scared and frustrated

Michelle - posted on 07/22/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

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my sons father has been coaching him to lie and make horrible stories up such as my 2 older children beating him..hes been found doing drivebys and taking pictures of my home and reporting every tiny little bruise my son gets to the police and now he has cps involved! I have an oop with a stayaway order n its been hard to prove hes stalking and threatening my family members..the judge will not listen. all the judge seems to care about is making sure "dad" gets his visiting time with my son! im scared always looking over my shoulder and so frustrated! btw..my legal aide is not very assertive which sucks n his attorney told her "they will not go away"....advice anyone???

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Michelle - posted on 07/24/2011

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I absolutely love how you encouraged me!! Its just what I needed to make my heart smile n give me hope! ty:)

[deleted account]

This is where you can work from the inside out - I know it can be frightening, terrifying perhaps. Your calm, pleasant normal self will (usually, over time) say more to the "onlookers" than his antics. I realize in the middle of this being the bigger person is frustrating, when no one believes you - it hurts. Let your little one know how clsoe you are, that wedge being driven between you can be healed by you. Your little one can pick up on your vibes, so to speak. So if you are calm, happy, let's go play, hey, wow! That's a great drawing, let's put that up on the refrigerator and take your picture with it. do you want to help me make cookies? We haven't dug a hole to China lately, wanna give it a try in the back yard? Have the biggest bubble bath ever? Stuff that engages him, creates the true, deep relationship has more impact than any adult feeding his head with lies. Most children will take any attention they can get, positive or negative, sadly. We cannot control situations (drive-bys as one example) that other people choose to engage in, but we can control how we connect with our family. That's great news, because no one can stop you from loving your son, hugging him, looking him in the eye and saying, what do you want to do today that would be fun? It's the relationship that will last, no matter what, and only you can build it. It is very hard when in the court center - they are not always so sensitive - but you have hours and hours at home. Try to remember over the course of years we are creating memories. No matter what his dad does when you aren't around, you are free to create a great relationship with your son. That wedge is hard to overcome sometimes (I've seen it often - too many times) but kids are smart - and feel everything, especially love. When you're together, my wish is for you to relax and connect with him. Spend relaxed quality time and make great memories. Before "dad" has the chance to rip you apart from each other.
Also, be vigilant about any evidence you CAN get. Write it down, have a camera handy by the window, don't let your son think your stressed about it. I know a woman who caught her stalker on camera at the grocery and on the street - he was fuming mad. She just calmly pulled out her camera and caught the photo and kept walking into the store-right up to the security guard and asked him to escort her to her car, which he did, and she went home. Be CAREFUL but be willing to be ready if you need to.
Any threats to your family - get evidence. voice mail, notes, anything. But be calm with him and his attorney.
Be calm with cps. If the child is safe, you have no worries. They have to prove it. Keep your cool and pray for blessings of a peaceful home and heart. Be patient, for some reason God isn't always on our time schedule, so we have to be strong. : )

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