Need custody help asap

Pamela - posted on 08/09/2017 ( 7 moms have responded )

20

0

6

I have been primary parent w joint custody for 8 years now. I'm at the end of 2nd divorce. It will be final next month. My xhusband bio dad to my 13 old son is seeking custody because I let a childhood friend boy stay two nights and sleep on couch with my son home. He hired a PRivate investigator. We have the paramour clause in divorce. He got the Guardian Ad litem on his side. How can a keep custody and what to expect at custody trial? This is second time my x has petioned court for custody. First time was denied settled in mediation. He gets 10 days a month and half of summer. He has a ton of money and I teach school part time. I feel helpless. Going to trial soon.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Ev - posted on 08/10/2017

8,049

7

918

I have been through the courts in front of a judge for temp custody because my ex thought that I was unfit and he did not win. We came to an agreement out of court for divorce and custody---joint custody. But the clause about not having someone not married or related of opposite sex was in the visitation orders without us having to add that in or not. We had an Guardian for our kids as well. I did not fair so well with her and I feel I wasn't given a fair chance either with her. But that is as it stands and it was 14 years ago. My ex had resources that he could fall on where I did not.

Yes, you made a mistake. We all do that at times. But that does not mean the judge is going to take the kids totally away from you. At the same time you knew the clause was there. Just tell the judge what happened. Be honest. That is all I can tell you about that...judges are people too and are not perfect. But they must be respected because of their place in our world.

7 Comments

View replies by

Ev - posted on 08/13/2017

8,049

7

918

First, you need to calm down. Adding clauses in to the one are going to do no good. Second, contacting the judge, guardian and others and pestering them with questions of what you would do to improve is not going to help either. Third, you did not mention what kind of abuse you thought was going on. Fourth, you would have to prove they are drinking more than they say they are. And fifth, you are making more outof this than you should.

Pamela - posted on 08/12/2017

20

0

6

I told the court appointed Guardian about the constant drinking and so did the kids. She said as long as it's a drink or two it's fine to drive. I was shocked. We are in coparenting classes and they are not helping. I have contacted him three times to sit and talk about what kids need and want. He is arrogant and never responds. Mid September is the actual trial. I habe not had my son around friend boy in well over a month. I contacted the Guardian to let her know I was completely taking her advice. She is yet to respond. I thought about asking judge if I agreed to having a clause in custody agreement stating if in the future I allowed this to happen I would give dad custody. Everyday dealing with this is mental torture. Of course my attorney says I will be fine since I was seeking a modification of visitation I only wanted to reduce time during school year. Only by two to four nights. He gets 10 now. But after hiring the Private investigator dad is seeking full

Ev - posted on 08/12/2017

8,049

7

918

We settled with him as primary residence and I got the rest of the time. We did not divide in exact days like you did. We went by the visitation roster concerning the holidays and summer breaks. It was basically a guide and we did at times alter things because of issues that rose such as my ex's father passing away or his second marriage failing and he needed me to take the kids extra because he did not want to expose them to how their 1st step mother was being like on weekends. I was their constant from birth but because he did not want to pay child support he wanted majority custody but ended up offering the joint. Also I had legal say in things where the kids were concerned. I did it because I could not put the kids through more pain and torment than they had been through already---this is far more important that what it is for the parents. Keeping things just so for them is so important.

My kids did not care much for either step mother. Neither really tried to make them feel like part of the family and they had kids of their own too. My ex even started to favor his own step kids above his kids. That came from my kids not from me. My kids would have preferred to live with me but it was not going to happen easily and cost money I did not have to hire another lawyer. Step parents are a part of life and not all are bad eggs.

Have you thought about having the courts check the abuse and alcohol issues in the home? What kind of abuse are you speaking of? If you are feeling they are in danger being there at all then you should be talking to someone about getting that checked out like protective services or your lawyer.

Pamela - posted on 08/10/2017

20

0

6

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I am so afraid of actually getting on the stand. We currently have joint custody with me being primary. He has 10 days a month and I have 20. Your experience sounds exactly like mine. How many days did y'all settle on? They are trying to say the kids are too attached to me but I have been their constant since birth. The guardian even has the therapist saying kids are to attached. Kids hate going to dads because of step mom and the abuse of alcohol at their home. I do not drink, work part time so I can be home for kids yet I make a mistake dumb one I know but now I feel like I'm going to loose the kids just because of the control of x husband.

Pamela - posted on 08/10/2017

20

0

6

Have you been through a trial? I'm just not sure my odds going against a Guardian ad litem. The court room scares me and I'm afraid because I made a stupid mistake judge will give x custody

Ev - posted on 08/09/2017

8,049

7

918

You are going to have to go through the process. I know it stinks but that it is.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms