Ok hes in prison do you allow your kids to visit?

Kasha - posted on 05/01/2010 ( 28 moms have responded )

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hes goin to be in there for almost 30 yrs!!! Should the kids be exposed to that?

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Kristin - posted on 07/19/2012

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I personally would never bring my kids to a prison setting, My mom did that with my brother and I whenm my stepfather was in prison for 4 years. I hated every minute of being there and i had extreme resentment that my mother would even wait 4 years for her huisband to get out of prison especially for what he did. IMO once they end up in prison it is bye bye central especially if they are in for 5 to 20 years. NO way would i want to put my kids through that nor would I wait around because to get 5 to 20 years it would have to be pretty bad and I would not want that kind of role model in my kids life period. Even if I had a family member wind up in jail (which has never happened) I would not bring my kids to visit them. Jails are for criminals not children. I always felt dirty and ashamed when my mom took us to the prison and I also felt ashamed that my wonderful mother would be with a man who went to prison. To this day (23 years later) I do not understand nor will i ever understand why she did that. My mom deserved better and so did my brother and I.

Bianca - posted on 07/19/2012

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No, you don't let them not until they are old enough to make that descision on their own and I'll tell you why. People in prison or jail will never change if they are allowed the same rights as thoes not in jail or prison. My daughters father has been in jail since before she was born, got into trouble the month before. And I feel that he should have been thinking about his daughter then and not foolish things. I mean with my situation the fathers parents still pay hundreds of dollars so he can call them everyday they call other people on three way for him send him money for his account in other words crippling him!!!! These men will never change so long as they still have supporters, unless he's in jail wrongfully like he was defending himself, his house, or his family no excuses. Why subject your kids at this time to an environment they don't understand. Like I told the fathers mom when she asked me to take my daughter. No!!! My job is not to make sure your son has a good day his rights have been taken away not my problem, I will not allow my new born to have to be stripped search to look through a glass of a man they don't even know, there are consequences for ones actions and you have to deal with it. And I don't want to make him think his actions are okay and that's why I completely cut him off until he does get out and maybe you should do the same....only way your going to see change.

Doris - posted on 01/27/2014

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The father tried to kill the mother an now he wants to see the child in prison!

Stephanie - posted on 10/12/2012

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my kids father is in and I told him before he went in i wouldnt bring them in. he has been in for four years and still havent and wont ever bring them in. He should of thought about that before he got introuble.

Jodie - posted on 09/15/2012

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my little boys are three and four there dad was arrested in front of them , very hard as they love there daddy very much ,i always said i would never take my children to a prison . but now that he has been arrested and could be facing 20 or more years in jail i have soon changed my mind .i made phone calls and made sure that in visit there was no child abusers and that it is safe before we did visit , we now have visit on a regular basis and we say daddy is at work until they are a little older and i will explain where daddy really is ,i think it is very important for children to see there dad. and if my children ask for there daddy i will do my best to take them to him .it can be costly but its so worth it when you see father an son together very important

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Rachel - posted on 08/19/2013

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My two kids are actually my boyfriend's niece and nephew. They were raised by their grandma until about 6 months ago when their house was drug-raided. The grandpa went to jail and he's going to be there for at least 3 years. The kids visited their grandma recently and told me that she's planning to take them to visit their grandpa in prison. Everything in me says NO, because he lost that privilege when he decided meth was more important than his family. And yet I know the kids would like to see their grandfather. What bothers me most is that the grandma told them this before discussing it with me or my boyfriend. So now I feel like the bad guy, saying no. Am I in the wrong here?

