Need to find out about child support and custody

Malcolm - posted on 03/23/2013

There's a lot of talk about lying and manipulating in court, but the lies I'm worried about are the ones my preciious daughter is hearing. Every one keeps telling me don't worry she'll seee through the lies someday... well that is of little comfort to me now. Aren't their laws against lying to your children about your EX?

Tracey - posted on 01/30/2013

Hiya, I am really sorry about your situation. My name is Tracey and I have been through this problem myself...GET TO A SOLICITOR!!!...A.S.A.P. The fact that you were not married will make things easier for you believe or not. It means you will not need his signature for anything to do with your daughter. Your ex sounds like my ex ;-) and believe me that kind of selfishness does not leave when it comes to themselves unfortunately ...sad but true :-(

Stay strong for yourself and your little girl and I know you will succeed in your new and better life for you both. -)

Blessed Be Trace Cambpell (Scotland)

Melinda - posted on 01/28/2013

I have just returned from speaking with my attorney about this very matter. I live across county lines and have full physical custody that was established in 2007. The father is now hard to locate, and moved with no known address, and I have been having issues getting my daughter into doctors appointments etc without his signature. Sole custody is outlined in PA that strips paternal rights and denies your access to support etc. Sole physical custody leaves his rights in place, he still pays the support, but the mother has total control over life decisions (school, doctors, etc). This leaves the doorway open for him to petition the court (on his dime) to get regular visitation reinstated and not just at the sole custodial parents discretion. It is very difficult to get a judge to sign off of the sole custody, and you have to have just causes that are in the best interest of the child to get a judge to sign off on sole physical custody.
Talk to a lawyer. Things can get pricey if the matter is not resolved in the mediation and goes before the judge.

Bobbie - posted on 01/18/2013

yes please get legal advise ASAP call a lawyer that gives free advice most importantly check the laws in your state ASAP I know in some states you have to get legal custody of your child even though you had them which to me is crazy,but some old laws are still on the books,that if someone really wants to they can use them, So don't wait and always put your child before anyone else (they are the ones that will always be there for you) I know from experience I have 2 daughters 25 and 30 and they are my best friends I thank God for them everyday Bobbie Burruss (VA) silverfox9361@yahoo May GOD Bless You To Do the right thing Always Put GOD First

Christina - posted on 01/17/2013

Things are so different from state to state. I know in Arkansas my kids father got them for a weekend visitation and would not give them back or let me see them. The police told me one day to just walk in the house and put them in the car and see my children (they were with thier grandma and he was not home). I would get a temporary custody order to avoid this. But if he does love his child I would try to work something out, because it is the right thing to do.

Leigh - posted on 11/07/2012

Look around you. How many people lie? How many people are selfish? How many people are threatening? It is rare to be you. How much do you wish to protect your child against society? What if your child grows up mastering all of this politician stuff, how will you handle the relationship. Form 4 English, education department; speak formerly to authority and lie, then speak slang to a mate and tell the truth. Ever seen any honest educated people around you. Don't be shocked when a court lawyer tells you to lie and you realise all professionals are doing it too. The law doesn't come down hard on liars, you need to be wealthy to go to court of defamation. Yes, this world is about money too.



Establish why a person is telling lies. A mental disorder?

If you think he may run with her, go into court now, to get an order before it is too late. Overseas you think?

Chaya - posted on 07/18/2012

If you live in the US, the ACLU can refer you to inexpensive legal assistance. File for sole custody and support, and require that he only be allowed to see the child in the presence of someone you both trust.
If he takes the child out of state, and you have custody, he can go to prison. I had to file for sole custody after now ex husband took up with my skanky meth addicted half sister and moved back in with his mommy. It wasn't fun, but my daughter respects me for defending her.
Let him put himself in your life on paper, but not literally, if that's what he wishes to believe. You don't need to tell him what you are planning until you are out of the same abode.

Elisha - posted on 07/17/2012

Sheri, I would like to talk to you about your company and its mission. I'm very curious. If you would, please email me at elishabaker915@yahoo.com. I'd love to talk to you about it! Thank you!! :D

Sheri - posted on 07/16/2012

First, sole custody DOES NOT mean no child support. There are two types of custody, physical and legal. Sole legal custody means you get to make all legal decisions for your child, for example religion, medical getting a drivers license, etc. Joint legal means these decisions are shared between parents. Sole physical custody means the child primarily lives with one parent and has visitation with the other.

Child support and child custody are two completely different matters in the court system.

As previous posters have stated, you will need to go to your local county courthouse and file the paperwork. In many states the legal forms are online and you can find a complete list of child support agencies here: http://www.ittavi.com/state-child-suppor...

