Should I keep holding on?

Ronicca - posted on 12/18/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My boyfriend intentionally got me pregnant. He said he feels it's the right time for us to have a baby and that he would take care of us. Everything sounded good and he was really excited about the baby. We even prayed after we made the baby. It was beautiful. But the thing is my boyfriend and I often have fights and arguments. We think we're really trying to make things work but it's just hard. Recently he was baptized as a Christian and it made me really happy knowing God can do something about his temper. After being baptized he claims that his spirituality has been opened up and everything seems to work well for him and God. I trust him and see changes in him in so many ways but for some reason it almost always lasts for a month and after 2 months he's always back to his old temper again. Our fights would be intolerable and he would always blame things on me saying I'm not enlightened yet as a person that's why. I know I have my own wrong doings but I know that it's just not me. On my second month of pregnancy, we had a huge argument and I felt I lost it because of too much sadness that I said things to him like he's selfish and I would just find someone to take care of me and my baby. And then I felt pain on my stomach and had a spotting. He said he'd pray about it and thinks I had a miscarriage. He went to my place and broke up with me. Then he asked me over and over if I was sure that the baby is still there. I kept saying it was but he would ask again how sure I am so finally I said it wasn't anymore then he left. After a month he found out from a friend that I was still pregnant so he came back and said his promises again. Apologized and promised he won't leave again like that. When he was gone I was crying every night and all stressed out. I was so angry at him and felt I couldn't live with what's going on. I kept praying. So when he came back I forgave him again hoping this time it would be different. For my whole 3rd month of pregnancy it was good. He would bring me stuff and visit me. Just 3 days ago tho we had a fight again about me posing for a cover for a men's magazine. I've been doing it before since I was a model. I told him I wanted this to be my last. And a souvineer of me before I get fat. He was angry and said things about me being a christian and all. I told him I wouldn't do it anymore if that would not make him comfortable. But he said the fact that I still thought about doing such even when I'm pregnant says a lot about me and what kind of woman I am. He was going to walk out on me again so I screamed at him and told him to leave me alone and stop doing this to me. And blaming me for everything because he kept saying everything about his life is doing good except for our relationship and I'm the only one who don't see how enlightened he is. I don't know what to do anymore. I keep praying about him but he's just impossible. I can give up everything for him but instead he judges me and puts me to misery every time he decides to leave. Then he would come back when he wants to. It's so much harder now that I'm pregnant. I it's not just me that is the problem because I've had many ex boyfriends and most of them wants to marry me. The sad part is I chose him but we can't seem to work it out. I told him that if everything is going well with him except with me then why does he always comes back to me? It's so hard now that I am carrying his baby and he still does the same thing as to when I wasn't pregnant. I think this is so immature of him as to what he's trying to convey of being enlightened and all. Should I just let go of the hope that God would make would help us work? Or maybe ipwe should just stop forcing it? But how about our baby? I fought for us when it's just us. Now I feel I should fight even more for the baby. But it's just becoming a cycle. Pls. Your advice would help a lot. Thank you and Godbless.

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7 Comments

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Luvmia - posted on 01/02/2012

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I want to know how did he deliberately get you pregnant? Even if he wears a condom, you still need to be on a secondary birth control such as a pill, depo provera, etc and make sure the condom has spermicide in it. One thing is for sure that when men want something (or to trap you), they will stop at nothing until they get it, even if it means putting a hole in the condom. It's about control, not love.



I hope things work out for you. It sounds like it is going to be a bumpy ride for you when the baby comes. Just make sure you brace yourself. It sounds like your boyfriend is very much mentally ill.

Leonie - posted on 01/02/2012

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Ronica this sounds like an abusive relationship to me. The changes in your bf's attitude & behavior seems very Jekyll and Hyde--classic split personality of abusers. Abuse isn't only physical but can be emotional, psychological, financial, sexual, etc. You should never be afraid to walk away from someone who doesn't treat you with respect or treat you right, even if you are pregnant with his child. Have you thought about seeking counseling? Sounds like your bf has a lot of issues/demons and could use some help for himself as well. As for the pregnancy, you can protect yourself if you don't want to be pregnant by going on hormonal birth control if your bf refuses to wear condoms. Be safe and take care of yourself.

Brandie - posted on 12/26/2011

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The cycle of abuse only gets worse. Trust me. I stuck it out until our daughter was 2 and a half. The good times between start getting shorter and the abusive times keep getting longer and more intense. It will be harder on your child to see the terrible relationship between his/her parents than it will be for your child to have parents who aren't together anymore.

Melissa - posted on 12/19/2011

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I agree with Jane. He sounds very emotional abusive and unstable, and that's not good for you or your baby. If he doesn't change his behavior (which it sounds like he's unwilling to do; changing for a couple of months here and there is not changing, it's acting) your baby is going to grow up believing this is how men are supposed to treat women, and all that's going to do is continue this destructive cycle. I personally feel it would be in your best interest and your baby's best interest if you left the relationship. He left you only to come back after finding out you're still pregnant? I'm so sorry, and I know this is going to sound harsh, but it seems to me he's more interested in having this baby than being with you. If you have his child he will have one more controlling hold on you, and that's not something you or your baby need. It's the two of you against the world at this point, you need to fight for what's right by this baby, and I'm sorry but he is not right. You deserve better.

Jane - posted on 12/19/2011

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Yes, I think he is a bully. Making a baby should be a decision of BOTH people, not just one. Two people who love each other should operate as a team, each looking out for the other person, but it sounds as though he has no interest in your best interest.

So if you are the breadwinner, but you can't get pregnant because of your job, how are the two of you, soon to be three, going to survive? And he is borrowing money from you?

I am sorry but I think he is a user.

Ronicca - posted on 12/19/2011

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Hi Jane! Thank you for taking time to help me. Well we would have sex before and he would use the withdrawal method. But at that time he didn't pull it out and came inside of me. When I asked him why he did that he said because I'm already 29 and we're both ready. I said I'm not sure if I was because with my job I can't get pregnant and Im the breadwinner of my family also. He said he would help and when we're ok he would give me the vitamins I need when I ask him. But when I asked him to get a new body shop cocoa butter for me he said it's just been 3 weeks and he couldn't understand why it's empt already. I felt really sad. How can he even help me with my finances when I have a baby bump if he can't even buy me a lotion that's safe for the baby. He said because I told him it's just for stretch marks so he didn't think I would use it for my whole body. Do you really think he's a bully? I think so too a lot of times. He's coming tonight to pay me back the money he borrowed from my credit card. He's leaving for 3 weeks to go to his mom which he does every year. Although I don't understand why it's longer this time when he knows I need him to be here. He said his moms getting old that's why butmi saw him asking his brother if they will got to new York this time. Last year I was with them he didn't even bother to ask. He told my sister he wants an apology from the screaming and mean things that came out of my mouth from last time. But how about his judgements on me? I really don't know what to do. I want to be the mature person and disregard my pride or whatever but what about him?

Jane - posted on 12/18/2011

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1) How did he deliberately make you pregnant? It takes two to do that, and you should be responsible for your own health.

2) If he truly loved you he would be supportive. He isn't. He does not love you and you need to find someone who does. He is quite likely to use the baby as a weapon against you, which will damage the child more than I can explain. Leave and stand on your own two feet while you seek someone who will be a caring partner, not a bully.