Relationships after being a single Mum

Claire - posted on 01/24/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )

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So I left my daughters Father when I found out I was pregnant, there was a stage where he and his new pregnant girlfriend would pop up a lot but that all seems to be settled out now, I actually moved to a difference country to be with my Mum throughout my pregnancy and well, I'm still here with my 11 month old daughter :)
I'm just wondering how everyone goes about dating and relationships after being alone for so long,
The last person I slept with was my daughters Father and that was during my first or second month of pregnancy so it's been awhile :P

Really I just want to hear your stories about dating while being a single Mum,
I'm completely up front about being a Mum but I know that there are some women who keep it to themselves till they've 'sussed' the guy out

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Jill - posted on 01/25/2010

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i've been a single mom for about 5 years now. and while it does make it a little more difficult to date and find a relationship, the most important part is to be upfront with the other person. my son is my life, and everyone i date knows that. if they can't accept that- and the fact that his dad is also a part of my life- then they're not right for me anyway. just be very careful about introducing anyone to your daughter. it's very easy for a child to get attached, and having people coming in and out of their lives is very difficult. hpe this helps, even a little bit! good luck!

Paula - posted on 01/25/2010

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i had a relationship with a guy after having my little one. i already new him so i fort it would be an easy opption!! but i finished it because although he was a safe opption god it wasnt anything special !!! i dont have much to say on how to go around dateing yet but dont settle for easy or safe just because u have a little one!!! just advice i got given :) xxxxx

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Nicole - posted on 01/27/2010

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Hey There. the father of my twin daughters left me when i was 7 weeks preg. i started seeing a guy when they were about 4 months old. he turned out being a total loser. after that i waited till i found someone who would love me and my girls for us and not for what we had. i started dating my now bf 5 months ago and he loves me for me and he treats the girls like there his own. what im trying to say is that there are great guys out there. so just keep ur eyes open. dont just take the easy option. lifes short. ur better of being happy. if that makes sense XX

Elizabeth - posted on 01/27/2010

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My daughter just turned 3, I've been single since she was 1. It's a lot different dating with a child than it is without one. A lot of things I was willing to put up with before I wouldn't tolerate now. I'm not looking for someone to 'date' anymore, someone to just mess around with or waste my time. Now I'm looking for someone to be a part of my family, and that means it has to be the right person. Anyone who is on even a little bit of BS is finished, simple as that. It might be lonely sometimes, but I'd rather be lonely than be unhappy or for my daughter to be unhappy.

Debbie - posted on 01/27/2010

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hi I have a 5yr old girl I started seeing a guy when she was 18mths it only lasted 3 mths but at that age she had already met him at a friends so they were together from start, then it was not until recently that i started seeing some one but I have talked to her alot about mom having a boyfriend when it happened she was fine about it. it helped that again she already knew him but this time I hid it from her for a short while until I knew what was happening but I have alway been honest with her they get along fine. but I agree with christina do not put your life on hold as it will be hard for the child to accept anyone into your family unit if left too late a friend of mind did this the child was 15 and still did not accept men in her life as she hid the boyfriends from her, so I vowed I would not make that mistake. good luck and have fun

Christina - posted on 01/27/2010

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I am a single mom of an 7 year old. I agree 100% with Jill. I feel that my son will help weed out the bad ones. Here is my added advice. I have always been a single mom since I was pregnant. I honestly didn't date anyone until 3 years ago, It started to get serious until year ago, that is when I started introducing my child. My son is very protective of me. He is at the age that he gives me a hard time when there is a guy in my life. He thinks that I will love him less. All you mommies know that isn't possible! So my advice is start to date, weed out the ones who can't handle you have a child, BUT don't wait until your child is too old to start to let them know your dating. Sadly being a single dating mom at 30, with a 7 year old is SO HARD!

Mel - posted on 01/26/2010

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I was a single my since my daughter was 1 year old, she is now just over 3. I saw a few guys, most got scared off by my daughter and others by the whole commitment thing. i was always upfront with me being a mum, as didnt want the lies to develop and they were bound to see her sooner or later. I didnt mind dating guys back when she was young, but really as she got older, i didnt want to be bringing someone different home too often :P I found the man I am with now when she was 2 and we have been together ever since. Would be hard to date someone now, if we ever broke up, as the attachment to him is so strong.

Claire - posted on 01/25/2010

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Brittney I know where you're coming from there, and I feel that we're in the same boat seeing as our children have changed so much :)

You have the most beautiful baby pics on your page btw!

Claire - posted on 01/25/2010

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You know I've been tempted to do that a few times, and I keep trying to tell myself the same thing, I know I'd have security if I took the easy way out and just married the guy who has always been there, but I wouldn't be happy, and my own Mum wasn't happy in her marriage and I remember what that was like so I don't want that.
It is excellent advice Paula :)

Brittney - posted on 01/25/2010

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I have not dated yet, but I know the hardest part to think about is how I'm going to find someone who will love and respect me the way my daughters dad couldn't or wouldn't, and also love and respect her. It just dosn't seem like it will ever happen. I choose men who treat me bad cause thats what I feel I deserve, but I can't be the same person any more. Not now that I have my daughter.

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