need advice please don't judge to harshly

Pamela - posted on 08/20/2012

If you're son is close enough to him to call him daddy and you want to get serious, then why not let him. Especially if he is helping raise him.... anyone can be a dad.... only a real man can be THE DAD.

Jo - posted on 08/19/2012

Let him call him Daddy and stop trying to impose a moral responsibility on a 2 year old which his biological father obviously doesn't share. What are you preserving of your baby's daddy? Respect? Does he give you and his son respect? Does he pay child support? I think your 2 year old is the only one with common sense here. Just sayin!!

Ebony - posted on 05/20/2010

If the father of your child isn't doing his job then he probably won't care that his kid is calling someone else daddy. He obviously doesn't want the gig so why stop your son from having a true father figure in his life? When your son is old enough to understand the difference then you and the step father should sit down and have that talk with him. When he's old enough to understand. He's two...

Ashley - posted on 05/20/2010

I am in a very similar situation, I am 23 I have two children my daughter is 3 and knows her "daddy" and that daddy doesnt live with us anymore and that he will normally come to see her a couple times a month. Our son wasnt born yet when he left and is now 14 months old. I have been lucky enough (like you!) to find someone who is older and more mature than their father (my new BF is 30) and my son has recently started calling him daddy. We talked about it and try to reinstate taht its not daddy it dennis. Not because he's not comfortable with it but because when the kids are old enough to understand we plan on giving them the choice, my daughter has also slipped a couple times and called him daddy. Kids are smarter than most people give them credit for so the fact that your son recognises what a daddy is can only be a good thing. When he is older he will know the differnece so as long as you are honest with him I'm sure it will all work out ok.

Lucy - posted on 05/14/2010

Honestly if the real father isn't in the picture and the new boyfriend treats him well and as his own than i don't see a problem with it. If the guy was a jerk to your son i wouldn't even see how you stay with him but i'm guessing he's really good to both of you so, i don't see why you shouldn't be happy. :)

Caroline - posted on 05/14/2010

I don't see anything wrong with that if your lover does not have a problem with it,and he is willing to sand up and be a father to your son.and you don't have a problem with it then just let nature takes it's course. Just tell your son the truth when he reaches the right age.

Brandy - posted on 05/14/2010

and also my sons father only wants to be in his life when me and him are in a relationship. unless we are together he sees his son maybe 3 times a year. i have gotten out of that situation and settled down. so i completely understand where you are coming from.

Brandy - posted on 05/14/2010

okay, so i was reading some of the replys on here and i was wondering how are you supposed to tell your 2 year old who is and isnt his daddy and him understand??? im also 22 years old and i am currently dating a 32 year old. we have been together for almost a year and are currently engaged. i have 3 kids and he has 2. to be honest with you all 3 of my kids call him daddy and as long as your boyfriend loves you and your child i see nothing wrong with him calling him daddy. no matter how many times you try to correct him its not going to matter. my oldest daughter is 6, my son just turned 3 and my youngest daughter will be 2 in july and they all call him daddy. as long as your boyfriend doesnt mind DO NOT try to correct your son. you can always sit down with him when he gets old enough to understand the difference....... well hope my advice helps you some. because i am kinda in the same situation just with more kids. take care.. brandy

Sarah - posted on 05/13/2010

I would not correct him, if your son is calling him 'Daddy' it is because he loves this man and feels he acts like a daddy to him.

if your ex is not in the picture, or hardly in the picture then your son deserves the chance to feel like he has a daddy that loves him.

So I would not worry about it and just let your son feel what he feels and enjoy having love in your life as well. You ex lost out on that by not being a fixture in your sons life but it is HIS problem, not yours.

Suzi - posted on 05/13/2010

Don't give him a chance to call him "Daddy"...Choose a nickname ..."Pap" "Poppers" or some endearing term & refer to him as that in your child's presence, & your son will know him as that...If he calls him "Daddy" or asks if he is his daddy, simply tell him that he is NOT his Father but he certainly loves him like he was. On a more serious note, do NOT under any circumstances put your child in the situation of a "family" by living together until you have married this man....

