Refusing the father to see her. Is it wrong?

Megan - posted on 05/26/2010

i think you are right, i'm in the same situation and am happy being on my own and knowing my baby is safe, rather than be worrying about what is happening, your baby is the most important person in your life, and you have to protect them, even when they're big enough to do it themselves . it's what being a parent is alll about!!!

Sarah - posted on 05/21/2010

well for just what you said i was say no its not wrong to not let him see her.
i wud feel the same if it was me. yr daughter wud be better with out him, if he just ganna play daddy when he feels like n get all the benefits from all yr hard work in rasing that beautiful daughter.

Sherry - posted on 05/21/2010

Well in that case no, i see that you are concern for your child's safety, which is a #1 priority....but if he ever decides 2 change and ask 2 see his child, I think you should give him an opportunity, I mean all men makes mistakes, when your child grows up and ask about her dad, what are you going to answer

Andrea - posted on 05/20/2010

That is a hard question to answer. My son's father is violent man and occasionally requests to our son. He has not paid any child support. I say be careful and cautious and leave an opening in case he decides to be a father. Stay on top of the child support that your child gets is owed to her in the event of his death. Good luck.

Faye - posted on 05/20/2010

I had this, and he was in and out from start to finish my daughters nearly 3 months and he stopped seeing her after about 4 weeks no call or text or anything just stopped turning up and only paid me one week he was also harrasing me all the way through my pregnancy and threatening me etc. so I went straight to a solicitor and because I did everything the right way I can stop him.

Crystyl - posted on 05/20/2010

you are doing the right thing for your child but be careful about denying him visitation bcuz if u never reported that he abused u then he may be awarded visitation rights

Sheena - posted on 05/20/2010

My situation is so similar to yours. I have a family attorney but have not filed for child support for the fear that when i do, my son's father will get angry and try for visitation out of spite. There was mental and physical abuse over an extended period of time from him, yet there is nothing i can legally do to keep him from seeing my child. Luckily, he has not tried to see him for almost a year. Keep thorough records of EVERYTHING, including times you tried to contact him for child support, attempts for visitation, anything. Maybe even try to be the bigger person and arrange supervised visitation for like Father's Day or something, you know he won't do it, just document everything. I fear for Preston (my son) to see his dad and I am scared all the time that he will someday change his mind and I will get a call from my attorney. But, you aren't doing anything wrong. For all the people saying you are using your child, they don't know what it's like to be in this situation... it's the hardest thing in the world... it's amazing what a mom will do for her child. Good luck to you!

Kassi - posted on 05/20/2010

I'm in the same kind of situation. He has seen her once and she is now 3 months(he waited SIX weeks to see her) personal I don't think it's wrong to refuse the father to see the child. Personaly, if the father of my child ever wants to see her then he will have to go threw the court to see her thats how I feel about it.

Charity - posted on 05/20/2010

I agree with the mothers on this. I am going throuh the same situation with my baby girls father since i was pregnant with our daughter. We broke up when i was 2-3 months pregnant and didnt really have much contact after that unless he was intoxicated then he thought he should call and see how i was makin out with the pregnancy. He has seen his daughter maybe 5 times and shes 5 months old and that was on my behalf of bringing her over to see him. He never made any effort to come see her and now we are going to court because he is denying her and doesnt want nothing to do with her. Im goin for support and full costody because he doesnt deserve the right to see his daughter and i fear her safety when shes with him if im not around, so im doin whats best for my daughter and makin sure she has a safe and lovin home to live in, and if that means keepin her from her father thats what im goin to do..i wish you all the best and take the deadbeat to court. He doesnt deserve the rights to be a father if hes din what hes doin to you and your child..take care

Dashawn - posted on 05/20/2010

Children need their fathers. However it seems to me that your daughter's father is not fit to be in her life. So in this case I don't think you are wrong. Your child's well being is far more important and if he and his family feels the way that they do, then by all means keep her away from them. In other words and excuse my language, F**K THEM. Your fist instinct regarding your child, is usually the best.

