Not Receiving Child Support and Fighting about Visitation

Jeneh - posted on 02/07/2013

Thanks Kristin. I just wanted to have an idea of what to expect. I'm going to schedule a consultation with an atty for next week. And I'm doing well healthwise now. :-)

Kristin - posted on 02/07/2013

You may have to disclose your income however what you make plays no beating on what he has to pay in child support. Child support is based on their income and the courts have specified amounts for child support. Ex if he makes 60000 a year for one child he should pay 500 a month and more if u have more children my ex made 92000 a year and told judge he would only make 75000 as he won't work overtime we have 2 kids and he was ordered to pay 1082 a month plus 60 percent of extras like Childcare sports dental medical etc I wish you luck and hope your health gets better

Jeneh - posted on 02/07/2013

NceI'm finally updating this post. A lot has happened with me, so I haven't logged in in months. I actually had a stroke a few months ago. I'm doing great, miraculously. So, back to the baby daddy... He's still doing the same ole. So, I recently cancelled the car insurance and signed the car over to him. It's been weeks and he has complained that he can't get the car registered in his name becuz it needs repairs. He can only take it to shop on Saturday...but not if he has DD that weekend...not acceptable for her to be in a shop. I'm soooo tired of the lame excuses. But, now he'll get pulled over if he doesn't get it done so whatever.

Now, I am finally ready to file for child support. My concern is that I'm not working. I'm living off of savings and some rental income I collect. I don't want him in my financial business. So, will I have to disclose all of my $ to file for support from him?

Stacey - posted on 01/29/2013

You have a lot going on and it sounds like you are handling it really well. I was dealing with a bum ex when my mother passed away in 2003. I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I know it is the hardest thing in the world to deal with. As far as the bum ex he sounds like he really needs to grow up and take responsibility for hisself and realize that he can't depend on others to do his stuff for him. He sounds a lot like my ex. Claims they're a priority yet never sees them and won't keep a job. I get child support in sporadic spurts and he's over 10,000 in arrears. What I finally did was stopped contacting him and decided he knew where we were and if he wanted to see the children he knew where to find us. If you went to court and had visitation set up it still wouldn't force him to see the kids or to get them it only states you have to make them available at those times. My ex used the work excuse even though I knew a couple people that worked where he did and would tell me what time he really got off of work. He'd claim he had to work til 2 in the morning and they would tell me he got off at 10. He hasn't really spent time with or even talked to my kids that much in 6 years. I just found friends and family members I could depend on instead. I wish there was a magic wand to fix situations like this. Best of luck and just keep being the great mother and role model that you are. I would however take back your vehicle or put it in his name if you don't want it anymore and make him fend for himself. He's is way too old to be depending on anyone but himself!

Khalilah - posted on 07/29/2012

Hey!

I'm sorry to hear this but I'm posting you a private message as I have some specific information to share with you as it relates to your living in Georgia. Please check your inbox.

Crystal - posted on 07/26/2012

Wow.. I would first file for custody with child support that is the only way to get visitation and child support squared away together. You don't need an attorney unless he has one, don't go up against any attorney without having one yourself. You have made it so easy for him that he expects you to help him out period all around without taking any responsibility for himself. You have to do what you need to to provide for your child. Document and save everything cause if you do decide to take it to the courts, you will need proof of what has and what has not been done along with who has paid them. Thats just incase he decides to lie and say he's been helping out all along. Set him up with your babysitters but make sure you tell him he has to be the one to pay when he needs them. I've gone through this as well and I have been awarded sole legal and physical custody with child support too. Just know that you cannot make him pay, the state will keep track of payment and send it to you. They will also be the one to go after him in the event that he miss or stops paying. The visitation will be on order but if he isn't getting her, they cannot make him but it does get documented if he should come back later saying you did not allow him to. What you can expect out of the courts is mediation, parenting classes, and then the final order. It does cost to do it either way but its a lot more expensive if you have to get an attorney. You can always speak with attorneys that have the free consultations so you know your rights in GA. Most states are the same but there are different aspects of the law in different states.

Deonica - posted on 07/24/2012

Yes please file those child support papers, childcare has nothing to do with child support. I'm in Cali, and although I get child support the father still has to pay half of whatever the childcare bill is. Don't let him off easy, its all to benefit the child .Don't fall for those sad stories.

Danielle - posted on 07/18/2012

girlfriend,first of all i would sign that car over to him tomorrow and cancel the insurance.he's not your boyfriend anymore and isn't your responsibility!secondly,call the child support office tomorrow and get the ball rolling.not only should he have to pay half or all of her child care,he should be paying child support and have her on his insurance and if he doesn't have any then he'll have to buy her's.make him be a man.make him take responsibility.i went through child support issues with my daughter's father and didn't need an attorney.unfortunately there isn't a MANDATORY visitation.if there was then my two step children's mother would be sitting under the jail for all the bs lies she's told to get out of having them.plus side is child support and visitation have nothing to do with each other.so even if he isn't seeing her,he'll still have to pay!