Once you fill out the forms you can file them yourself and ask for a court date. When you fill out the forms you will be required to provide history of previous payments and visitation that the father has had with your child so make sure you are tracking this.

In fact, I did my entire divorce as well as requested child support modifications and wage garnishments. It was because of the overwhelming data that needed to be provided (both if you do it yourself or if you go to a lawyer) that I started my company, Ittavi.

Hope this helps,

Sheri
Founder/CEO
Ittavi
"ending child support conflict"

Adrianna - posted on 07/15/2012

i havent let my ex take our son with out me being around. i am not letting him take him for a weekend over night stay until we have legal custody papers done. so if your worried about him taking her and running then let him see her only when you are around

Elisha - posted on 07/14/2012

Make sure before you go into court that you are armed with all the evidence that you can carry that proves he lies, trust me. Otherwise he will lie in court and it could be worse for you. That's the nightmare that I'm living right now. Take everything, and I mean everything, because you never know what he might pull out and claim, and you want to have it documented in court, especially when he's on the stand and you can get him with lying on the stand.

Wendy - posted on 07/13/2012

I do not know where you're located but here in CA and in most courts I'm aware of, you would have a hard time getting sole custody unless you can prove him unfit---Many parents attempt this and it appears to be more mud slinging and the courts tend to not side with the mud slinger. If you know he loves his child, and you don't fear for her safety, there's very little you can do as a child has the right to a healthy relationship with both parents.

I believe that your case will be a paternity suit first since you aren't married. I suggest you file the paternity action, request joint physical custody with reasonable (and BE reasonable, the parent most willing to ensure a healthy relationship w/the other parent will be favored as these cases are for the children, not the parents) visitation to the father. Draw up a reasonable parenting plan, discuss it with him, and if he refuses, file it bright an early.

Every county in every state is different so specific details I can't help with but over all, the best advice I ever heard was said to one of our clients in front of me and to sum it up it was along the lines of: "Take every feeling you have, set it aside, and consider your child's feelings and needs. If you can honestly say everything you want is 100% for the child's well being, then do it, if you are acting for yourself in any way, step out of it and try again-this is not about you." The woman who got that advice was seeking full custody because of the child's cheating father so maybe the harshness isn't necessary for all, but the message was a great one.

IF he is a threat in any way, gather proof before you accuse. Always. Best of luck!

Elisha - posted on 07/10/2012

File for sole custody and supervised visitation, if you have a legitimate concern that he could take off with your daughter. Men like that who lie that much are usually bad to deal with in court, so make sure you have undeniable evidence of his lies. My ex is the same way, and I went into court expecting the truth to win out, and it didn't. I got creamed in court. I lost my sole custody which he had signed over to me previously and i now share 50/50 custody with him, and it's a nightmare. Good luck.

Mith - posted on 08/28/2011

If you fear for her have supervised visits. He cannot deny you of that, I do it right now with my son's father. Go to the court house and file a petition for child support and custody, it's very easy. You will get two separate court dates for them, which will have you appear more than once for each. Bring EVERYTHING and ANYTHING that you can use against him. Just keep in mind that the court doesn't care about the relationship btwn you and the father. All they care about is the child and the relationship that she has with each of you.

Julie - posted on 08/24/2011

Is he listed as the father on her birth certificate? If not he has no legal right to your daughter. If he is "legally" her father (listed on her birth cert.) you will have to use legal channels to obtain any ruling on custody and child support,though they are separate matters. He'll have to pay child support in an amount determined by the court based on his income, calculations vary by state. I'm a divorced mom of 3 so personally I will advise you to contact your local department of human resources - or whatever agency handles services like food stamps and social assistance. Putting off the inevitable will only keep you afraid and worried. The sooner you seek help, the sooner you'll feel better about the situation. You daughter deserves her Mom at her best. Good luck to you!!!

