separated mom here, saying hi

Jessica - posted on 08/31/2011

I have been seperated and waiting for a divorce as well. I have two wonderful girls 10 and 4. I have been a housewife for the last 10 years and now im going back to school.The first week he moved out, he moved in with his girlfriend. I take one day at a time and injoy the time I have with the children.

Maggie - posted on 10/31/2009

I am separated 4 months and seriously considering divorce. At first, I thought it may be just temporary. But the longer I am away from him, the more certain I am that it is for the best. I am frightened about the division of assets (the house), and child custody (I don't think 50/50 is working well for anybody). If I figure out how to hammer out these issues and get the divorce sooner rather than later, it may help me with boundaries. He is always coming over and grumbling about stuff, or borrowing stuff and I just can't seem to stop it. Basically, I don't want to fight with him until the house/chiild custody issues are settled. I feel like I am living in a catch 22, but it is still better than being unhappily married.

Theresa - posted on 03/07/2009

Be brave! It isn't easy...but you will feel so much better when it is over. Live one day at a time and do what is best for you and for your kids. I hope that you have a support system. If you don't, connect with others that are in the same situation...through your church or work or whatever. Be good to yourself.

Jane - posted on 03/07/2009

I just got my divorce last month after being separated for 2 years. I was dreading it but it actually feels better being out of the "separation" limbo. Separation is like purgatory. you are not married, but you are not divorced. Its hard to know who or what you are. Finally getting my divorce gave me the oush I needed to let go of the past and embrace the future. It has also helped me with boundaries regarding my ex, that Ididn't fell comfortable setting before because we were still legally married. It's definately better to pull that bandaid of quickly. The wound will heal much faster that way. Separation just makes the wound fester I think.

Mette - posted on 12/24/2008

Hi there:) No wonder you are scared, it is! I have been devorsed for 5 years, the best and the hardest ever ! Its onely one thing to do, do yur best every day and your best is always good enougf. Think aboat the kids first always, even if you really want to be anything BUT helpful to your x. But wery important dont forget yourselves, your needs and your dreams. If you cant be anything to yourselves how can you be anything to anyone else?.Stay close to your family and friends an tell them how you feel and dont ever be afraid to ask for help, the worst you can get is a no. Try to stay close to your x to, in time it will be the best for the kids if you work together.Take one day at a time, an things will be better! Best of luck :) Today I have my own house, my own car, a god job, we have everything we need and more. Just yesterday I was not feeling ok an my x went shopping for me and came and made us dinner. You will get there! :)

Ami - posted on 12/23/2008

I am in the same situation that you are. I know in my heart that the divorce is the right thing to do but I fear for the emotional impact it may have on my children in the future.

Rebecca - posted on 11/04/2008

My ex and I seperated 4 days before Valentines Day and 10 days before our 7th anniversary. Our divorce was final by December 15th that year. Honestly I have found that it is easier to do it on my own. Extremely scary at first, but you get your routine down and things go so much more smoothly. It is nice when you and your ex can "get along" for the most part makes the transition easier. I was in a relationship where everything felt so out of control. Now I have a better grasp on all the hosehold functions and my life isn't as stressful as it used to be.

One thing all new divorced moms should consider is counseling. My lawyer suggested it and I blew her off for a while thinking yea right I can't afford that and what good can it really do. My oldest started having serious anger issues and it was affecting all areas of his life, so we started counseling. He is a totally different kid, and I am so glad that we went through the counseling. Something to keep in mind.

Keep your chin up. Some days are going to be the hardest days of your life at this time and others are going to be super easy. Even now there are days when I feel like the divorce was just finalized and not 2 years ago, and other days where it feels like I have been divorced for 10 years. Just remember there is always someone to listen when you need to let it go.

Theresa - posted on 11/03/2008

It is truly one of the hardest things that you'll ever do, but it is worth it in the end for you and for your kids. I am a single mom of two wonderful kids. My separation and divorce took just under a year to be final. My ex and I did not agree on anything. It was really hard. Some days I had to take one hour at a time because things were so difficult. Now things are final, I moved into a newer house, bought a newer car, have a great new place to start all over. Get your finances in order, ask for help from your friends, even when you don't want to and hold your head up high.



My ex and I are finally getting along better and he finally has realized that we need to do what is best for the kids.



Hang in there.....blessings...

Christine - posted on 11/03/2008

Thanks to all you moms who responded... It's helpful to know I'm not alone. My soon-to-be ex and I get along ok, so hopefully that will help. But it's not going to be easy in any case. I just need to have faith in myself and do the best I can. Good luck to all of you!

Lisa - posted on 11/03/2008

It sucks that so many people are dealing with this but nice to know we are not alone. I am just starting to try and figure out the paper work for a divorce. Seprated since june of this year.

Tracy - posted on 11/03/2008

i my name is Tracy i am recently seperated Aug 7th, my divorce will be final Nov 13th, luckily we agreed on everything and made it quick and simple. i am now raising 3yr old twin girls by myself so i totally understand what you are going through. i am scared to death myself, but i just keep my faith in the Lord and know that he will take care of us. i will keep you in my prayers and if you need to talk anytime just send a message hope i can help you get through this.

Eileen - posted on 11/03/2008

I am separated as well, he left when baby was 6 mos, oldest was 4. I have not worked since having the second, that was the plan=hahahahaha = but you just do it. You must do what is best for the children as well as yourself. You can do it, you will do it, it will not be fun/easy - get your finances in order, figure out what you need and just plow through. I don't mean to sound harsh, but this is going to be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do.

Stephanie - posted on 11/03/2008

I am seperated..... And have been for the last 2 income taxs filings ..... I played it out that way cause I knew it was coming...... So next for me is the big D I have no idea how to do it..... If I can do it........or how it's going to work.........But what I do know is I am heading to courts today to file custody that has to be a start...... Good luck to u and I will be watching to see if anything helpful pops up on her lol....

Tara - posted on 11/02/2008

I just turned 31 and have been sep for over a yr and a half/divorced for 9 mos. I have 4 kids (5yr old, 2yr old, and 1yr old b/g twins) and was 4.5 mos preg when he walk out for someone younger. I can tell u that it takes a while for things to get easier but they do. Just keep ur fam and friends close (even when u don't really want anybody there), ur head held high and always tell ur lil one how much they r loved. The days will pass and u will find a new way of doin things!!

Gwen - posted on 11/02/2008

we have been separated for year and waiting for divorce. I have a two year old son. I was super scared in the beginning but have realized that it was a good thing. Family doesn't understand but it is good to talk with others who have been there, that has really been the best for me. I will be praying for you and your family.

Nikki - posted on 10/30/2008

I'm only 23 but as soon as soon as I'm able to I will begin the process of getting devorced, I cant offer much advice because I havent yet made it there yet, but I can say on the separation side of it all I dont think it's not scary for anyone going through it, you obviously loved them to get married and then now you have to look at going it alone without them, all you can do is believe you are making the right choice and keep plently of people around you. I dont know what your ex is like.. but trust me I married one of the worst.. it's all about one day at a time and making sure you arnt alone.

Christine - posted on 10/29/2008

Thanks for the encouragement! And good luck to you too!

Jodie - posted on 10/29/2008

Seperated and waiting for the divorce to, have 3 boys and just live one day at a time and whatever happens do your best, we can't be supermums all the time