should I give my baby her dad's last name if he doesnt wanna come around?

Murrae - posted on 05/26/2010 ( 642 moms have responded )

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i want to but then dont want to give her is last name because if he is not going to be around why does she need his last name? am i wrong for doing this?

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Wilmarie - posted on 06/03/2010

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I really dont do much commenting but this is a case that has hit too close to home. I totally understand where you are coming from but think about it in a legal way. Although he may not be around he is still responsible for that child... you didnt make her alone! If you are thinking of making him responsible by putting him on child support then I suggest you give her his last name. Otherwise when and if you decide to put him on child support and she doesnt have his last name you will have to put your daughter through a DNA test. Trust me its a hassell!! Now if you think that you are never going to need him or make him responsible then its really up to you. Also remember you may not give her the last name but that doesnt take away his blood from her veins....

Jessica - posted on 06/03/2010

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NO!! The only time you should give your child it's father's last name is if you are married to him or seriously involved with him. Otherwise, give the baby your last name. In some states, in fact, that's the law (although its not often enforced). Giving your baby your last name protects your rights, and therefore it protects your child. Don't put his name on the birth certificate either. In most states, they won't let you put his name on the birth certificate unless he is there to sign an affidavit of paternity anyhow.
If you don't put his name on the birth certificate, and if you give your baby your last name, YOU CAN STILL GET CHILD SUPPORT!!!
To learn more about this important issue, you should visit www.SinglePregnancy.com. There is a wealth of good, free info on that site. Check it out.

Tara - posted on 06/03/2010

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I personally believe that children should have their father's last name. Whether it be their biological or legal father. If he doesn't want anything to do with your daughter, and you are not going to ask and you will not get child support and be a 100% single mom, then give her your last name. But I would make sure that her dad's name is on the birth certificate so that if she chooses to seek him out when she is older she can.

Carina - posted on 06/03/2010

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The family name thing is something to think about - ultimately, my family IS the family my children have, his family do not contact at all [except the grandfather maybe once a year?]. Why should they have the name of a family they are not connected to or raised by.

[deleted account]

Not at all. Both of my children have my last name. In my opinion if they aren't going to be there for them, then they don't have the right to carry on thier family name.

[deleted account]

Lets put it this way. If there is any doubts in your mind that this person may not be in it for the long haul, then don't do it. Most likely you'll reget it later and your child may not even want the name as they get older. When your child is old enough to make good decisions then let them make that decision to take the name if they want it later. My son is 12 and has his fathers name and hates it. When he was younger it wasn't that bad, but now that he is old enough to know the kind of person that his father is. He wants nothing to do with the name. I had such blinders on in the beginning thinking this was the person I was going to marry and thought it was the right thing to do. It was the biggest mistake in my life. Please give it some real hard thought and don't let the father pressure. Think about the future if you can and picture 10-15 yrs down the road. I wish I would've. Remember she can always take his name later as she is older. We will changing my sons name soon. Good luck

Carina - posted on 06/03/2010

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I gave my kids his last name, and he is not around - I would go back and change it if I could - so that my kids and I could be a family with one name together. He has to sign to release them to change their names till they're 18... and he won't - becasue that's all he has????. I don't like to be constantly reminded by his name how much he really is not around, how much he doesn't contribute, or how much he lets them down, but it is there, all the time. You get past it of course, but I would rather have had our own name. To make us one family, which is very important to me, I have his name, but I hate it. Is my story, but I hope it helps a little with your decision. Good luck with your decision.

Meg - posted on 06/03/2010

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that is not true i live in michigan and her dad pay me child support and he is on the birth certificate yeah i can to just take him to court if i want more money from him

Meg - posted on 06/03/2010

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no you are not wrong at all my daughter has my last name she has had it sence she was born.my dad told me not to be stupid and give her his last name.so i did not give her her dads last name she has mine and im glad that i when by what my dad said to me.

Shelly - posted on 06/03/2010

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I give my daughter my last name, as her dad has nothing to do with her. He hasn't seen her since she was 3 weeks old and she'll be 4 yrs old in September. He's never asked about her.

Follow your instincts....do what feels right to you....

Deanne - posted on 06/03/2010

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No way! I have twin 5 year olds and I have a 2 year old. They have two different dads and they all have my last name. The twins dad is not around but my 2 year old sees his dad most weekends but I still am a huge believer in giving them the custodial parents last name. I

Anissa - posted on 06/03/2010

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First of all, I agree with those who said to ask the father if he is still in the picture. But if you are still unsure, I can tell you that I gave my baby girl (she's now 6) my maiden name. As an only child and a girl, I was proud to pass on my family name to another generation, which otherwise would not have happened. Her big sister and I both have my ex-husband's last name, but I tell my youngest that makes her name special. :)

Rachel - posted on 06/03/2010

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Don't do it!! My daughter has a her dads last name and we are not together and it totally sucks. Whenever I take her to the doctor or have to do anything serious its such a hassle. Don't do it.

