i'm just waking them up, but really he was feeling them on their chest....that's just one of the Many things he would do.....

These girls are now taking LEXAPRO for temp depression. hoping it's just temp..

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with her, but if she is lying, you both need help... if she is not lying, she deserves your undivided attention, love, understanding, care, and help....

I hate my mother for choosing my dad... she hates me for telling...

Cecilia - posted on 01/14/2013

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*edit* just realized this is a very old thread and she never answered back anyways.. she already did what she was going to do





ok i know it was a few years ago when it started but, did you tell her she could get him (and you) in trouble before she "admitted" to lying. that to me seems like a more logical way it went down. She didn't want you to be in trouble and held this inside for YOU.

As far as the rest...

"In fact, when he noticed that she has started wearing a bra, he told me he would be more careful with her"

that seems sketchy in so many ways. He noticed a bra and said i'm going to be careful... didn't that send red flags in your head?

" In other words, my daughter and him are rarely alone together."

Yes because touching her breast would take him hours!! It takes seconds, and you might have even been in the room when it happened.

"[she] has almost anything a girl could want or need. "
Well I think she would give up her ipod any day if she could have a mom that believed her and protected her.

Beyond that, why do you only see your daughter every other weekend? Why is she with her aunt more than you? (or do i have that wrong?) I can't even imagine that. As a mother, it would be opposite. They would be with me for the 12 out of 14 days. Just saying. Not sure if you're as devoted to your children as you try to make it out to sound,

Billie - posted on 09/20/2010

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Whether or not he's touching her, something about the relationship between your boyfriend and your child is not right. She's the child here so you absolutely can't turn your back on her even IF she's lying. I'd recommend you get some cameras set up in the house to monitor what's going on when you're not there and get into some counseling with her asap. You've got to get to the bottom of what's going on with your daughter.

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Just Look At - posted on 03/02/2014

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its a ploy .. the other people are the ones putting things in her head..either you fear or need them people but you need to take the frame off of you and your boyfriend and put it on them ..like why is she only telling them ,,then they tell you ..why is she not telling you ..bcus they are putting it in her head...they are going for full custody ..and trying to make you look bad..even has your daughter prep and ready saying she dont think you love her bcus of him..or # 2 you need to be on point this is 2 times she said it..and yes he is ..working all them hours ..personal tv room .how much do you guys love each other ...or is it a depend on each other thing..you did say your not to well off with money ..i bet everything that the other people raising your daughter have a better money issue than you....so between the 2 you have to open your eyes and be real .everybody is suspect ..now have the strength to challenge him aka boyfriend and his innocence ..and them aka the other people raising your daughter...i hope your not stuck in a position to where you need either one of them ..bcus that will cloud your judgement....her only telling them and not you .and then they tell you what your daughter dont tell you when you are together ....thats suspect too..

Charlena - posted on 12/19/2013

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I don't understand it says they told u That they're step grandpa was doing bad things to them 1 who's father us he yours or the moms boyfriend how us he a step grandpa 2 U said he is in the system is it for what he did to them and 3 how is it that her touching or daughter isn't enough for social services not to do anything fill in the blanks I was malested as a child and its going to sound hard to be leave but by 7 different people and raped to 2 others so I might be able to give some advuces to help her if I know more

Shelly - posted on 12/17/2013

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I understand what ur going though I'm going though something also with my step daughters too see they told there dad and i that ther step grandpa is messing with the sexally and he is in the system for rap and molestion see we cought my boyfriends 10 year old doing stuff with are daughter and she's only 4 years old and she don't understand. so we talk to her 10 year old stepsister and she did amitt doing that to her 4 year old sister so we made the call to chlid services and got my 4year old help and she made the call and we just found out that my boyfriends daughter. lied to them bout the whole thing and i think her mom said something to her to scare her from telling the truth. i really thinso i think she lied cause her mom told to what kind of a mom wok her mom is coving for him how can she do that why wouldn't she listen to her
so children. services. closed the case and its not right i want to help but she won't tell her mom the truth and before she left are house she said she wouldn't listen what to do I'm worried what might happen and I'm worried she might touch my child again and if she does i told her dad i would leave him even it it backs my heart but i have to do what's best for my child i don't have a clue what to do about this but i have to think ehats best for my 4year old my chloe she doesn't understand. but i told her what her sister is doing is wrong so they are not alone anymore at all watched at all times. with baby monters to just to listen what's going on just in case I'm cleaning what would u do if it was u i never thought this would happen but i had a feeling something was was going on and chloe told me so i told her dad but he didn't want to believe me until now well now he does but children. services closed the case and its not right I'm upset something needs done bout it they didn't have enough to go on how is that but chloe is getting help she has had two appts and we are getting though this her counciler is helping us

