over night visitation for newborns/nursing baby

ROBIN NOELLE - posted on 06/05/2012 ( 23 moms have responded )

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does anyone know the over night visitation laws (more specific in iowa) for a newborn? i plan to breastfeed and really have no desire to let my baby go stay with the father over night...

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Mariah - posted on 06/19/2012

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Which is just tragically sad. If a father is denied time early on that makes it so much easier to claim their is no "strong bond" later. setting him up to never be able to have the time he wants with his child. Denying a father that time is heartbreaking. No bedtime ritual of rocking your baby to sleep with a bottle, getting up with them in the night, no bedtime stories with your toddler and comforting them if they get scared? Imagine a family that has not split up and functions properly, with equally involved parents. Imagine the intense bonding and quality time shared between baby and Daddy. Now imagine a father who can not have that simply because the relationship with the mother broke down. Completely not fair, insanely biased, and I wish Judges would stop this. Fathers are just as important to their babies as mothers are and the precedent set by denying loving and devoted fathers time with their kids is completely contrary to our supposed social and cultural desires. How many mothers over the years have bemoaned an un-involved father who doesn't care to be in his child's life? And we answer this problem by making it almost impossible for fathers who DO want to be involved at every stage to have equal roles in their childrens' lives? Our society is soooo far off track with our current legal attitudes towards mother and father roles and the reflection of that in our Family Court systems is doing untold damage to generations of children.

Erin - posted on 06/12/2012

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Oh and btw Constitutionally the court cannot require you to pump breast milk if for any reason a court attempts to do so they violate your medical rights which have been established by the US Supreme Court. Any father who would be so rediculous as to try to take a baby from a mom or make her be attached to a machine for hours on end just so HE can take the baby selfishly has real mental problem. If you need it you can request my case number in my case in private and use that district court case decision as precedence for your own case. since my case is also in Iowa precedence will make it even more likley for you to win in any dispute on this matter. Another few things you can do if you absolutley have to is this, if you fear this man will try to be rithless do anything in your power to make the court process take forever, if you are not married he is not the father by law unless you put him on the birth cert and agnowledge paternity or it established by the court. He can't have visits if he isn't the father ( if you get my drift).

Erin - posted on 06/12/2012

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I am a mom from Iowa I my 3 yo dad tried to get visitation overnights and the judge basically said "that's not going to happen." Don't worry your breast feeding is much more important and he has no right to separate you and baby from breast feeding, baby needs mom. I don't believe any judge in Iowa will give him any overnights until the child is alot older. The judge will likely give him a stepped- visitation schedual. In it he will likley only get to come visit at your house or be court order to bring the baby back fro breast feeding.

Danicon - posted on 11/04/2013

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Mariah- do you have any children? ? I feel you comments are completely misinformed and sad. To rip a breastfeeding child from her mother is absolutely tragic, the reason women are built the way we are is to not only birth children but to nurture and nourish them- what a beautiful act of nature, and to destroy something so precious for evenings of screaming and discomfort is not only unfair to the mother but the child as well. There is plenty of time for bonding with the BD once the child has a voice and can distinguish between mommy's and daddy's without long-term mental effects. Just because we selfishly want more time as adults doesn't mean the child knows that mommy will come back and that everything is ok, only time and security and comfort in one home can lead to the same in two homes. You start disturbing that too early and the poor baby could end up with confidence and trust issues that last a lifetime.. isn't it worth the wait for a couple years to ensure a lifetime of happiness? And just because some birth fathers are wrongfully kept from their baby's lives there are also many many more who weren't active until after the birth or are a threat to the mother or the children in some way that's why the courts are set up like they are.. and sadly they still rule wrongfully often, either awarding unworthy men took much time or keeping kids from good men .. we live in such a messed up society it's hard to tell the good from the bad anymore. Which is sad because in the end the kids suffer. But that doesn't mean overnights should happen until at least 3 years old!