Yolanda - posted on 06/03/2010

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no i didnt give my son his funky dads last name..especially if your not going to be together forever .. they are not the boss and dont go through what us women go through during pregnancies...

[deleted account]

if the father is around and you have a honest loving relationship with him, then maybe...........but if not then in my opinion.......no, definetly not .......it will be more of a headache then you can imagine...........in my situation, i almost wish i didnt even put the fathers name on record because i can't take a vacation out of my country unless i have a letter from the father who does not look after his own daughter in any form of the word. Be very sure and then some before doing that!

Alissa - posted on 06/03/2010

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wow what is up with all the dead-beat fathers out there...all they are now-a-days it seems like are SPERM DONORS...makes me sad..i was married when i got pregnant..so my lil girl has her dads name...but before she turned 2 we seperated and are now divorced...and that jerk doesnt come around to see her or give me a damn dime to help support her...and its been a year...i shouldnt b surprised tho because he didnt help me with her when we were together...if you arent with the father of your baby..i suggest giving your child your last name...

Christeen - posted on 06/03/2010

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Yeah I don't see a reason to saddle your kids with a name of a man who actively decides NOT to be in their lives it makes no sense. It won't affect any the child getting child support what so ever. My child doesn't even have his name on the birth certificate and they(the state) were still trying to make me get child support from him. But I want nothing from him.

You are not wrong! Don't hyphenate it or anything just straight up your name. Good luck.

Andrea - posted on 06/03/2010

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You could give her both of your last names, and as long as you don't hifenate them it is legal to use either one. This is what I have done. On the other hand if you want to go across the border it is easier if his last name is not on the birth certificate.

Hayley - posted on 06/03/2010

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I had the same issue when i was pregnant. I reluctantly gave my daughter my own last name and now i am very glad i did. She has her families name (my family) and i know i did the right thing. I'm sure you will too, if you do the same.

Wendy - posted on 06/03/2010

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I am in a similar situation and my son's dad isn't in the picture at all. I gave my child my last name. If I remarry I will probably just keep it the same so my son and I always have the same name.

Kim - posted on 06/03/2010

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My now ex husband did not want to attend his child's birth and refused to sign the birth certificate, making my child a bastard in a sense. if he owned up and signed for the child i say do it if he did not own up and sign for the child i say DON'T!

Angel - posted on 06/03/2010

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In my honest opinion, if you and the father are not married, I think it would be best to give the child your last name. I am speaking only from experience of course. My children's father and I were living together and planning on getting married, so he asked me to give them his last name to save me the trouble of having to change it later; I wanted to wait until we were officially married before giving them his last name. Bad idea. The relationship ended, and now they have his last name. I really wish I had given them my last name instead. That's just my opinion anyway.

Rosa - posted on 06/03/2010

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Okay, be strong, you are not alone as you can tell. If your baby's father doesn't want to come around than I wouldn't give her his last name. You are right, if he isn't going to be around she doesn't need his name. The father of my children wanted to be around, but because of his immaturity and addictions he hasn't been around them for at least 18 months now. I didn't give them his last name when they were born because of the immaturity and because he was unfaithful to me. My suggestion to you is to give your daughter your last name, it will make you stronger both for yourself and for her. If he starts wanting to come around and be with his daughter than you can allow it but because you gave her your name, you get to decide for yourself how to raise your daughter you don't need his input or approval for anything. I feel as if I would have given my children their father's name that I would have to ask for every little thing if it was okay. I am stronger than I was when I first had my children and I have grown. Good luck and stay strong.

Carrie - posted on 06/03/2010

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Regardless of the child's last name, a parent is still responsible for child support, regardless of what several people have posted. And you can (and should) list the father on the birth certificate but that doesn't mean the child has his last name.
Don't think that you have to give a child the father's last name just to ensure child support or inheritance rights. The name is irrelevant legally when it comes to these two issues.

