Maya - posted on 07/18/2012 ( 18 moms have responded )
BEWARE OF A VERY LONG POST! I didnt have my father around and i grew up like this. A teen mom who had 2 possiblities for a father of my daughter. I was going through rough times in my life, I was 16 hanging out with the wrong crowd. My mom had a boyfriend, and she never had one since my dad... She was totally in love with this guy. I was a bad kid, id admit. I felt alone sad, i wanted to be loved. This guy didnt want me around, said hed break up with my mom if i was around. So she kicked me out, to live with my 22 year old sister. My permiscous days began. I had gotton drunk and had sex with some guy I barly knew, while I was dating a much older guy who was 23. I had protected sex with the older guy. So when i found out i was pregnant i immediantly thought it was the guy i had a one night stand with. The older guy said the condom broke took it back saying he lied. So i chased after the guy i had a one night stand with to be in my daughters life. When she was about 8 months he started being there she was 12 months when the older guy called from jail saying the condom did indeed break. So i get the test and the older guy whos in jail for 24 years is her father. Most days im okay & content with it. My daughter loves me so much, and she is my everything! I dont go out, i dont date, i dont have sex, iv spent every day with her since i had her, besides working. Im terrified of when she gets older, i dont have any good guys around that i would allow to be a male figure or will actually invest the time with her. I dont want her to be how i WAS. im scared to tell her this story. I promise to whoevers reading this, I love her so much and am doing my best with her. Im just scared my best wont be enough. Im not gonna let her visit her imprisoned father! Ill give her that option when shes older. I know that ill never choose anyone on this earth over her. I have never felt a love so strong, never even knew this type of love was possible. I really just need some words of encouragment, or some advice please. i know that you all wont judge me on my past thats why im so foward. I should probably speak to a consoler but i need other single moms advice too!