Should I give my baby my last name?

Christina - posted on 03/15/2012

My daughter has her "dad's" last name. And he isn't ever around for her at all. I was actually debating if I should go through with changing her last name to mine since I got my maiden name back when our divorce was final. She's still little so I need to decide now while she's still young,

Brandy - posted on 03/15/2012

I was in the same situation and I chose to give her my last name and she is 2 now and he sees her 2 times a year which is Thanksgiving and Christmas and thats only bc his family wants to see her and is involved with her. I was so thankful I did because it is a time consuming process to change the last name so IMO I would say give her/him your last name for sure.

Waverlys_Mom - posted on 03/15/2012

i had a similiar situation...big talk no actions..we werent married...so yes she got my last name. that can always b changed later. if the child does not have his last name though he is not legally responsible. but he can supoena u to court prove dna and his name b forcefully given to the child. at least thats how things are in my state. alabama. i researched everything before i made any decisions. but at the end of the day u have to live with the decions you make. i wish u luck.

Jennifer - posted on 03/15/2012

my son has my last name and I still get child support from his father or should I say sperm donor. All you have to do is take him to court and they will do a DNA test to prove that he is the father and then the proceeding will start. You can call your local Child Support office and get the ball rolling and they will go from there and I should not cost you anything but he will have to pay and they will have you in the office while they swab his mouth to prove that he is the father. So you don't have to give your child the father's name for child support and by starting to get the ball rolling as they say plan on going for full custody and full placement. Then the father will have no say so what so ever as to the child's upbringing and such. And think of it this way if is the father's fault for not wanting to know his child .

Melissa - posted on 03/15/2012

i'm kinda in the same position except my baby's father shows No interest at all in being a father to my child...he has even changed his number so i couldn't call. I want to know if ii's even possible for me to give my child his last name since i'm positive he won't be there for the birth?

i would like to know this for child support purposes also.

Michele - posted on 03/14/2012

I gave my daughter both. So when she is old enough she can chose. But her fathervis around just notbas much as we would like.

Bobbi - posted on 03/13/2012

yes, I did, why give your child the last name of someone who isnt there, to let them know they were left before they enter the world? he doesnt sound like he will be around, slap him with child support later, dont just take someone word make sure you get it

Trelanie - posted on 03/13/2012

hey christine!! i also battled with this issue as my daughter's father and i broke up when i was 4 months pregnant. Being that i woulnt move in with him or better yet marry him for citizenship (long story) he went off and married some other chick. Soooo actually, it really wasnt that hard for me to decide, being that i knew at that point i was a single mother and that her dad prob was not gonna be in her life (fully anywayz). i was the only parent to sign the birth certificate for he chose not to show up at the hospital...so therefore it was sooo easy! i dont regret the decision i made at all! Because at the end of the day..im all she has 24/7! Good luck with making ur decision..when in doubt pray :)

Chelly - posted on 03/11/2012

I am 17 weeks, and I am giving my baby my last name! I know the father is not going to be happy about that, but I feel it is best for me and my child



One day I would love to get married, and then have more kids. I don't want to deal with three names. I think it will be more confusing then anything when the child is young.



People will put you down, no matter what you do! I had a friend, a good friend of MINE say the father should go to my doc apps with me, reason because I was okay to have sex with him.



Honestly I don't feel right about having him there and I feel we would get into an arugment over something stupid. I dont need the stress. Just do what is best for you and your baby. Remember sometimes the right thing, and the best thing are not the same thing. Don't worry about the father! Worry about you and your baby, Do what you need to do to protect yourself and your child! Also dont put up with crap!

Leah - posted on 03/11/2012

I went through the same thing, but in the end I felt like my child should have whatever last name I had. Since her father and I weren't married I gave my daughter my last name. I've never regretted it. Good luck to you.

Kimberly - posted on 03/11/2012

My daughter is 13, and I sorely regret not giving her my last name. Her father & I split for good when she was 5, and the two of us having different last names has proven to be a source of grief for both of us (I have to constantly provide identification for both of us in a myriad of situations, to prove that I'm her mom, even though she looks just like me). Furthermore, the fact that your child doesn't bear the father's last name has no bearing on whether he's liable for child support. A simple and inexpensive paternity test will establish his biological parentage. When he finishes college, force him to pay support and get on with the lives of you and your child. Best of luck no matter what decision you make.

