my ex is guilting me into not collecting child support, i need the money what should i do?

Laura - posted on 07/10/2011

What a JERK!!!! Get the child support. It's not for you, it's your responsiblity to see that your baby has everything he needs. You deserve the peace of mind in knowing that you are doing everything you can. ALSO, he should have to pay for medical insurance. Raising children is not a cheap job, so don't settle for anything less. Good luck!!

Laura - posted on 07/10/2011

What a JERK!!!! Get the child support. It's not for you, it's your responsiblity to see that your baby has everything he needs. You deserve the peace of mind in knowing that you are doing everything you can. ALSO, he should have to pay for medical insurance. Raising children is not a cheap job, so don't settle for anything less. Good luck!!

Steffanie - posted on 07/09/2011

You need to go after your ex husband for support! Of course he doesn't want to pay child support! My ex husband doesn't want to either! He went as far as to try and convince our son why it was wrong that since I am newly married and my husband makes more then him, he should get out of paying. He was there making your son too. You need to ignore his pleas, and do the right thing by your son. Do you want him to grow up and think it is okay not to pay child support for children he creates? If you give into your ex husband's pleas that is what your teaching him. Child support is to help with the living expenses, child care, and needed items for your child! I also wouldn't trust your ex husband with his past issues either. Tell your husband to man up! If he doesn't have enough money for his personal needs or habits, tell your ex husband like I told my low life one, then he needs to get another job. Girl, you have two jobs... Working and being a parent, being a parent is harder!

Bev - posted on 07/07/2011

Get the child support on record but don't count on it for your living requirements as sadly most don't pay regularly or at all...document everything for court....kids deserve to know both parents but they also deserve to be safe and it doesn't sound like that is the case here...

Nicole - posted on 07/06/2011

Anger can be a great source of motivation. Write down all the bull crap he has done to you and your son thru the years and whenever he tries making you feel bad about it go back to the list and remember that you need to do what is right for your son. By making sure everything is all legal & all that other happy horse shit it might save you years down the road. Imagine when your son is a teen & his dad says 'he needs me more now your a woman you dont understand I need to teach him how to be a man.' uhm, no thanks bye bye.

Jennifer - posted on 05/05/2011

it sounds like he only wants him so he doesnt have to pay. Your son comes first. Make him pay for your sons needs. You dont owe his father anything and def dont owe him any favors for what he did to your family.

Jennifer - posted on 05/05/2011

Girl, we need to talk! (; I just recently filed child support back in Feb. after I finally decided to not be with my second daughter's father, which really wasn't much of a relationship and I knew he was taking advantage of it by giving me what he felt he could "afford" which was a measley 200 dollars. Yeah, it doesn't matter what they feel would work for them (especially since in your case he really should have supervised visits due to the *prior* drug addiction like at least one of these ladies mentioned), what matters is what is right for you and your son. They helped make the baby, they are largely financially responsible, especially since you take care of him. Remember how I told you that he was paying 200 dollars? I knew that what he was giving me wasn't what I should be getting, but I wasn't sure how much more I should have been getting. I recently got the proposed administrative order. Well, they PROPOSE that he pay $742....(even if he tries to take it to court, I'll get well over the $200) GO FOR THE CHILD SUPPORT!

Jane - posted on 05/04/2011

Put in an order for child support. If he doesn't pay report him. If he isn't fit to care for a baby then he shouldn't have control over your child. And your child needs to be cared for properly, and that takes money.

Go for the child support.

Alisha - posted on 05/04/2011

Don't listen to him, put in an order to child support to collect.

Valerie - posted on 04/16/2011

go for the child support...it doesn't sound like he will be responsible with the money anyway

Jennifer - posted on 04/16/2011

do you have custody if so than really he doesnt have a legal say.. if you want child support take him to court to get him to pay and have it taken out of his paycheck that way he pays you and if he quits his job well depending on the state you live in than it will be loosing lisence and jail at least that is nys rules for parents who dont pay child support..if your saying he has a drug addiction and lost the house and car and everything and he is not responisble than by all means do not let him get joint physical that would be a horrible decision and might just put your baby at risk..stay with your instincts and dont back down dont let him tell you that he shouldnt pay and that you share half wk or split wks.. you do what is best for your baby.. good luck i hope it all works for you..