Gee - posted on 12/09/2013

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You have to take sexual abuse very seriously, and children will never lie about these things. She may have changed her stories many times because she is very scared and confused. Your daughter is a child and, she is not doing anything to you. She has only one mom, and you have to be there for her. You have to protect her at all cost!

Nicola - posted on 12/04/2013

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If my daughter said anything like this I would take it very seriously.

And your daughter has mentioned this when she was 7 and now again when she's 9.
On top of that, she's now saying she doesn't want to come visit your home after saying your boyfriend touched her again and again inappropriately. Sounds like this has been brought up a lot over the years.

You may need to consider that this is not something that's "she's doing to you" as you put it, but something that could be very real and abusive to her.

My neighbours mum was dating a man for 10 years and did not have any idea that he had hidden video cameras in my friends bedroom. It can be a very secretive obsession.

I would seriously consider not justifying your boyfriend or asking why this is about you, and do something proactive like counselling, support groups, or anything to help her.
Not ok!

Diane - posted on 12/03/2013

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Colleen - posted on 11/29/2013

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I'm so sorry for what has been done to you Katie E., your sister, and any child that is subjected to any abuse. Please, please everyone listen to your children or a child that confides in you. To make a statement about abuse is not easy and please don't justify their fear of not being believed. Children need to be protected. We need to seek help with our self if we cannot protect or defend a child. To recognize signs of abuse we must open our eyes to what we would rather ignore. Yes, it is not something you or the child wants to be true. Many other issues will have to be faced and it most likely will not be easy. But I beg for you to advocate for your child always and not what you want or wish to be. Please be strong and support a child that is not able to protect their self. A child that has not had the life experience or brain development to reason and defend with adults. A person that molest a child can be charming and seem wonderful. Please look at the real reasons you would not believe. Is it because of how your life will change? Realizing a person isn't whom you thought? Losing love or a lifestyle or status? Embarrassment? Please realize that when a child discloses abuse they usually minimize and state only one minor element of everything that has occurred. Please please please protect, stand up, stand besides, and love your child. You are your baby's guardian. I have four children and I could tell my story but I only want to help you with supporting your child. If you are questioning something particular ask I'll try to help to give you support so you may support your child.

Diane - posted on 11/26/2013

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Andrea - posted on 11/17/2013

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I'm in the same situation with my 13 yr old daughter. She said my bf has made Sexual advances at her. While I was at home. Not once but twice and now I have CPS and juvenile justice dept. At my house. I'm having a hard time dealing wuth this. Cause I been with this man for 5 years now. When she told the first time I didn't know what to do. I really just want to get this over with and go on with my life. Now I'm wait to see when DFCS is coming for a home visit and stuff. Cause I don't want my children taken away from me. This man has kids of his own two girls and a son. I have a son and another daughter also. He hasn't touched my 9 yr old daughter or my 13 yr old son. Just his twin sister. He has been good to all my kids that's why it is so hard to believe that he would betray me like this and especially to my oldest daughter. I hope and pray he didn't do this to her. I know our sex life isn't up to par right now. But that doesn't give him the right to come after my child. SOME ONE PLEASE HELP ME.

Heather - posted on 11/16/2013

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How did you know she was lying? How can you prove it? I'm going through a situation where my daughters accusing him of trying to have oral sex with her and saying he fingered her. I want to believe my daughter but my heart tells me to believe my husband. Having one of them taking a lie detector test would certainly help me out. Also I think she should of been giving an exam to see if her hyman has broke, cause she swears she a virgin.