Linzy - posted on 03/11/2012

I'm a single mom n my daugher of 19 months is solely mine she has my last name. Who I'll call the donor does not deserve her to have his last name.

Portia - posted on 03/11/2012

I gave both my children my last name, I am my father's only child with his last name. I am still with my son's father 3 years and counting but I put his name b4 mine in my son's name and did not hyphenate kinda more like a 2nd middle name. Last names are a hot topic at my place, as a person I do not understand why my last name should be any less important because I'm a woman, seems a bit sexist. I can tell you where and when my father's side of the family have been for over 100 years from freeing themselves from slavery to teaching others to read in a old barn. I am proud to have my father's last name with that said my brother's are proud to have my mother's last name lol It comes down to you, you will be there no matter what (i hope) your not in and out so I'd make sure to think that over. Will you mind telling your child's first school about why your child dose not have your last name? Will you be able to tell your child someday why you didn't think they should have your last name? After all it's not just 'why did you give me their last name' I know I wondered why I wasn't good enough to have the same name as my brothers.

Jennifer - posted on 03/11/2012

I am a single mom and I gave my son my last name. I did that because I am not married to the father and the father of my child is not in the picture by his choice unless he wants to see me that is. He is on the birth certificate by default because I am getting state assistance and the state took him to cook for child support and did a dna test to prove that my son was his even though he already knew that. I do not regret giving my son my last name at all. I have full custody and placement and as far as day care goes my son was in daycare and his father was not allowed to go and get him because he was not one of the authorized people that were able to get him from daycare so that is not true. I think it is a lot easier to deal with a child with your last name being single as far as getting things done for school, doctors, and any other things because it is easier to prove that their are yours. I think you need to drop the guy and forget it give the precious little one your last name. Because if you do you may regret it in the long run as the child gets older. You can tell him about the father if he askes but I will tell my son that he has two fathers that are always there with him no matter what and that is his Grandfather, his buddy, and the Heavenly Father. Neither one of them will ever leave him and will love him no matter what. Hope this helps you out. If my son does ask about his dad I will tell him the truth and not lie to him.

Cheyenne - posted on 03/10/2012

i gave my son his fathers last name for the reason he was a boy and to carry on his family name but i regret it to this day he started off being there but then left so now i have to explain to my son why his last name is different from mine

Erika - posted on 03/09/2012

I think that you should give the father's last name because that is the babies father. The child is going to want to know who brought them into the world. Whether he is absent or not (or what ever he does) he is the father.

Shatedria - posted on 03/09/2012

I think you give your child your last name

Josefina - posted on 03/09/2012

Girl, first off, your child should carry your last name, just because society blah blah blah, move around with that bs, okay!! check it, you put out and got preggo, okay you are doing your part by taking care of your self, what is he doing, paying half the bills, i am sorry but that baby is in your body, u r subjecting your body, which is fine, but the least he could do is be there emotionally and he should be encouraging, hes moving away which means he probably will not be a part of this childs life anyway!! so why even go thru all of that. its a doggy dog world out there. But now is time to think about your baby!!! My oldest has just my name, and my baby has both my and his last name, but guess what that mf'r still ain't around, which i thank GOD, but the fact still remains, he fought and argued with me for my son to have his last name and he ain't even around. whatever!!! so my son goes by my last name, and i am sure when he gets older he will have his last name dropped, unless i marry first and he adopts them, but that won't happen cuz i don't believe in marriage.... anywho, good luck to you!!!!!!

Faye - posted on 03/09/2012

My advise is for u to give your baby your surname.

Veroushka - posted on 03/08/2012

Give your child your last name! I gave both my daughters their father's last name and I regret it. My oldest actually wants to change hers, let's see.

Rebecca - posted on 03/08/2012

My kids are 3 and 5, I was never married and gave them their dad's last name. I soooooooooooooo wish I would have given them mine. So, there's my 2 cents!

Jennifer - posted on 03/08/2012

Give YOUR baby YOUR name you will regret it if you don't I know I do.

Sybil - posted on 03/08/2012

If you give him the dad's last name, you would be required by law to consult the father for every decision you made concerning your child (travel - passport, opening a savings or investment account for them etc,) If you want to constantly consult with him in terms of making major decisions then use his name or just make your life easier and just put your name on the birth certificate and call it a day.