Pelga - posted on 05/13/2010

A dad is no longer the sperm owner but the man that changes the baby’s diaper, feeds the baby, watches the child grow, tuck them into bed, kiss them good night and help them get up when they have fallen off the bike and hurt themselves. Your son sees this man as a father figure please doesn’t take that away from him unless yo not sure you want him to be part of your lives or hope to get back with the child’s dad that hasn’t been around! You will have time enough to correct him when he’s older enough if necessary. Good luck

Sondra - posted on 05/13/2010

you do what your heart tells you to do. my kids call my boyfriend of 5yrs their dad but he has been there for them, i understand how you feel and it is ok for him to call that guy dad there is nothing wrong with having two dad's just tell him as he get older that he has a stepdad and a real dad. my kids no about their real dad but they still call danny their dad because he loves them and he is there more than their dad has been.keep your head up it will all work its self out it always does.

Syreena - posted on 05/12/2010

Allow your son to express his feelings. If you feel uncomfortable with it than of course correct him and give him an alternate name to call him. But if you're thinking about having a serious relationship with this man then your son needs to create that bond with him and if calling him daddy helps to solidify that bond than so be it.

O'tia - posted on 05/12/2010

When i was 4 my mom started a longer term relationship with a man...When i started to call him daddy my mom freaked out but it was my own decision.A "daddy" is not the same thing as a father.Any man can be a father but the person who raises you,provides for you,and nurtures you is your daddy and kids get that.We dont give them the credit they deserve as individuals.My aun t called all of heer boytfriens uncle so and so and it confused the heck out of her children.Once you have kids they are your number oone priority but that doesnt mean that you stop being a woman who longs for companionship.You just have to make sure you do what is right for you and your situation.

Shannon - posted on 05/12/2010

I wanna say thank you to all you wonderful ladies for you help/advice... I decided i'm not gonna worry about it cause I feel it deep down in my heart that my boyfriend really wants to apart of our lives. It's just this past weekend when he stayed up with me trying to keep my sons fever down and that's saying something. It's bad to say but it's the truth just with him doing that he's done more than my son's real dad has ever done... It's just the hard part in all this is my sons dad still want's to be apart of my sons life. I'm not denying him this at all. It just seems though he only wants to be there when he has a gf or just for the major things like birthdays and christmas. Beyond that he really don't make much of an effort to see his son. He keeps saying he buy our son this and that but he don't.....and he don't understand material things and actually being there for his son is 2 different things....I do try to give him time with his son but he always says he's busy....that's just a whole nother thing. I kinda gave up and know that he just not gonna change and I'm not gonna wait for him especially since now i'm with someone who love us and wants to be there....so so happy but yeah once again thanks to all of you

Laura - posted on 05/11/2010

When my oldest son was 2 his father was driving truck over-the-road and would be gone sometimes for 2 weeks. If my boys and I would go visit the grandparents, my son would call his Papa "Dad" and I'd correct him. He wasn't aware at that time who his "Dad" was and that every man in this world wasn't "Dad". I'd suggest not confusing things, stick to your child calling your boyfriend by his first name until such time that your child can sort out his feelings, identify what makes a "Dad" and what constitutes a biological "Father". The difference is distinct and your little guy will sort it all out.

Jyoti - posted on 05/11/2010

Before entering a serious relatationship with this guy you should make sure and be careful put youre child 1st. If he will stick around for good and treat youre child as he's own then you got youreself a perfect family, but if he leaves after a few years then you will have BIG problems. The main thing is that you as a mother need to think will he make a good father for my son. Maybe youre worried or fear that if that guy leaves you'll end up with 2 broken hearts instead of 1.

Heather - posted on 05/11/2010

Young children will actually refer to any male as daddy and any woman as mommy at some point... its a gender thing more than how they actually see that person as daddy. It may get a little confusing in the future to explain, but I am not so sure you need to correct him so long as you don't say "oh look it's daddy". Continue to refer to him by his name when speaking to your son and just let them form their own relationship.