Kelly - posted on 06/03/2010

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Give the baby your last name!! I wish I would have gave my daughter my last name.....her dad was around for a year and then up and left....So now she has his last name and she is 3 and ask why we don't have the same last name.....Now I'm trying to change it and because we will not sign the papers I have to pay $600 to got to court to sign it.....SO NOT DON'T GIVE YOUR KID HIS LAST NAME

Nicole - posted on 06/03/2010

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i gave my sons their dad's last name and he dont want nothing to do with them.. so now im changin them back to my last name

Nadja - posted on 06/03/2010

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I was in your shoes when I got pregnant with my youngest and I decided to give my son my last name. I had to weigh thugs out and finally decided to give him my last name. His dad is in his life very minimal and he had no problem with the last name. At least he never said anything to me. In the end I was really glad that I gave him my last name for two reasons. It is nice having the same last name. My older two boys have their dad's last name and sometimes it can be a pain. And the other reason I'm happy is bc it made my fathers day. My parents have 7 kids. Only one of them being a boy. And he doesn't want kids so my dad was kinda sad that there would be no grandson to carry on his last name. In the end I am happy about my choice and actually wished I could have given my older two boys my last name as well.

Lizabeth - posted on 06/03/2010

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Murrae, this is a really delicate subject to some. A few decades ago it was unthought off NOT to give you child their father's last name, thank God, times have changed. Almost 16 years when I became pregnant with my 1st I came face to face with the subject. I choose NOT to put his name due to the fact that the man, was only Biological by blood and acted like a sperm donor and not a father. I really don't see the need to give her his name when he is no one in her life. It is easier for both of you in the long run. And in the future should you fall in love with a man that loves you and your daughter he would be able to give her his name. It takes more to be father than just sperm. I hope this has helped a little. Good Luck in making the decision that is right for you and your Princess.

Kristie - posted on 06/03/2010

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I understand you concerns. My daughter is 16 and has her fathers last name . She has constant contact with my ex's family but not him this works for us . I will not say it's not hard since we don't have the same last name there are alot of time people call me by her last name and at times I wish I would have given her my name yet that would have taken away a part of her heratage and I am not that cold blooded . So if she can have any type of relationship with his family then I think she should have his last name just rember you must be a very strong person to deal with the questions that come along with differnt last names .

Georgia - posted on 06/03/2010

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ooh. i'm going through this RIGHT NOW! my sons father is currently taking me to court because he wants his sons last name to be changed to his. When zander was born he didn't care that he didn't have his last name, now all of a sudden he does care. I don't know what to tell you, I would stick up for yourself and do what you want, but i'm just warning you that it could get changed in the future. I guess we will find out in my instance what the judge rules.

[deleted account]

I say no. I have 2 children by different dad's and they both have my last name. My oldest's dad isn't involved, but the younger one's is. Even so, I gave them both my last name because, regardless of the involvement, I am the primary caretaker for both of my kids. I am the one who takes them to the doctor, I'm the contact for their school, and every other activity they are in. Also, I wanted them to have the same last name so that they have a sense of unity.

Beth - posted on 06/03/2010

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don't! not if you're unsure, i'd say only do it if you're married! my friend is divorcing and her kids have their father's last name. airports and hospitals have since become an issue because they question her as the mother because her kids are mixed race and she is black.

i personally went for the double barrel (second name) and it's right at the end so it can be dropped off later if my son wants that. he only got the double barrel on there because he turned up to the registry office!

Carrie-Anne - posted on 06/03/2010

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well if the child is a gril no need too if and when she get married she well have hubby's Name. Now My child has My lastname and her dad's last name. that's one way to do it. my Son has his dad's last name. one is 5yr ols and one is 11yr old.

Sue - posted on 06/03/2010

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No you are not wrong for doing this. I gave my daughter my last name also. Her father wasn't there throughout the pregnancy, he wasn't there when she was born. The only time he has been there is maybe once a month for a few hours at a time. When asked during the child support meeting if he wanted to change her last name, he declined. He didn't want her to have his last name and has never said anything else about that. If he doesn't want to be part of your child's life, don't even try to push it. It just makes things worse... FOR YOU. Your baby's father doesn't deserve such recognition if he is not willing to be a father.

Nuka - posted on 06/03/2010

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I gave my daughter my last name. The dad's not around and I knew I didn't want to be with him when I found out I was pregnant, so I didn't see a point in giving her his last name. Why would she carry his last name when I am the one raising her, the one picking her up from daycare/school, and the one traveling with her, the list goes on. Believe me, it'll make things easier on you if she has your last name. Authorities will be asking where the father is and asking for legal notes if you're crossing borders, but if she has yours, that's a whole different story. Good luck on your decision!

Carrie - posted on 06/03/2010

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Hell no; don't give her his last name! That isn't even fair to the kid. The child will grow up without a dad and have to explain why she has a different name than her mom, and have to relate it to someone who never even wanted her? No way. Don't do that. Also, if you ever want to travel with your own child, a different last name makes it so hard! You need proof that you are the sole legal parent or permission from Mr. Last Name guy who didn't have the decency to take care of you and your daughter!