Dee Diana - posted on 05/29/2013

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I'm so confused because I have the same question for my daughters five year old . But for the last two years shed pop in every three weeks to spend a couple hours with him , I don't think they have much of a bond and quite frankly I'm worried for him seeing her like that

Dee Diana - posted on 05/29/2013

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My25 year old daughter pretty much dropped her son on our door step when he was 18 months old- he is five and a half now , and she visits him about every three months for the past two years. He calls her mommy and me nana but I'm much more of his mother then she has ever been , with the exception. Of the first 18 mo of his life. My question is what good and bad could or will come out of letting him visit his mom

Jennifer - posted on 12/04/2012

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Hi Ginger how old is your oldest that refuses to go? my daughter is 9 and really doesn't want to go see him she gets letters from him and he calls a few times a week. We have been divorced for a few years and was incarcerated since 2011 so she has not seen him in a year and a half!! we have been honest with her from the beginning and so she said goodbye the day before his court he had two years of good time with her before he left and therefore they were very close. I am really struggling with what to do because he is pressuring me to take her to see him yet she is refusing....... what do I do?

Courtney - posted on 03/25/2012

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I'm wondering the same thing right now. My son who is 4 talks about his dad alot and misses him. We've told him that his dad is on a time out. I'm wondering right now if it's too early or if he's too young to be exposed to this environment.

Ashleigh Jade - posted on 03/27/2011

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No i dont think you should allow your kids to be exposed to that.

Ginger - posted on 03/27/2011

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I take my youngest once a month to see her father in prison, she has been going to see him since she was 3 weeks old, he was locked up a month before she was born. She doesn't know any different and it doesn't hurt her. If anything it helps them both, he is able to watch her grow and form a bond with her and she loves her daddy.. At 3 she is now asking to go see daddy more often so I'm dealing with explaining to her that we can't see him when he wants, but one day he will be home soon. She is a daddy girl and even though he'd not admit it out of all his kids (he has 3 2 with me and one from another marriage) our youngest is his favorite.
The prison while not ideal for visiting, it is a huge room, like a caefteria with some games and machines. Its not like taking a child and putting them in a cell..and there are probably more germs at the local walmart.
Our oldest (13) refuses to go see him, and isn't forced, we decided she was oldest enough to decide if she wanted to go or not.
I talk alot about this in my blog, http://prisonmarriage.blogspot.com

Ginger - posted on 03/27/2011

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I take my youngest once a month to see her father in prison, she has been going to see him since she was 3 weeks old, he was locked up a month before she was born. She doesn't know any different and it doesn't hurt her. If anything it helps them both, he is able to watch her grow and form a bond with her and she loves her daddy.. At 3 she is now asking to go see daddy more often so I'm dealing with explaining to her that we can't see him when he wants, but one day he will be home soon. She is a daddy girl and even though he'd not admit it out of all his kids (he has 3 2 with me and one from another marriage) our youngest is his favorite.
The prison while not ideal for visiting, it is a huge room, like a caefteria with some games and machines. Its not like taking a child and putting them in a cell..and there are probably more germs at the local walmart.
Our oldest (13) refuses to go see him, and isn't forced, we decided she was oldest enough to decide if she wanted to go or not.
I talk alot about this in my blog, http://prisonmarriage.blogspot.com

Ladee - posted on 05/04/2010

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I told my son's father that should he be incarcerated I will not be exposing my son to that environment. That is my take are a mother. However, you know what is best for your children and it is your job to do that is right and what is best for them. I wish you and your children the best.

Bianca - posted on 05/04/2010

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maybe you should go visit alone first, just to check out the atmosphere. Then make your decision from there. yea, prison is a bad place, but bringing your child there could make the father a better person. like i said, visit alone first then follow your gut feeling.

Shiloh - posted on 05/03/2010

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i wouldnt take him there often but he should be able to see his dad. just like elizabeth said be very cautious

Adrian - posted on 05/02/2010

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Absolutely not! What he did is his fault, and he shouldn't get the luxury of seeing your children. Your kids need a better role model than that, and they shouldn't suffer because he's in prison. You can be their mom AND their dad. It's a lot of work, but as long as they know that you love them, that's all that matters. If they choose to go see him when they are of age, that's fine, but it's up to you to protect them physically and emotionally. It's going to break their heart to see their dad in shackles, and they definitely don't need that. You can care for your children all on your own, and who knows...maybe someone special will walk into your life and bless you children with a role model and father figure.