Stephanie - posted on 05/09/2010

I think words only have the meaning you give them...

my son is only 5 months and I'm not dating so i have not had to deal with this yet but I've thought that I will just explain it him as this ... "a dad is a man who loves and takes care of you" so if he calls grandpa "dad" then that's ok... I think kids need a dad and in preschool and elementary school all that matters is if you have the same thing as everyone else.



but like everyone else is saying just make sure "daddy" will be in his life for the long run. losing two dads could be traumatizing

Lore - posted on 05/09/2010

children wants to be loved and if your boyfriend is really ready to stick around to me is ok I live with my sister and her husband with my 2yr old and she calls my sis mum and her husband daddy am not even tryingto stop her because i know the effect it would have on her children needs stability and that is very important as long as your boyfriend is ready to be a good father figure to your baby and you no problem my little girl cals me katty(anty) yinka

Heather - posted on 05/09/2010

There would be no reason to judge you harshly hon, The fact that you are seeking help shows you really care about your son's wel-being. That's admirable. Kids can see things in people that we cannot. If heis deciding to call him daddy and you are approaching a serious relationship with this guy, as long as it does not make you uncomfortable to hear than it's okay. If you wish to correct him, than continue to do so until he is old enough to underdstand what he's doing. Children will attach to what feelings they derive from a person, he feels like this guy is "daddy"...Embrace it and stay prayerful. Happy Mother's day!

Karen - posted on 05/08/2010

you're son doesn't understand that your boyfriend isn't his dad. he sees more of him than the guy that sired him. if your boyfriend is ok with your son calling him dad, stop correcting him. any man can make a baby, a DAD sticks around and helps raise him. you and your man need to talk about the influence he has on your son, and if the two of you want children together. it's wonderful that you are dating a man that seems to want both of you. you and your son are a package deal. :) happy mother's day :)

Nicole - posted on 05/08/2010

That happened to me with my youngest child when she was 2 yrs old. The boyfriend I had loved my daughter and sold me lots of dreams of us becoming a family and how he wanted to legally adopt my daughter I was all for it but her real father wouldnt sign the papers and I found out that the boyfriend wasnt what I thought he was. I say this to say know where you and the boyfriend are headed and have a talk with the boyfriend about this because a child calling you daddy is a bid deal and the last thing you want is for your child to be calling someone daddy who isnt planning on being around.

Lacy - posted on 05/08/2010

I am a child from a broken marriage. I was 8 when my mom remarried. My biological father was still a part of my life. I called him Dad and my step-father Daddy. I don't think it matters if your child's father is in the picture or not. If he is comfortable calling your bf Daddy, let him. As long as it's ok with your bf and yourself.

April - posted on 05/08/2010

I personally feel that Daddy is a sacred word. It is a gift from a child that is meant for the one guy he feels so comfortable with, so strongly about that saying anything else doesn't feel right. I don't know your religious beliefs but I believe God gave a child a special ablity to pick out who he wants to call Daddy. You shouldn't feel bad. Let your child know who his "father" is. But his Daddy is who he wants it to be.