Ronda - posted on 05/19/2010

As far as your child asking questions-age appropriate answers. My daughter is 5 and has asked, I just tell her the basics and that when she gets older, I will explain and answer her questions. My heart goes out to you. If a 'man' has been violent and abusive towards you, go with your instinct and protect your child 1st. Stay strong and know you have an army of moms out here to support you!!!!! Best wishes

Kristy - posted on 05/19/2010

i also have a daughter who doesnt see her father. she is almost 4 and hasnt seen him since she was 9 months old. it is extremely hard she asks why she doesnt have a dad alll the time. but i know i made the right decision, because he is not a good person, go with your gut intincts, if you fear for her then do everything in your power to protect her. she cant fight for herself she only had you to do that, so make the right decisions, regardless if they make it even harder cause you are doing it alone.

Kayalee - posted on 05/19/2010

Sha'ron, My daughter is13 years old now, and I have been in and out of court almost all her life,fighting visitation. My ex abused me for years before she was born and after as well. my best advice is document! tape conversations with him,make sure you have witnesses when(or if) you meet with him. if he threatens you in any way-get a restraining order! I hope for your sake, and your daughters, that he stays away. After a certain time(depends on the state) you can claim abandonment and have his rights revoked. An abusive man, is definitely not someone I would want to leave my daughter with either. Good Luck, stay strong for your daughter- you are doing the right thing.( you don't have to let him see her to get child support)
Kayalee

Nadja - posted on 05/18/2010

Yes it is our job as women but regardless our job is to protect our children regardless. The only person that has any right to see the child is the father and as long as you keep your rules straight and keep you foot down.

Dont ever bring up your feelings , but believe me the kids know 4 them selves who was there for them. Men will never be women to understand.

Kepp your grounds at all cost yes, allow him to see the child but not go with the child

1. always have someone else with you, not necessary family a friend would be better being, Because they know that family has the tendency to pick up for you.
2. Make sure it is a scheduled meeting, your rules.
3. Be careful what you say.
4. Keep Records of events in a safe place.
5. Be Strong.
6. Never let them know that they are getting to you, keep your emotions aside, and demand respect.

But I have learned that most men well at least the 2 that I have kids with never have time and the always like things there way., and you daughter will always know that you have always been the one there for them. Always know they have motives. Keep your head up and know that your guy feeling is right, Cause the little things make the issue correct.

Always let him know in front he want to see her say of course you can see her but my rules, be direct and you dont have to compromise you and your daughter need to be comfortable and guess what you have nothing to lose, but visitation rights are there it is better to allow him to see her than it is for it to be forced down your throat by a judge.

Trust you gut insticint but keep you emotions at bay. I am going thru a similar with you daughter and believe me it is not easy and nothing upsets him more than know I have never stopped him from visiting but my rules and guess what she is making a year and the last time he saw her she was 6 weeks.

So Darling Pray, to get over the hurt and know no matter what we do they will always be the father our child/children as much as it may turn you stomach to think about that. Eventally they will ask that question everyone has a daddy where is mine and guess what you will have to be honest and they will have to find out for themselves too.

And you don't want her coming to you later and say mommy daddy said you didn't want him to see me. Let him if he wants but keep you rules and think about what would make you comfortable. Put your reasons down and make sure to keep record that works for me.

Jennie - posted on 05/18/2010

I wouldn't ever suggest you force someone to see your child or make them be a part of her life. In most states grandparents don't have rights, but they all do a great job trying to exercise a father's rights for themselves when they put their minds to it. I'm just saying that even though as mothers we feel like we have ultimate say in our children's lives, that is NOT true and I don't want to see anyone lose their child to someone who really doesn't want her out of spite. Women everywhere are wronged by men everyday, but it's our job as women to do the right thing for our children regardless of our own feelings. It's never fair to a child to be kept from a parent. Besides possibly having to fight the courts for her because of an unwillingness to cooperate when the child grows up without a father she will eventually resent her mother for keeping her from him. It's never a good idea to try to start a fight around a baby when there doesn't have to be one There's no such thing as too much love. Every child is entitled to be loved by everyone willing to open their hearts.