Mariah - posted on 06/16/2012

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I agree that men who don't want to be part of a child's life shouldn't expect to waltz in and demand lots of time. But, most men who absent themselves during the pregnancy and early months would never suddenly change their minds and come back, demanding time with the child. I'm sure it has happened but it's probably rare. I do support any man's attempt to reconnect with his child though. If a man realizes he has been wrong he should be able to slowly build up a relationship with his child.

Each situation is so unique so it's hard to give totally cut and dry answers, but in relationships that ended badly there shouldn't be a requirement that a father and mother have to spend time with the baby together. A father who wants a relationship with his child but no longer wants to spend hours around his ex shouldn't have to. You will always share parenting responsibilities and will hopefully be able to communicate, but why should he have to come to your house or spend time with you in order to see his child?

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Infinity - posted on 11/20/2014

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I am a nursing mother to a 11 month old. The courts ordered dad standard parent time and he gets over nights at 12 months. Our daughter is allergic to formula which I have had her doctor write that up and confirmed it to be true. My OBGYN has also has written up that I can not pump due to many infections for trying so dad could have his parent time over the past year. Our daughter nurses ever 4 to 5 hours still. I have a letter from WIC stating she can not go longer than 6 hours without nursing that it will cause more complications.

COURT is basically forcing me to stop nursing my 11 months old so dad can have his over nights in a month.

The Tooele county WIC office is very upset about this and willing to fight with me on this.

No mother should be forced to stop nursing her baby. WIC also recommended that I nurse her until she is 2 years of age.


Yours truly,

Infinity - posted on 11/20/2014

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I am a nursing mother to a 11 month old. The courts ordered dad standard parent time and he gets over nights at 12 months. Our daughter is allergic to formula which I have had her doctor write that up and confirmed it to be true. My OBGYN has also has written up that I can not pump due to many infections for trying so dad could have his parent time over the past year. Our daughter nurses ever 4 to 5 hours still. I have a letter from WIC stating she can not go longer than 6 hours without nursing that it will cause more complications.

COURT is basically forcing me to stop nursing my 11 months old so dad can have his over nights in a month.

The Tooele county WIC office is very upset about this and willing to fight with me on this.

No mother should be forced to stop nursing her baby. WIC also recommended that I nurse her until she is 2 years of age.

Infinity - posted on 11/20/2014

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I am a nursing mother to a 11 month old. The Utah courts ordered dad standard parent time and he gets over nights at 12 months. Our daughter is allergic to formula which I have had her doctor write that up and confirmed it to be true. My OBGYN has also has written up that I can not pump due to many infections for trying so dad could have his parent time over the past year. Our daughter nurses ever 4 to 5 hours still. I have a letter from WIC stating she can not go longer than 6 hours without nursing that it will cause more complications.

COURT is basically forcing me to stop nursing my 11 months old so dad can have his over nights in a month.

The Tooele county WIC office is very upset about this and willing to fight with me on this.

No mother should be forced to stop nursing her baby. WIC also recommended that I nurse her until she is 2 years of age.


ANYONE PLEASE HELP!!