Dena - posted on 04/09/2010

court will be easy - it's all based on a court calculator that you can look up online. You put in how much you make and how much time you have with your child, put in the same for him, and it spits out a number. There is no argument and many judges will go by that number unless there are circumstances to consider. Best of luck.

Charlene - posted on 04/06/2010

Then take it upon yourself to do it. NO MAN should make you feel guilty about doing whats right for your kids!!!!

Janet - posted on 04/06/2010

I have been a single mother for 15 years my oldest just turned 19 and she has a baby girl that will turn 2 in July. I can tell you it is tough to raise children on your own you have the right as a mother to collect it. My choice in not doing it with my kids dad was for the reason on him not dictating my life as to holidays weekends and working around him. My kids know what kind of father they have with out me having to tell them. If you are concerned about the welfare of your child if he has any additions you can let the child support office know and they will limit his visitations. The choice is yours for your child. He has the financial responsibility to help support your son either he can do it the easy way by helping or the hard way by filing do not be intimidated by him you hold all the cards.

Martha - posted on 04/06/2010

both of you had a baby - not just you. He doesn't owe it to you to help out financially but to your child; you can tell yourself that you can support your child on your own but why would you? why would you put yourself through financial strain? your son deserves the best, your ex wants a break? tell him to bad - this is parenthood and he has 18 years left to give! and visitation is a whole different case that he needs to request through the courts. child support and visitation are 2 different things but if he don't pay child support you don't have to allow him to see your child

Teresa - posted on 04/06/2010

Umm, I am sorry I just re read the original post. Make sure he is dealing properly with the drug addiction, and then maybe he can see the baby. He needs to prove that he is responsible enough to handle the baby, and provide for a child.

Teresa - posted on 04/06/2010

Ok i see what your saying. Has he provided for the child without complaint? Bringing clothing, and making sure everything is ready for school, sports etc? He has been there taking care of business? If he has shown to be responsible than its possible to work out something just between the two of you, but he has to know if there is a lapse without explanation you are filing. However, if he hasn't shown you that he is responsible enough to handle paying you directly without it being a challenge, then file for the support so that it can be a more steady income for the child. Does that make more sense?

Karen - posted on 04/06/2010

go for the support and let the department chase the money.. if you say you will do a private agreement, you will never see the money!!!

Teresa - posted on 04/06/2010

Get the child support. Its not about the money, its about supporting the child whether or not he is with you or with the dad. Get the child support and don't fall for the guilt stuff. The baby deserves it, its not about either of you.

Kate - posted on 04/06/2010

I would put in the paperwork for child support.Don't feel guilty, you didn't exactly get yourself pregnant. It takes two to tango and if you don't feel comfortable with his idea of arrangement then there is a reason why.I would stick to your gut feeling and do whats right,he needs to pay you child support. Hang in there. Good Luck=)

Jenn - posted on 04/05/2010

Whoa! Don't let your ex who obviously has problems guilt you into doing something that isn't right for your child! It is time for him to grow up! YES he SHOULD HAVE to pay. What is he thinking? When you bring a child into this world it becomes your responsiblilty to provide for it. Stand your ground and do what you know is right for your child. His father is supposed to be a role model and if he isn't he sure in the heck doesn't deserve him for half of the time. Even with minimum child support women still get the raw end of the deal (in some ways). Think of it this way...how much time, effort, money, love, care, and everything else are you providing for your child and if roles were reversed what would you do for your son? I know I would be working at LEAST twice as hard as my ex to support my son! Don't feel bad for your ex, he's a big boy, it's your baby that you need to worry about for the rest of his life now.