Crystal - posted on 05/18/2010

ME PERSONALLY, I WOULDNT LET HER BE WITH HIM OR HIS FAMILY.....THEY DIDNT WANT HER WHEN YOU WERE PREGNANT, THEY KNOW SHE'S IN THIS WORLD...THEY NOT PUTTING UP A FIGHT TO SEE HER....SO THEREFORE YOU DONT WANNA MAKE THEM FEEL AS IF YOU TRYING TO "MAKE" THEM BE APART OF HER LIFE AND THEN THEY GET HER ALONE AND MISTREAT YOUR BABY.......

Jennie - posted on 05/18/2010

When you go to court for child support visitation will most likely be brought up. I know it seems unfair but you really don't have any right to refuse visitation. Just because you do not get along with her father, that doesn't terminate his rights. As long as he's not asking to see her you're fine. But if he asks and you refuse there could be a problem. If he does ask I would suggest you allow him to visit in a controlled, supervised environment where you have support. When you go to court, if the judge finds that you are keeping your child from her father you could lose custody. The law doesn't favors mothers anymore, it favors the parent most willing to cooperate with the non-custodial parent for the best interest of the child. Denying visitation is the wrong thing to do and can hurt you in the end. Most men go after visitation after a woman files for child support, so be prepared. If you really want to keep him from her and you are truly afraid of him, you may be able to get him to terminate his rights but then you aren't entitled to child support. Unfortunately, you can't have it both ways unless a court agrees that hes dangerous but even then, unless he has done something directly to your child he will absolutely still be awarded visitation though it may be supervised.

Josephine - posted on 05/18/2010

hi I now what you are going though. I stop my daughter father seeing her as he was never three for her. And she was getting to the age were she was being to notice and it was so upseting to keep lieing to her. What i would say to you is may be write to him to give him one last chance. If he still does not what to have a part in his daughter life. At lest you can say that you did give him a chance. the reason i have said this is beacuse your daughter as she get older will ask why her father is not in her life. And yo do not what her father to say it because your mum stop me, you can always tell your daughter yes i did stop him but i did give him chance and he still did not what to know. You also said that you do not feel comfartable with her being a round him, I would say if after you have writen to him if you decised to write to him. and he does what to see his daugher then say that you would like for him to have vist in a contact centre it just so that you can make sure that one your daughter is comfortable being around her dad and to see if he is cormetted to the seeing her.

Heather - posted on 05/17/2010

I would get him to sign a parental afidavit so you are the sole provider responsible for your daughter. Plus I know restraining orders get broken easily (and might make him mad) but if the afidavit is put in place first then he can't fight you for custody.

TA - posted on 05/17/2010

Tracie is the living breathing epitome of GirlPower! I like it!

Tracie - posted on 05/17/2010

I am all for that or a new reality show called "Deadbeat Island"..ship all the idiots to a deserted island and let them fend for themselves...good programming...I'll bring the popcorn! lol

TA - posted on 05/17/2010

I am with you 100% What we need to do is get some of the women from this site and take turns kicking his balls to China! lol

Tracie - posted on 05/17/2010

Well, I didn't see the part about the abuse. I would say if NONE of that was going on, then yes, you probably would be smart to allow the father access to see your daughter, but now with the stuff you say has been going on..I would say the best advice I can give would be to contact an attorney or the Attorney Gneral's Office that you get your child support from. They will be able to give you a few more ideas about how to handle the situation. If you have documented abuse, then he won't have a leg to stand on in court should he decide that he wants to see your daughter. At the very least, it will be supervised visitation. You have the right mindset..you are protecting your daughter, but just make sure that you go through the proper channels to do so. I have a a less then steller ex myself and he was all about finding loopholes to try and get me into trouble regarding it all. I hope this helps and good luck to you and your beautiful daughter. :)

Lakeyta - posted on 05/17/2010

I would keep on doing what you are doing. If he doesn't know how precious his child is then he don't deserve to see her. If it's court ordered then you have no choice. You'r baby girl should never feel like she is not wanted.

