My Story...please read

Brittney - posted on 02/03/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Hi everybody I am new to the site. My name is Brittney, Im 19 years old & I have a 3 month old baby boy named Santana. Lately alot has been happening in my life & my depression is getting unbareable. So I decided to join this to maybe help me out. Well here goes my story. I was with my now ex boyfriend ever since I was 15 years old. He was my first love first everything. Things were great for the first 2 years. Then March 2010 we broke up. I was 17 years old at the time. The breakup was pretty rough. We didnt get along at all. Seems like we had a competition going on who could hurt who the most. It was very unhealthy. But when it came to it, we loved each other. It was almost a year that we were broken up & we were still messing around. Well valentines day 2011 I got pregnant by him. It was unplanned and a total surprise. We were still broken up and nothing was getting better. Even though he knew i was pregnant he still didnt want much to do with me because all of the fighting we were going through. So I backed off and gave him his time and eventually when I was 3 months pregnant he came around. We worked on our relationship and I ended up moving in with him to his grandmas house. It was me him, his mom, his brother & his grandma there. Things were going great! We got our love back and were happy to be expecting our baby. Months went by and finally October came. We went to the hospital because my water broke and 9 hours later our little boy arrived into the world. It was the happiest moment of my life! We finally had our babyboy and everything felt so right. The first 2 weeks home we were the happiest we could ever be. No fighting or anything. Then after that things completely changed. We were fighting really bad almost everyday. It got to the point where I moved out with my son, and moved into my fathers house. We decided to stay together and a week after I moved out he wanted us to come back but his mom denied. So here we were apart and could never see each other because my dad lived 2 hours away. I only stayed living with my dad for a month and then I moved back to the city where I lived when i was with him. The time we spent apart was frustrating and it ruined us. We ended up breaking up for good almost a month ago. Things arent good at all. We dont speak. The only time we do is when were arguing and saying awful things to each other. He used to take the baby for a few days every other week.. but now things have gotten so bad that he wont answer any of my calls or text even concerning the baby, I know he loves our son more than anything and i cant understand why he doesnt want to take him anymore. I think he thinks that by him not taking the baby Im not ever getting a break. So he probably enjoys that because he thinks it torturing me. When in reality. hes so wrong. my son is everything to me and i would love nothing more than to spend every minute of my life with him! Ive even tried contacting his mother about the sitaution and she doesnt respond. Their whole family is mad at me because I want to change my sons last name to mine. & thats when the father of my child started ignoring me completely & not taking the baby. Im just frustrated with everything & really need advice and need to talk to people who understand. Because right now nobody around me does! Thank you

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Jasmine - posted on 02/06/2012

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Hi Brittney, Real sorry to hear about the rough patches you've been dealing with. I myself have been dealing with custody battles and a nasty divorce that has made things really hard. After i had my son over a year abo things were already different around the house. I got married when i was 6 months all because his family and such wanted to save face when it came to having a kid outside of marriage. Wel needless to say when he was off to work and i was home with my son i was doing everything around the house and all i wanted when he came home was a little time to take a nap or just a break to do other things but it never happened. Just like you his mom kept on meddling in our lives and eventually made it impossible for anything to work without him having to talk to her or his dad about anything. Well after that i made a few bad decisions that i regret and even after i stopped them i still lost alot. My ex now has custody of my 19 month old son as soon as the papers are filed and i have to pay support. I would just say make sure you keep your chin up and fight your hardest. Don't let anyone get in the way of your happiness and what is best for your baby regardless of everything else. I wish i had known then what i know now. Good luck in everything and if you ever want to vent just go ahead and message me.

Analy - posted on 02/04/2012

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Hey, Brittany! I guess we might be going some what threw the same things. My son is about to be 1 1/2 his father has been in his life as a father should, although we are not together. We broke everything off when my son was 2 months old. My son also has his last name. Well, to make a long story short, he has not supported his son financially (well some what, not as he should). And that right there is my issue. Right now, we are no longer speaking and he has not seen my son for a little over two weeks. The thing is that I am not putting up with his issues, and I do not want my baby boy around that. He just needs to get his life in order and grow up! Things with his family also are not good at all, his mom is mad at me because he claims that I do not let him take my son over to their house. Which is not true. I do not let him take him over night because I can not be without my son, not knowing how he is being treated, you know. So I would allow him to come to my house and spend however much time he wanted with him. He never would tell me to take him to his house so his parents would see him, that times I did take him was because I had suggested it, not him. Well, that is his mom's problem with me.



