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need a life outside of work, help

Nisha - posted on 10/05/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hey,
I am only 22 years old and I have 2 daughters, one will be 4 in Nov and the other will be 3 in Nov. I work full time Monday-Thursday 9:00am- 8:00pm, and I am single parent. Although me and my boy friend live together and he is really great with my daughters, because he is not their father I don’t want him to feel obligated. My girls’ father and I separated when I was pregnant with the youngest; I was tired of the physical and verbal abuse. I feel overwhelmed because I feel like all I do is work and clean up after my kids. I love them so I don’t mind doing my motherly duty but I feel like running away sometime. I really have no one to talk because most of my friends don’t have kids and they only want to talk about parties and events that I can’t attend. How do I meet young moms around me? I would even rather have a girls night with mom’s like myself who understand I have to check on my kids and be back by a certain time. I stop talking to a lot of my friends who think I should pawn my kids to my mom house every weekend so I can party. Please help before I go completely insane.

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Becky - posted on 10/05/2011

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Hi Nisha,
Life as a single parent is not easy is it? Even if you do have help at times. That feeling of all you do is work and clean up after your kids is shared by many moms, even if they stay at home! That's just some of what comes with motherhood, it's work! I am a single mom of one who works 10 -11 hours a day Monday - Friday. Just doesn't give you much time for a social life. Even part of the weekends is taking care of where you live, laundry, running errands you can't get to during the week! I hope knowing there are other mom's who can empathize with you will help you from going insane! :-)
Some things that I have done, and still do, include checking the local paper or event websites for activities going on. Your local library may have story times on Saturday mornings or there may be an event at a park. Checking out places and events where mom's take their small kids will get you meeting people more like-minded and at the same place in life (whether they are single or married). I don't know if you go to a church or open to that but some churches will have a Mothers Of Preschoolers or some type of mommie's groups. Although, I did find they usually met during the day when I was working :( , but they might plan outings and things with their kids that you could attend.
My son is 10 now and we moved to a new city a couple of years ago. He wanted to join Cub Scouts so that has helped me to meet others with similar interests and kids the same age. The church I go to has a lot of activities and opportunities to help which in turn helps me get to know people better. I try to find things to do that will get me out there with others and make new connections.
Just do what you can. They will be in school before long and then you will be wishing they weren't growing up so fast! LOL! Remind yourself it's only a season too.
And hopefully joining a group like this Circle of Moms will be a source of encouragement and support for you.
One more thing I would suggest is find something you like to do and make time for that. If it's something you can do at home by yourself - great or you can get your mom or boyfriend to watch the kids for you for an hour. Some outlet that let's you express who you are or time to take care of yourself...cooking, baking, art, decorating, writing, cycling, running, music, seeing a movie, getting a manicure, pedicure, facial....whatever you really enjoy doing...this will help you not feel so lost and overwhelmed, at least for an hour or two, and helps maintain the sanity.
I hope something in all this is helpful. Hang in there! :-)

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