Nadja - posted on 05/17/2010

I have a similar situation with both my kids the first on is 7 years now his father visited him once in a while meaning like twice a year. Now that he is has made 7yrs he has seen him since. .

My daughter on the other hand her father left basically after she was born. He was abusive and drunk most of the time.

The two men are free to visit there kids but under my rules and my surpervision.this way you never refuse rights and believe me they won't come, but do you best to get sole guardianship of your kid just like I have done. It will make things easier on you

Penny - posted on 05/17/2010

dont second guess your self listen to ur gut it wont lie to you or tell you something it thinks you want to hear,do whats is best for you and ur child.dont worry about the birthfather your child will understand one day.do the best that you can and take one step at a time,and get full custody,keep ya'll safe.

Mariah - posted on 05/17/2010

If he doesnt act interested consider it blessing...i am doing the same with my ten year olds father, my ten year hasnt want anything to do with him for the last 2-3 years. I support you 100%

Amanda - posted on 05/17/2010

No, you are not wrong. I am in he same boat. My babys father wa physical and emotionally abusive. My son was born 2 months early because I was physically abused. My sn is now 2 1/2 years old and has not once seen his father. I have denied all visitations to him and filed for child sopport. I got full custody and if he choose to ever see him "which he has not" it has to be in my home under my supervision. He will regreat what he has done when he gets older and it will than be to late. You are doing everything right. If he hurt you than you are a beng a good mother of fearing that. My son comes first and I am fearful of what he might to him because of what he done when i was pregnant. He didn't care enough than and didn't care the he almost died so it is imossible for me to believe he has changed now since he has not even once tried to see how he is doing.

You are right girl.. good for being a great mom.. keep up the good work :)

Latricia - posted on 05/17/2010

Sweetie, if he is your child's father, you can not deny him from seeing his child. I know this because I've been in your shoes. My child is 11 now and his father has seen him possibley 5 or 6 times. Once the court gets involved in this, you are going to have to comply with the judges orders or, be held in contempt and possibly go to jail.

La'Treese - posted on 05/17/2010

As a matter of fact Sha'ron W I don't think that you are wrong in any way shape or form. I no just how you feel my daughter turned three this Jan. and her father hasn't seen her but maybe three or four times since birth. I definetly don't think you can trust him or his family after all that being sad. My advice to you is to be all you can be for your daughter , let your daughter be your motivation to prosper and be successful. One more thing I did the child support thing again it's been three years and not one cent. Bottom line is only you know whats best for your baby right know so u make the suitable decisions know and i wish you luck.

Cassandra - posted on 05/17/2010

Such a sticky situation, yes legally he has the right to see her if he puts forth the effort. I would just go to court and get full custody like the others have said because then you'll never have to worry about his threats of just taking her away.

Now, I get extremely irritated with the whole "he has the legal rights since he's the father" stance. Even though its true, I feel that when a woman is put into the position to raise her child alone and that the father shows true disregard for his child and doesn't put forth much of an effort or any to be part of her life. (i.e. if he lives in a different state and doesn't call, or doesn't give his opinion on issues involving the child) So you are left to make absolutely every single decision regarding your child alone, and you're the one up every night in the middle of the night sometimes for hours trying to calm her and get her back to sleep, and your the one taking her to all doctor visits and appointments, and your the one taking care of her when she's sick, and your the one trying to find ways to comfort her when she's going through her milestones (such as teething or what not). To me it just seems that the mother should have more rights period.