Katie - posted on 10/31/2013

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WOW I thought my Mother died in 2004, you sound just like her!!!!! ironically I just got my hands on a letter he wrote almost 50years ago my Mothers husband said in the letter, if he did what I had said he must have been crazy drunk, well I guess that excuses terrifying a 9 year old little girl. I don’t believe he was drunk but at 9 years old I am not sure of that . He did drink but I don't recall extreme drinking when I was A child. besides the first and most devastating incident, I recall 4 times I got away from him because he began fondling me. These incidents were spaced pretty far apart I would always try to hide or go with Mother if she left. Finally during a heated argument between them I blurted out to him he better stop or I would tell Mother everything, well enough of the story, bottom line is, I was called a liar by my Mother and later she would make me stay with him then come back and ask if he did anything, when I would say no she said "see I knew you were lying". Many years later my sister 7 years younger than me, (his child) started crying and wanted to tell me about what her Daddy had done, she was an adult by the time she let anyone know. My Mother still did not believe me nor did she believe my sister, she said I put her up to saying it. I never wanted anyone else to know! My sister had no idea I went through the same torture. I hate that he died so young @ 75 I wanted him to live to be at least a hundred and struggle to care for himself. SO MOM YOU NOT STANDING BY YOUR CHILD WILL LEAVE YOU A VERY LONELY OLD WOMAN! I am 61 years old and still feel the hurt and anger of not having a Mother or my children having a grandmother. ANY MOTHER WORTH TWO CENTS WOULD STAND BY HER CHILD NO MATTER WHAT, AND GET TO THE TRUTH AND MOST OF ALL MAKE THE MOLESTER PAY DEARLY IF IT IS PROVED TO BE TRUE!
Some may ask where was your father well that a whole other chapter, I was not allowed to know anything about him, I did find him by the time I was 26 years old he and my wonderful grandmother, we had a few good years.

Sarah - posted on 10/22/2013

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I think the best way is to put a hidden camera or voice recorder somewhere nobody can see it. And then you leave your bf and your daughter together. You said they are rarely alone together, if your bf is really "touching" your daughter then it will be a chance for him to do something and you will discover it later from the video or voice recorder if something really happened. Do this every time you leave them together, then you will know who's telling the truth.

Angie - posted on 10/19/2013

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My stepdaughter and daughter told me that my husband molested them... It is like living in straight HELL.. and really to this day I don`t believe any one of them. I took the kids side because cps came in(they are fuckin assholes.. hitler anyone!#) and everyday I wish I would have thrown them all out. Their stories don`t make sense; I do not talk to the dad .. divorced him.. and the stepdaughter.. she is extremely abusive, jealous to everyone . I talk to my daughter but she will not answer any questions of it at all..its annoying.. I have to pretend it didnt happen to all involved. SO I will never know because none of these three will talk about it to me. On a positive note I wash my hands from any of it, I tried my best wish them look but dont look to me for any sympathy.. my last 15 years went to shit.. no houses, no boats, no money, bankrupcy, and a whole ton of court dates. I was living in a happy positive "the Secret" mode before that. God closes a door and opens another door.

Cara - posted on 10/13/2013

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I am a victim of molestation as well, it happened 1 summer ago I was 15 years old and my sisters bf (who was 50 years old, my sister is 26) and at first I didn't say anything because he told me hed kill me if I did. When I finally got the guts to tell my aunt, guess what they thought I was lying. Why would any person make up a lie like that? For any mothers out there, if your child starts saying jerry the neighbor is touching me, dont ignore it!!

JKO - posted on 10/05/2013

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Are you guys kidding me? Children do lie about this stuff if they are brainwashed by someone. Trust me I know this for a fact. If a child doesn't like to visit his mom's or his dad's because it is too boring for him/her then they will make up lies about sexual abuse especially if this accusation once before affected them not to see another child they had an encounter with several months prior to this allegation. children will make up anything if they are odd, adhd etc. Trust me when I tell you this, not all allegations of sexual abuse are true, I am your true witness to this. Do research before you jump to conclusions.... All of you I mean.....

