Pregnant, 3 months - having trouble with the boyfriend, we were going to get married now, i am not sure i want to?

Kelly - posted on 01/08/2009

Quoting Melissa:

Congrats on the new baby. This kind of hit home with me. I got pregnant the first time my boyfriend and I had sex. I thought that marriage would be the right thing to do. It wasn't. We barely made it two years and I regret it to this day. I think that we might have been still together today had we just waited and taken it slow.

I agree with the previous posts. All you can do is pray about it. It may work out better for you than it did for me. But if he is going to stress you out then I would definitely wait. It is one thing to make a big decision but its another when you are a bundle of hormones.

I completly agree with you there the first time i had sex with my kids dad i got pregnant and twins at that and i think if we just waited we may of still been together to this day. Yet once i brought him the ultra sound with 2 pics in it, he panicked and things truly began to fall apart and now im raing my children on my own as he put his tail between his legs and ran

Kelly - posted on 01/08/2009

Quoting Monique:

Pregnant, 3 months - having trouble with the boyfriend, we were going to get married now, i am not sure i want to?

Are you asking yourself what if questions? If so then you should wait as you dont want to get married under any situation that makes you uncomfortable. Are you to marry just because your pregnant if so then i believe you should both seek councelling before marridge as you dont want to make a choice that you will regret later. If you honestly arent sure then step down and look at the big picture and ask yourself honestly if your making the right choice at this time. If you need time to correct things between you and he loves you enough he will love you the same if you take time first before you make that hudge decision.

Tamsin - posted on 01/08/2009

Hi again. It can be really difficult to adjust to the fact that your body is no longer your own and that you have to now sacrifice things for your child. People will always talk about how wonderful it is that you're having a baby and how you have to do this and that and be responsible, and that's true. But it's still hard to get used to it. In a way, and I know this kind of sounds harsh, but this time is preparing you for what's ahead. The fact is that you will have to give up things for your child and you will have days that are so bad you don't know how to get through the rest of the day. But at the end of it all, there are joys that are indescribable about being a mum, that you will never feel with anything else. Prepare yourself that no matter what, having a child is a lot of work and it can be tough, but if you have as many supports in place as you can and be as organized as you can, it should go alot smoother. Reach out and ask for help if you need it. The church is a great source of support as are mothers groups and health groups etc. The hormones will settle down a few months after bub arrives. If they don't; see you rdoctor. Always ask for support when you need it. Lot's of love to you and keep us up to date with what's happening for you. All the best.

Tamara - posted on 01/07/2009

I agree with Treon, pray about it and when you pray about it leave it there. Wait on the Lord to give you the answer and just know in the meantime His love is with you and the baby and that is your main focus right now. As Treon said you should not be subjecting yourself to anything that is unhealthy for you nor the child.

Nicole - posted on 01/07/2009

I had only been with my boyfriend for 2 weeks when I ended up getting pregnant. My advice to you is, DONT marry for the baby! Some people believe thats what you should do, but not me. I was 2 weeks from the wedding and finally broke down and decided that marriage wasnt at all what I wanted. I wanted what was best for my child... but married parents was not at all what would have been best for them in the future. I am now 21 weeks pregnant and going into it alone. The father wants to be involved but so far isnt. I have a low income job, but still manage to be the one supplying everything the baby will need when they arrive! (crib, dresser, etc.) The father hasnt shown any interest in SUPPORTING his child. I didnt make this baby alone, but now after calling off the wedding and seeing how the father is acting, I feel like A HAPPY mother is better than a mother that is settling for her child! Make sure you only do right by YOU, not your child. If you choose not to marry, then one day, your child will respect your decision! I am happier than I have ever been! And for once in my life, I feel like things are the way they were meant to be!!!