Lisa - posted on 06/03/2010

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I gave my daughter both of our last names with no hyphen that way she can drop one when ever she wishes. Which ever one you put last is the one the schools will probably use more. So base your decision on that.

Norma - posted on 06/03/2010

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i never had an doubt but my daughter having my last name. her dad just isn't the best person and in no way did i want her to have his name. im totally happy about my decion i don't have to deal with having to get permission from him in things.

Karlee - posted on 06/03/2010

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also, you have to think about if you decide to have other children and dad does not want to be involved again, like it happened to me 3x, then some women end up with children with all different last names. something to think about.

Karlee - posted on 06/03/2010

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I am a single mom, I had children from 3 fathers from relationships that did not work out. My first child has both my and his father's last name. my other 2 children have my last name because I felt if the dad's didn't want to take responsibility for their children, It would be easier for me to have my last name. I hate the fact that my 1st son has both names. IF your baby's dad does not want to be involved for the long term, I would suggest you put your last name,its easier in the long run for everything from registering for schools, etc. do make sure and put father's name on Birth Certificate though, if dad ever dies, your child would be eligible for social security survivor's benefits.

Erin - posted on 06/03/2010

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I don't know what state you live in, but I found out in GA that as long as my baby's father's name is not on the birth certificate or has his last name, then if my son's father wants to see him, then he will have to take me to court. I can go after him for child support any time I choose. The down side is when I needed to extend his health insurance for a while longer from the state, I would have to give up who the father is.
If he does not want to be in the picture, then I would save the heart ache and not give your daughter his last name. If he wants to be around, he will. If he wants her to have his last name so bad, then he should be a good father and be in her life.
I hope this helps.

Erin

Briana - posted on 06/03/2010

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I gave my son his fathers last name. He and I are together but I do not want to marry this idiot. I hate it, every time we go to the doctor they call out "Swanner". I hate it, I want my baby boy, the love of my life to have my last name, I want a name change as soon as possible. I wish I had just done it from the beginning. Your not wrong, don't make the same mistake i did. And if the father does decide to come around, then if its important enough, he can pay for the name change instead of you.

Tessie Lee - posted on 06/03/2010

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This is an issue that me and my ex are having, i'm 6 months prego, and he is around to take care of me and baby just don't wanna be with me. I was thinking of hypen the name but don't know if his should be last or mine should be last? any comment?

Maria - posted on 06/03/2010

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I was faced with that choice with my 1st child.. but after thinking about it b/c of child support reasons and claims that he may not be the father, my child ended up with his last name... This guy is an *&^hole for that but at the end he will get his.. so don't worry about that...

Syltasha - posted on 06/03/2010

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My kid's father wanted them to have his last name but I didn't do it because we were not married at the time. I feel you have to be deserving of having someone carry your name on. So I gave it some thought and decided to give both my last name and his with a dash in between. It will make some things easier for me when I have them and easier for him when he has them. And we still didn't get married so I am so happy with my decision.

Ga-Nesha - posted on 06/03/2010

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If he is not going to play a major role in his life then I say give the child your last name. If there is a chance that he will be there maybe consider giving the child a duo last name. Something to think about! I think its important for the child to know that they came from both parents if both parents are there.

Heidi - posted on 06/03/2010

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I made that mistake with my children. Do not give them his last name, what point is there in it anyway!

Claudia - posted on 06/03/2010

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I am a single mom of a 11-year-old boy, and at birth I opted to give him my last name for exactly the reason you are thinking about giving your child your last name. It is hard enough for children to have to deal with not having a father around, and I feel that a child should carry the last name of the person he or she will be living with most of the time, because it will make things easier.

And you shouldn't feel bad about it at all: YOU are the one who went through pregnancy, YOU are the one who went through the labor pains, YOU are the one who will not sleep for years to come, so it is only fair and normal to give a child the mother's last name.

Carrie - posted on 06/03/2010

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No, you are not wrong at all. I have learned this from personal experience. I am a single mom just like you and I made the mistake of giving my son his father's last name even though we were not married and were having serious problems. My son is now six going on seven and his father lives in the same town and does nothing for him. He has asked me if he could have the same last name as me and his friends call me by his last name. I try not to live with regrets but giving my son his last name was a huge mistake on my part. His last name just reminds him everyday of his father who is not there. I would suggest this to all single moms. If things ever were to work out with the father, you could change your baby's name when you got married. I hope my story helps you in your decision.

Teri - posted on 06/03/2010

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i think if he's not going to be around for the baby i wouldnt change the last of your baby

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