Bugula - posted on 08/21/2013

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Thank you so much Julie for telling your story as a reply to Cassandra! I am in the same situation as you are, I am the stepmom of a little girl who was molested by her stepdad and who has a mom who doesn't believe her. Your comment "Imagine the drastic change these two girls had, change schools in the blink of an eye, didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to their school friends, had all their mom's side of the family calling them liars, and had to come live with a the step mom that was nothing like their mother... I have more rules, we are are strict on the type of movies they watch. we have to meet their friends, we are careful on the kind of clothes we let them wear" hit right home. To this day (1.5 year after all hell broke loose) the mom stil refuse to acknowledge what happen. Same goes with her entire family who never calls to check on my stepdaughter. Instead, they are pointing fingers at my husband (the father), telling him that "he put that in her head" so he could have the kids. She was 5.5 years old when it starts happening and it took her 6 months to tell us. We were seeing her every other weekend and already there, we were starting to see changes of behavior. We questionned her early on and because she did not want to get in trouble, she denied it. Finally, after too many red flags, we drilled her with questions and she finally admitted it, begging us to not punish her. Of course we did not, quite the opposite. We told her that she did the good thing and that we love her very much no matter what. She was not returned to their mom that weekend and cops were called. All that to say that little girls don't make things up like that. I couln't agree more with all the comments telling you to BELIEVE her, to LISTEN to her.

To the social workers and therapists out there, what can we do to make parents who are in denial see the light? It took an extra 6 monthes for the mom to finally leave the boyfriend (the child molester) and unfortunately, it had nothing to do with what he did to her daughter. She finally left him because he cheated on her with another woman!!! Now, the mother is with someone else and we are extremely careful when we are sending my stepdaughter to visit her mom. We are constantly telling our little girl that she can come and talk to us about anything anytimes. Her mom still in denial and she is avoiding the subject all together... which might be for the best seeing that she is still thinking that my stepdaughter is lying. So please, moms and stepmoms, LISTEN to your kids, PAY ATTENTION to your kids' behaviors. We are not talking about lies over who took the last cookie or who left a huge mess in the bathroom, we are talking about serious subjects and kids don't usually lye about this!

Lola - posted on 06/28/2013

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I know this post was a long time a go now but I felt I really must comment. I have some experience with child protections and this post to me had alarm bells ringing. It is very rare that a child will make sexual abuse allegations up (I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but it is rare) as most do not know/cannot describe sexual encounters until they have experienced it. It is obvious that you must feel some loyalty to your boyfriend, after all 8 years is a long time. But nothing is more important than your children, and if you not only tell them this, but also act like this, they will love and appreciate it in the long run. You need to create a safe environment for Jevanah to speak to you - just you two, or possibly the aunt also if she feels she can confide in her. Ask her gently and sensitively to explain to you what is going on - DO NOT punish her or accuse her of lying or she will not confide in you any longer. Understand, she is not doing this TO you or to hurt you, if anything she is trying to reach out to you and inform you/warn you for her sake and for yours. Please do not ignore this as it has the potential to cause some serious damage in the future. Also, one more thing, maybe she is lashing out by saying you do not love her because on some level she feels you have sided with your partner over her - just tell her this is not true and you love her and her brother above all else. You must remember she is probably feeling very hurt, scared and vulnerable right now.

Melissa - posted on 06/23/2013

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She isn't doing this to you! First off! Kids that age rarely lie about something like this! And you want to know why I say that? It's because they don't know that much about sexual contact so you need to believe your daughter and tell the cops what she said!

MsKaz - posted on 03/24/2013

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Always trust the word of your children!! For goodness sake why on earth would you try to convince your 7 year old that she's telling lies. Children that age don't lie. More likely she changed her story when you put pressure on her. Kick your scumbag boyfriend out, but not before you've told the police what your daughter has been telling you for years.