Kristin - posted on 07/17/2012

You definately need to file a child support and parenting order through the courts. In Canada if you were never married child support does NOT decrease if the parents have shared custody, if you were married and the other parent requests the child 50 percent of the time no child support needs to be paid. I assume it would be the same in the States. As well if there is no set order as to child support or custody your ex has as many rights as you do to your child and he can take her out of country if he so chooses. I am not saying he will as it sounds like he doesnt really want to be a father or be a responsible adult, but you need to protect your daughter and yourself. Also in Canada child support is based on the persons income and other expenses (daycare, medical, sports, dental etc) is usually split between the parents. For example my ex is court ordered to pay me 1082.00 a month plus 60 percent of all section 7 expenses. Not saying he does pay it though he currently is 35000.00 in arrears and I have not submitted any other cost (daycare, sports, medical dental etc.) On another note I completely understand that it is very nice of you to offer your car to your ex and pay the insurance what not but you need to cancel the insurance and transfer it to his name, if he gets in a car accident or anything you are liable and your insurance rates will go up, nor should you have to pay insurance for a 44 yr old man. I bought my first brand new vehicle when I was 18 and i maintained the payments, insurance and registration on my own as a single parent so he needs to grow up and start being an adult, but you cant force someone to change. The courts can assign specific access times but it is up to your ex if he wants these times. As i was told by a judge they can not force a father to take their kids if they dont want to, crappy i know but thats the way it is. I wish you all the best and take care.

Sheri - posted on 07/16/2012

In addition, make sure you are tracking what you are paying for and what money you are (or are not receiving from him). you will need this history for any papers you file with the court.

Sheri
Founder/CEO
Ittavi
"ending child support conflict"

Tisha - posted on 07/16/2012

Hi! Sorry for what you're going thru! As you can see you're not alone! I would see if you could discuss your issues with an attorney, but they are expensive. Hopefully GA has a self help area in the court house to help you complete the paperwork. Make sure you note everything from him paying the daycare to him not having insurance to how flaky he can be when it comes time to visit his daughter. If you're looking for a few days out of the month for him to visit DD, see if you guys can come to an understanding one which two weekends he can commit to bonding with her. Going to court in itself is stressful and intimidating, but have your FACTS! Have his FACTS! Be prepared! Tracey Angie has a point about where the kids will stay, but if you don't want overnight visits, then he surely should be able to do day visits. Scary when you have no control over what the other parent is doing, but there should be a law over the safety of surroundings the kids are expose to. If at anytime he can't see her, make note of it! Also when you do go to court, make sure you have stipulations: if he's an half hr late with no call, then visit is terminated. During his time with her, he is responsible for finding a sitter. Show the courts you are trying to encourage a relationship between father and daughter. Another thing to be concerned about, once child support is enforced, be prepared to not receive money at times. So be sure to have his wages garnished. Do your best to not rely on his help! Stop letting him drive your car if he can't take over the insurance payments, sell the car and use the money to continue to support your and DD. I really hope he comes to his senses and helps before the courts are involved. There is nothing like complete strangers working out your life for you. But I understand why we as women and mothers need to do it! Good luck!

Tracey - posted on 07/14/2012

Danielle- Thanks for your concern. DHS has been called many times by many people over the 10 years and they don't do anything helpful. They just say take him to court and tell the judge what's going on. The judge knows but he won't change the order so the kids won't have to stay there. I realize that this isn't a typical response for the courts to make and if I lived in Denver it wouldn't be happening. It's this particular county I'm in and it's "good old boy" system. Things are just done differently in this small rural town vs. a city. I just wanted to share with Jeneh what could happen when you're dealing with a man- child and how what you think will happen in court doesn't always go that way -because I don't want others to go thru what I'm going thru.

Danielle - posted on 07/13/2012

Jeneh-- as for your ex being an irresponsible kid, I would take the car from him and remove him from your insurance. You have enough bills to pay without supporting him. Last thing you need is for him to get into an accident. Then you're stuck paying for the accident and higher insurance rates!!

Danielle - posted on 07/13/2012

Tracey-- if your ex has no hot water, no heat &/or no electricity, when they are with their dad, I would report it to DHS. The bare necessities have to be there for the child's health or the parent can lose visitation/custody. When you call to report it, tell them when the kids are with him. If they don't do anything, ask them for advice on how you can legally keep the kids out of that situation.

