Pregnant and having a hard time dealing with this baby daddy.

Bianca - posted on 07/13/2009

wow! sounds like the relationship i was in 2 years ago. Babydaddy emotionally abuses me, not only that but did in front of my 2 children and his 3 children from his 1st babymomma. anything that came outta his mouth was just negative. And one thing as far as you to have this "boy"friend still.. to be a father to his daughter but, to ur son also???..Is this the kind of male rolemodel u want for him to have??.. For me I have no choice and have to put up with him being n my kids life. But just think, would u want ur son to grow up around listening to emotional abuse and other disrespectful things. U know he will see that and think it is the right thing to do and treat, not only his baby sister, but the way he respects you and other girls in his future. For me, it was the best choice to do, and even though i had to move hundreds of miles away also. I can say it was better for my children and i. Now we have communication and he has learned to respect me as for being his babymomma. Now sometimes its just better that way. and of course you will ask why?..why couldnt our relationship be like this??..but thats just the way it is. Now i know u must be going through this crazy emotional roller coaster cuz your pregnant, n i feel you. Bcuz with my second child(my son) i was totally by myself and BD was not around. He was only around to belittle me and emotionally abuse me. But for the sake of ur health and babies health while your pregnant, just try to be strong and just make sure you momma have to be strong and make sure that your #1 priority is you and baby to come. So keep friends and family close and keep bizee/ occupied so that you dont over stress yourself!! So dont worry bout "where your relationship is going right now"..just let it take its course! And let BD know what you want.. him as a father or you guys as a couple, but you gotta be strong on watever decision u make. Cuz right now believe it or not, its not our time right now to be selfish, its bout our kids and for us mommy's to be there and raise our baby's the best that we can!..And trust me, a good man will come in ur life, as just when u think you cant find that right guy! Believe me, it took me 2 years for me to find this great guy that i do have in my kids and our lives.
So as i leave on this last note! Be strong, and we Mommies are here for you for any situations and suggestions that you need!!

Cassandra - posted on 07/13/2009

Thats a tuff one... My daughter has met her father 5 times in a single week and thats it. she's almost 13 months. In our situation its whats best for her (now I have a restraining order because of emotional abuse and threats) anyways....... he has 9 children (that he knows of) and doesnt take care of any of them. He sees his sons a few times a month but thats it. My point is, is that some people just arent ready and may never be ready to become parents, they might be ready to have them but not take care of them....I went through my entire pregnancy alone and have been that way since. as long as they have a loving mother to take care of them they wont need a daddy until the time is right and even if hes not their biological father, if he treats them well, then that is the only kind of father I would want for my kids =] good luck to you and you family

Rachel - posted on 07/13/2009

Amanda, I am going to reply on to levels professional and personal. I work in the field with "at risk children" basically its social work I have also worked as a Substance Abuse Counselor. Everyday I see mothers choose men like your 19 yr old boyfriend over their kids. Emotional abuse is often said to be more difficult to deal with then physical because of the LIFE LONG effects it brings. At 4yrs old your son is likely already begining to have self esteem issues, which will cause him to seek comfort from others instead of you or family. On a personal note being a single mother myself the vision of having that family aspect is nice to want. My son's father quit his good paying job 2 weeks before I gave birth and did not get a job until he turned 2. We broke up shortly after I had him. Why?? Because I refused to take care of a child and a grown man and allow my son to be in a house with a male role model who didnt work b/c a woman was taking care of him. Kids need positive role models and sometimes its not parents and it definantly isn't someone who puts down children and apologizes later...anyone can say they are sorry but your not if you do it the next day. On a whole different level read the newspaper, watch the news children are abused/killed from boyfriends everyday. It doesnt start b/c they hit you or children it starts with what your going through emotional abuse which is the beginning of domestic violence. I am sorry if this reply was a little much...it just breaks my heart when mothers choose men over thier kids father or not its awful an inexcuseable. I have been single for over 3yrs and yea sometimes it sucks but at the end of the day my son is safe and loved and doesnt get mixed messages about how to treat woman. I am careful with who I choose to introduce to my son and on the extra bonus is me and his father are better parents to him because we are apart....Good Luck and keep us posted!

THEODORA - posted on 07/13/2009

Hi Amanda!!just 1 question..just because you need a father to be around your children, you are ready to take all this !#%&** behaviour???and what about your son??he deserve's to be misstreted like this???you are 24 you have to realise that you are responsible for this two kids......you dont feel sad when all this happens?? Be brave and thing what"s best for your children.

Jennifer - posted on 07/09/2009

I kind of understand where you're coming from on that one. I'm really good friends with my ex's sister and she is the only one in his family that will have anything to do with my daughter. He won't even acknowledge her. She, and some other good friends, said that just because we have a child together is no reason to stay in the relationship. Look at how he is with your son. Do you think he will be like that with your daughter too? You know how you felt when your son was born...waking up every two hours for feedings, fussiness, etc. How do you think he will react to his new role as a father? These are just some questions to ask. You, your son and your daughter deserve to have a man in your lives who will love your kids like they were his own. Someone who will be a good role model for them.



In the end, the decision is yours. Whatever you decide, do it with your children in mind. If you ever need to talk just send me a message. I hope everything works out for you!

Rachel - posted on 07/09/2009

That is a hard question to say, cause every child deserves to know there father, but at some point they need a father that will be kind and gentle, not immature! I have a 4 year old, and my son's father signed away his rights, which is a catch 22, cause my son will never know his father, but if I ever meet someone they could adopt him fully. I really do hope the best for you, and if you ever need anyone to chat with, please fill free to contact me! God Bless you and your children!!!