Patricia - posted on 05/02/2010

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Depends on how comfortable you are with your children visiting him in prison and how safe the prison is.

Shaliyla - posted on 05/02/2010

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personal opinion i think if your kids are older enough to remember such a environment and etc. It might not be to good of a idea my daughter is 5 and remembers everything and not just that she runs off and tells everything i think pictures and writing is a good one but follow what you feel is best

Jennifer - posted on 05/02/2010

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No, Why subject your child to that. He chose his life. Your child does not need to be subjected to that life. When he's old enough and decides he wants to visit or not then he can, he/she may or may not want to, I would not force my child into thinking they should visit daddy in prison! Too bad for daddy that he is not an exceptional person and there for his children and you are left alone to raise them. Obviously you are exceptional. Jenn

Stacey - posted on 05/02/2010

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My daughter's father has been in for quite a few years, he writes every so often, but I have never taken her. I always felt like when they were old enough to make the decision for themselves, that is when we would discuss it. Right now, she is so upset with him, she doesn't want to see him. It is a shame, he gets her mixed up with another daughter. Of course, it is up to you. But it is an awful lot for them to go through. I have talked to others that have gone through it. I just keep my thoughts out of it, and let my daughter make up her own mind on how she should fee. And I won't force her to go. Good luck on your decision!!

Leah - posted on 05/02/2010

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i would have a very hard time taking my child to a prison..i had a really hard time taking him to a treatment center to see his father. I told my childs father if he ended up in jail or prison that i wouldn't take my son there because that is a lot of bad ppl there and i didnt want my child exposed to that...it's a hard decision...i think it's what you feel comfortable with...

Robyn - posted on 05/01/2010

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im going thru the same thing. mine will be in for 5 to 20 we're not sure yet. my son misses him so much and at first didnt kno wat happened. i told him "daddy" just left. hes not my sons real father but he was the best my son ever had. i dont kno wat to do. hes been gone since last nov. and i just told my son where he is. my son is 5 he'll be 6 in july. it was so hard to tell him and get him to understand tht he didnt just leave. he still talks about him like hes comin home soon. i struggle with wat im going to do. if im even gonna stay with him, 20 years is a long time to wait. dang 5 is. my bf wants me to bring him to see him when he does get to prison and my son wants to see him so bad. its hard to try to do the rite thing for your kids when ur so in luv. u want whats best for them always, sometimes u just need a little faith. im trusting my judgement rite now im standing by my man. wat scares me is i dont want my son scared of wat he sees in prison. i want him safe, i kno he'll be safe but will he feel safe thts my worry. and will he hurt more after seein him. cause hes not dealing good with his absence now. will seeing him help or hurt. i dont think i really answered any of ur questions really. sorry. but if u ever wanna chat i kno wat ur goin thru. all we can do is wat we think is rite for our babies. no matter wat we decide we have to do wats best. good luck.

Kasha - posted on 05/01/2010

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but see thats the thing! my kids are older and theyll remember this stuff you know what i mean. i just hate the thought of them even having to see him through that! i just think it will be more harm then good! you know what i mean your baby isnt goin to remember that stuff.

Elizabeth - posted on 05/01/2010

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My dad is is prison he was in there b4 i got pregnant and my son is now 8 months old and i take my son to see him with my mom and sisters about once a month, i am a very cautious mother, i watch what my son is around very closely and i don't think it is bad. You go in through metal dectors and then sit in chairs in a large group room with other visitors and they sit across from you. there are vending machine to get meals out of and they have a childrens room and you can get pictures inmates do them, and there are guards keeping an eye over everything. My dad is in prison for 3 years he gets out next year in march. the prison he is in isn't a really bad one it just depends where it's at. but i know the prison he is at there are some people doing some serious time also.

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