My husband and I are having our 6th baby and I think I am going to file for seperation.

Heather - posted on 11/25/2011 ( 15 moms have responded )

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He used to work and be great but then he started taking drugs, lost his job, steals from me and the kids and then last night he hit me while i am pregnant right in front of my kids. I am the only one who works and i know it will be tough but I can financially support myself and kids. I also just found out that he has been getting a welfare cheque to his moms house in his name and yet he pays no bills or anything in two years. Our children are 14, 12, 7, 4, 2 and one due in March. He hangs out at a methadone clinic all morning and sleeps all day at our house. I think I would be way better off single, but I do not know if leaving my kids father makes me selfish.

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Debbie - posted on 11/28/2011

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Hi 11 years ago I was in a similar situation.
it really sounds like your husband is very depressed.
This is what I did I left him on the 1st of may went back 10 days later which happened to be our wedding anniversary I said to him go to rehab he said I don't need rehab and I said well I don't need you.
Yes it was hard however the best thing I could have done for my children first and myself second because I would have put up with the crap forever because thats what we do however my children didn't need to suffer so I left

Marcie - posted on 11/29/2011

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I have been where you are and you are not selfish at all. You have to put you and your kids first and he is getting in the way of that. You are setting a better example for your kids by taking care of the situation. Maybe it will wake him up, but maybe not. My divorce was final a little over 2 years ago and my ex is still an addict and although he "fought" for my son, we haven't heard a peep from him in over a year. It's a blessing that I don't have to constantly worry about a dangerous person being around my son. I wish he'd sober up and be a father, but until he does, I'm glad he stays away. It won't be easy, but you can do it!

Emma - posted on 11/27/2011

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No not selfish at all he is not trying to do nothing for the kids,you the house and he is selfish and mean for hitting you.Please seek help and get your kids from the drama it will mess with them mentally.they deserve better and so do you.I know you want 2parents for your kids but sometimes you got to do what you gotta do.BE BLESSED!!

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Michelle - posted on 12/25/2011

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If he used to be great, but slid into drugs, then filing for separation could be the best thing you ever do. If this is a recent slide, it could be the kick he needs to get REAL help. And if it isn't it will still be the best thing for your children to give them more stability and a better home life.

User - posted on 12/24/2011

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I just recently kicked my ex husband out due to him being abusive. I got an EPO on him. And he told everyone I lied and only got the EPO to secure custody of my daughter! I only try to protect my kids! But I think you have a good reason to leave him. Its not being selfish. Do whatever you can to protect yourself and your kids.

Carine - posted on 12/20/2011

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You are not the only one having to make this hard desicion. My advice is rely on Christ and He will provide for you and your little ones. I have a friend with 6 kids in the same situation as you except her youngest is about to turn one in Jan. And when she realized what her staying with her husband was doing to her oldest, she realized that her husband wasn't the one she had to worry about at this time, but her kids. You are their guide, their example, their guardian from harm. And if that means you have to do it without your husband you do it. But it is not an easy choice, but once you make it, like does become easier and less stressful. You need to remember that stress from what he is doing is not just hurting you but that little one inside too. You are strong enough to do this, for God does not give you more than you can handle, and rely on Him and He will get you through anything. You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. Ephesians 4:13 Prayers to you this is not going to be easy!

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There are times when people do leave for selfish reasons.... leaving a drug using abuser is NOT one of those reasons. Keeping you and your kids safe should be number one on your list right now.

I'm so sorry! I hope he gets the help he needs to become the father your kids deserve.

Luvmia - posted on 12/20/2011

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Leaving your kids' father makes you a caring mother whom is concerned about the welfare and safety of her children. It does not sound like you husband is the man you married. One thing we all have to realize is that people change and we have to accept that whether we keep in contact with them or not.

Personally, I think that if he does not want to get help, then the best thing for the children (AND YOU) is to leave him. Any good mother would not want to put their children through that.

I hope everything works out for you.

Magen - posted on 11/29/2011

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so so so sorry hunny look into getting all the help you can to get out of this situation !

Bryndís - posted on 11/29/2011

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Get out now! You are not doing anything good for ypur kids by staying with him. Talk to a social worker to get help leaving him.

Kathy - posted on 11/27/2011

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This in no way makes you selfish! it makes you abetter mom! The best thing I ever did was kick out my meth addict husband of 13 yrs...i have 3 boys with him. Eventually he cleaned up and is I better dad today because he was forced to take care of himself and his situation. By staying with him you are enabling him to keep going with his addiction. There is only one right choice here...and you know what it is! Goodluck!

Katherine - posted on 11/27/2011

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I am sorry you are going through this. Have you sat down with him to figure out why this is all going on. Something had to have happened for him to be going down this road.

Leslie - posted on 11/27/2011

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You have already made up your mind on leaving .. by posting here you just need that one lil push to get you and your children out the door to safety! Your 2 eldest children will be the most understanding and can be a great help for their younger siblings! Stay strong and do what you already know is right!

Denikka - posted on 11/25/2011

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I agree. Leaving is the most UNSELFISH thing that you can do.
You can't MAKE things work. And why would you want to at this point? He has obviously checked out. He is ABUSIVE towards you.
There is NO reason for you to stay after he has hit you. Hell, with the drug problem, I would have left long ago.
Do right by yourself and by your kids and get the hell out of there and only the life you all deserve.

Rachel - posted on 11/25/2011

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No it does not make you selfish it makes you smart. Your kids do not need him around him like that. If you can financially support yourself and all of your children and he does not help then there is no reason to stay in that kind of relationship.

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