Breastisbest - posted on 11/11/2014

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mariah - i take it you have never breast fed/expressed because it is not simply 'pump a couple nights a week' you have to spend weeks and weeks and hours and hours gradually increasing the amount you pump in order to increase your supply and not leave baby hungry! (also spend hours steralizing equiptment and safely storing milk - time you don't have when caring for a newborn! plus the pump is not like a babies mouth, so blistered my nipples until they cracked and bled!) and then if you don't pump that day or are a little late you can become engorged like i did (which means on the nights the father has the child so he can 'bond' you still have to wake every 2 or 3 hours and express or engorgment will happen!), it was extremely painfull! and then turned to mastitis which meant me waking to a newborn throughout the night while having a raging temperature and chills and feeling horribly sick and aching all over, having to try and feed the baby as much as possible (in order to clear the mastitis) which was also extremely painful. it can become very serious very quick and can leave you permently damaged and unable to ever breast feed again. (and i dont know about in people, but i've had farm animals die from mastitis!) so i do not agree that you should be forced to express so the father or anybody else can have a 'go' at feeding, also its proven that giving a baby a bottle means baby has to learn a completely different way of feeding! they suck instead of milk the teat like they do a nipple! so may refuse to ever feed from the breast again! it is also proven that breast feeding is important for THE CHILD in other ways (which you seem to forget the childs rights and what is best for them and only acknoledge the fathers rights! do you honestly think that the father feeling left out of breast feeding should come before what is right for the child and what is more beneficial to their health?!) such as to help soothe and comfort them. it is not a mans fault he doesnt have breasts is a completely ridiculous argument! men dont have to have periods thier whole life or go through labour either, so why exactly should a woman go through all of the horrible parts and then be forced to express just so the man can take all of the rewards. sorry to be so harsh but im completely offended by your comments, you think a woman is biased for wanting the right to breast feed her child! pathetic! get real.

Abcprintingweddings - posted on 04/27/2014

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Wana sign my Petition I live in Utah and they have to go overnight at 12 months and I nurse my daughter? I'm going to try to change visitation rights that no over nights with the noncustodial parent take place until the age of 3 or 4. I'm sorry if this gets some dads upset, but I'm fighting to protect my daughter. I have put a petition together for you to sign. Please do so by going to this site and sign it and share it PLEASE!!..I will have proof of how it effects our children. I need 2000 signatures! Thank you so much!! http://www.thepetitionsite.com/281/518/8...

Abcprintingweddings - posted on 04/27/2014

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Wana sign my Petition I live in Utah and they have to go overnight at 12 months and I nurse my daughter? I'm going to try to change visitation rights that no over nights with the noncustodial parent take place until the age of 3 or 4. I'm sorry if this gets some dads upset, but I'm fighting to protect my daughter. I have put a petition together for you to sign. Please do so by going to this site and sign it and share it PLEASE!!..I will have proof of how it effects our children. I need 2000 signatures! Thank you so much!! http://www.thepetitionsite.com/281/518/8...

Abcprintingweddings - posted on 04/27/2014

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Wana sign my Petition I live in Utah and they have to go overnight at 12 months and I nurse my daughter? I'm going to try to change visitation rights that no over nights with the noncustodial parent take place until the age of 3 or 4. I'm sorry if this gets some dads upset, but I'm fighting to protect my daughter. I have put a petition together for you to sign. Please do so by going to this site and sign it and share it PLEASE!!..I will have proof of how it effects our children. I need 2000 signatures! Thank you so much!! http://www.thepetitionsite.com/281/518/8...

Abcprintingweddings - posted on 04/27/2014

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Wana sign my Petition I live in Utah and they have to go overnight at 12 months and I nurse my daughter? I'm going to try to change visitation rights that no over nights with the noncustodial parent take place until the age of 3 or 4. I'm sorry if this gets some dads upset, but I'm fighting to protect my daughter. I have put a petition together for you to sign. Please do so by going to this site and sign it and share it PLEASE!!..I will have proof of how it effects our children. I need 2000 signatures! Thank you so much!! http://www.thepetitionsite.com/281/518/8...

Abcprintingweddings - posted on 04/27/2014

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Wana sign my Petition I live in Utah and they have to go overnight at 12 months and I nurse my daughter? I'm going to try to change visitation rights that no over nights with the noncustodial parent take place until the age of 3 or 4. I'm sorry if this gets some dads upset, but I'm fighting to protect my daughter. I have put a petition together for you to sign. Please do so by going to this site and sign it and share it PLEASE!!..I will have proof of how it effects our children. I need 2000 signatures! Thank you so much!! http://www.thepetitionsite.com/281/518/8...