Stephanie - posted on 03/22/2013

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I work with child protective services.... and I would like to say that statistically less than 2% of outcrys are "lies" and that a lot of the time the kids revoke the outcry because they feel like the adult they told is angry with them. I would strongly suggest as a professional that you take her to a children's advocacy center and have them conduct a forensic interview with her. Also, many states are "duty to report" states meaning it is your legal duty to report any and all accusations of child abuse/neglect to the authorities. I'm not saying she isn't lying... because she could be. But... Child molesters fit no stereotypes. They aren't all that creepy guy with a van. They are often pillars of their community and often have no criminal record. I just feel if it were my little girl... that it wouldn't be worth the risk of it being true. Best of luck to you. This sounds so tough momma.

Nancy - posted on 03/20/2013

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My daughter was molested twice.One by a "family" man and once by a boyfriend I had been with for a few years.Don't brush it off.Talk to her and see if anything else further has happened.She's going to her aunt because she feels that her aunt listens and will do something.Your daughter comes before the boyfriend.I trusted the wrong people twice.Don't do the same thing.She probably feels that you're choosing the boyfriend over her and no longer feels safe. Talk to her. There are ways of wording things and try not to raise your voice or get excited.You need to be calm. My daughter was 2 the first time and the S.O.B. even got my son.He was 5 and tried to protect his baby sister.This was a neighbor who had a wife , son and baby on the way.The anger in me hasn't gone away after all these years and I don't know what I would do if I ever saw him again. I still blame myself. He got off with only 3 years probation.Kids don't usually lie about these things. You need to protect her. Don't let this go. It can happen very fast. These people look for opportunities. They're very clever about it.Check it out as thoroughly as possible. Please.

Otavia - posted on 03/20/2013

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I wished when this happened to me that I had a whole lot of people doing this You woman truly care about the safety of this little girl. Twice I was treated with contempt for speaking out. It still hurts me to this day its funny I stumbled across this and I am struggling with this still and I am 26 years old. My whole family abandoned me when I spoke out.

Otavia - posted on 03/20/2013

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I dont mean no harm maam, but coming from a woman who has been molested 4 times by 4 different individuals but maybe this is something you need to look into. Maybe she told you she was lying because she feels intimidated not to say anything. I have been there maam. But thats two incidents about the same things but I think she feels she cant come to you with anything because she feels you wont believe her. That is probably why she feels you dont love her because instead of saying honey I believe you or honey I am going to get to the bottom of this you jump to his defense without even so much as investigating to see whether the allegations are true. I know a lot of woman who have been molested and raped by strangers, relatives and close friends of family not to mention I myself have gone through some of those things and when a parent tells you they dont believe you or are you making it up, it hurts because a woman doesnt want to believe that the man they love would do such things but please for the sake of your daughter you need to do some digging. I was molested by a girl cousin and a boy cousin and no one knew until about recent because the reaction I was afraid I would get total shock and disbelief. You dont want a secret like that to be kept for many years and it stuns you when the truth is revealed.

Christine - posted on 03/19/2013

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that sure doesnt sound like lieing to me... that sounds really scary... Id seek help asap...

Jodi - posted on 01/22/2013

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If you are certain she is lying then I would make sure they are never alone together, not even for a minute. However, there seem to be deeper issues at hand here. Does she feel like you have chosen him over her and resents that you only have weekend visitation with her? I would get into counseling and get to the truth of the matter before the damage is not able to be repaired. He is a boyfriend, not even a spouse, she on the other hand is your flesh and blood daughter. Your priority should be doing right by her first and foremost!

Also you seem to have a victim mentality. She isn't doing anything TO you. Is it possible that she isn't lying?

LaChelle - posted on 01/15/2013

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She is your daughter and he is your boyfriend and just that!! If this is true no wonder she doesnt want to live with you. You are the one person who is obligated to love and protect her and youre not doing that IF it is true. I have heard of kids lying about this stuff but rarely. And the fact that he NOTICED she was wearing a bra and would be more careful, did that not raise any suspisions??? I hope this devestating stuff isnt actually happening to her but more than that I hope youre not just brushing her off because you just cant believe the man you love would do this. If it is true you will regret any decisions you have or will make because you choose to not believe her.

Onyeche - posted on 01/15/2013

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I am with Quandra's advice on everything from counselling to cameras. If she is just lying then counselling will help some to finding out what is at the bottom of all this. If she is not lying then the last thing you want is to ignore this.

