Should I approach My Son's Grandparents (Father's Side)

Rebecca - posted on 05/14/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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My son's dad came into his life after being gone many years.... and then disappeared again. My Ex's parents are wonderful people that I truly respect. I'd like my son to be able to have contact with them - but I'm not sure how to approach it (and them), or even if I should. It may make my son's dad upset - I'm not sure. My son is almost 14, and his dad's disappearance hurt. He got depressed. We've gotten through the worst of it, but I'd like to keep as much love and family around him as possible. I already have my family engaged.

How do you say "Your son doesn't care enough to bring our son to see you, but I want you to see him anyway... If you're willing." without knocking their son or making the situation awkward. Is it possible?

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Sandra - posted on 05/14/2013

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Hi Rebecca: I think you should send them a little card letting them know how you feel about them. Let them know that while you hold no resentment toward their son because he gave you the most precious gift you ever could have asked for, you are wondering if they would like to have contact with their grandson. You could tell them a bit about your son and leave the ball in their court. Provide them with your contact information, if they choose to do so they will. I do wonder why such wonderful people haven't tried to see their grandson before this?? While I know sometimes these situations can be tricky, typically our moral compass would lead us in the right direction. So don't be disappointed if they don't call. At the end of the day you can be truthful about why you want them to be a part of his life and they should respect that.
In reflection of your comment "your son doesn't care enough.....While it is easy for mothers to be stuck in "our" resentment for a father that simply walks away...saying that he doesn't care enough to bring your son to see his family well that is your perception and truthfully who are you to Judge what is reasoning for this is. He is the only one who knows how he feels and why he has responded in the way he has. Letting go of that resentment/judgement frees up your heart for more of the right things to come your way. You are a beautiful person for wanting you son's grandparents in his life. Let them see you for the light you have inside. Leave the judgement behind and simply ask if they would like to have contact. If you want to see a little of my story www.abovethetrees.ca I wrote a children's book to explain why my daughters father isn't in her life. Believe me...letting go of that resentment is not easy..but when you are able...life is such a miracle. Perhaps while your son in some ways may be too old for this book, he isn't because it is a different way of thinking. The giraffe daddy in the book gets lost, for a teenager they come to the realization, "you know my Dad is lost too, and just because he can't find his way back to me, doesn't have anything to do with me. I am worthy of love no matter what my family background". The metaphor in this book is healing in that respect, the mother giraffe...sends the message to the baby...that the universe has chosen you for me and this is our family...and she repeats through out the book "I will love you and protect and as you grow, you will see, that I was chosen for you and you were chosen for me". Believe this Rebecca...you have a gift in your midst and you are too, a gift. Put out that request to your son's grandparents but don't be too tied to the results because that you cannot control. I wish you Love & Light on this journey. If your son grows up to have half of your compassion he will do fine.
Love
Sandra

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