Newly Single, not sure how I'll cope.

Kat - posted on 04/21/2010 ( 143 moms have responded )

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Hi, My Husband has announced this week he is leaving me. I have an 18m old daughter & am 28+4wks pregnant. I am absolutely beside myself. The prospect of being a single Mum makes me so so sad, scared & angry. I don't want to do this. But here I am, I have no choice & I will make do. I don't have a question, perhaps just need some reassurances or support. I feel so low.
Thanks

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Laura - posted on 04/21/2010

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you'll do fine - there are going to be days when it's super hard, but just keep your head high and remind yourself that your a wonderful mommy, and your doing the best you can. Sometimes my daughter will ask for things and I have to tell her no - start young on explaining what money is, and that we need to spend it wisely, and she won't be so bummed when you have to tell her no.



I know it will be hard to be a single mother, but the best you can do is put all personal emotions aside and think about the kids and how you would feel if the situation was turned around. The best thing to do is remain civil and friends with your soon to be ex. Makes things work out so much better for everyone involved.



Keep your head up you'll do fine!

Crystal - posted on 05/08/2010

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Hi, it has taken me some time. I have read all of the threads. I find a strength in learning that all these people have been able to move forward. This is my story for what its worth. I was 28yrs old. I was never married. I was extremely scared of raising my daughter on my own though. I stayed in a relationship with her father for the entire 1st year of her life. I already knew in my gut and my heart that we were not going to live happily ever after. I had to get to my bottom tho. When that happened, I was able to put on my big girl panties. I told him to get out. We could do bad on our own. I had no job. My family all worked during the day. I had nowhere to even take her that I felt was safe, so I could look for a job. Friends knew I was in a tight place, then along came a babysitting job. 5 kids, it was great, we were doing good. Able to move in2 a heathier home, witch dad was not aware of. (He was not paying child support, he was strung out on drugs, and he was in Florida, on what he said was a duely deserved vacation.) Just moved in, then a few months later, she quit bringing the children over, so here we were again. I had to ask for help. In the state I am in we were givin a second chance. She was able to be placed in a daycare. I was enrolled in a program that helped get me a job leaning towards the career path I chose. In the start of a new year, (on her 2nd birthday), I was enrolled in my 1st semester of college. Best birthday present I could have ever given her. A little over 3 years have past. Life has been chalenging. In my 1st semester of school a common cold took over me. 3 trips to the dr, changin meds and steriods, I thought I was @ the brink of insanity. I had cut myself off from driving with her in the car. I thought that having her, trying to move forward for both of us had just taken so much out of me. I seriously thought I was loosing my mind. I woke up 1 morning, told myself no matter what I was going to school. I got up and stepped outside for a moment. decided when I almost fell off the front step something was wrong. I was really sick, this was not in my mind. I got my daughter dressed and since that took 2 hrs, I was extremely weak, I had to take a nap, while waiting for my brother to come take her to daycare and me to the hospital. It really did not take long for the dr 2 confirm the fact that I was not loosing my mind. That for whatever reason, GOD helped me to push through over a year, for my daughter, with diabetis. A life threatening disease. They checked twice b4 coming in the room and telling me I would have to make arrangements for my daughter cuz i was a diabetic and I was going to have to stay in the hospital due to extreamly high blood sugars. I was in the 800 range. They were not sure why I was still awake and telling them I felt I was loosing my mind. My higher power had to have been their. Who else would have been able to keep me going under them conditions? What I thought was me aging after having her, was in reality a back breaking adventure in life, that felt like a ton of bricks were dropped as soon as the dr said them words. You are a diabetic..... My brother thought I was going to flip out and loose control. Ladies, I was so relieved to know something was wrong. I was not as crazy as I had thought I was. This was something that could not be cured, but could be taken care of. I would be able to continue to move forward for my daughter and I. Life was good..... Learning how to change my diet, watch what I eat and take meds to control my blood sugars, as well as shots @ night. has been all a new experience for me. I am also working my way towards a Associates Degree in Elecrical Technology. I will have that under wraps December of this year. I am going to continue my education further working towards 2 degrees. Another in Industrial Maintenence. I will be able to find a place to work and support both of us. I do not have plans on being alone for the rest of my life. However, this time in my life is geared towards doing what I can to make sure I will be able to care for my daughter in every possible way, on my own. I have learned a hard lesson in my life. I am a nieve person. I want for no1 to be angree or upset, esspecially with me. This in turn has caused me to allow several people to use me in many ways. I have had to take a long and deserving look @ my entire life. I was a child who was raised by a terrible father. I growing up tended to take on the roll of finding a guy and trying to change him, cuz they all ended up having qualities I knew form my negative roll model. If they didnt then for some reason I was not happy with them. I was a lost child raising a child. My family does not even know I feel this way about my life. (It would not do any good to talk with them about this, no1 is ever right, every1 always knows how u should fix things, and they are as messed up as I feel I once was) if that makes any sence to any of you. I had to figure out who I was, what I wanted. What truely mattered to me, no matter who did not agree. I had to stop doing for others. Find out what worked for me, and be ok being me. The 1 person in this world who I would fully be able to lean and depend on. All this in order to be able to provide a healthy happy loving environment for my daughter to succeed in. I would strive to be a people pleaser, never really acknowleding the harm, and all the hurt I had been causing myself, trying to make others happy. I lost me. I look at life like this these days, how could I have expected any man to be happy with me when I was not even happy with me. I have got to be able to be me, otherwise I will biuld anger remorse and resentments. I am not perfect, however the past 3 years of my life have been the best years of my life. I am able to enjoy this with my daughter. Her father has his own issues to deal with. They have caused him to go in2 hiding cuz he is running from the law in 2 different states. This is no longer an issue for me. I talk with her about him not wanting us to know where he is. I dont tell her things such as why. I just say he is in a rough spot in his life, and he thinks it would be better if we didnt know how to get in touch with him. I have grown so much from this experience. I have had the ups and the downs. I am all in all a happy free spirit. Able to love my child and enjoy our life in the here and now. She has been my rock, life b4 her was just for making others happy, no1 should be angree, especially with me. Now, I know I have the ability to love me, with that I am able to share love with her. B4 I had her I had never even lived by myself. Some1 else was always there. I have come a long way in our journey thru life. We are a small, very happy, productive family, with love and alot of support from others thru our journey of life as God knows it. Just when I thought I was loosing it, he was always there to guide me. I have restored my faith in my Higher Power, in this I have been able to enjoy the finer things in life without sweating all the small stuff. The choice is ours. We decide how we want to make of it...... I wish you the best of luck in your new adventure. May God b with you. Just remember, NoThInG ChAnGeS UnTiL SoMeThInG ChAnGeS!!!!!!!