[deleted account]

Maybe she isn't lieing. Maybe she told you she was lieing because she didn't want to get in trouble with him! Or maybe she loves him enough as a father figure to not get him in trouble. This is nothing like my situation because my daughter isnt a liar my daughter is to young to make something like this horrible thing up - BELIEVE your daughter or you will lose her. I'd never believe my boyfriend over my daughter

Patric - posted on 01/11/2013

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one never knows..why .... abuse can happen in the blink of an eye or 2 the same time every week ...sic

Stacey - posted on 01/02/2013

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As her mother it is your duty to protect her. You need to believe her and get her help. Right now she needs you so it probably wouldn't hurt to get some help yourself so you can be there for her and be supportive. Getting help would also help you choose a healthier partners in the future.

Alice Monterio - posted on 12/19/2012

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She is NOT doing IT to you. There is something wrong with the presence of your boyfriend. Kids don't really make molestation up, do they??? How does she know about that if it did not happen? Maybe she told you she made it up because she didn't want to upset you. Maybe he did or didn't but you need to really LISTEN to what she is trying to tell you. You think you know a man, but they can be very sneaky. You need to keep your eyes opened and don't think that he is so wonderful that he would NEVER harm your children. Your children come first. :)

[deleted account]

The 1st thing.... is to always BELIEVE your child. Especially if the case is over something of this magnitude! I think a bigger question is--- when everyone is asleep; what is he doing and where is he?! It does not have to be a case that him and her are alone; it one takes a minute to inappropriately touch someone if (say) you are all together in the living room watching a movie and you get up and walk out of the room for 3 or 4 minutes. If he says that he needs to be more careful around her--- there is your red flag! Trust your gut feeling, because if it is true and you continue to let this happen, it will not only emotionally crush your daughter-- but it will sever your mother/daughter relationship! It is a statistic that the people that you least expect to do something this horrible to any child, is someone you think you know very well and trust to be around your kids!

Advice to you: Learn the "warning signs" -- and be cautious with anyone around your daughter!!

I do not tell you this care free, I know what it is like to go through this.

http://www.propintl.org

Kessoon - posted on 11/15/2012

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You should believe your daughter if she going to tell your Aunt she is telling the true. She see that you love this guy that why that why changes her story to you.

Christine - posted on 11/06/2012

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I was adopted at the age of 4 years old. When I started developing was when my father started sexually molesting me. This continued until when I was 14 years old, I finally told a cop when I was walking downtown at three in the morning. He asked me if I was scared to go home and I let it all out. Well, my mother told me I wasn't her daughter, that she didn't love me anymore until I told the "truth". Well, being abandoned at a very early age, I finally gave in. I got up on the stand in court and I lied for my abuser. I blasphemed my own name so my "mother" wouldn't stop loving me. Well, long story short, I am now 29 years old and that man is still free. So please, listen to your daughter. She needs you.

Autumn - posted on 11/02/2012

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You are batsh*t crazy. I feel so awful for that poor child. What kind of mother would allow this to continue? Number one, you're daughter needs clinical help immediately, number two, you need psychological help immediately and as far as your boyfriend goes karma is a bitch. He will be known as "Fresh Meat".

Kathy - posted on 10/29/2012

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I'm not sure why your daughter would make something like this up, it seems unlikely. Where would she get these sexual ideas from? Does she regularly make things up? I'd be asking some very serious questions about your boyfriends behaviour. It's odd that he's drawn attention to your daughter wearing a bra and what does he mean by "more careful"? I find it strange that you haven't considered that what Jevanah said is true. Children often recant a disclosure when they sense it has caused a strong negative reaction.It's an unfortunate fact that some men, whilst appearing "normal" also have part of their sex drive directed at children. It's not likely that he's going to be honest about this. I really hope you get some professional support and protect your daughter.

Yourmothersir - posted on 10/28/2012

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You're a horrible mother. I hope your daughter disowns you when you are old and you die in a nursing home. I hope she finds a better person to be a role model. When your child says they were molested YOU LISTEN TO THEM!!!!