Abcprintingweddings - posted on 04/27/2014

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Wana sign my Petition? I'm going to try to change visitation rights that no over nights with the noncustodial parent take place until the age of 3 or 4. I'm sorry if this gets some dads upset, but I'm fighting to protect my daughter. I have put a petition together for you to sign. Please do so by going to this site and sign it and share it PLEASE!!..I will have proof of how it effects our children. I need 2000 signatures! Thank you so much!! http://www.thepetitionsite.com/281/518/8...

Rebecca - posted on 11/05/2013

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Mariah you are misinformed. I live in Texas and now that my child is here the father who said she wasn't his and hasn't done anything is suing me for paternity, visitation and to change her last name to his. How is that fair? I have no say in this once the DNA test comes back positive. So to say fathers don't have rights...what about the mothers? Why should she have to have his last name we aren't married never will be.

Tammy - posted on 07/02/2013

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Ok mother to 3 boys, 2 step kids n one grandson n now maybe a granddaughter today!! Each case is different!! N it depends on that! My oldest dad hasn't been in his life but never even asked to take him EVER! Well back then I probably would have posted mommy only because of him n my situation. But now I have a son that has on again of again dated a girl with 2 other kids. Who kept flopping back to her 2nd child's dad. Well a baby girl was born today n it happens my son isn't with her this week the other guy is! Both guys have alternated her apts etc trying to be apart of this baby. Today baby was born n my son is not allowed to see her. Paternity has to be established either way but for one guy to be allowed n the other not is wrong!! She did not breast feed either of her other two. I'm a huge advocate for breast feeding! I had premi's n had to pump so I was jipped on that! But pumping is what I had to do!! N in a family with both parents it's a discussion not just moms disicion! So for a dad to be denied visitation be aide of this is obsered! My DIL breast feed n I had my grandson on the 3rd night home to help her!! So don't be in denial that u won't need the help! The same women that r using this as an excuse are the same ones complaing in 4 years when the child is rambocious that they have dead beat dads!! As a grandparent it's hard to let your kids be adults n make disicions about their baby's you don't understand. But that's part of being a grandparent. But if u truly love your baby n want what's best from the time it's born then if the dad wants to be involved then let him be. Even if u had a one night stand remember you liked this man for some reason n if u feel u made a mistake then that's on you not your child!! When my oldest was 10 he asked me to find his dad (who I was with for 4yrs n was to marry but left me because I was rapped!) but I did what my child needed! Although he never saw him again he still see his half sister n his gma. Now he is an adult with child n both r loved but if his dad wanted to spend time with him I would have let him!!! Maybe under supervision because of abuse but each situation is different! Also most guys even married can't bond with baby while pregnant so to say well they weren't there during pregnancy don't mean they won't be there for child. U r stuck with this person until u no longer have that child!! Also in ia n my 2yr old n 6yr got over nights with dad that had abuse record on child n had to do anger management so the right lawyer on either side is important

Melissa - posted on 06/26/2012

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There is NO way you would be told to have your newborn, NURSING baby stay overnight ANYWHERE.. even if the baby is HOSPITALIZED for any reason, we WANTED the Mom's to be there to feed the baby.. Nursing babies don't usually like to switch back and forth from bottle to breast so an overnight is actually asking you to STOP your desired method of feeding... I also remember hearing something about the child being able to communicate for an overnight.. If the Dad really thinks about it, he would realize he doesn't want to stay up all night with a screaming, inconsolable infant! I know that when I went back to work at the hospital, night shift, my husband went insane!!! There was nothing he could do to make our daughter happy, she just wanted ME, or rather, my chest!! And she knew him from the second she was born!! I hope it all works out.. It would be terrible if you had to change how you want your baby to be nourished.. I had to so I could work.. My husband STRONGLY suggested that I stop breast feeding so she would get used to the bottle.. I was devastated... It hurts writing this.. Have no regrets and fight for your rights.. HEY call places like Le Letche or those breast feeding fanatic places, they may know!!!!! YEAH good idea!

Mindy - posted on 06/18/2012

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Most courts will not order overnight visitation until the child is at least three, and only then if there's a strong bond between the child and noncustodial parent.