Donita - posted on 04/30/2010

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You can do it! Start w/child support. When you make a housing budget DO NOT include it! When you get it, look at it like the lottery. Find a Ymca, ask for finacial help and use the track and walk. Put your youngest in their daycare while you walk. There are people in your same shoes and YOU can and You will survive this! digger.donita@gmail.com

Ericka - posted on 06/27/2011

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First of all you should thank God that he's leaving...He was never a real man anyway and as you can see there are many of us in here in your shoes. And we made it and so will you...I won't lie and say it will be smooth sailing, no there will be some trying times but as women that's what we are built for and we do what we have to do...Just don't get down on yourself you did nothing wrong it's him that needs fixing and remember one thing you are a Strong, Beautiful Women and you will make it through one day at a time.

Cheryl - posted on 05/02/2010

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I was in the same situation a few years ago. I was pregnant with my youngest, who is now 5. The best advice I can offer is to try not to stress over the things you cannot control - his actions are one of those things. Focus on the things you CAN control in each given day. The other thing that helped me a lot was not to think too much about how I was going to deal with next week, next month or next year. Sometimes you just have to deal with today, or the next 15 minutes, and how you are going to get through THAT, whatever it is. If you can cope positively with the here and now, the future will take care of itself.

Also, as soon as my now-ex made his "announcement", I filed for child support. They will only grant it to you for the child you currently have, but you can take him back to court for the other child when he/she arrives. This is not a vengeful move, it is simply you seeking the support that you and your children deserve.

I know it seems impossibly hard right now, but hang in there. It will get better..I promise. And you will one day be glad he is gone, since he has just shown you the type of person he truly is if he would walk out on you and

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Milly - posted on 01/11/2014

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am so sorry to hear, and i tell you you will cope just fine, give yourself some credit, as women we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. you are going to be a mother to your kids, a friend when they need one. don't waist your strength being angry because that is just waisted emotions, you will be amazing, i did it and am still doing it, and am filled with joy and so much pride when i look at my children, stay focus on them babies.