Danielle - posted on 07/13/2012

Even if you have court ordered visitation, they & you cannot MAKE him take his daughter during that time. Do keep in mind that the more time he is supposed to have her, the less he will need to pay in child support. Also, if you know how much the insurance premium is for your daughter as well as how much daycare costs, have that included in the child support calculations as you want to make sure he's helping you pay for those. I would make sure to include in the court order too that he is responsible for some precentage of the out-of-pocket medical expenses for your daughter. On my insurance, for example, there is a $20 copay whenever we go to the doctor. My ex is responsible for 50% of it (since we make about the same $). Likewise, he's responsible for 50% of the prescriptions' costs that I pay and things like that. If you don't have those things individually stipulated in your modification and you go to DHS for assistance, they will by default tell you all those additional expenses are to be paid for out of what he is paying you solely for support, which is bull IMHO.

You might go online to see if GA has a child support calculator. They have one here in OK and I plugged #s in different fields to get an idea of how I could minimize the child support I had to pay to my ex when the kids were with him. For example, I made sure the custody decree said that *I* provided their health insurance, so that decreased how much I had to give him each month even tho I was helping provide for the kids equally. I also put in there that *I* was the one to pay the daycare directly to the provider up to $4800/yr since that also decreased how much I had to give directly to him, it made sure our son was in a good daycare & it kept him from "paying" his girlfriend at the time (now wife) to care for our son. Plus I used my flex spending accounts for both the daycare & the medical out-of-pocket, so it lowered my overall taxes.

I would see about getting an attorney if possible. You might even be able to find out everything you need to know with a free consultation. Just read up on the web as much as you can, write down any questions you have and different scenarios you see and ask them a ton of questions.

Rebecca - posted on 07/13/2012

Well, I am currently going through a custody and child support battle. It is not fun. I have yet to hire an attorney for the main fact that I can't afford one, but there are classes at the court house to give you free information and there are information sheets with the papers to file. I don't know about there, but there are fees involved. One fee is a large filing fee and the other is for the mediation and court day. The court will have a mediator there to work out the visitation and support details for you both. As for the set visitation schedule isnt always mandatory. He can still say he cant take the child for any reason. Just be sure to document everything and the reasons for future use and court.
Good luck,

Lisa - posted on 07/13/2012

wow this sounds like exactly what I am going through right now. My (ex) boyfriend is currently still crashing on my couch even though he said he doesn;t want to be with me anymore, because he can't afford a place of his own. We rent off his paretns so very difficult for me to get him to move out. I just had a miscarriage, which kind of set the ball rolling for the break up. So I physically and mentally am not able to move right now. So I am putting up with this for the sake of out 4 1/2 year old son because he loves his dada and wants to see him every day. I can't wait for him to move out. I feel for you. And yes I struggle with going for support as well because I really just want him out of my house so i don't want to ask for money he may need to get a place. He also puts tmie with his drinking buddies ahead of everyting else. Sounds like you are dating my (ex) boyfriend. But you can't be because you are in another state., Sorry you have to deal with this. Oh yeah I still pay his car insurance too until he signs on to his dads. he is also 44. Some ppl will never grow up.

Jodi - posted on 07/13/2012

Go to your county court and ask for the child support enforcement officer. You will get an assistant attorney to file a petition on your behalf. Get it reduced to a judgement so that he is under a legal obligation to pay support. If he doesn't pay, you can continue to take him to court and reduce the past owed to judgement. If it get's really bad, you can have him thrown in jail for not paying. Additionally, when your child turns 18, if there are any sums not paid that have been reduced to judgement you child can seek to collect and maybe help pay for his/her higher education.

Tracey - posted on 07/13/2012

Jeneh, I have a question, where is your ex going to keep your daughter at if he's loosing his home? Do you really want set visitation days when his life is so unstable? I ask because that's the situation I've been dealing with for 10 years now with my 2 youngest kids dad. I pushed for set visitations when they where little and now my kids have to go stay with him in a run down trailer he acquired after our visitation order was in place. My kids have no hot water for baths, and he frequently has no electricity or heat in winter and we live in the CO. mountains. He also has no car or driver's license to get them to town, doctors, ect. It bothers me greatly that he believes these conditions are acceptable for our kids to be living in but he makes them go there because he has court ordered time with him and the courts here won't say his instability is neglectful to the children's well-being. I regret pushing for him to be in their lives years ago and I don't want you to be in my shoes down the road.

Michelle - posted on 07/12/2012

Definitely file with the court for child support he should be held financially responsible for his child. Getting a court ordered visitation schedule is a great idea however you need to understand that just because he is granted visitation on certain days doesn't mean he legally has to. what it means is you have to make sure that the access is available if he chooses to take it.

Amie - posted on 07/12/2012

Sorry to hear about all this, I too have a baby dad who is the same way. I suggest you set up a court date to settle child support, you will both be appointed to a person who talks to both of you and asks how you want this settled. You can ask for set days he takes her and everything. You can consult anything that's on your mind to an attorney, I talked to one about some issues I had and concerns, I just paid a small fee to talk but I felt better after.