I've gotten to the point where I think of my child as mine alone even though her father is off in the navy, we're not together but i've been put into the situation to do everything for her and he never puts forth an opinion even when i've asked for it. I know its wrong to have that mentality but women are put into that position every day and I think they should have more rights. It might legally be wrong but I won't apologize to anyone for feeling that way.

Danielle - posted on 05/17/2010

Sounds like you're really thinking what's best for your little girl here, and not necessarily for him or for you. IF, however, he does decide to grow up and want to be a daddy and see her, you should be willing to re-evaluate the situation and allow him supervised visitation. I'd take this matter to court ASAP and make sure all of this is on record, just in case that day comes, though.

Jerseyg - posted on 05/17/2010

im glad u filed for child support..... safty first

Jerseyg - posted on 05/17/2010

don't do it.. raise her on your own....

Dorothy - posted on 05/17/2010

i agrre if they can not be bothed at the begining stuff him should start how you mean to go on it is his probleam he made his bed that him lay in it.

Lynne - posted on 05/17/2010

Sorry to say it,my kidz father is nothing better"sends please call me's when he thinks he misses her,promisses to contribute towards the baby,once he has seen her then disapears for four, five months.But i agree with Teandrea...I will leave the invtation open for him to come and see his child.I do'nt wanna be blamed for my kidz not having a relationship with their father.

Nicky - posted on 05/16/2010

Sounds like my child's father. More than likely by what you have told me he won't even try to see your baby. If you honestly feel your safety is at risk, I would not blame you, however if he does go to court he can get visitation but make sure it is supervised.

Emily - posted on 05/16/2010

Ooh yes!!.You are right!!!..I am going through the exact same thing!!!...I have refused visitations for my sons daddy..Bc hes had a whole year to come and visit(like he said he was going to) and hasn't done anything...nor has even barley wrote to ask how he was..so i denied him everything!!!...So no..specially if he has no interest in being a daddy to her...I personally think you made the best decision for your daughter!!..Bc who needs him in her life confusing her with the one visit here and there??!!!=]..I hope this helped!!=]

Shelena - posted on 05/16/2010

In Wisconsin its hard for a parent to file for sole custody, There have to be physical proof of some kind of abuse, not just allegations. So Good Luck with that. Once your child get older, she will want to see and know her father. I wanted my family to look for mine when I was about 14.

Tiana - posted on 05/16/2010

You are absolutely not wrong you have the right to deny visitation to ANYONE that you feel may harm your child. Since he's making no attempt that is something that he must one day explain to that innocent child. I think its sad that the grandma is acting that way also so you know where your child's father gets it from but it's their loss @ least you know you tried.

Teandrea - posted on 05/16/2010

always leave the invitation open for him to come to see his child.. she's only 4 months so it is a possibility that he may wanna come around later! but i understand how u feel n it is nothing wrong at all with wantiing to protect ur baby from an asshole!! but when she grows up u wanna be able to tell her that u did ur part by allowing him to visit n he neva came threw.. u dont want the blmae to be on u!

Elysha - posted on 05/16/2010

go with your instinct!!! if you dont feel its a safe situation, you better make sure your child is always in a safe environment! im almost going through the same situation. my baby is not born yet but i know i dont want it around the father. he has chosen drugs and a gang life. i already have a permanent protective order against him. who is going to make wise decisions for your child if you dont? you'll know whats the right thing to do! ;)

Nichele - posted on 05/16/2010

Not at all, he has made it clear that he doesnt want anything to do with her. I would even consider going to court to file for sole custody with no visitation so that you have it documented. Dont even bother with going back in forth with him, let the courts talk for you.

Bri'Ana - posted on 05/16/2010

I changed my number and didn't tell my child's father and his family. He couldn't decide between his girlfriend of his daughter- although you would think that's a no brainer. I think that if there is a valid reason and you can prove that (in case he wants to take it to court), then don't let him see your baby.

