Scared and Alone.

Laura - posted on 06/27/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

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So I'm almost 22 with a 15 month old and 9 months pregnant. My boyfriend left me almost a month ago. I haven't really been doing good without him, and i still can't find the energy to take care of myself because i look after my son all day and its killing me. I'm really heart broken, and I love this man more than anything. I would give up everything for him. (Except of course my kids). Everyone tells me it will get easier, or he will come back but he's not coming back, and it's not getting any easier. What do I do to get him to realize that I need him, and love him more than anything?

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13 Comments

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Sarah - posted on 07/13/2009

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Hi there well ive just got out of a relationship of 4yrs and he wasnt my son father but its stilll hard.... but there is not much we can do bout it ...we just have to get up everyday and do things to try and make it ok...Sometimes nothing helps sometimes everything does....Im a single mum of a boy who is nine and i had him at 16. His father walk out when i was 4mths pregnant so i know how hard it can be...Im very issolated and feel into deepression using eveything that bad to marsk it all up but in the long run noithing does....Wouldnt want that to happen to anyone else so we all have to be strong and i no it get lonely but we dont need a man we need friends and mates and family....I have family but no friends or mates.... Why are we lonely and scared it would be a perfect world if all women could be scared but together...Good luck and keep in touch..

Mallory - posted on 07/13/2009

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Think of it this way, you don't have to take care of him anymore. Find someone who loves your kids, but more importantly: wants to take care of you. It sounds like you have been dependent on him for a while...find yourself again girl. Your kids need to see you be strong, so they don't let their partners treat them with disrespect in the future. Lead with a loving and strong example. It will be well...delete his number...the sooner you honestly cut him out of your heart and mind, the sooner it will start to get easier. Good luck and God Bless you and your beautiful kids.

Donna - posted on 07/11/2009

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Hi Laura,

Did you get my second reply on June 29? I hope so. Please let me know.

My email address is dmariedesigns@ yahoo.com. Thanks! Donna Marie

Brooke - posted on 06/30/2009

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Hi Laura. I have a four year old boy and he was 18months old when his father and I split. We told each other we were going to work things out down the line and get back together but before I knew it he was involved with another woman and now he is married and has another child on the way. Although in my situation I did not love him like you love the father of your child, I think in both cases there was a reason for the split and you should try to move on with your life and stop hoping he'll come back to you. You can not force a person to feel things they do not feel. I can say that because it was I that walked away from my partner, knowing that there was no love in the relationship and all we were going to do is damage our child by being together and not being happy. If your partner left it is because he is either not ready for the commitment of a family, or he doesn't feel the way you do. Don't wait for him to return. It might never happen and you'll be wasting your time, your love, your life.

Kate - posted on 06/29/2009

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hey laura,
I know its hard but now is the perfect time for you to focus on yourself and you child. Try and take pleasure in the simple time you spend with your little one. Any guy that leaves you a month before the baby is due is not worth wasting your emotions on...

Donna - posted on 06/29/2009

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Dear Laura,

You are blessed beyond measure to be a Mother! I pray you will feel this more and more each day. I have read the responses and am overjoyed for you that other Moms are taking time to tell you how special you are. We love you and are with you in spirit, so please try not to be "scared and alone." Just for your seeking support here, I see you as wise, courageous, and taking care of yourself. You keep doing all you can to be your best self again. Love to you, your 15 month old, and baby on the way! :-) If you are in DC/Maryland/Virginia, then let me know (maybe we can meet).

May you continue to love yourself, no matter what. Bless you.