Paulina - posted on 12/26/2013

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Listen , I am a single mother for as long as I can remember. I have two . their father left when I was pregnant with my first child. We reconcile one day after my oldest was 4 years. I didn't want him back. I just wanted to feel something I was pregnant and he still wasn't apart of our lives. I work two jobs. Until I was tired of them . went back to school and still struggling. He refuses to help me with them. I try my best as a single mother. No one helps me, the family I have is a bunch of disfunctional Christian fake ass fanatics. I suffer being a woman of colour. I am angry and I don't wish being a single mother on anyone else. It is stressful, lonely . no support from no one. Being a single mother don't mean having a nanny for the kids. I don't have that life style. But my kids get A's in school and are well mannered and love me unconditionally. I can say to each and everyone of you without support financially or spiritually . we will be emotionally drained each day. It is hard meaning someone, unless you have blond hair or Caucasian skin. I hope you will stick in there for you. Not only for the kids sake. You will cry and asked why me. But life is hard. Especially when you are not born rich or have support from family or your community. I am still angry. Because their father refuses to accept them as his children. But I promise you this. Their father will regret leaving you. Be strong and ask for help when need it. Pray and cry if you have to. Don't surround yourself with things of him that will also trigger pain. It can't be avoided. But try to live and let your children see this. It will get better , but it will take time.

Melanie - posted on 12/19/2013

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I help Single Midlife Mothers ; Leave it to Angels.org Is a Non Profit Serving San Diego County Moms ! I know first hand how Devastating Divorce can be . I also started up a MeetUp ' North County Single Moms of Teens ' ,.... We will get through this & Heal ,with SUPPORT & FRIENDSHIPS ! : ). We are STRONGER than we Think !

Shannon - posted on 09/05/2013

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Wow this scares me and I'm not sure what to do. Could my ex do the same? I just separated as well because of emotional abuse about a week ago. I was a stay at home mother so I have no job or money. I just filled for child support and contacted the lagal aid society for help. He has made threats to take my child away when angry in the past. Now I just dont know what to do. I concerned he will do the same out of anger. Ive thinking of joining the armed forces (reserves though). Whats your plan?

Amy - posted on 07/26/2012

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I am so sorry. In the long run, it will be better for your kids to see the two of you apart and happy then together and miserable. Good luck to you!

Jessica - posted on 07/26/2012

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hi im new to this site and am going through a really bad divorce..weve were seperated almost 2 months.. i have three children two boys 9 and 6 and a 2 yr old girl.. he has the kids because he got mad when i filed for temp custody while he was away because when everything happened he put kids at his parents house so he called cps on me and kids were placed with him hes made my life a living hell every since i barely see my kids now because social worker now declared my house unsafe becuase he a freakinng coward.. i have court in 2 weeks im stressed out.. cant find a job miss my kids i have no family here sorry just needed to vent a little thanks for listening,.

Danielle - posted on 07/23/2012

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WOW. I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now. Any man who leaves his pregnant wife, unless she is a serial killer, is not worth your love, time, devotion or energy. I don't mean to be blunt here, but what a complete jerk. You CAN do this on your own, the most important thing you need to make sure you can do it, is confidence. Don't question yourself or your ability to take this on by yourself, and you'll do just fine. You have handled it well until now, so why should that change? Pain can really take its toll on our self-esteem and self-confidence, so don't give this jerk the satisfaction of thinking that he was so important that you are going to fall apart without him. You WON'T. Just make sure that you surround yourself with a great support system...just like you are doing now with this post. Support is so important. I don't have a good support system. I have my husband and he is absolutely fantastic, but we do this all on our own. We have 5 kids, 3 are adopted with numerous special needs, two are autistic, and we have no one helping us out, ever. That is the WORST thing you can do. Make sure you let people help you, there is never a need to prove anything to anyone else. Taking care of your precious children's Mommy is sooooo important. Please have faith, because you CAN do this, and in time, you will find a good man who wouldn't do this to you, EVER..in a million years They're out there, I have one. And your kids will do just fine with their great Mommy.

Bridget - posted on 07/22/2012

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Can u tell me please how u coped? Or r coping?
It's been a yr now for me we have 3 boys and
I was pregnant when he left with #4 boy.
He married the girl he left me for we were together
Since 14 I can't get past it!!!! I need help!
Floridagirl2504@aol.com

Susan - posted on 06/27/2011

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Personally I can't stand it when people say "God doesn't give you anything you can't handle" - it doesn't address the fear, frustration, hurt and overwhelming sense of "what do I do now". You are clearly a good mom and wise too - as you're already reaching out for support. Surround yourself with people who can help with no strings attached and just take things day by day. You WILL do it - just as you've probably been the main parent in your daughter's life as well thus far. You have a good head on your shoulders and they're lucky to have such a present and devoted mom. So very sorry you have to endure this but you deserve someone who'll walk to the end of the earth for you. And until then, just believe in yourself as you clearly do!!
Susan
www.thesusie.blogspot.com

Denise - posted on 05/18/2010

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you can absolutely do it. There are all kinds of resources for single moms. Circle of moms is just one. Everyone in here supports you! Singlemomfinancialhelp.com is just one more site to go to for support and tips on being a single mom. My mom was a single mom and was absolutely amazing raising me and two older brothers. if she can do it so can you!

