Should i ask for full custody of my son

Shelley - posted on 12/18/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )

4

0

1

I came here because i couldnt find any other place that i thought would be as helpful,I hope you ladies dont mind. A little back story on my situation:

Me and my son's dad split up when he was 2. We decided at the time that it was best for our son to stay with him because at the time he was only playing football (which took 2 hours out of his day for practice) and i was transferring my 45-50 hour a week job to a new city to get away from him. In the beginning everything was fine. we would meet halfway every two weeks. That went on for about 6 months and then i moved back down and we tried to work it out. When it didnt work i moved away again still leaving my son with him because i was still working more than he was. Shortly after he went to GA for 5 months to play football so our son stayed with me. When he came i decided that i wanted to go to school so that i wouldnt always be stuck in dead end jobs and he agreed that he would keep him. The agreement was that i would pay his medical and then anything else he needed his dad would call me and let me know. Once i got into school it became harder for me to see our son plus work full time and by then his dad had a live in girlfriend who also had a daughter and was a stay at home mom in their home. at the time, it's what i thought my son deserved so agreed to let him start school there. Shortly after i had a baby with my then fiance who ended up leaving me by myself with the baby. it took me about a year but i finally got back on my feet and was able to relocate to be closer to my oldest son. 3 years have gone by, I've been apart of my sons life. giving his dad money to help feed him (a number we came up with together). i split all of my sons activities with him, buy him clothes for school during the week at his dads on top of everything he needs when hes with me on the weekends.

now: something strange is happening with his dad. he up and quit his job because "he didnt feel like going in anymore" (he actually said those words to my face). he signed our son up for this really expensive basketball program and then sent me an e-mail telling me i owe half. usually i just say whatever and pay it. this time, i cant afford it. he didnt consult with me before hand (which i've asked hi to do many of times in the past) and now he's telling me i cant come and pick up my son until i pay it. i also found out that he is not letting our son see his grandparents because they refused to help him financially once they found out he quit his job. i am going down on monday to start the custody process, because I'm not going to be held victim to his demands like that. I wanted to ask for joint custody, but now i'm considering asking for full custody. it's VERY clear that he is not putting the best interest of our son first. This shows both by him quitting his job and not "allowing" our son to see the people that love him the most over money issues. My concern is would the courts even award me full custody since he's been pretty much with his dad this whole time? His dad all of a sudden is saying that i just left my son behind from the time he was 2 until now.

I am fighting to keep from going over there because i know it will cause a lot more harm than good AND i dont want my son knowing about any of this craziness. what should i do?

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

5 Comments

View replies by

Luvmia - posted on 12/19/2011

297

2

54

Well maybe you are right. I did not see it as using your son as a pawn because once you received full custody, his father can have supervised visitation. It just seems as though when you are a woman you do not have a lot of options other than what I previously posted. So, I apologize if my previous post was offensive and/or bad advice.



I hope everything works out for you.

Shelley - posted on 12/18/2011

4

0

1

a really big part of me wanted to just go and get him and then tell him if he wants him he needs to file for custody. but i dont feel like thats he best option for my son. his dad is already using him as a pawn and i don want to put my son in the middle of a potentially dramatic situation. what his dad is doing is EXTREMELY spiteful. but that's in his character, it's not in mine. I appreciate the advice though. maybe i will regret not taking it if things dont work out for the best! lol

Luvmia - posted on 12/18/2011

297

2

54

First and foremost, there is nothing wrong with telling people your situation in order to get the best advice possible. Since your son has been with his father since 2, they may want to know why now you want to have custody. There is a good chance that will work against you. Your ex sounds like he is doing spitework.



If I were you, I would play along with this vicious game he is enacting. Tell him that you are working to get the money together to give to him and also make small talk with him about your son. Ask to pay it in installments because you are having some financial difficulties. This is a good way to get your foot in the door and he will consider letting you visit your son. One thing is for sure is that you have to let men think that they are in control and winning. And when he let his guard down and starts to trust you, then ask to take your son to the park for a little bit. After you do so, don't return him. Give him the run around by telling him that you are at your parents house and that he needs to pick him up from there in the morning. Then when he is on his way there, call him and tell him that you decided to take him somewhere else and to meet you there (pick somewhere in the opposite direction by many miles). That will give you time to get back home. (It is not kidnapping since neither one of you have sole custody)Then that will force his hand to file for custody because if you do it first, he can contest it and put in a whole bunch of lies.

Because, from what I know, custody is a very tricky thing, you will have to get a lawyer to dispute the allegations which can cost you a lot of time and money. If it is the other way around, he will have to fight to disapprove your allegations and the cost will be on him.



Once he files for custody, then you might have to make up a story saying something like "he was only suppose to keep him for a little bit until I got on my feet and then after I picked up my son, shortly afterwards he changed his mind". Get a good lawyer (you can get a legal aid lawyer to help you) that will drag out the case with postponements and whatever else ruthless lawyers know how to do to wear down the opposing party. Since your ex quit his job, there is a good chance he will not do a whole lot of legal representations.



I don't like to lie but what I found is that when it comes to legal matters, it is not what is the truth that matters, what matters is what you can prove in court.

[deleted account]

First off, let me say I'm not here to judge or bash u. After reading your post I could see why people would ask and said discouraging things bout u leaving your son with his father. If I was you I would still fight for custody of my son. I'm not sure that they would give you full custody because his father has had him for a while and if he proves that he is a good father then u know you getting full custody is out the picture. I'm sorry to hear that he is trying to say you just left your child behind. That shows we have to be real careful about the things we do because it will come bac to us. Wicked people who arent on the same track as us think different and do things different. I wouldnt give up on my child. Your child doesnt deserve any of it. He deserves to see his mother and sibling and father. I wish u the best! Fight for your son!

Shelley - posted on 12/18/2011

4

0

1

A side note: People thought i was crazy for letting my son stay with his dad. i've been called a horrible dead beat mother. To me, it was the hardest decision ever but i knew his dads personality. I knew that i had to get in an education and create as much stability as possible while i could. Once my other son was born all of that became so much harder and i didnt support my son the way i should have because i just couldnt afford to take off work to go and see him or at times even pay out any extra money. That year was the hardest of my life but i know that i cant take it back but i dont feel like now, 4 years later it should be held over my head the way that it is!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms