Need relationship advice

Charisma - posted on 09/06/2017 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Single mom of two teens, junior and senior on high school. Met a guy dating for 6 months. Everyone I've introduced him too thinks he great but I don't. I think he's one of the nicest guys I've met and he's sweet but I'm not into him the way he is into me and I think he's a phony. He's over the top with the romantic gestures and constantly telling me that he's going to spoil me and no guy will be better for me than him. But I just don't like him and I don't know why. The relationship is very forced on my part and I'm hanging in there because I keep telling myself that I might be making a mistake by letting him go. Disclaimer I have been in very crappy and dysfunctional relationshipso in the past so maybe I just don't know what a good relationship is. Any advice?

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Irene - posted on 09/12/2017

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I think Elaine gave you some good advice. Only you can determine if the relationship is working. Maybe give it some more time but don't get the girls involved until you are sure you want to continue the relatiosnhip.

Elaine - posted on 09/08/2017

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I hear your confusion and frustration! I also give you so much credit for questioning both yourself and the legitimacy of this man. If you have been in tough relationships as you have shared, you have learned to "see" more than you did before. It sounds like your gut is telling you something is wrong in this relationship and you are not feeling he is genuine. Only you can determine that but you can consider some things to help you. It might be best to hold off having him meet your girls, or if he already has, limiting the contact. This might help you to see him more clearly as it is harder if he is involved with your children. You might also share with trusted family members or close friends that something feels "off" and have them spend more time in his company. You may also want to ask him questions that will help you understand who he is....past relationships, his likes, his dislikes, his job path, what he would have done differently, what his dreams are, what some of his failures were, what some of his regrets are.....having these answers may give you some more insight into who he is and you may be able to negate what you are feeling or it will affirm that you should proceed with caution. If you are feeling there is a flag, even if you can't yet be specific, you probably still want to pay attention and slow things down. It sounds right that you question his comment that "no guy will be better for me than him." This could be prideful and arrogant and that might be turning you off. And as we all know, the constant romantic gestures do wane as time goes on.....it is not realistic as you do "life" together and start to deal with the daily responsibilties of being adults.....as well as knowing that the heart will speak louder by selfless actions toward one another than gifts, extragavant dates, etc. I hope this helps. Trust yourself and what you are feeling rather than relying on the assessment of others; after all, you are the one being effected and this is about you. You have to be comfortable and more confident in his sincerity. I hope this helps.

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