Need advice! Husband and I are seperated

Sherry - posted on 07/16/2012

So sorry you are in this situation. Still, you are already living as a single mom, so keep going. If he's not going to be a responsible dad at the very least get him to pay child support. the little one deserves it, and so much more! Here's a website for a Christian ministry with helpful information and you can use it to find a local support group. www.divorcecare.org Find healing not only for yourself but also for your sweet daughter. You don't want her to grow up to be treated the same way!

Melissa - posted on 07/15/2012

non of us single moms know how to be a single mom we just get up everyday and take care of our kids. Some days are harder than others and some time that lonely creeps in but we are what our kids have. So we just keep going every day just like everyone else only we have the greatest reason in the world to do it our children. I didn't think "I want to be a single mom, with two boys with two different dads but here I am, I still dream of the husband and the house, the dream." God gave you that baby now you need to figure out what is best for the both of you and how you deserve to be treated how you want your little girl to learn what is acceptable.

ROBIN - posted on 07/15/2012

Hi Girl, I have 2 little ones 3 & 4, and I know how you feel because I was there about 6 months ago. The best thing I was told seemed useless at the time, but know I smile when I think of the first time another single mom said to me, at first you will think that you'll never make it, but you will. I have made it thus far, and honestly I dont know how. I am lonely, and struggling, have no help, and the father is a big child. Its hard. But there is a lot of magic that goes hand in hand with the tears, like learning how to do things without a man, for me... I didnt even know how to put the garbarge out, know I am doing everything and even have my own tool box. I made a garden this year, started going to church, and am creating a life for us. I have only been seperated for a year, and now I am starting my divorce papers. Its hard girl, for the first little while... but I promise you it will be such an amazing journey. You will be proud of yourself. Have courage, do your daughter a favor and make your life wonderful. Another thing to remeber and it well help you... tell yourself... often... religious or not... "my life is in gods hands, he will lead us to a good place". It helps. Be strong. :) DO THE SEPERATION PAPERS, before another woman comes along and decides to make things difficult, if your current agreement is amicable. Think of your seperation agreement as a means to protect your child!!!!

Margaret - posted on 07/15/2012

Yes you can honey, just pray and God will put the people you need in your life. Keep the faith.

Sue - posted on 07/14/2012

Life is full of side roads. Don't live yours pining for someone that won't be what you want. Concentrate on being the strongest mom that you can be.

Mother Of Pearls - posted on 07/11/2012

:)

Mother Of Pearls - posted on 07/11/2012

well baby girl you need to be a strong woman for your baby and move on he left you and cheats dont you think you and your child deserve better come on its not to difficult to see it hurts it will be hard but you will be fine you dont need that negativity in your life like you said you had this picture of how your life should be then go on ahead and make your life the way you want it the way it should be you dont need him he will regreat it and maybe come around you guys share a child together that not gona change but do you really want to be with someone who cheats on you no you want better for urself and josie you want to instill in her great moral values she needs her mommy and your love that is all. that lil girl will give u the strength to move forward together ,and in time you will find someone who will love you for you and love your daughter as his own
i hope this helps if you wanna talk again just mess me or join my circle ok ttyl

Maryann - posted on 07/07/2012

You can have that picture; it will just be a little altered. A man who does not see his child , that you had a serious relationship is not worth it . Take your time with the paperwork, but remember you are separated paperwork or not. Actions , emotions, and love are far more stronger than paperwork.lf he is not showing you either file and do it for your family .. You may meet that person who fits in your picture after you file.

Wendy - posted on 08/23/2011

Brittany, My daughter is 8 yo & when her dad left, she was at the front door & hejust walked right by her. Not only did he not talk 2 her (or ME) to explain anything...he didn't even say goodbye 2 her as he left.Now he is in hiding to avoid child support...his parental rights were revoked w/his other 3 kids (by his ex) due to non support & no contact, as well. I DESPISE him...but HURT DEEPLY for my "baby". But, let me tell you this, we split 3 other times...EVERY TIME I went back to him bc-this may sound dumb-BUT my daughter missed him, he would NOT call 2 ck on her & I knew this was the ONLY way she could have him in her life & she wanted her daddy VERY BADLY.,,,I would even sneak into another room & call him & walk out saying "guess who beeped in while I was talking 2 MamaLee...DADDY!!!" Just so she would think he checked on her...he NEVER called. NOW it really is over & he is in hiding 2 avoid child supp...which means never seeing her either & now that she is older she sees what is going on...If he doesn't care @ 2 mos, he WILL NOT care @ 2 yrs, 8 yrs, 15 yrs, etc....HE JUST DOESN'T CARE & I believe the older a child is, the more it hurts.Get it over with NOW. Don't be like me & keep thinking things will change...maybe he will START caring @ some point. It is HARD...it is SAD for the children bc they LOVE their daddies SOOOO much...but the daddies are too selfish & ONLY caring about THEMSELVES. To me, these men are WORTHLESS...to not care about their own children...But a family w/.a man that doesn't care about his kids or his wife IS NOT a family...it is MISERY. It will keep getting worse & the longer you wait to split & rebuild your life with someone who WILL care about you & your baby & will want a family JUST AS YOU DO-the BETTER!!!! .Be strong...you have your family to help you with getting settled until that man you want comes along...your "husband" isn't capable of playing a role in the dream life that you want/deserve.