All I can say is just enjoy your baby. The father does not know what he is missing out. This is what I tell myself constantly and that helps me out. You know everything will work out for you and your son. You just move on with whichever cards you get dealt. As far as I see it, you are a mom and you are doing what I believe is best for your son. As am I. We are not perfect, but everything we do is with our sons in mind, and even if some of our decisions are not right to other people, as long as we thing and believe that they are what's best, that's what it should be. Keep your head up and keep moving forward with your son, just have hope and faith that everything will work out. Also, regarding the name change, I have looked into that myself and there can not be an actual last name change is the father does not agree and sign the form accepting the name change. Maybe, it might be different in your case. If not, well the last name is not what makes your son. I know you want him to carry your last name because you are the person that supports him the most and are always with him. But even if you do not succeed in the m=name change it's ok. Your son can be a new, better version of which ever last name he has. Do not relate the last name with his father, just look at your son and know he will be better then his father. The last name does not define him, the way that you raise him is what will define him. This is also what I tell myself, because I know that there is a chance that I will not be able to change my sons last name either. At first it bothered me, but know the more I think about it, the more I am coming to terms with it. Ok so my son may forever have the last name of his irresponsible father, but at least that way he will know that he does have a father that responded and recognized him as his son. I just do not want him to think that his father did not want him and did not recognize him, and this way he knows he did.



I wish you all the luck in the world. Hope everything works out.

Amanda - posted on 02/04/2012

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Hi Brittney. My name is Amanda and my son is 5 1/2 months old. His father and i started off great together. I really thought I was going to have a real relationship. We ended up getting pregnant the first time we had sex. We hardly knew each other looking back now. Before we found out I was pregnant, we had decided to move to Pennsylvania to be closer to my grandparents cause their health wasn't the best. However, once we got up there I was the only one working and supporting everything. He was only concerned with the baby bump not with my health or happiness. Everytime i tried to talk to him he kept saying if I ever tried to take his kid away or even try to leave he would kill me. I didn't want my son to be without a dad and I was concerned as well that he might actually kill me. When I was 8 months pregnant, I had enough balls to tell him he needed to leave and my family stood behind me 100%. I did let him at the hospital when I had our son and he stood by my bed through the whole thing. After that I thought that things would get better, that he might want to be involved. November 10th, when my son was just shy of 3 months, my ex threatened me. Now there is a protective order in place until November 2013. I never regretted my decision and my son is one of the happiest babies I know. He does get to see his half-brother (my ex's other son who is 2) about once a month and me and my son's half-brother's mother have become very close. Also my ex's mom and sister are involved in his life and call and ask for pictures. But his family that he lives with thinks everything is my fault, for a long time I agreed with them. Now I work almost 40 hours a week and I provide solely for my son. The only assistance I get is medicaid for him and WIC. I just want you to know that you can do this. Have faith and know that you really arent the only one. And as far as the last name thing, do what you feel is best it is your choice. My son has my last name and I wouldn't have it any other way. Also if you ever need to talk or vent you can always private message me or find me on facebook.

User - posted on 02/04/2012

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Hello Brittney, I'm sorry life's been so rough on you lately. I joined this site to find support and love as well so hopefully what I have to say will help you a little bit.

I am currently 8 months pregnant, due in March, and the father is... as of now not involved. I am hoping that with space and time, when our son gets here things will change. IF not tho, I have come to the realization that no matter how bad we want things to be, sometimes they just don't work out that way. So you must do what is best for you and your baby. That is the blessing of being a mother I suppose, that no matter what, you must do what is ultimately best for your child. In that sense maybe some comfort can be found. That is all you have to worry about. Making a plan that will most benefit the two of you. I know how important having the father involved is, so in planning make allowances for times or situations of the dad making an effort to be the best he can be. If the dad does not realize that the child comes first then he must be lowered on the priorities list.

As for the last name issues, I have nothing to offer because I'm looking into such things myself. I'm looking at my state's Custody Laws and Regulations information pages on the web, but I'm also planning on seeking legal council if necessary.

Depression and lonliness are terrible burdens, but as you get to see your little boy now, try to focus all your energies on him. Every waking moment on his life and how to improve it! Don't forget to take time for your self as well, I mean without you who would do a better job as mom for your son? So bubble baths, spa days, girl time, movies, good book, walking outside, whatever it is that clears your mind and lifts your spirit.

You have the power to make it through this difficult time in your life.

Hope I helped a little :)

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