Bridget - posted on 10/27/2012

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It is sad about how you won't believe your own daughter. She depends on you. If you really cared about her, you would've called the local police the SECOND she told you. You disgust me to levels unknown.

Jane - posted on 10/18/2012

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Jacky Boy - Are you sick? What on earth makes you believe that is an appropriate comment? Apart from the fact that it wouldn't be right to 'beat' any child, wanting to do that to a child because they have claimed to be molested is just about one of the most dreadful comments I have ever read on any forum anywhere!

Brandy - posted on 09/24/2012

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Hello

I 1st was thinking why someone at such a young age would say something like that unless that had been molested before.

Kelly - posted on 07/28/2011

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Ok I guess my question is why would a 7 year old think in her little mind to make up a lie like that? Then again at the age of 9? If it was me I take my childs side. Why would you even consider turning your back on your own daughter for a man. then you say why is she doing this to me? What about her, have you stopped to think what might be going on in her mind. I by far am not a perfect mother and believe me my child had done things to get my attention. But by your daughter stating that she feels like you dont love her. She is trying to tell you something, open your ears, and eyes and listen to what she is saying. I agree that you should not question her, but take her to a professional who knows what they are doing, and they know how to ask the questions. If by chance she did make up this story, then you need to get her help. But dont just assume that she is lieing to you. My heart breaks for your little girl.

Sadra - posted on 07/28/2011

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No, it would not be a good idea to set them both down together. Confronting ones attacker is hard enough as an adult and should never be done to a child she will be re-traumatized.



The mother should not be asking her daughter anything, as she is not a trained police investigator and does not know the right questions to ask or the right way to phrase the question so she does not influence the child.



Children are prone to giving whatever answer they feel the adult in front of them wants to hear. The mother is not qualified to do her own investigation on what is really a matter for the police.



The mother already has a deep bias toward the breadwinner of the family and is guaranteed to come to the conclusion her daughter lied.



But even if she didn't the less you ask your child the better. One woman I read about quizzed her daughter, asking what happened and what she thought she meant. Once the police arrived the girl used her mothers words instead of her own, the officers decided the little girl had been coached and would not investigate.



As for the willie nelson beating story I know a similar one. My friends roommate walked in on her boyfriend with her her little girl. So get this - she tied him to the bed and beat him with a belt. He was agreeable to let her do anything at that point rather than go to jail. And I think she had a guy friend help. She used the buckle end. Left him covered in bruises.



He was grateful. Said he thinks deep down he wanted to get caught so somebody would stop him. Men really do look to women for moral guidance and we let them down when we let them get away with molesting our kids. Did you ever think they want to be stopped? That men are disappointed when mothers take the easy route and choose to do nothing?

Jenny - posted on 07/27/2011

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if i was ui i would seriously get to the bottom of this,i was abused as a child n never told anyone til i turned 18, n i was drunk when i told someone if i hadnt of been then no1 would no now when my mother found out the asked me if i was lyeing becasue my bro n sis get more attention than me not good at all, but u seriously need to sit them both down together u should no your daughter well enough o no if she is scared or weirey to be around him,is he buying her more thnigs than usual spoiling her more than your other child,theres definately something going on and shes scared to tell u, ino this my b hard to hear but whats more important your boyfriend or your own flesh and blod ino now from my life experiences if my daughters ever come to m or a fam member and said something like that i would believe m children and leve him n defo get her to he doctors he might not be having sex with her but there is defo gropeing goin on shes still young whats to say one night hes not going to sneak in her bedroom when your sleeping, my mother lived with the person who did it to me never say never n defo put your children first even if she is somehow ,making it up which i very much doubt what 7 year old knows about men touching her please seriously take my advice n take closer look because something is definately happening it happens everyday around the world just b thankful your daughter has told some1 and get to the bottom of it xxx

Kelly - posted on 07/26/2011

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My aunt handled this situation well and we are all proud. This is a famous family story: When her daughter told her her live-in boyfriend touched her, she didn't throw him out, or call the law, or call the daughter a liar. She simply waited until he had a few drinks, and taking inspiration from Willie Nelson's wife, rolled him up in a bed sheet and beat his ass with a bat.