Stephanie - posted on 04/05/2010

You definitely owe it to your child to do it! It isnt about him "giving" money to you. It is about him doing his financial part in raising his child. I let my ex off the hook because he kept making me empty promises for months after we broke up. I finally realized he was never going to make it his priority to help me take care of our child. There is a common misconception among some part-time dads that they are giving money to us that is used for our needs instead of the needs of our children. Even if we can support and take care of all our child's needs/wants on our own, we should not have to do it alone. They are equally responsible for these kids. And quite frankly it is none of their business how the money is spent as long as our child is well taken care of. The process isnt all that difficult but can take awhile, so the sooner you start the better. Just remember you didnt bring this child into this world all alone, he has a responsibility to the child as well. As far as him taking the child half the time, the information you gave about the state of his life indicates he should not even have unsupervised visitation. Being a drug addict and financially irresponsible to the point that homes and vehicles are lost is not a healthy environment for any child. So this is definitely not the solution! I wish you the best and remember just to make all your decisions with your child's best interest at heart and you can't go wrong.

Christine - posted on 04/05/2010

My ex guilted me into not filing for child support for two years. Finally, I've had enough. He fathered the child and he MUST pay his portion of the support. Do NOT worry about him. He is an adult. You must fight for your child. I am fighting for my girls. Please, don't make the same mistake I made and wait two years. Do it now.

JoAnn - posted on 04/05/2010

girl, hurry up and get to the court house. file those papers, get the financial help your child deserves. why would you want your child around a drug addict? once he gets the professional help that he needs, then go to family court about visitation. get your paper.

Lisa - posted on 04/05/2010

if you need it then it is rightfully yours. men kill me when they say that you make enough and can handle it on your own. for some reason men who are not willing to pay feel that that money is mysteriously going into your pocket to support your lifestyle. it is wrong for them to think that. make sure you also get him to cover all dental expenses for future. most people forget to cover this when they are going for child support.

Helen - posted on 04/05/2010

It is you that is supporting your baby. So if you need the extra help get it. I live in the Uk and i am getting all the help i need. You need the money to pay for items for your child. You can not let him have the baby half of the time, as you need routen. If he wont talk to you like an adult make sure you have family or friends there when talking to him. Hope i have hleped. :)

Leone - posted on 04/05/2010

hi Asley...

well ive been there, so dont let him have a say in any of that.. you should file the c. support now. and only you know your childs father so only you know if hes fit to be alone with your child or not. go with your first instincts. if you feel hes not ready yet then dont leave him alone with your child. and since he left you in debt then of course child support is probably the only way he would pay up!... but i wish the best for you!! keep your head up!!

Marisia - posted on 04/05/2010

You have to do what's best for your child. If that means putting him on child support to make sure child has the things that he needs hey that's what you have to do. On the flip side just because he's on child support doesn't mean you'll get anything. I put my child's father on child support and eventually took him off because I recv'd little or next to nothing.

Michele - posted on 04/05/2010

It takes 2 to make a baby. And he should be responsible for him just like u are.

Andrea - posted on 04/05/2010

ok and that is fine for yall to share the time but who is going to have the responsability of keeping a roof of the kids head clothes food school and everyting else... dont buy into that trick... take it out on him anyway... even if he do help u pay anything... just to let you know the judge will look at that a s just gifts and not support so take it because u have the next 18-20 yrs or soor maybe longer to pay for everything for this kid.

Julia - posted on 04/04/2010

Your child is the most important issue in this matter. If your child has already been through all this it doesn't make sense to have half time parents who can't get along trying to straighten things out. I'm not saying it can't be done, it's just very rare when two people who couldn't make things work with eachother can work things out and stick to a routine that will suit your childs best interest. It also sounds like he has a lot on his plate to work out personally. A child around half the time won't help. You can't sober up for anybody but yourself. It has to come from within. If he ever wants to have a good relationship with his child he needs to get a good job, not worry about finding a babysitter, and take pride in the fact that he isn't a deadbeat dad, and when a weekend rolls around, spend some quality time being a dad at the park.

