My daughter's father wants to start a "relationship" with me IDK what to do

Chaquila - posted on 02/12/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I'm 19 years old and just had my first child 3 months ago. My pregnancy was a trying time. I found out during my second semester attending college. At the time the father wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. I found the strength to move on without him. Along the way I found someone worthy of my time and love and started a relationship with him. Here's the problem: a couple of weeks after giving birth the father pops back up. I am allowing him to spend time with his little girl but now he expects me to be with him. He is persistent and claims he wont take no for an answer. I don't want to end my relationship with my boyfriend for someone who left me in my time of need. But my baby's daddy can't seem to be there for his child if I'm seeing someone else. What do I do??

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Jessica - posted on 02/16/2010

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my daughters father did the same thing! he only wants me because someone else has me. its all a game to him. and my boyfriend is a wonderful daddy to my little girl who is a year old, my ex gets jealous because my daughter loves my boyfriend more than she loves her dad (and it reallllly shows) DO NOT end your relationship with your boyfriend if you dont want to. i went through a period where i left my boyfriend for my daughters father, and within a month or 2, everything was the same as it was, he was going out at night leaving me at home with the baby all the time. typical crap. now that im back with my boyfriend, he didnt even come to the hospital when my daughter was hospitalized for dehydration (she was very sick moms, i didnt let her get like that) and his excuse was "i need to drive my sister to the airport". honestly, honey, hes not worth the pain and confusion. i will always care for my daughters father, because i did make a baby with him, so i must have liked him at one point, but i am not in love with him. sounds like your going through a similar thing. you can message me if you want to

Kristine - posted on 02/13/2010

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i was going to say you should listen to your heart but i know from experience having a child to a man can make you have strange feelings that are strong and can be mistaken for love...well hopfully you know the difference.. if you love your boyfriend and you know he is the one you want to be with then you need to be firm with your discission and let the father know that you are happy with your boy friend and that you are more than willing to share the love of your child with him... he may be dissapointed.. he may back off for a while but he will come around in the end

Lucinda - posted on 02/12/2010

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I think if the babys father wants to be in his little girls life it dosnt meen you have to be with him..if he cant understand that then i guess he is out of luck and going to miss out on the joys of being a parent.you shouldnt have to end a good thing with ur boyfrind just because he wants you to.

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Charity - posted on 02/22/2010

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i know what you mean..my baby's father did the same thing to me and now that im in a relationship with someone else he wants me back and i find it hard and really complicating but you have to do whats right for you, not him.If he wants to be in his childs life then let him, but that doesnt mean he has to have a relationship with you..im with a different guy who i just recently started datin and the father is jealous, but im happy with my relationship and if the baby's father wanted me he wouldnt have left me when i was 3 months pregnant with his daughter, so just do whats right for you and it will get easier for you as time goes by, good luck

Chaquila - posted on 02/22/2010

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Thanks everyone for your help. I thought long and hard about my situation while taking in consideration everything that was posted on here. I met with her father yesterday and I held my ground. It showed him I really love my boyfriend and I will not be moved. His response was surprisingly better than I thought it would be. He told me he loved me and he respects my decision. After that he spent the rest of his time we were together playing with Zyon. :)

Angela - posted on 02/16/2010

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Don't let this man blackmail you emotionally girl! Cause this is what he's doing, if he truly wants to be part of his daughter's life and you want him to be part of her life then he can be just that. With the understanding that you and he is no longer an item, no matter how much he insists, and persists he won't take no for an answer. And to reinforce the fact that you have moved on with someone else, from now on let your boyfriend be present when you have to meet with the ex-boyfriend. Or someone else that you trust, that the ex don't know. That ex of yours don't sound too right to me, so be careful you hear, you have such a beautiful baby girl. Take care of that precious bundle, Chaquila and stand up to your ex, please don't let him railroad you. I know it's going to be tough because your emotions right now is so fragile but you need to stand firm for your baby's sake. Hope this helps.

Justine - posted on 02/13/2010

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He wasnt there for you when you needed him. He can be in his childs life but you do not have to be involved in his life other than issues with your child

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