Crystal - posted on 05/08/2010

I am a single mother as well. I have a 4 yr old. She does know who her dad is. He was around for the 1st year of her life. I realized the cost of having him around and asked him to leave. I did not keep him from her. He used me as an excuse as to why he could not be around her. (I told him he could see her if I was around, or another member of my family..... whitch he knew and got along with) He decided telling every1 I was just keeping her from him. That was so far from the truth. I just did not want her involved in the path of life he was going down. I could not trust a word he said and he was very manipulative in trying to turn everything around on me. That was fine as well. In the end, he was extridited back to his home state, were old charges caught up to him. After serving time he was put on probation. I opened my home once again thinking that my daughter deserved to have her daddy in her life. When he and his father came to visit for the holidays, I had a brother stay to keep the peace. Her dad was not happy, I made it clear the visit was all for her. I wanted no part of him. This made him angree. So we were back @ square 1. He went home and about a month later, he was enhaged to the love of him life. Wanted me to send her to visit them in his home state. Tried manipulating me into believing I was keeping her from him and that 1 day she would hate me for it. Ladies, sometimes we have to go with our gut..... Mine was saying that this new woman may be right for him, but that him telling me she had never messed with drug was far fetched. Turns out 6 months down that road, they split and he was willing to belt to me that she was messed up on meth again.. (Didnt even remember telling me she doesnt mess with drugs.) Wow. and now hes on the run from his home state for probation violation, and he is wanted where we live for failure to comply with child support orders. The guy didnt even show up for court, so he was based on a 1000$ a month income. He is only ordered 2 pay 191$. Swears up and down that he has paid on it. Does the guy think the case is not accessable to me. I am her mother. In 3 years he has paid 191$.... Thats it. Meanwhile I am with the child who crys because she knows her daddy, I have alowed him in her life, cuz i wanted things to be different then when I was a little girl. (I was sick when I met her dad. Not sure who I was. Wanting so much more for my child, very nieve, and wanting unconditional love. Pick a male exactly like my own father, who said all the right things. All to show me what I had already been exposed to.) The day after the Colts and The Bears went to the supperbowl in 07. Feb 5th I told him not to bother coming home. We would be better off without him. I stood up for the 1 person in this world. Told her father, I wanted to know 1 thing. Do you want our daughter to believe that it is ok for a man to menally and verbally abuse her. After some time he responded with a NO. I was then able to tell him that in that he would have to understand why I was asking him to go. Nothing changes until something changes. God had givin me the 1 true thing I had always asked for. I had a little angle who looked to me for peace and happyness. I could not let him stay and ruin that for us, for her..... Like I said though. I let him stay in her life under my terms. I did allow them to see each other. He always had a motive. Thought I would cave and take him back. I was head strong on this NOT happening. We were no good for each other. He has gone back to his home state to hide from the law. We have not heard from him in 10 months. This is a blessing in disguize if you ask me. As for her having a male role model in her life. My daughter has 2 good roll models. They are both my oler and younger brothers. She has called any guy that comes in contact with her @ some point her daddy. I hurt when she used to do it. Call other guys her dad. I dont have relations with any1. I am to focused on making things right for the 2 of us. I just always reminded her that she knew they were not her daddy. She knew who her daddy was. I tell her where he is still 2 this day. I tell her it is ok to love her daddy. He is the only 1 she has. He is in trouble now though. Has told me he doesnt want me to know where he is. (Smart Guy. He thinks he would be turned in. He has so many enemies @ this point in his life, I dont even need to mess with it. Karmam will catch up to him. We have a positive life to keep moving forward too.) He does not have a positive part in that @ this time in his life, he needs to get himself right b4 he will have that chance again. I do not think it is right to have her call some1 else daddy though. The world in witch we live is so messed up this day and age. No 1 knowing what the real truths of life are. Honesty does work. Telling them that dad is in a place in life where he is not able to be a positive roll model in their life is the truth. Talking with them and telling them age apprpriatethings will be in best interest for them in the future. No resentments from being kept from the truth all the years past. This is just my opinion for what it is worth. It took her a while, but 2 this day, she knows who her daddy is, she knows he is not in her life. She also knows she does have positive male models in her life. No1 is perfect. This I know. However I do believe truth will get you further in this day and age. Otherwise arent we teaching them from childhood, that even a white lie is ok if we see it fit, so they can in turn do the same.....I hope you understand this. I had alot of past feeling come out in writing this. I am a ramler. Hope you get something out of this though. Good luck..... C&R

Stephanie - posted on 05/07/2010

My first daughter's father hasn't seen her once ever and she's 4 now. I think that children need a father figure as well and if you've found one that is willing to be there for you, I see nothing wrong with your child calling him daddy. Maybe your son sees him as more of a daddy than his actual father, and that's totally normal. My little girl calls my fiance daddy and I wouldn't have it any other way. All in all I guess I would say not to worry about it too much, and let your son do what he feels comfortable with. His answers may provide you with a lot of insight into his mind as well.

Jay - posted on 05/07/2010

Hi, Im a little older than you are, but i feel your situation, my daughters father doesnt live in the same area as we do, so his presence is definitely not ever present.....however, i was seeing a guy that eventually came in her prescence at the age of 2, and what he did was, he told her to call him by an initial.....and in fact this was cute because as she learned her letters, she would say the letter and make a connection.........even though the relationship wasnt something i was nurturing, and he didnt do anything that i thought was over the top, she became very comfortable with him, and i was very surprised by how comfortable she became.......Children have discerning spirits, they will not be comfortable with someone if they are not feeling them.......let your son call him by an initial, its not disrespectful, and let time determine what is to be done........"dont sweat the small stuff"......there will definitely be greater fish to fry!