Margaret - posted on 05/16/2010

Hi Sharon, I feel for you. I have been through this kind of issue personally. First, you were right to file for child support while you are sorting out these issues. I felt so badly for my ex husband when he left that I didn't file for two years. I thought he was having a nervous breakdown or something else was wrong. We were unequally yolked also and our viewpoints were so different on everything. I became a Christian after I married him and I was married for over 21 years. I was a single mom for a long time.

I had a good stay at home job so it wasn't a problem for me to support my kids and be there for them. Besides, he never kept in contact with me nor was he interested in his kids at all. I kept looking to see what I had done to make him leave and kept giving him every benefit of the doubt . . . One day though, I realized that these were his kids and were also his responsibility. I quit making excuses for him. I filed to make sure he knew he was accountable. It was so easy for him to walk away and do what he wanted to do with no responsibility living a carefree life. When I filed, he didn't like it, but he was forced by law to pay. He did what he was supposed to do. He is a grandfather now and although he had very little contact with his kids over the years, he is now coming around.

I felt it was my God given duty to make him see that he helped to bring these children into the world and he needed to accept that responsibility in some way. I believe you will regret it later if you don't make an effort in some way.

Because you have abuse involved and there is danger, the other alternative is to ask him to sign away his rights as a parent so that he and his family cannot have contact with you at all. He may be willing to do that in exchange for not having to pay child support. He does not sound like a fit father and if there is any chance of abuse, verbal or physical, you are better off moving away and starting your life over. It won't be easy, but God does not expect for you to hang around and take physical abuse as it may eventually wind up being your baby who is abused. If you are married, then you still can be separated in God's eyes. If he has commited adultery, you know you are able to leave and divorce him according to the bible. Sometimes things can be worked out even after a marriage has been violated, but only if both spouses are willing to go to counseling and make it work. If God isn't in the picture, it flat out won't work.

.

Michelle - posted on 05/15/2010

hi iam in the sorta same position and no its not wrong for you to stop her seeing her father, just do what u think is right and u be ok, ive cut off all communcation to my daughters father to sence the day one when i was preg he said it wasent hes and hes family are all drug alchole gamble addicted and he got accused of touching hes neice and that puts my girl at risk seeing him so ive stoped all contact to him. just do what u think is right and it is not wrong it the best for ur child. from michelle take care

Brittany - posted on 05/15/2010

NO MOST DEF U R NOT WRONG GIRL! FILING 4 CHILD SUPPORT HAS NOTHING 2 DO WITH VISITATION IF HE WANTS VISITATION THE ONLY WAY HE CAN DO SO IF HE HIRES A LAWYER N BY THE SOUNDS OF IT HE AINT GONNA DO ALL THAT...i dont want my 3 month old around him n his family ether and in the same situation xcept he wants 2 c him but not provide 4 him which he has yet 2 do!....dont sweat it and if it comes down 2 it remember the court always favors the mother especially when he hasnt provided anything 4 the baby!!!..hope this helps

Tina - posted on 05/15/2010

You seem like you are doing the right thing. Make a happy life for you and your daughter. You're better off than forcing him to be involved.

Sandra - posted on 05/15/2010

And another thing i agree wit Julia cuz if you dont want nothing to do with the father than dont go after him for child support cuz they do give him rights to see his kid supervised or unsupervised.. unless of course he signs his rights away and when he does you will still get child support til thye are out of school... ya he owes you child support but honestly you think that little bit of money is gonna help your daughter understand that her daddy isn't there?? you get child support that is stating you want him to have some part in her life..

Sandra - posted on 05/15/2010

You can protect your daughter by getting a peace bond, or they call it order protection.. IDK but i live in Arkansas, and when you have a peace bond they cant see the kid for a yr, no ANDS, IFS, OR BUTS,.. And i dont think its wrong of you.. But honestly if you really dont want your daughter around him you should completly cut all ties from him, as in dont take money from him nothing.. you can do this all on your own.. Ive done it for 2 yrs now wit no help frm her daddy and wont ask for it cuz i dont want him having nothing to do with her..