Monique - posted on 01/05/2009

Hey Tamsin,

Thanks so much - I think being a bag of hormones at the moment also doesnt help me. One minute I am up and the next I am down... Not sure!!! It has nothing to do with the BF or the baby, but sometimes I get this feeling that I am missing out on things... I know everyone tells me I am oreggy and I cant do this or that - but whats wrong with still enjoying life? (Please dont think I go out to clubs or drink)
I just want to be happy and sometimes I feel my life is on hold at the moment.

Tamsin - posted on 01/05/2009

Hi Monique. I'm so glad you were able to speak with your partner and sort things out. That's fantastic. Communication and honestly caring about what's best for each other is so important. As a single mum of 3 (single for a long time!!) I know that you could do it if you had to. All these mums are living proof. So I wish you both all the very best, but if things ever become too bad between you, don't be scared that you can't do it alone. You can. There's a lot of support out there if you look for it. And you are completely right. God does have a plan for you. Relax, enjoy and all the love in the world to your soon to be new bub.

Monique - posted on 01/05/2009

Hi Ladies,

Thank you all so much for everything you had to say. Ive spoken to the "BF" and we think it better not to get married - since we both don't want to get married because there is a baby on the way. But to get married because we love each other, like our plan was in the first place. Yes our baby is a blessing, however it doesn't mean we cant give our baby everything it needs because we aren't married. As long as there is love and trust and everything else that comes with new parenting, our baby should be fine. All I worry about is that my baby is healthy....

God has a plan for me, and what will be will be :)

Ashley - posted on 01/03/2009

I wish I had had this advice before I went through all my heartache of making my decision cause these ladies know what they're talking about. I was in the same situation as you and I cannot agree more with these other responses.

Tinika - posted on 01/02/2009

At this point the baby is coming regardless. Although having a complete family is essential for any child, you have to focus on the reality of the situation. When you think about him and the dynamics of your relationship, can you honestly tell yourself that this is whats best for all of you? Sometimes as women we tend to think we can change men into what we want them to be. Unfortunately thats not the case. If I were you I would take some time to examine the situation. If you don't want to get married, don't. You will know when the time is right. Focus on the baby and get ready for one of the best experiences in your life. If you're a religous person, pray, and all will fall into place. Good luck!

Melissa - posted on 01/02/2009

Congrats on the new baby. This kind of hit home with me. I got pregnant the first time my boyfriend and I had sex. I thought that marriage would be the right thing to do. It wasn't. We barely made it two years and I regret it to this day. I think that we might have been still together today had we just waited and taken it slow.

I agree with the previous posts. All you can do is pray about it. It may work out better for you than it did for me. But if he is going to stress you out then I would definitely wait. It is one thing to make a big decision but its another when you are a bundle of hormones.

Nancy - posted on 01/02/2009

First of all congrats on your pregnancy! the first little while of a pregnancy is very emotional for both people... I wouldn't recommend getting married just because you are pregnant... enjoy yourself... relax... make sure you are healthy as the previous posters indicated.. things may or may not work out with your boyfriend.. just take your time... if he wants to be there for the baby... let him... if he wants to be there for you... let him (unless you are 100% sure you don't want him to be involved with you anymore)... Pregnancy can do some whacky things to your body, and your emotional state.. be kind to yourself and your boyfriend... all relationships can go thru rocky periods... and a new pregnancy will certainly test them! God Bless!

Becky - posted on 01/02/2009

I agree with Treon. Pray for what's best for YOU and YOUR CHILD. Congratulations on your pregnancy!! You now have to think about what's best for YOU and YOUR CHILD first and foremost...not what's best for you and your boyfriend. Your unborn child is dependent on you now and will be dependent on you from the time (s)he is born until eternity! I went through a very similar situation and I'm glad I chose what was best for me and my baby girl because I found out how UNcommitted her father is to fatherhood.

TREON - posted on 01/02/2009

in my opinion i feel you should pray about it before doing anything. congrats on your pregnancy (don't stress yourself, because you need to stay health for your unborn child). if you are having trouble w/ your boyfriend, don't subject you or your unborn to anything that's unhealthy.