Please help!!! i'm a newly single mother and I need advice!!

Vanessa - posted on 04/22/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I couldnt imagine not waking up to my daughter every morning. I haven't went a day without her since she was born, her father on the other hand has been weeks without seeing her or even so much as asking about her. He has been abusive to me and has even grabbed me by my hair and tried to throw me to the ground while i was holding me 3 month old daughter. I have pictures of bruises he has left on me, more than once. . most recently leaving 18 bruises (that i could count). We got into a fight on easter and thats when he left atleast 18 bruises on me and body slammed me, all infront of my daughter. He even took her easter basket that we both paid for and the easter dress that i got her and her food and left. I off course packed mine and her stuff and left. (and this wasn't the first time).

I blocked his number because he had been harassing me . He had asked to come visit our daughter and i said yes, if you bring me her food . he told me i was being childish so i told him that it was the same thing as child support. . if he didn't help me with her he had no right to her. He said he gave up on her.

Today i got a text from his mother saying they were getting a lawyer to take my daughter. I told her i had proof of the abuse and she said she had proof i had hit him which is not true. the only time i touched him was in self defense when he tried hurting me with my daughter in my hands. and then all i did was scratch him.

What do i do? im a stay at home mom and i cant afford a good lawyer. They on the other hand have a great lawyer that has kept him out of jail more than once.(all drug or alcohol charges).

I have been so depressed and i literally had a panic attack when i got the text from my ex's mother. I am being strong for my daughter but it is so scary and hurts so much!!!

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Melissa - posted on 04/23/2012

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I can assure you that if you get yourself a lawyer and keep all the evidance of the abuse, you will be getting full custody with supervised access .... They are intimidating you and it seems the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, by the sounds of his mothers behavior.

No right minded judge is going to give him a child whom he is violent in front of and whom was in your arms while he abused you.

It hurts now, and it is scary imagining the long road ahead but coming from a single mom myself who left an emotionally abusive relationship, I can assure you that the person you will become because of this hard work and dedication will empower you so much!!!

Stay strong and stay safe! Any communication you have with them keep it short and to the point, pretend it will be something a judge will read. Save all emails, and texts and don't even feel that you owe him the right to see your guys daughter, the sooner you get a lawyer the better.

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Angela - posted on 04/23/2012

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Please do what you can to get a lawyer. Check if there are any places that help women in the community, some of the people there might have resources on how to get a free or low cost attorney. Does he know where you are living? Might be better if he did not. They may be all talk, unless his mother is planning to raise a child, I doubt this guy would really be up to the task of being a full time parent to your daughter. You might also think about how you can support your daughter as a single parent and need to start thinking about a job, any public assistance, etc. Good luck!

Louise - posted on 04/23/2012

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Dont get drawn into this nasty battle keep everything as proof. It would of helped if you had called the cops when he had hit you as this is hard evidence that it is going on. Let all phone calls from them go to message so anything they say can be used in evidence and you do not say anything that they can use in court.

It may not be to late to get a restraining order on him. Look into that as this woould help greatly with any custody case. If anybody heard or saw any attack on you it is worth asking them to write a letter stating so. If this man is using drugs and you can prove it then this is also a good case for not allowing him unsupervised access. You have to learn to fight dirty as well this is your daughters safety at stake. Evidence evidence evidence. not just hear say is required and then you will have nothing to worry about. At most he may get supervised visits but that is fine, your daughter has a right to know her father. Just stay calm and let him shoot himself in the foot by leaving threatening messages and abusive calls that you will use to prove what sort of a man he is.

Vanessa - posted on 04/22/2012

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See i have done nothing wrong, i have always been there for my daughter and i do not do drugs. He on the other hand is on drugs pretty bad and i have proof of the abuse. I'm just scared. i dont even kno what i would do if he took her from me!! I have never left her to party or just to get a break, i have had my daughter 24/7 since the day she was born!! He has kicked us out several times and he would rather party than be with her. Even when he was around her he pretty much ignored her. When she was on formula he never even knew how to make her a bottle. I dont trust him with her and he has never had her by himself. He has put her and myself through so much, i dont understand why he wants to put her through this too:(

Rosa - posted on 04/22/2012

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Im going through something very similar, Don't let his mom bully you. First of all she cannot take her away, only he can unless she has anything on you like drug abuse, child neglance etc...and not even he can. If you have proof of him being an unfit father, husband hes pretty much screwed. Dont let them intimidate you. Stay strong for your daughter, I promise you things will be ok! Your in my prayers♥

Vanessa - posted on 04/22/2012

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Thank you! I'm doing the best i can to be strong. We have been at my moms until i can get my life straightened back out for my daughter. i saved all the messages from his mom and if they contact me again before taking me to court i will definitely keep record of it!! thanks for the advice.

Helen - posted on 04/22/2012

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aww huni im so sorry things have ended like this firstly get you and your daughter set up in a new home get stability for your lil one and get a lawyer good or not they all practice the same law i cant pass judgement on wat will happen but i guess they wont give your daughter to your ex so long as there isnt any reason to its sounds to me like your doing your best they prob will give him access but make sure you tell your lawyer EVERYTHING and from this second make a record of all texts emails letters any contact from your ex or his mum i had to do that all courts work on evidence so have it all ready most of all stay strong confide in some one you trust your mum or someone who can help you through this it may not be easy or over quickly but stay strong huni sorry to not be more help huni every situation is diff i had to go through courts few yrs back and hated it but it was worth it luckily i have great freindship now with my ex so you never know things may just turn out ok in the future if you need a listening ear just give me a shout hun be glad to help in any way shape or form take care and hope things work out ok for you and your lil lady xx

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