TeShayla - posted on 09/20/2009

Break ups are hard but you have to do what's best for not only you but your beautiful daughter. Would you want your daughter to grow up and be married to someone that's unfaithful just because she saw you go through it when she was a child???

Julie - posted on 09/17/2009

Hello Brittany! As I read what you wrote I can hear myself saying those same things 15 years ago. You can do this! You are already doing the single mom thing...its hard sometimes but easier at others. There's an idiot in my life as in yours and many others that doesn't participate in the parenting role. You need to let it go, I know its hard and it crushes your heart and spirt but you will bounce back in no time, for you are so much stronger than the situation. If you believe in God RELY heavily on him...gets some postive CDs (or download some) and play them when you are having one of those bad days. Its amazing what an uplifting song can do for your spirit.

Don't forget to enjoy these precious moments of Josie's young life. Little ones can feel when we are unhappy. When I found out that my daughter's father was cheating I was so upset it made my baby daughter so sick that she couldn't keep anything down. So try to stay positive when you are with her.

Just trust yourself and take time for yourself, you truely deserve the best! You are holding onto something that was not meant to be, please let it go for your well being. It doesn't hurt him, its only hurting you and you will feel so strong and alive when you do make it final. My heart really goes out to you I hope you see how wonderful you really are. One more thing...rely on your parents as well...I couldn't have done it without my parents...you have their support and they are there for you.

Camille - posted on 09/16/2009

yep, a year or so from now you will be a stronger, more independant, completely different woman, and you will look back and wonder how you could have even doubted yourself. this is the best thing you can do for u an ur kid. no one grows up dreaming of a cheating husband and single parenthood, we get fairy tales, white picket fences and happily ever afters shoved down our throats. but, life NEVER turns out the way you planned it.

Sarah - posted on 09/16/2009

I just had the love of my life walk out on me 11 weeks before our baby was born. The best piece of advice that I have received during this time is "do what is right by yourself, and it will turn out the be the right thing for your child" also just remember that no matter what you do in life someone will think you are doing it wrong, so just do what you think is right at all times.

Jacqui - posted on 09/16/2009

Letting go of a fantasy is never easy, but remember it is just that! You sound like you have supportive parents which is great and sweety you're going to have your hands full taking care of one baby, you don't need to take care of an adult who doesn't see you as his equal (and if he's cheating he doesn't see you that way).

Be strong, you don't know what is around the corner, all I can tell you is that your little girl is going to give you a purpose and happiness that is better than living out the reality of any fantasy.

I've had councelling to help me let go of the "fantasy" and everyone has said that a child with one caring parent is much better off than one that is put in a very unstable home environment. All the best love, you're not alone.

Barbara - posted on 09/16/2009

OF COURSE YOU CAN DO IT!! and I'll tell u my streghth is in the Lord Im not a religious freak or anything but I just went thru a seperation myself and have no one at all no fam no close friends with two kids and I have not went without! its hard most times but I put All my trust in him and know I cant do this by myself but hes a big God that listens and understands!! and most definitly comes thru so I hope me sharing my faith has helped! Stay strong for ur child and remember U are not alone.

Julie - posted on 09/16/2009

My husband did the same thing except he had her move in telling me that she would be our live in nanny......yet another asshole. I waited two years before I m ade the move to get a divorce but it was the best thing i ever did. I now feel free enough to not really care about what he does. The kids will never hear it from me why we divorced, they were told it was just better for us all if mum and dad were not living together. My kids were 2 and 4 when he walked out on us. He left me with no money and no explanation becuase i didnt find out till later what the real story was. Now I concentrate on being the best mum I can be and making sure the kids feel loved, safe and wanted. I know I did nothing wrong and at the end of the day it does help to know that. I know how hard things can be but try to move on and be as srong as you can and show your beautiful little girl that independance is good and teach her to be a strong woman who wont let the same thing happen to her. I followed in my mums footsteps as my dad did the same thing to my mum and I wish she had taught me that it didnt have to be that way. Good luck to you and your precious girl. You can do it because we are all here for you, including me if you want:)

Denise - posted on 09/16/2009

Before you go through years of being miserable, try to move forward with your life. "When in doubt, Get out" Being a single parent is not as hard as it seems especially since you are probably the primary caretaker anyway. If your husband is out there cheating on you than how much time is he actually spending with you or your child. You can't go through life being miserable. It will eat you up inside. I wish someone in my life would have given me some encouraging words while I was in my bad marriage. I spent 6 years out of 12 walking on eggs shells and dealing with an abusive husband. Well it's now been 15 months since I left him and I am soooooo happy and free and independant. I have 3 girls and they are happier too because they no longer have to listen to the arguing and fighting. You have to make yourself happy first before you can truly make your child happy.

Joni - posted on 09/16/2009

What an incredible mother your daughter has! To show her the strength that it takes to walk away from an abusive relationship, to show her that women deserve better than to be humiliated and disrespected.... that, Brittany, is the greatest gift you can give to your daughter. To help her to know in the future what a healthy relationship looks like, so that she may find her experience growing up to be happy, with a free mama... and so that she might find herself choosing men who will treat her with respect when she is a woman. Right now I bet the immediate demands of having a baby and separating - and all the hurt and pain and shattered dreams that go along with it it quite overwhelming - no mother wants to have to make that choice, but you may find yourself in a place not too far from now, where you have reclaimed your lost dreams, dreams crushed by your marriage, dreams and interests you have lost that you may pursue, so that you can claim back some of your lost self and your power as a woman and mother in this world. Go gently, be kind to yourself - sit with the lonely... cry... call a friend.

The biggest thing for me was letting go of this fantasy I had of what I would provide my children - a stable home... in my head at the time meant two parents - i judged myself so harshly. Blamed myself... when in truth, I had been emancipated from an awful situation - webs of lies that had me confused and thinking that I was crazy... paranoia... my children deserve better than to have that as their model for a mother, let alone a relationship. And sifting through my own issues, what is it in me and my history, my family of origin that meant I ended up with this dropkick...? finding the answers to that questions means I have a chance in my future of offering myself and my children a chance at true happiness, with someone who will love me and respect me... do you get what I'm saying?

You are in the begining... at the coal-face and all these illusions are shattering around you... you know give yourself a big hug, have a cry and grieve for what you have lost... everything else just falls into place - fortunate as you are, you don't have to know what it is to not be a single mother - I am sure there are many women who would say that it is a hell of a lot easier... and in those moments you are in doubt, find your gut, your instinct and your heart of hearts, and it will tell you what to do. Find support - talk to friends... You and your babe are going to be ok. OK? *HUGS* Take care of yourself wonderful mama xxxx

Beverly - posted on 09/15/2009

Single mommies are some of the strongest women you will ever encounter. We are everywhere and quite a force to reckon with. Let me tell it, we are the real super heroes; SHE-ROES...

Whether it is by choice or no fault of your own, simgle mommy-hood happens everyday. You're not the first, and certainly won't be the last. Don't be afraid, you're about to find out that you're a lot stonger that you gave yourself credit for.

If you haven't filed for divorce yet, you will when the time is right for you. Whether its the day you say you've had enough and want to move on or it's the day he files and you recieve your papers in the mail. You just have to secide what's best for you and do just that. Don't let a lot of outsiders tell you what and how you should do things. Anyone can tell you what to do and how to do it, but only you know what works best for you. Take any advice with a grain of salt.

As for your child; Children are smart and resilient little people. They handle things some much better than adults most of the time. Your little one will be ok as she is loved the best way you know how. As she gets older, don't bad mouth her dad, she'll gather her own view of him and you don't want to influence that. Leave the door open for him to have a relationship with her. He may or maynot decide to be in her life. Either way, you'll be able to tell her that you gave him the opportunity.

In the meantime, If I can offer any advice from an already single mother, feel free to drop me a line on FB.

I hope this helps...

Andrea - posted on 09/15/2009

I went through a similar situation only I never married the jerk. Our son was 2 months old when his new girlfriend showed up on our front porch. There comes a point when you have to decide that enough is enough and know that you deserve better. Yes, it is tough and scary being a single mom. But you are not the first and you won't be the last. The most important thing is that you have to take care of yourself and your baby. There are plenty of resources to help you pull through this. And guess what... looking back, you will be soooo proud of yourself. It is tough, but you can do it. Have faith in yourself as a person and as a mom!

Reva - posted on 09/15/2009

HI.. I always wanted kids after I got married. THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN. To me Life is full of choices. My partner and i were together 3 years til we had our baby. I became a lot less tolerant with him. He never cheated but he barely did anything really. So that was it...I made a choice to break up with him and I did. And I feel sooooo much relief..Of course I miss him because he is my first true love and my first real relationship. But we get older and grow wiser and we just make choices and move on. Luckily, my ex is very supportive coz he's always wanted kids but the circumstances are different as he always wanted to be a family too. But life isn't over just coz it didn't work the way we thought it would. You can still be the adams family and be happy...Try letting go of some stuff you don't really need. I've only been a single mom for 1 month and its great. Im not working and living @ home with mum and dad but I forgot who i was when i was with my ex. Ever since, I realise life is too short to wait for something thats just not coming....Maybe you should try...