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Really struggling to deal with this new life...

Rhiannon - posted on 09/07/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My bf and I started dating when my daughter was 6 months old. She doesnt see her biological dad (his choice). We dated for two years and I got pregnant. When my baby was 2 weeks old he woke up one day and decided he didnt want to be in a relationship anymore. That was his only explanation. There was no arguing before or anything so i was really caught off gaurd and had no idea he was having any sort of issues. He was always so great with my older daughter. Now he sees both girls a few times a week and eventually will start taking both of them on a regular basis. I appreciate him accepting responsibility for my oldest but am still so confused why the relationship ended. I never wanted to be a single mom again and was very honest about that from the start of our relationship. He knew i was looking for long term and eventually marriage. I've really been struggling with this new life and not having any time to myself. I do get child support for the baby but it doesnt cover everything. I work from home and work a couple of evenigs and one weekend day to try to make ends meet. I also stay home with my girls and watch my niece and a friends kids for money. I've also had to get public assistance, something I never thought I'd have to do.I feel like im running a million directions all the time just to barely make it. I know there's a lot here but i just need to vent. Any advice would be so appreciated! TIA!

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D.Denise - posted on 09/08/2009

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Deep breath! Yeah, it hurts when it's over, but now you have to pick up the pieces. You sound a bit overwhelmed, but are seeking out assistance as that's one of the biggest problems facing single parents. You do need to find time for yourself or it'll be even harder to continue to face the struggles alone every day. Get the children into a good routine. Get them to bed early, say by 8:30 every night, so you have some time at the end of the day to unwind. Try to avoid alcohol and nicotine as these really are depressants and not helpful. Try meditation, or yoga, a long hot bath with soft music. The children get your attention, but now you have no one to give you the attention you need so it must come from within. If you have a Head Start program (program for pre-school kids, sometimes lower income as well) sign the oldest up for that, so that you have a little time alone with the younger one. Each of you gets a break. Take the kids to the park and allow them to run around a bit so that at the end of the night, they'll fall asleep and you'll feel good about spending time with them. Cuddle up and watch a movie or read them a book. Routine. Routine. Routine. I can't stress this enough. Cut back on caffeine for them as it adds chaos. DON"T BLAME YOURSELF OR BEAT YOURSELF UP. Forgive him and yourself and move on. You have to learn inner peace or it does get outta control. I wish you the very best of luck and know that you can do it!

Heather - posted on 09/08/2009

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I was married to a man and had two biological kids. Two years ago I offered to babysit a nephew and the parents never came back. So number three was found on our door step. Recently, my soon to be ex husband informed me that he is no longer responsible for my nephew, so I had to tell him to hit the road. I'm now a single mom too. My ex will take his kids but not the nephew. the poor kid just looked at me and said, "I don't want anymore dads..."



I guess we just need to put on our big girl panties and continue raising our children. My kids mean the world to me. I go to school full time, work part-time, and sleep very little, but I'm doing it. Hold in there kiddo, you will make it!

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