Jennifer - posted on 03/08/2012

My boys don't have their fathers in there life either. What I did is hyphened their last name, mine first-their dad's last name. Just a thought.

Nayanda - posted on 03/08/2012

If he doesn't plan on being part of your child's life then no, your child does not deserve his name. However, do make sure you take him to court for child support because being a single mother is not easy. Additionally, since his education will not be interrupted and yours will, you need to make sure your child gets the monetary support s/he deserves.

Nichole - posted on 03/08/2012

I was in a similar situation, as well. I got pregnant and when I had mentioned it to his father, at first he was excited. Then two weeks after, he kept trying to get me to have an abortion and that he wasn't ready to be a father. Regardless, it was the longest nine months of my life. He said he would be there for me, but he only went to one doctors appointment, didn't bother asking how the baby was progressing, nothing. He went out all the time and drunk dialed me. The last time I had spoke to him in my pregnancy was when I had asked if he wanted to be in the delivery room. He told me to call him when I was done. Needless to say, I went three months without texting/calling him. I ignored every phone call. If he was going to be a "convenient" father, but having a child "inconveniently" jump into his life, I wanted no part of it. It confused the child, plus it will hurt later in life.



Needless to say, I didn't give my son his last name and I called him after his son was born. He is also not on the birth certificate as well. Granted, things have changed and we are together and now we are expecting our second child, but we are not married and I still won't give this child his last name. I think it's worth the wait to see if he is going to put forth the effort of being a father.

Cecilia - posted on 03/07/2012

I was in the same situation as you, and gave my daughter my last name and I've never ever regretted that decision. To put his last name would be purely sentimental impractical decision. Doctor's appointments, school!! Getting invited to other kids birthdays, etc, if you will be the awesome day to day parent in the trenches working hard for this kid, at least walk around with matching last names. A sometimes dad doesnt get to have a child somewhere in the world with his last name. I always wonder why women (who know while they are pregnant) that they will be single moms, name the kids with the mans last name, it never makes sense to me.

Charity - posted on 03/07/2012

That's a tough one. It sounds as though the sex might change how the father perceives the baby. If I am reading this right, he may be more inclined to have an opinion on the baby's last name if it's a boy. I was naive enough to believe that giving my daughter her dads name would somehow make us a family so I wouldn't recommend making the decision based on whether you are going to try to make it work or not. My girl is 14 now and her last name is part of her identity and has been since she started school. I did consider changing it but by then it was too late. My point is that it depends on how you look at it-you could treat is as conditional based on his involvement OR that it's part of your child's identity, whether the dad is around or not. In my case, my daughter has her dad's last name but hasn't seen him since she was 4. Her having his last name is part of who she is and resulting confusion b/c we have different last names isn't that big a deal to me. I actually laugh when I get mail addressed to Mrs. ____ and the assumption doesn't bother me, but it might bother you. Lots to consider on this, but the good news is you don't have to decide yet!



As for the poster above who mentions birth certificates--I would say do your research of laws in the state where you live so you know what rights a father has if there is no court ordered custody arrangement. Not having dad on the BC could potentially affect (or make it more difficult) to sue for child support. Some states have the father sign a paternity affidavit as well so it's legally established for that purpose. Just make sure you figure out what applies where you live so you can make an informed decision.



Good luck!

Danielle - posted on 03/07/2012

I choose to give my son my last name at first and once his father accepted responsibility and followed through on his promises, then we went and had the last name changed. I do not regret waiting at all and I would recommend using your last name until you feel comfortable that your childs father is living up to his big talk. I wish you the best.

Louise - posted on 03/07/2012

If you are going to raise this baby alone then yes give him your name. If you are going to patch things up and make a go of things then give the baby his name. By the sounds of it he is going to be an abscent father so give him your name.

Brittaney - posted on 03/07/2012

My rule is if I'm not married to someone, no matter how much they're involved, that child always gets my last name. It'll save a lot of confusion later for your child, and from the father thinking he has all these rights because the child has his last name. Be careful about the birth certificate to and putting the father on there. Depending on what state you live in, that could not be good. I know here in Kansas, until the day cares started require a list of who can and can't pick up your child, the parent on the certificate could go into a day care of school and take the child without permission and not get in trouble. That was longer than I intended, but I wish you good luck. Being a single mom is hard, but also rewarding. :)

Sherry - posted on 03/07/2012

No matter what situation I was in, I would always give my daughter my last name. No exceptions....