Melissa - posted on 05/09/2010

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I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through such a rough time. I will agree with the ladies that being a single mom is hard, but certainly not harder than trying to raise children and hold on to a man that has already decided to go. I really love being a single parent now that the hurt and anger has dissipated. The only people I have to account to about my parenting skills, cleanliness of my house, the hour of supper and the stain on my shirt are my children, not a husband who wasn't that interested anyway. I know how hard this time is, but it gets better, emotionally at least. Please take care.

Ashley - posted on 05/08/2010

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im a single mam n yes it is hard but rewardin at the same time u'll b fine u have ta b strong 4 the kids im sure ur friends n family will c u thro this difficult time keep ur head up n look 2 the future if u ever need ta talk us at circle o mams r ere 4 u x

Natalie - posted on 05/07/2010

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How terrible ! I am so very sorry. What helped me out when I was going through the shock, separation and eventual divorce was my Lord, my church, DivorceCare, a few VERY good friends, family and reading material that discussed the situation I was in. Two of the books that stick out in my mind right now that were very helpful to me were :What to do when your spouse says "I Don't Love You Anymore" by David Clarke, PhD and Single, Married, Separated & Life After Divorce by Myles Munroe. Another thing that I got my hands on almost right after the separation was a audio series(cd set) called Freedom in Christ by Jamie Lash. It was a tough time in my life and it has taken me 3 years to see how it was a blessing and it is a 2nd chance at life & love. It is a process.... Through the last 3 years my kids and I have seen God carry us through it all. He has provided for us in so many ways on so many different levels. This has been an opportunity for the kids and I to see God work in our lives. I come to know God in such a more personal way through all of this. I was so depressed & angry in the beginning and those emotions still seep in every once in a while. But I became determined that he wasn't going to bring me down and rob me of all happiness and life. With God's help I am making a life for us without him. I don't have to wonder anymore where he is at night...or if he is lying to me or if he approves of how I look for how the house looks or if he is going to come home in a bad mood and give me the silent treatment. It is a nice place to be...a lot less stress. It is a hard time full of so many uncertainties, fears, loneliness, anger,sadness. Know that God is there and has always loved you unconditionally. I will pray for you tonight and your new sweet baby.

Imogen Hallam - posted on 05/06/2010

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hi katrice hope your well x i my self am a single parent and i know you may feel like you cant do it but you find strength inside you that you never thought you had when your a single parent .... you become both parents in a way .. you will have your good days and bad days but always remmeber that your children love you unconditionally and are needing you to be strong if you ever feel low or lonely add me on facebook i will always chat to you ...

Sharon - posted on 05/06/2010

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hi there,i know it seems like the end of the world but its not just think what a prat your husband is and what he will miss out on in your life and your childrens. my husband did excatly the same to me i have four children all under 11and guess what im still here .i have my good days and bad ones it was very hard at the start but each day gets better.i lost everything because of him house home and job.its nearly 4 years now and im doing great , kids are happy as am i. i am nearly finished a 2 your course on buisness and life looks good .your children will help get you through this they will give you a reason to get up in the morn and look after yourself they need you so you will be there for them.as for himself dont be suprised if at some stage he comes crawling back they nearly always do and it will be just when you have our life back on track.chin up i thought at the time it only happend to me but there are more and more single moms out there than you would think.and you are stronger than you will ever realise. be brave and take it in your stride have a good cry when you need or want one and talk to family and friends and never be afraid to ask for help.i beleive in you and so does everyone else.take care you will be great

Amanda - posted on 05/04/2010

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Time is flying and it could not be better. When he left it was a big stress relief. I have my life back together and enjoying it with my kids. Life could not be better now. My kids r my life and im going to school to make our lives better. My family has helped me a lot and so have my friends. We are doing just great with out him in the picture. He does see the kids. He is staying in there lives which is a good thing.

Amanda - posted on 05/04/2010

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I started being a single mom the day I found out I was pregnant, he told me he was cheating. Some days are harder than others and you feel so overwhelmed you just don't know what to do. Just know you are an amazing mother and that you do all that you can for your children. You cant rely on people sometimes so you do for you and those little ones. It seems gloom and scary now but once you get into the swing of things you won't even realize where the time went. You can do it, you just gotta keep looking forward lean on your family and friends and worry about your little ones.