What was he going to do? Call the cops and tell them she kicked ass for molesting her daughter?

This put a quick end to what ever was happening. He even admits that she "did the right thing."

They are still together. Today he laughs about how he woke up with her fists to his face shouting "You keep your goddamn hands off my daughter!" He still denies it and insists that the daughter "mis-interprited" his touches, but even if nothing happened- she wasn't willing to take the risk. Good mothers don't take the risk.

He is proud of her, and says he has much more respect for her than for other women out there who do nothing, or who blindly believe the daughter lied. A lesser woman would have allowed him to diddle the daughter. He says this proved to him he was with a good woman, who is a good mother and will protect her kids from everyone- even him.

Men judge us by how good a mother we are - or aren't. This one way a man discerns a woman's true VIRTUE. Men see Motherhood as a woman's highest calling. Angelic, even. If you're willing to trade your child for his paycheck, his opinion of you will go down. A man won't stay long with a woman who doesn't defend her kids. And if he does, he doesn't think much of her.

Men have talked a woman into getting rid of her children to please him, only for him to bring it up in the very next argument "How can I respect you when you gave your kids up for me? What kind of woman are you?" Deep down he WANTED her to stand up for her kids. In a way it was a test. How much worse do you look to a man when he has been accused of molesting your kids and you let it slide? You're going to look like an idiot to him for taking a man's word over your child.

Whether it was happening or whether it wasn't, she put a stop to it. She showed him she wasn't stupid and she wasn't going to be made a fool of in her own home. And the daughter can never come back later and say her mother didn't defend her, or that she took the man's side. It's "those" kind of mothers everybody hates.

Give him a good beat down. He isn't going to leave you because he doesn't want you pressing child molestation charges on him the next morning. You hold the high cards. Do you know what they do to child molesters in jail? Much worse than your beating him with a stick.

And don't make a prostitute of your daughter. She will rebel as a teen and disown you as an adult. And kiss ever seeing those grand kids goodbye because she'll never trust you with them.

Some men molest kids simply because it's easy and convenient and the woman lets them. They don't need therapy, they need a good ass kicking.

Kelly - posted on 07/24/2011

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Your daughter "admitted" she lied because you didn't want to hear she was molested. You are her mother, you had her on your territory, in your house, and brow beat her until she said what YOU wanted her to say. (Which was not "Yes mom, he molested me.") Children have recanted and "admitted" they lied until pictures and video tape were found of the molester committing the act against them. It is very easy to pressure a child into taking back what they said, especially if they know you don't want to hear or believe.



Now lets get to the REAL reason you don't want to believe. That 48-60 hour PAYCHECK this man brings in. That's a lot of money. You have thousands of dollars of reasons every month for choosing not to believe your daughter. In effect, you have turned your daughter into a prostitute in order to keep this man (and his money) in your house. Keep that paycheck comin'.



We need to get you a feather hat and some goldfish platform shoes.



No wonder she doesn't believe you love her. You love this man's money more. And now you talk of turning your back on her? If I were the aunt I would not let her come to your house anymore.



"The woman who takes another man to be the father to her children is the child's own worst enemy" - The Bhagvad Gita



Living with a step parent is the single biggest predictor of child abuse.



A pedophile doesn't have to be alone with your child to molest them. It's almost a bigger thrill for them to do it with you in the next room. Kids have been molested with their mother laying in bed asleep next to them, with their mother in the kitchen cooking with her back turned, with their mother driving the car distracted by watching the road.



Sounds like this man gets his thrill making a fool of you. He really said that now she's started wearing a bra he would be more careful not to make her feel awkward? That in itself is a red flag- it shows he's noticing your daughter's developing breasts and that's not a good sign. And then your daughter says he started making grabs for her boobs? This man is paying a game with you.



It reminds me of a man whos best friend would always make a big production out of "keeping an eye on his wife for him" making sure no man got inappropriate with her. Turns out his buddy was sleeping with his wife.



This man is having his little exciting cat and mouse game, and he knows you're not going to do anything about it because he's got that biiiig paycheck.



He cannot possibly have any respect for you, as he knows full well you are trading your daughter for his money. What a joke you must be to this man.

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