Ciara - posted on 10/04/2010

i am in a very similar situ at the moment, my boyfriend and i split up over his behaviour and his drug taking!!!!he wouldnt even think about cuddling our lil girl until he had got his fix!!!!!!anyways we broke up and i tried arranging visits but nothing was ever good enough!!!he always wanted her on his own and i refused for the above reasons and the fact he has threatened on more then one occaision to take her!!!!i sought legal advice and was told to wait for him to apply to see her!!!i no it wont happen though!!!i was also told i could still apply for child support as a separate matter but i thought better coz he always says he has no money!!!!!shes 9 mnths old an hes only ever bought her 2 teddy bears and a bracelet!!!!!i hope you get sorted soon!!!!!nice 2 no im not on my own out there

Cindy - posted on 10/03/2010

i have to disagree with shermika i have sole custody of my child and the father has to pay child support and that will go on untill she is 18 unless i get married to some guy and he adopts my child

Cindy - posted on 10/03/2010

hi i have been throu it so i know what you are going throu i went to legal aid and filled out the forms and they did everything for me i got sole custody and he got reasonable access upon reasonable notice. yes you do need to seek legal advice, if you figure that he is going harm your child in any way you do not have to let the child go with him it is every mothers instinct to protect there child. it is not going to be easy i can tell you that much just try not to let him get to you as long as the child is with you most of the time the father wont really have a leg to stand on its not very often that the courts take the child or children away from the mom unless someone can prove that the mother is unfit to take care of the child.

Renee - posted on 10/03/2010

Yes do it! It's will be a long and prob. stressful process. But, in the long run it is worth it! I know am not worry about trying to be able to do it all on my own. You deserve and so does your daughter!

Elizabeth - posted on 10/03/2010

I am going through a very similar situation at the moment (my ex puts himself first and might run w/ our daughter) but I went and got an emergency custody order the moment I felt like he was truly going to run with her! He ended up finding out before getting served and has been on his best behavior since. If you have to end up on aid (cash aid or food stamps) the county or state will require him to pay child support. But if you just want custody just simply go to the courthouse and see if they have a legal access center that will help you fill out paper work.

Kimberly - posted on 10/01/2010

Well I've been there too. My best advice is to call your local court house and talk to them and see what they say to do. Every situation is different. Do you and the father get along where maybe he would agree on supervised visitation? Then again, if you have it court ordered that he gets to see your child and he goes out of the order he can get himself into big trouble. Go to the courthouse...

Jessica - posted on 10/01/2010

It doesn't matter that you were never married (only if you were seeking Alimony). I've been through a similar situation with my son's father (although it's been a long time since I loved him). In NJ, legal representation is not required for Family Court matters, although recommended. I did everything myself through Family Court for my son: custody, child support, visitation. I even have a Court Order stating that my son's father is not allowed to leave the country with my son. Definitely seek legal advice, but also see what you can start on your own through Family Court. Keep in mind that there are two kinds of custody: Physical Custody, and Legal Custody. Physical Custody determines with which parent the child resides, while Legal Custody determines who is legally responsible for the child. For example, I have Sole Physical Custody of my son, but we have Joint Legal Custody. If you seek Sole Legal Custody of your daughter, be prepared to prove him an unfit parent and possibly lose any right to child support. If your daughter's father loves her but cannot be trusted alone with her, Supervised Visitation may be a better route to pursue, since the Court may be able to designate a 3rd party to handle the supervision, and you end up with someone who can verify your concerns.

Deanna - posted on 09/30/2010

Custody and child support are typically two different things. You can have sole custody but the father will still be responsible to pay support and is entitled to visitation. Typically the custody part has to do with legal issues. Also, there is typically some piece of custody that deals with the physical custody of the child. Such as you the mother has physical custody of your child, while the father has visitation. You can also have sole custody and physical custody with the father having visitation. Separate from that is the child support. Sometimes in some states even if the father signs off all rights to their child, he is still financially responsible for the child and has to pay child support.
I would agree that you should seek legal counsel. It helps. I did some of the beginning stuff with my ex without a lawyer, it did not always work out right. Now that I have a lawyer its easier to navigate the system. Also, if you fear that he will take off with her, then do not allow unsupervised visitation until you have something set up with the court. This keeps things from getting messy. Sadly for the police many of the times without an order in place, a child is seen as "property" and who ever is in possession of the child at the moment the police become involved is the one who the child stays with until something is figured out with the courts. So for example, your child has been living with you, you take care of them all the time, provide for them, but the father takes the child for a visit, but does not bring the child back. If you call the police and there is no court order showing custody, the police will say the father can keep the child until you go to court.

Good luck!

Shermika - posted on 09/30/2010

You can go to the courthouse and request child support. However, do you really want to ask for sole custody? If so, YOU are the one that will be liable for your child. He will not have to pay you anything. I can tell you still love him. Start out with child support first. If this does not make him a better person, then go before the judge and tell them he is unworthy to be a responsible father. Please don't do it out of spite. Remember, the child will become older and wonder what happened.

Amy - posted on 09/30/2010

First off are you married? I suggest not letting him have unsupervised visits until you have some kind of agreement in place regarding visitation. Depending on where you live and the laws of your state. But again Get legal representation to be sure your child is taken care of.