Amanda - posted on 05/04/2010

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Me and my husband just split. I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. Let me tell you it is not easy doing it by myself but I'm getting through it. Let your 18m old help you pick stuff for the new baby. Let let talk to the baby. Also when the baby is born let your 18m help you with the little stuff like getting baby clothes out for the baby ect. Let the 18m old help you because then she will be involved and feel helpful. Having your daughter on a schedule also helps a lot as well. When both of the kids are sleeping that is when you also take a sleep. The first couple of days are the worst but everyone gets through them. Also don't be shy to ask for help from family cause that is what they are for. My family have helped me a lot since me and my husband have split.

Courtney - posted on 05/04/2010

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Well I know exactly how you feel, but just was not married. Im so sorry to hear that you are being left. Mine left me 1 1/2 weeks after I had our son then we got back together then decided it wasnt going to work. I was completely devestated. I wasnt sure how I was going to deal with it. But then my beautiful baby boy just made me realize that he was nothing and that my main priority is him and me. His dad comes around occasionally to see him, but I am the parent he knows best. I have wonderful friends and family who are there to support me and help me out. Just ask your friends and family for help when you are at the end of your rope. Just dont let him see you fall apart or your children!!

Veronica - posted on 05/04/2010

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I can completely understand why you're concerned but honestly, you will be just fine!!! Mom's have to be strong for their kids, and in being that way, we can cope with things better than the average person! Just focus on your babies and you'll build such an amazing relationship with them. My husband left me while I was pregnant and I was totally overwhelmed but now I look back and see that it was the best thing that happened in our marriage! Just focus on being the best mom you can be for your babies and everything else will fall into place!

Kerry - posted on 05/04/2010

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Ok first off sweetie, in a way you're lucky he has gone now as in sooner rather than later as it hurts so much more when you have children at an age of asking questions. I'm a single mum and divorced my husband after he turned out to be a jerk who rarely sees his sons. I can't offer you face to face support but its always great to have a moan so I am here if you just fancy a chat x

Scheila - posted on 05/04/2010

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How typical of a man to just walk away from his responsibilities. The one thing that I can tell you is that you can do it. We have this strength from within as being a mother of two children somehow we cope its hard, but we make it. We have no choice our children need us. Make sure you take him to the cleaners though!

This is a great place to come for support you have taken the first step in telling yourself that you will be on your own. All you have to do is look into your daughter's beautiful eyes and she will help you.

Mel - posted on 05/04/2010

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Hi Katrice, I know the prospect is a daunting one. I went through it about 5 years ago. I was married with 4 children. My youngest was not even 2 and I was petrified. Admittedly I left him but the idea of being a single mum was devastating. But I will tell you now I quickly discovered how strong I really was. It is a big change but if you embrace the new beginning and take it day by day you will get through it and come out the other side stronger then ever before. I am now with a wonderful man who welcomed my children into his life with open arms. Being a single mum changed my whole outlook on life and I am a better person for it. I wish you all the luck in the world. Be strong you can do it.

Prisca - posted on 05/04/2010

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Hi,Katrice.u need not be worried .just have faith and believe that u can be a great mum to your kids.its tough and maybe there will be moments you will be lonely,overwhelmed but you can do it.those feelings are normal .you can.you are not alone

Angela - posted on 05/04/2010

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I am sorry to hear this... I have three children (6 yrs, 5 yrs and 11 months old), and I spent most of last year in and out of hospital with a back injury from an assault while I was pregnant, and my partner started his abuse up again... I'd gotten out of rehab to walk again at the end of last year... I had to ask my (then) partner to leave because of his behaviour. It was horrible because I couldn't look after myself let alone my three children because of my back... but lucky for me my parents took me and the kids in and they care for all of us...

I think what I am saying is that it hurts so badly to break up with your partner (whoever broke up with whom) when it is supposed to be a time of joy...

Yes, you have to be strong. Yes, you must keep going for the childrens sake. Yes, you wil get through this.

However...

Give yourself some kindness... think of what you would do and say for your best friend if she were in the same situation as you... then do it for yourself! Do whatever you can to get through today, and the next... concentrate on taking the next breath and the next step... love yourself and care for yourself. You will have people that can't handle you needing to concentrate just on giving to yourself (my experience) but be your own best friend and don't talk to yourself in a way that is any worse than you would talk to a close friend.

I send strength and joy and angels your way... if you need to talk then just drop me a line.