Monica - posted on 04/04/2010

OK WELL IS HE TAKING CARE OF YOUR BABY FINANCIALLY RIGHT NOW?DOES HE PLAY A CONSTANT ROLL IN YOUR CHILDS LIFE, NO MATTER WHAT THE CHILD IS HIS RESPOSIBILITY,AND HE IS OBLIGATED BY LAW TO TAKE CARE OF HIS CHILD.TURN HIS ASS IN AND STOP LETTING HIM PUT THAT BULLSHIT IN YOUR HEAD.YOUR CHILDS WELFARE COMES BEFOR ANYTHING ELS.DAMN YOUR EX''S FEELINGS

Leah - posted on 04/03/2010

i am in the same situation kinda...except me and my baby daddy were never married...my childs father has a very addictive personality and first it was alcohol (got in tons of trouble and is now being careful) then it was gambling..poker to be exact...the problem was is he didnt have a job or any money so he would take my debit card and use all my money up so i couldn't afford diapers..and he would talk me out of filing for child support every time i thought about it...i finally just thought it would help me and my child out and i dont care how mad he got cuz my child needed financial stability...and i dont think your ex is fit to being a father...drugs are nothing to play around with or have a child subjected to....

Amanda - posted on 04/03/2010

Take him to the cleaners,thats what i did with my daughter's father,the courts dont take too kindley of fathers who refuse or beg their exes not to get childsupport.

Karrah - posted on 04/03/2010

Always go with your gut, know one knows whats best for your kids like you do. Go for that suppot, its for your kid, they deserve the best and its his resposibility to help make that possible for them.

Jennifer - posted on 04/03/2010

Girl, you need to stop feeling guilty. He has a responsibility as a father to pay child support for your son. Don't let it go. Go after him for that support. Good luck!

Heather - posted on 04/03/2010

My son's father left us when he was 2 weeks old for drugs. A person on drugs is a danger to an infant. Young babies need their mothers, especially breastfed babies so it's unrealistic for him to have the baby half the time. He SHOULD pay. You need the help. Every single Mom who has the baby the majority of the time should be getting some sort of financial help from the father.

Koreen - posted on 04/03/2010

Trust me....go for the support....just be really careful on counting on it. My kids are 16 and 18. I've been raising them on my own and my ex found away to get out of paying child support. I received my 1st check 3 weeks ago. Been a single mom for over 10!

Tara - posted on 04/03/2010

OMG hun get ur money and do for ur son!!! U r legally entitled to it, u can get other expenses included in his payments like daycare and sports programs, get a lawyer and go for custody (if u haven't already) so that u can use his addiction to get supervised visits...ur son needs these things from u as much as u need the financial support. Stand up, be proud u r a single mom doin evreything u can for ur child, even if it means protecting him from his dad.

Jamie - posted on 04/03/2010

This is normal for a man to try and pull. #1 you have a legal right and obligation to ask for child support for your child. #2 you can even ask for help with daycare expenses. #3 if he has an addiction, you have the right not to allow visitation with your child, if it is not court ordered. You can actually be punished if dad hurts the child during his visits, since you knew he had a problem. Contact Friend of the Court as soon as possible and get the paperwork going. It is the only legal standing you have for caring for your child.

Melissa - posted on 04/03/2010

You should file, because, its best for your child. Your ex should want what is best for your child. My ex did the same thing and I waited a couple of months but found out it was just too hard on my own. Also he said he would give me money on his own and it never happened. I am grateful I followed the advice of my family and filed. It helps me so much! Good Luck!

Lisa - posted on 04/02/2010

My suggestion is go for the support... Unfortunately, when it comes to the well being of our children, we can't offord to just forget the past mistakes of the other/often male, but not always, party as easily. That same behavior that put your child's well being at risk and ended up with you guys losing everything can rear its ugly head later when they decide that its easier for them to TAKE more rights with the child for themselves because they don't want to part with support. It has happened to me and I have seen it happen to a dozen other woman. If you show more faith in him than he deserves, he might use it to ruin your life and that of your child. The courts take you having enough faith in him to share custody very seriously.... I hope this makes sense~

Pamela - posted on 04/02/2010

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

ANYBODY CAN MAKE A BABY ANIMALS DO IT EVERY DAY IT TAKES A SPECIAL PERSON TO BE A MOMMY OR A DADDY DO FOR YOURE CHILDREN SO THEY KNOW HOW TO DO FOR THEMSELFS LATER IN LIFE BECAUSE WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE ITS THE PARENT WHOM HAS BEEN THERE , DONE THAT AND IS STILL THERE BEING THERE AND DOING THAT , THAT WILL TEACH THE CHILDREN WHAT TO DO AND OR BE OR NOT .

