All Communities > Single Moms > Only child (Miss 4yr old) competes for my attention when...

Only child (Miss 4yr old) competes for my attention when other adults are around

Jennifer - posted on 03/02/2011 ( 1 mom has responded )

3

0

I have a gorgeous, energetic, strong willed 4 year old girl. For the most part we get along really well and I've figured out effective ways to manage her behavior, by giving her "choice and control" rather than dictating to her. ie, "you need to brush your teeth, put your shoes on and brush your hair, what do you want to do first?" rather than, "put your shoes on".



Being a single mom and her being an only child she is used to having me all to herself, although when she's around other kids she's good at sharing and can be quite empathetic. However, when an adult comes to visit, she is an absolute horror and will stop at nothing to get my attention! I have had many conversations with her before guests arrive where I explain I need to have a little mommy time and she promises she will watch a dvd, play in her room, read a book or paint etc I make a point of praising her for good/quiet behavior. Sometimes, if I can, I will "make" the guest join in a board game with us all to give her attention then ask her to go on her merry way and entertain herself for a bit. I have had some degree of success but it's really inconsistent.



Today, I was chatting to a neighbor (for about 10 mins) and at one point she was on the floor grabbing at our feet with no knickers on. I picked her up, told her to put her knickers and skirt on and read a book whilst mommy was talking and she'd get a treat." She only got worse, pulling on my clothes, yanking at my hand, pinching me, spilling water on the floor... eventually the neighbor left. I put her in time out. I really don't know what else to do, it's getting to the point where I'm really embarrassed by her behavior and so are other adults.



Our situation doesn't help, solo mom/only child, but that's our situation (and has been since she was 9 months) and I can't do anything to change that. When we're on our own she'll quite happily entertain herself if I'm busy cooking dinner or doing chores, so I know she's quite capable of going it alone for a while.



Does anyone have any advice, I'm not sure where to go to from here? I don't get many visitors, it's pretty lonely being a solo parent, I don't want to scare my visitors away!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms

1 Comment

View replies by

Robin - posted on 03/04/2011

27

32

My daughter is only 2 so the punishment scale, and the bad behavior, aren't on your level yet. However, she is normally bright and cheerful when we go to the store but once in a while she can be a real handful. I just do my best to ignore it so she knows negative behavior does not get her attention. If it gets past the point of ignoring we check-out and go home and she goes down for a nap. When I have company over I try to treat her like she is another adult. I let her do her own things and when she talks I try to listen unless she interrupts someone talking then I tell her it will have to wait a minute but I make sure to get back to her as soon as they're done talking and then I go right back to our grown-up conversation. I don't know what to suggest for you because I'm not sure what I would do in your shoes but as children get older punishments have to change. Time-outs are generally replaced with the removal of a favorite toy or television show. I don't believe in beating a child but sometimes even a butt swat (just one) or a hand smack can help. Did you put her in time-out while the neighbor was there or after they left? It sounded like after they left. I would have done it while they were there. I really don't have a clue what to tell you. I hope someone else can give you some good ideas.

Want to find out the opinions of this community?

Add Poll