Angela

Claire - posted on 05/03/2010

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Hi Katrice, I am so sorry to hear your news, especially because you are pregnant also, that must be so hard. I have been a single mum for 3 years now, not choosing to enter into a new relationship. At the beginning, I too was scared, but I went straight into counselling, keeping a journal of all my emotions definately helped me and family support. It is a huge adjustment to go through, time will make it all better. I made changes for me, never forget about yourself. I dieted, lost weight, commenced at the gym where i met new friends, creche is a great thing too and so good to work off that anger in the gym. Daily structure was a necessity for me, and still is. I am lonely yes, but I am happy, you can survive this, feel free to chat anytime. I hope I helped even if it was in a small way. take care and all the very best, remember crying is healing. Claire

Cori - posted on 05/03/2010

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My husband left me when my son was 18 months old. I was also beside myself and totally overwhelmed. Everyone told me that I would be fine, but at the time it was really difficult to believe that. But they were right. Everything did turn out okay and I am fine. The same will happen for you. :-)

Sacheen - posted on 05/03/2010

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I understand. I had a 2.5 year old and just found out I was pregnant when my husband didn't want to be with us anymore.. I was a homemaker and did not know how I was going to make it as a single mom with 2 kids.. It is very scarey.. I was lucky to have an awesome family who helped, I moved in with my parents worked @ a retail store 30 hours week and went back to school.. I cryed alot of nights, but knew I had to be strong and support my kids.. Know I am self employed and work around there schedule it has been 3 years since my divorce and I went through a lot of hard times.. But you will make it.. make sure you have a great family support and talk it out, great friends can help too.. hang in there. it will get better! Sorry to hear you have to go through all this..

Aneisha - posted on 05/03/2010

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Things happen in life for a reason! Just don't stress yourself out I spent two pregnancies stressed and it was no fun! I'm sure you thought it would last forever but things happen for a reason. Just stay true to yourself and your children. I'm sure someone will come along to make you even happier or he will come around w/e is best for you! But don't feel low, just because he is leaving doesn't mean its because of you!!!!!

Kelly - posted on 05/03/2010

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hi its bound to be hard but im sure you will do fine its hard being a single mum but take 1 days as it comes xxx

Kat - posted on 05/03/2010

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I'd like your advice (and continual prayers of course)?

So my Husband comes home & says he wants to separate. He admits he is suffering with depression, which I totally attest to. He's not sure how he feels & is very confused & some what numb. He admits to kissing a woman while out drunk. An alleged stranger who he has no contact with or emotional ties with. I don't spend much time at all thinking about this girl and I am very focussed on the depression. I immediately set myself up with some counseling as I am at this time 25wks pregnant & also have an 18m old. Over the next 4-5 weeks we are living separately under the same roof. I am encouraging him constantly to get medication & counseling. (he is on meds & is part way through setting up some counseling) I have taken on a mother role I guess you would say. In my mind he's my Husband he is ill & I stand by him, though he says he has no idea what the future holds. I had felt very strongly that he had made this decision under a cloud of depression & that it is not the real him making the decision, so I choose to be his best friend & support him emotionally as best I can. While I am a basket case, crying all the time & desperate for my Husband back. On Friday I learn that he did indeed know this girl & has ties with this girl through work. He is attracted to her & wants to remain friends with her. I also believe from this learning that it was more than a kiss. (though he is fully denying any of these new developments). Now I want to abandon my Husband, though I swore I wouldn't. I am so torn. I am so angry. Truly - What would Jesus do in this situation?? And honestly he's not asked for my forgiveness. I love him. I hurt so so much. My daughter is being affected by this & it makes me cry all the more to see her cry. The stress has started to affect the pregnancy with severe cramps & soreness. Up until Friday I felt in my heart that while we may separate for 6-12 months that it will never truly be over. Was I still in the denial stage?? Now I don't know whether to move out or ask him to move out? I don't know if I need to give myself a few more days to calm down after Friday's developments & then I can be calm & supportive again like I was prior. (when I say calm & supportive admittedly it was sporratic).. Neither of us really have anywhere to go. He's not from Australia, all his family are in Ireland. We have a lot of 'our' friends, but he's not comfortable to go to any of them. Most of my friends have little kids & it's just not practical for me to move Emily out. This is his house, his home, can I really in good heart ask him to move out?? Half of me doesn't want to. I don't want to let him out of my sight. Another half of me can't stand the sight of him. So my advice to him is not to make any life changing decisions while under a cloud of depression. So my advice to me should be not to make any life changing decisions while under a cloud of depression. lol.

So Truly what would Jesus do if he were me???



Also through all this - he is still supporting me & our child financially. He won't ever abandon us in that way. He is involved with our daughter - he is a WONDERFUL father. At times he is still very warm & caring towards me, but distantly of course.

Nadia - posted on 05/03/2010

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What you are felling is perfectly normal and you will also be OK. At this point address some practical issues. Where are you going to live, money issues etc...Then you can start addressing your emotions. Yes, you need to be tough but you must also be gentle on yourself and don't try or pretend to do more than you can. Take it a day at the time until you know where you are going but the opportunities are there. Is your children's father planning on being involved with the children, emotionally and financially? Until then you can download a free copy of my eBook here: http://drop.io/hv9ltq9 - hang in there. It does get better!

TRACEY - posted on 05/03/2010

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Hi Katrice, my name is Tracey and i've been in a similar situation, my kids were 5 and 2 when I got the announcement and then he moved in with the cow next door. I won't lie to you, it is very hard in the beginning, (my life was like an episode of Gerry Springer for a while) I was absolutely gobsmacked and terrified at the thought. I would reccommend some kind of counselling though as it really does help. You really need to believe in yourself and cut yourself some slack. It is really hard emotionally for quite some time but it does get easier as you become so much stronger as a person and as a mother. This self belief is very important as you need to know that you are a good person and you deserve to be happy and no one has the right to take that away. You will find yourself during this rollercoaster ride and you will come out the other side an amazing new person. I don't know you, but I do know that you do have the strength to carry on and it is amazing how much your children will help you do this. Remember that it is not your fault you are in this position and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a single mum!!! You will be a brilliant single mum! Remember to give yourself time to grieve (it is a grieving period) and don't be afraid to accept or ask for help as you will not only need it at times but you deserve it!! Remember who you are and always remember you are a good person and a wonderful mother!!!! You will come out triumphant. Good luck. xoxoxo

Mary-Ann - posted on 05/03/2010

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Hi Katrice,

Im not sure where you are based, but give me a shout and we can always chat when you need help - i've been a single mom for 6 months now (little boy is 3 in august) and am the same age as you - Life can be very strange and seem nasty - ultimately it will be even better than it was before. Drop me a mail if you like - annie.oosthuizen1@gmail.com - God Bless, Annie

Karin - posted on 05/02/2010

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hi; you'll cope. I did.. you must have parents, other family, friends you can ask to help out a moment, supportgroups of other single parents in your area. it's no shame to ask help, my advice is to lose the sadness, enjoy your pregnancy and take it one day at the time. you will get over this, just like i did. xx

Heather - posted on 05/02/2010

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It's not impossible, just tougher. You need to establish a good base of emotional support with family and friends to keep you sane and happy during these tough times but you can do this! Also consider your husband's new role... will he be involved in any way with his kids? That will be something to determine right off... even if he isn't with you, he might still be very active in their lives. It does help but if he's not a good father, I'd suggest keeping his presence to a minimum. You will learn how strong you can be throughout this situation, which is a good thing! I know the rejection and fear is overwhelming right now... don't dismiss those emotions as being silly or stupid. You are allowed to grieve, it's normal and healthy to go through all of it. BUT don't attack yourself in any way (as we women are wont to do... we seem to take on a failed relationship as our fault completely), recognize the facts in what made the marriage not work and realize it's a two way street. It may help you get over the pain a lil' faster, I don't know. We all grieve differently. Just make sure you have people who love you around you to keep you uplifted and feeling strong. Good luck to you and your precious babies!

Cyndy - posted on 05/02/2010

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There will be days when you will wonder how you are going to go on and somewhere somehow you will reach into the depths of your soul and find the strength. My advice is to find an attorney now. You need to protect not only your rights but the rights of your both your children. Start looking for any financial documents (tax returns, bank statements, paystubs, etc) and take them to the attorney. You need to get child support in place ASAP. Also remember that this is a change in your life and you need to take care of yourself so that you can be there for your kids. Surround yourself with a great village and support group. I've been a single mom for almost 12 years and without my village, I'm not sure how I would have made it. I'm cheering you on - I know that you can get through this!

Shaliyla - posted on 05/02/2010

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All things are possible encourage yourself more make the best out of it Love yourself and you babies :)

Tiffany - posted on 05/02/2010

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I myself am in the same boat so all i really can tell you is just take it one day at a time.

Lorrie - posted on 05/02/2010

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First things first. Prioritize all your practical, day to day concerns and address them one by one. Your emotional state is important but you have to deal with survival issues and the developmental needs of the children too. Set aside a time each day to deal with your emotions. I'm serious. Set a timer and use it to cry or rant or write it out. After yime is up get on with life. What will you eat, how will you manage finances, what requires your energy today. Remember to live, breathe, and smile each day. It isn't always easy, but it is the only life you have. Love your self, love your children and find a way to build a life you love anyway. His loss. You will do fine. You are not alone.

