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Never dated son's dad and not sure if I should try building a friendship?

MordSith - posted on 02/16/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My son's father and I never dated. We were friends who hooked up once and a while and things got bad one night and that resulted in our son. From the get go he and his family never wanted anything to do with us. I was alone the entire time I was pregnant. When we did talk it always resulted in a huge fight to the point he and all of his friends were blocked.



My son is almost two and we're a bit more civil to each other. I have no desire to have him in my life and to try to create a "family". We have both expressed we wish we were closer as friends, but I think we are too damaged. At this point I've gotten more involved with my church while he's atheist. That has created a bigger rift because he's refusing to come to my son's dedication. I understand where he's coming from but at the same time it's disappointing.



Since we never dated it feels like we don't have a connection most separate parents have. I don't know if I should suck it up and follow the instinct to try to be friends or to be cautious and not get involved so he doesn't hurt me and my son again.

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1 Comment

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Michelle - posted on 02/18/2012

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Hi! I dated my son's father for 3 months, had a MAJOR falling out, broke up, and then found out I was pregnant. He felt we should be together for our son, but, for me, our relationship was way past damaged. We did, however, come to an agreement that we need to be civil with each other and at least be able to communicate like adults. Your son is your everything and it can be very stressful and emotionally hurtful for a child to be caught in the middle of two feuding parents (I grew up in that exact situation. It's not something I would wish upon my worst enemy), so we came up with a solution: for the important things in his life (mainly his "firsts", meaning first haircut, first time at the zoo...) we would do it together so our son wouldn't have to be stuck in the middle of us arguing who would be able to do what with him and our son ultimately having to choose which parent he would rather be with in the long run. So far, it is working very well. We are so focused on our son during the activity that it doesn't give us time to argue with each other. Our son is very happy which makes me happy. Also, when he goes to his fathers for his visitation, he doesn't scream and cry for one of us.

My situation is exactly like yours. I couldn't imagine his father not wanting him while I was pregnant. I envy you for the enormous amount of strength you have for going through that and still debating whether or not to start a friendship with him. I think it would be helpful to your child if both of you remained civil and try to be friendly (not necessarily best friends) with each other for your Childs sake! From the looks of it, I am pretty sure you won't have a problem being friendly. So basically the ball is in his hands. But stay strong (and friendly especially in front of your son) and just realize YOU are trying to do your best when it comes to your son. So far, sounds like you're doing an AWESOME job!

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