Amanda - posted on 06/29/2009

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hi laura i no how hard it is im only 19 and have a 8 month old son my partner left me wen i was 2 months pregnant. I no its hard but all i have to do is look at my son and it makes it all worthwhile

Amy - posted on 06/28/2009

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Laura, hun, if he left..there had to be a reason. We are women, we don't NEED men..they need us more than we need them. I am a single mom of 2 sons, 5 and 3, they are the best thing ever to happen in my life. Their dad left for another woman and I just kept my head held high and moved on. It is hard to let go but you can do it. Just look into your childrens eyes and see how happy they are each day, this will give u the strength you need to push on. I am not saying it gets easier but with time you will be much better off and your kids will be happy cus they are with you. I have learned alot in the past 2 years about how strong I really am..if there is anything that can make you a strong person and to push on it should be your children. When you are happy with you then you can be the mom you want to be for your children. I have struggled for a while finding my happy place but I have found, being with my children and watching them grow and prosper is the happiest place I could ever be in. I am positive that you will be just fine without him and your kids might be better off in the long run. Remember, they love you for you and thats really all you need...the unconditional love from a child...whatelse is there??

Chandra - posted on 06/28/2009

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Hey Laura,

First let me say that you are not alone, it just feels like it. If you have family turn to them. If you have a church family turn to them. If you have close friends Turn to them. You then need to get in a quiet place and pray. Ask God to give you strength. Ask God to show you why this happened and trust me he will. You then need to put your priorities in order: You, your children and then your life like as Schooling, working, etc. In regards to the guy, leave it alone. Leave it alone until you are strong enough to deal with it adn are prepared for whatever comes from it. Think that if you are no good to you, then you are no good to your children and they matter most.

Laura, men do not think as we do. They are selfish and they put themselves first. At least the majority do. Laura, trust that it will be okay and keep the faith.

Susan - posted on 06/28/2009

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Laura, honey in the first place you never NEED a man. Yes it is hard raising children on your own but it is possible. I am much older than you but at your age i was single with a child and im not going to lie it doesnt get easier. I am single now and i have 2 kids. It is a struggle everyday. Anybody that would walk out on you with a baby and one on the way isnt worth your time. Another thing do not ever think just because you have children that another man will not ever want you. You will find someone one day that will except you and your children. Hang in there ! There are also ways of getting help. Best of luck!

Char - posted on 06/28/2009

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You can need and love him all you want and that is not going to change him or bring him back. You have two sweet kids right now that need their Mom. You are that Mom. It is hard, I am a single Mom by my choice. That somedays does not make it any easier. Start reaching out to your support group. And if you don't have one, start making one. My babysitter is one of the bigget in my life. She will take my daughter when I need do things that just aren't kid friendly, such as going to the Dr. They will not do everything for you, but they will help you with everyday things. It also sounds like you are depressed. ( not taking care of yourself) Go and see your doctor and talk to him/her about getting you some help in this. It can be a very dark and lonely place to be, but it is so worth the battle to take care and raise sweet loving and smart children. You must take care of yourself first before you can be the Mom you would like to be for your children. Best of luck and may God bless you! Char

Carrie - posted on 06/27/2009

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Remember that if he left once there was a reason. Try your best to pick up the pieces and start a new life without him. I know that it hurts... but he can't be the right person for you if he does this to you. Remember that everything happens for a reason and good things are yet to come. You have a long life ahead of you! Do you have a good support system?

Melissa - posted on 06/27/2009

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hay laura i can tell u right now it dont get easier i am a 22yr old single mum of three my oldest is 3 then 2 then 8 months me and my patner split when my last child was 5 weeks,and i love him more then anything the advice i can give to you is look at your kid when you talk to them do they smile and if yes then you know thats wat you have to live for if he has any feeling for you or had any feeling for you he will realise wat he has lost but do this you have to live for you and ur kids show him you dont need him even if you do because once he realises you will stay there for him no matter wat he will just walk all over you and he will hurt your feelings even more i know this because i went through it and my ex has only just realised wat he has lost and is now trying to work things out even though he has had several girls in the last 8 months but i dont give him the satisfaction of knowing that i love him and need him i only give him part of me and thats all he is getting i know its hard and i know you think you cant do it without him but believe me if you put your mind to it you can do anything girl even though he will be in your head everyday and your thinking about him always keep yourself busy

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