Florine - posted on 05/07/2010

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with this. I am in the same situation, well kind of. I have been with my partner for 3 years now. My son does not call him dad. My son is 5. My son knows who his dad is. My son calls my partner by his first name which is fine with both of us. If the dad hasnt been in the picture then I would probably wait until the child is old enough to understand that this man here is not your biological father but he's been here since you were ... yrs old. He loves you like you are his own. He is your stepfather but you can call him dad if you want.

Samantha - posted on 05/07/2010

have you thought about a child contact center for your child to get to know dad? if you take him for custody as part of this you can have it ordered in court for these visits to take place, then maybe your child will get to know the real dad, but you know i wouldnt really worry about it because the man you are seeing is as good if not better because hes there! your very lucky your child has a male role model to look up too :-) goodluck

Shawni - posted on 05/07/2010

im 18 also with an older guy i think as his dad isnt part of his life its not a bad thing if he calls someone else daddy aslong as u guys are serious about being together just let him know hes not his "real" dad and when hes old enough he can decide if he wants to get to know his real dad or if he wants your bf to be his dad :)

Michelle - posted on 05/06/2010

I beleive he should be allowed to make that decision. He knows who is father is, but this new man is going to be a part of his life. How comfortable is he to be called daddy. Right now he is only 2 and all he knows is mommy,daddy,uncle,auntie. In the long run he will decide what to call him.

JENNIFER - posted on 05/06/2010

I WOULD SAY IF YOU GUYS ARE STILL RELATIVLY NEW TO DATING EACH OTHER I WOULD CONTINUE TO CORRECT YOUR SON... I JUST RECENTLY GOT OUT OF A 2YR RELATIONSHIP AND GLAD THAT I STUCK TO CORRECTING MY SON BECAUSE NOW HE WOULD BE EVEN MORE CONFUSED... ULTIMATLY THE CHOICE IS UP TO YOU AND WHAT YOUR COMFORTABLE WITH.. GOOD LUCK... BEST WISHES

Nancy - posted on 05/06/2010

When a child feels comfort and they are so honest I would just let it be. When he gets a little order if you want you can explain the difference to him. My daughter is now 9yrs and she calls her dad"daddy" and her step-dad "dad".

Emma - posted on 05/06/2010

you could get your son to call ur boyfriend by his name. I know a few people in a similar situation and thats what they have done.

Tiffany - posted on 05/06/2010

if your son is comfortable to call him that and your boyfriend is comfortable with your son callin him daddy i dont see a problem. i think alot of single mothers go through this same thing although i haven't really brought any guys around my son for him to call them daddy. if i ever met someone and they were involved with my son on a regular basis and he wanted to call them that and they were comfortbale with him saying it then i wouldn't see a problem with it.

Melanie - posted on 05/06/2010

I have been apart of this circle before & if not handled correctly it can be very disturbing to the child......I would keep telling him no thats _________ not Daddy say Daddy is at his house & things like that what ever suits the current situation always let him know Daddy loves him but until he is of an age to understand & decide himself if he wants ur bf to be his dad I would keep it real. I went the other way with this situation with my eldest daughter she kept referring to my partner at the time as Dad & when we had our first child it becoame even more so as her sister was calling him Dad so I just let it go (her real father had no contact) now at 17 she has only just got over her trust issues with certain subjects with me & all adults in general & it is only know she is old enough to understand her feelings she has been able to express that she felt lied to (even though she started the whole Daddy thing at 3yrs old). I have had a new partner for the past 5 years and my 7 yr old has not contact with her father & has grown from the age of 2 with my current partner so I have had the chance to do it the other way & it was hard & tirering to keep saying he is not Daddy & explain no Daddy is here or there but now she is 7 she is very well adjusted & I have been able to explain why she doesn't see her real father to a degree that is at her age level.
So really from experience of both sides & seeing the results of both options I would go with the truth all the way ! It may be hard & even anoying at times but the end result is worth it for the child .
I really hope this has helped even in the smallest way & I wish you all the luck :)

Telika - posted on 05/06/2010

hey,well,i myself wasn't raised with my father,but my sister's father played an important role in my life,he's still young if your boyfriend doesn't have a problem w/it,i'll just let it be until he's at the age where you can tell him the truth,i was about 5 or 6 but that didn't stop the love i mean anybody can be a dad,it takes a man to be a father and if you are still together and that man says he still wants your son to call him dad,then honey you got yourself a man and a keeper!! good luck!!