Elle - posted on 06/16/2012

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Hello, sorry but I have to disagree with the post above. I cant speak for the person who started this threat but I am in a situation where the father has wanted nothing to do with me and my baby (5 months in my tummy) for the whole pregnancy, does not want to be at the birth or help out after the birth. There is no way on earth I would let him come and take my newborn to bond with after all this. I have given him every opportunity to be part of this, even suggested in the beginning I can put up a bed in the living room so we dont have to sleep together but he can be there for feeds, nappy change, bedtime etc to help bond....he has not even answered this email! I will always grant him visitational rights for the childs best but I consider it is best for the child to bond with the mother and the father together (they do recognise smells and faces from a very early age). This can be done by the father coming over a couple of hours each day to spend time with the baby. I have bent over backwards to make this easy for him and never once tried to use emotional blackmail to make him feel that by spending time in my apt it means we have to get back together again (and believe me, I still love the a##hole so I am really putting my emotions aside here).

I cant believe any court in the world would think it OK to break off the bonding with the mother as well as the breastfeeding in the early stages of newborn. Where i live it is suggested that children dont live with the other person until it is 3-4 year old as it is deemed to disupptive to change setting when they are young.

I cant believe that someone would think it is OK that a woman go through pregnancy, childbirth etc alone and then be expected to pump and hand over her baby!! What kind of crazy idea is that. The father can and will have a relation with the mother but in the early stages this happens at the mothers. I dont know the case above but I believe in most cases as long as the father is a decent man with no drug or violence issue there is not woman who would not want the man to bond with the child,. In a lot of cases it is the man who has decided to take a hike without any understanding of what it feels like to go through pregnancy or have a new born. If they want to bond with the baby after all this they have to do what is best for mum and baby!!!

Grrrr

Mariah - posted on 06/12/2012

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Although I fully support every mother's choice to breastfeed their baby, and understand this is a very touchy subject, I'm going to throw my opinion in to the mix and hope not to be lambasted with hate mail!!! : ) The fact is that in any circumstance where a man is handed something, a right, a privilege etc, simply because he is a man there are screams of sexism, gender disparity, etc. The sad fact is that no man was able to make the conscious decision to be born male or female. No man was given the choice to have a uterus and carry a child. No man was given the choice to have breasts so that he could lactate and feed his child. Why should a father's bond with his child in their earliest months be denigrated as not important because he is biologically incapable of feeding that child from his own body through no decision or fault of his own? Why does this give him less right to bond with and be with his baby? Why does this privilege that we women were born with get lorded over men like some god given right that trumps all of theirs? Men have just as much right to time and bonding with their babies. If that means a woman might have to pump a few nights out of the week so that Daddy and baby can bond, so be it. A strong bond with both parents is essential and should be equally supported for each parent, no matter what glands they do or don't have in their chests! NO good parent wants to be separated from their little baby! Not Dads or Moms, and when relationships have fallen apart it is completely unfair to say the father has less rights simply because he is male. If this isn't horrifying gender bias and disrespect for the importance of involved Fathers, I don't know what is! Your bond with your baby will not be destroyed by pumping occasionally! A man who desperately wants to be part of his little one's life, who doesn't want to loose 6+ months of bonding and normal parenting privileges with his child is not a monster challenging the importance of motherhood, he's a loving Dad. Put yourself in his shoes and imagine someone telling you, "Sorry, you don't have lactating breasts so you're not important enough to deserve a relationship with your little one. Check back in a year and then maybe you can get a good night story and the comfort of your little one sleeping under your roof."

Michelle - posted on 06/05/2012

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My son wasn't breast fed and he was not allowed to go on overnight visits until after he turned 2 we also live in Canada. A judge will more than likely give so many hours a week for visitation over longer visits. 2 to 3 hours at a time.

Kristin - posted on 06/05/2012

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I am from Canada and I think that if you are breast feeding the father can not have the baby over night until the baby is weaned off the breast. However, he is allowed to have visitation.

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