Jill - posted on 05/02/2010

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As a Single Mom of two, I just want to reassure you that you CAN do this! xoxoxxo

Barbara Anne - posted on 05/02/2010

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Hey Katrice! I hear you loud and clear. I'm a single mom myself with three kids - 1 girl and 2 boys. It was a rough journey and I didn't make it through without a scratch. My family and I had to kick out my first husband (dad of my first two kids) because he was abusive - I was a battered wife. My second husband ditched me while I was pregnant with our son. Not a very pretty story but I found strength in raising my kids. I know you will, too. We are mothers because we are stronger than men can ever be.

Cheer up! We're here for you.

Abbe

[deleted account]

It's not your fault. He is the one with the problem. You need to surround yourself with loving people. My church has a single Mom's support group. If your church doesn't, then find one that does. Also, get into a Divorce Recovery group ASAP. They're everywhere. Your children need a strong mother. You can do it.

Stacey - posted on 05/02/2010

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You can do it!! And to be quite honest, sometimes it is for the best. You can be more calm for your children, if things have been in turmoil. Just concentrate on them and it will help you get through. Finding a support team can really help, like a friend or family. Soon you will be so busy. I have been on my own with my two the whole time and I am starting to think that things have been better that way. Keep your head up. You can do it!!

Allison - posted on 05/02/2010

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Try to remember that your husband's choices are about him and not about you and your children. Over 50% of marriages are ending in divorce, so you are by no means alone. Reach out to the groups in your area ("meetups" are excellent) try to get out of the house as much as you can. Living well is the best revenge :)

Tammy - posted on 05/02/2010

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you will be fine. there is lots of support for you. but make sure you get all agreements and arrangements in a legal document. don't trust him to pay support. get his wages garnished.

i know how you feel . but believe in yourself. look out for your children. and life will get back to some kink of normal

Jody - posted on 05/02/2010

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Good morning:)
As I read through my daily devotions, there seems to be a common theme... Rather than ask yourself, "Why am I going through this?", ask yourself, "What is God wanting me to learn from this?" I read somewhere below, "God doesn't give us more than we can handle..." This is very true:) We must search the scriptures to find answers and remember "everything happens for a reason" :)
I will pray for you to be encouraged and to find strength as you go through this next stage of your life. :)
I would imagine you have MANY things to be thankful for! Try to focus on those:)
Jody

Kat - posted on 05/02/2010

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Moving forward has been hard. I find doing the little things like setting up bank account & applying for Single Parent Pension really very hard. The stress has started to show symptoms now in my pregnancy. I often come & re-read your messages to give me strength & courage. I know for certain that I will eventually be happy again on my own. I know that I am capable of happiness. I can't guarantee my happiness if I tried to make things work with my husband, that would be a gamble. But we don't achieve great things without great sacrifice. For now it is over & that's best. I hope in 6 months time we will be thinking & feeling the same thing at the same time. We both want it to remain over or we both want to fight to make it work. I want it to all be as painless as possible for all parties. I feel sad looking back at the lovely memories. I feel pain & suffering in the present. The future is what ever I make of it. Though it does bring me a great deal of sadness that this baby won't be brought into this family with the same joy & welcome as our 1st was. I will always feel guilty for this baby, this baby deserves better.
My therapist also told me statistically that woman fair much better when single than men do. Men need to be in a relationship. Even if the man ends the relationship, the woman will still end up in a better place than he will. That brings me so much comfort & even a little smile to my face. While we will always remain friends for our kids & great co-parents it will give me pleasure to be looking HOT by Christmas & making him very sorry for himself. Everyones support has been exactly what I needed so thank you.

Tracey - posted on 05/01/2010

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The father to my twin daughters abandoned us when my girls were 16 days old. Though it hard friends and family have always been there for me and it gets to a point where you can just go through the motions.... There is only 2 things that i want to advise you on, 1 Don't be affraid or ashamed to ask for help. and 2. Try to find something for yourself... where you can escape.... I know it seems selfish and all with the prediciment at hand but it can also be your sanity and saviour too. Keep your chin up and remember when a door closes a window will open

Tatinya - posted on 05/01/2010

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Looks like you have alot of support! When my baby was 3 months old my husband came home and said he no longer loved me and was done! I felt like the world had just caved in. He also told me that I would never survive without him! Well, I did! No matter what he says just know that you are a amazing person with alot to offer. Your baby needs you and so does the one on the way. Just take it one breathe, one minute at a time. You will get through this. Now if the time for growth and love. Love yourself and all will be will!

Peace and Blessings,

Tate

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