LATONYA - posted on 05/06/2010

If thats all he knows and he has and still is being a father to him okay. When he gets a little older then you can explain it to him. I will say don't let him call him daddy if you and the guy isn't serious.

Megan - posted on 05/06/2010

i think it's nice that your child calls your bf daddy, it shows that they have a good bond, as long as your child understands that he's the biological father, as this can backfire when your child finds out.

Michelle - posted on 05/06/2010

I'm not in that situation, but I'd say to just keep correcting him and saying "no, not daddy... that's so-and-so").

Imogen Hallam - posted on 05/06/2010

hi there :O) hope your keepin well .. i understand your position as i am a single parent but my sons farther doesnt have anything to do with .... i have been in a serious realtionship for 3 years nearly and my son calls my boyfriend dad if it feels right to the child go with the flow im comfortable with my son calling my oartner daddy so jus need to get use to it it means he/she feels safe around this person :O) hope that helps

Kiara - posted on 05/05/2010

Ask your boyfriend if he is comfortable with that. It's ok to keep correcting him if you both aren't comfortable with him seeing your boyfriend in that way. If your boyfriend treats your son like his own, make sure that's a role that he is willing to be in and if not tell him to try to back off a little and spend less time around your son. In my situation my boyfriend is more of a father to my daughter than her real dad, however he took it really slow with their relationship. But after 2 years she thinks of him and respects him as her dad. And thats all you have to do. Figure out where you boyfriend's head is and then make the decision of whats best for your child.

Mickey - posted on 05/05/2010

If your boyfriend is comfortable and is going to be part of your child life I dont see a problem with him calling him Daddy, now if he's not sure, then I would say maybe try to get him to call him by his first name, as a child gets older he will identify who his daddy really is and that would be the one in his life. God Bless

Jessica - posted on 05/05/2010

You never mentioned whether you live together or not. How serious is serious? You have to allow them to develop their own relationship.

Kat - posted on 05/05/2010

It's hard because 2 is still a little young to get a full understanding. Kids want a Dad simple as that. And they want someone to call Daddy like all the other kids do. I remember feeling that way growing up. But I was much older & could make the decision for myself. If this were my child I would probably persist with trying to correct him until he was older. There is nothing wrong with calling a step dad - dad, but at least when the child is older there is no misunderstanding of who this man really is to him & he can also let you know who this man really is to him. If that makes sense. Good Luck, it's a toughie.

Sina - posted on 05/05/2010

I agree with most of the women on here, so long as ur SON is happy and comfortable around ur boyfriend.And so long as ur boyfriend is willing to step in and be da daddy then it should work out for ur family! Good luck and best wishes :)

Jacqueline - posted on 05/04/2010

I am a single parent now 16 years. I never had any men around my daughter while she was growing up, because it was confusing enough to not have her dad around, that I never wanted her to feel that she had to share me or look at any other man and think of him as Dad, because she could only have one,whether or not he full filled his duties as that or not, she was my main focus, when I decided to see other men it would be while she was in school, for lunch or other things,never put her in that postion nor myself,and just knowing that this person could be gone the next day and then she would have once again confusion in her life of ppl coming and going..Just think before you introduce your child to a man and know how important it is to have your child in a stable consistant evironment..it is no longer about you..Good luck

Tiffany - posted on 05/03/2010

I personally don't see anything wrong with it. However I do feel like you should let your child know that this man isn't the biological daddy. You should make sure that he knows who his real daddy is too.

Sondra - posted on 05/03/2010

i was the same way as u my kids dad left us when they was to small to remember him. i found a great man and the more he came around the more they called him dad. i dont see anything wrong with it has long as u r ok with it and he loves your son.