Morgan - posted on 10/15/2010 ( 31 moms have responded )
So I am a single mom. My baby daddy started cheating on me 2 weeks after getting my positive test then one week later on Thanksgiving told me not to come home and she had moved into our house with my stuff still in there. We talked off and on during my pregnancy and hooked up a couple times because he tols me he was not with her but then I found out he was with her. After I confronted him about it he started calling me fat B**** and several other names. This hit me realy hard because I had not dated much and I was in love so deeply with him. The names he called me hit nerves deep inside because I have always had weight issues. Fast forward all the stress and heartache and I delivered at 39 weeks 10lbs below my pre pregnancy weight.
My LO is 3 months old and ever since I have been pregnant I have cried myself to sleep everynight but now that it is getting close to the one year mark of our breakup. The emotional pain has manifested into a constant physical pain that feels like my chest is going to explode. I know I should never speak to him after the way he treated me, but I feel so alone. His new GF does everything in her power to make sure my life is H***. Tells him lies about me, pays ppl to stalk me, all kinds of stuff. I LOVE my son more than anything in this world he saved my life if it wasnt for him this pain would have done killed me.
I know tons of ppl are alone ect but I feel like I will always be alone because Im not pretty enough. It makes me so sad to think that after the way he act all the drugs he did all the ppl he hurt after he cheated on me that he gets to go on and live his life with her like I never existed. While I lost my job had to move back in with my parents (who i DO NOT get along with and we fght 24/7) move 5 hours away from all my friends and family because my dad got a new job. I lost everything when I got pregnant. He isworth it dont get me wrong I am not coplaining about him in anyway! I just wish I knew why god hated me so much to give me this life where I am always miserable while he gets to be happy?
I still love him but my mom is always talking bad about him and putting him down,. I know he isnt a great person but he is my sons dad too and I dont want him growing up hearing all this negativity. She doesnt understand how I feel. for the past year almost I arley leave my house because I have no gas to get anywhere. I go to doctors appts and that is about it. I know no one here and have no way of meeting ppl.
I honestly dont know what I am expecting from this, I guess just to get stuff off my chest because around my house Im not allowed to have feelings. I hate that he has to see me like this I wish I could be the happy carefree person I was before I met his dad but no matter what I do or how hard I try nothing goes right for me and I just cant make myself happy. How am I supposed to meet guys and start trying to date to get over him if I cant get out of my house? How can I get over his dad and move on when my self esteem is so low I dont even like walking outside when my neighbors are out because i dont want to be seen? I have just never hurt so bad for so long and the longer I go being alone all the time the more it hurts and the more I feel he was right. :(