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN ,

GOOD LUCK AND LETS KEEP STRONG FOR OUR CHILDREN BECAUSE WE ARE THE ONES THAT HAVE TO MAKE THE DIFFERENCE SO THAT OUR CHILDREN DONT HAVE TO SUFFER FROM OUR MISTAKES.





GOD BLESS

p.s. i am a single parent and raised my 18 year old son by myself since he was 4

and i NEVER got help from his father but i also NEVER bad mouthed his father i found one thing possitive every time i spoke of his dad and i chose to have everybody else tow the line about his father also because its what we say about the other parent that shapes our childrens opinion about the other parent and one day they may meet the other parent and find them totally different and feel extreamly offset with us so be kind without being a liar our children are NOT stupid.

Pamela - posted on 04/02/2010

honey when he starts in again on the guilt crap tell him well you didnt feel to bad when we lost everything to you and youre shitty habbit and you didnt feel to sorry when you got a piece of booty to make this child so dont USE MY CHILD FOR YOURE OWN SORRY EXCUSES WHEN YOU NEED TO TAKE ON RESPONSIBILITY FOR Y O U R OWN ACTIONS NOT OUR INNOCENT CHILD SO GO HOME TO YOURE MOMMYN AND GROW UP PUNK!
\

Sandy - posted on 04/02/2010

Please dont allow this person (no MAN) would behave that way. My husband died when my daughter was 3 yrs. old. I would give anything if he couldve been around to see her all grown up. Your child has a father; but it takes more than that label to be one. Take him to court, get support and bring up his past history. Try and get supervised visitation for your ex. Who knows, maybe he'll get it together enough to be the father your child deserves. He'll have to get tired of being watched around his own child. Just dont kick him to the curb totally...you might can find a way through the system to rehabilitate him if he truly loves his child. Good luck to you!!

Ashley - posted on 04/02/2010

Dont do that. if you need more money to be able to support your child then go for it!! That man can walk away at any time so at least you will know that your son will have food, diapers, clothes, and a roof over his head.

Laura - posted on 04/01/2010

No, no ,no he has to pay for his child it's only right. but he also has to prove himself continually as a father should but regardless your child deserves to have an equal amount of finacial coverage from both of you.

Deeney - posted on 04/01/2010

At the end of the day it comes down to whats best for the baby. I hate to say it but, quality time does not pay for clothes, food, or any of the hundreds of misc. costs associated with having a child. Be strong and go after the support.

Amanda - posted on 04/01/2010

im going through something similar with my baby daddy. hes making me feel guilty b/c i haven't flown down to texas to let him see his son when he has all the money in the world to pay for his own ticket to get up here to West Virginia to see him so needless to say he hasn't been up here in 6 months but i have just now filed for child support b/c my family has had to talk me into it because they have been what hes doing to me saying to me that he will be there no matter what and he will send me money every month well i have given him that chance and he has sent me a total of $250 in 8 months.....so i took my families advice and im filing for child support b/c i can't depend on him and he did help make him so i suggest you file for child support and not listen to what he has to say b/c im sure if he says he will help he won't and with the child support you are goign to get the money no matter what every month instead of waiting for him to make up his mind to send you something. so just do it if he likes it or not!!!!!!

Debbie - posted on 04/01/2010

I had this exact same situation i tried the you have him ,i have him and my ex let him get burnt on his foot which is a accident but getting my son no medical treatment is negligent on his part then he had the nerve to ask me to drop child support cause the courts took his visitation away and he needs his drivers license back cause i live in florida and when the father or mother does not pay they take there license. he has been hounding me since 2008 when it was issued to drop it he would pay me direct or not at all i told him he left not me and his son deserves it not me