Should I or Should I not!

Jane - posted on 07/16/2011

It depends on your relationship with them. If they have interacted with your daughter in the past and shown interest, then I would let them know that you would be happy to keep on sharing her with them. Her father is giving up his legal parental rights, but she still carries his genes and by extension those of his mother. That won't change.

Besides, in our family at least, we firmly believe that you can never have too many aunts or grandparents.

Tiffany - posted on 07/16/2011

My boys are 9-months old and their father hasn't even told his family they exist!!! I have toyed with the idea of telling them myself. I went so far as adding his sister to my facebook friend list, but then I defriended her because I knew she'd figure it out and I couldn't bring myself to being the one to do it. I would like them to know and I would like them to be involved as much as they are willing and can (They live in Kenya.) So, yes by all means ensure they know they are welcome!

Lexi - posted on 07/16/2011

I had just found out i was pregnant when my fiance left me. . .i still see his grandma and his brotheres a lot! like you said, its not their fault he's a douche bag (nice touch by the way!!!) so they should get to see my son. . .i say go for it!!

Misty - posted on 07/16/2011

I keep in contact with my EXs dad, he is my children's grampa he has never been negative towards me or the children. He knows that my EX was an abuser and he has told me that he isn't presently in contact with my EX. He knows my feelings and I don't believe he would funnel information to my EX so i'm okay with it. My EXs mother on the other hand has been cut out of our lives because she turned against me when I filed the TRO and publicly launched a hate campaign against me and I won't have someone in my children's lives that condones domestic violence and hides the perpetrator.

Lisa - posted on 10/15/2010

I don't know if that would be the best thing to do because when ur daughter gets older and is gonna have contact with her dads family but not with him its going to be weird for her and she will probably want to know why her dad doesn't want anything to do with her? And what ever u tell her will probably make her feel sad. And if ur hoping on him changing his mind about wanting to be in her life because of his family being there, I would not. If he signed away his rights that obviously shows u what kind a guy he is, and u shouldn't want ur daughter having anything to do with him.

Sara-Jayne - posted on 10/15/2010

I would. The babbies grandmother/Aunt would probably want to know ho her granddaughter/niece is doing, and like you said it isn't their fault he's a deadbeat.

Catalina - posted on 09/27/2010

I think you should. My older brother hs kids that he doesn't see or talk to to and I do. your daughter will learn to understand that her dad is no good but that she still has family that loves her.

Tonya - posted on 09/24/2010

My ex's family doesn't even know he had a second child, first one isn't with me, but I like it that way. I don't want to share her with a part of his family if he want's nothing to do with her.

Billie - posted on 09/24/2010

Oh absolutely! My son's father wasn't doing right by us at ALL! I extended the invitation to see him to the grands and it was amazing how it helped. If I needed anything for the baby they were right there. They learned to respect me and stop listening to his crap about me (which was all lies). It got to a point where they all stopped talking to him because they had their grandbaby AND a good relationship with me and saw what an ass he was being through that. They even invite me over to family functions along with the baby for every holiday, though they know I don't require that of them in order to see him even on holidays (I just split the time if I don't go). After a while the end result was how whole family sided with me and had nothing to say to him unless it was to tell him he needed to do for his son. When he realized he'd lost not only me and baby, but also his family, he got his shit together and started helping. He's still not the greatest dad but he tries a LOT harder than he did before. Hope you decided to give it a shot.

Dawn - posted on 09/24/2010

that's really not such a bad idea, you do realize if he signs over his rights you are not entitled to child support.

Hubine - posted on 09/23/2010

I would. You can't keep her away from her grandma & aunt because of the dad's decision. She may ask you about them one day.

Cynthia - posted on 09/21/2010

First off, I too am a single mom but the way you wrote this troubles me. It bothered me to hear you say "donor". Don't get me wrong, dead beats are dead beats but he is still the father, not just a "donor". There is a difference I need to clarify. Anyone can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a 'dad' and clearly this guy is not the later.
You are right saying that it is not their fault about him being that way so I would suggest that if you are feeling good about letting them be a part of your daughter's life, then do so. Perhaps in your territory though.

Angel - posted on 09/20/2010

I am going through the same thing. I have been going through it for the past 5 years. Depending on what state you live in, he cannot just sign his rights over. In the eyes of the law, it takes two people to make and raise a child. So unless he has been physically abusive, or is into drugs, etc (anything that would put you or your child in danger), a court will not let him sign his rights over. Even if you both agree to it. He made that child and should be held responsible for supporting your child. Whether he is in her life or not. In my state, the only way he can sign his rights over is when I get married and my spouse is made into guardian or wants to adopt. Even though he wants to sign his rights over and wants nothing to do with his daughter.

As for the family. It is not their fault he is a deadbeat. My daughter and I have a very close relationship with her father's family, even though he isn't in the picture and owes my daughter over 25K in back child support. Since he isn't around, you need to surround your daughter with as much love and support as you can, and if his family wants to be there for your daughter, go for it.

Good luck. I know it's hard.

D'Ericka - posted on 09/16/2010

you most def. should my kids father is an ass he does alot of in & out of the kids life so i have shut him out completely now and still have a great relationship with his family...you should contact them becuz they probably dont even know that he signed his rights over!

Kimberly - posted on 09/16/2010

From a different side. My son's dad is involved with our son's life (to an extent, he's out of state in the Navy but he sees him when he's on leave.) But there was a time when I wasn't sure if he would be or not. I was the one to tell his mom that she was officially a grandmother, dad has another boy who he denied until my son was born and you couldn't deny the similarities in the two boys. Anyway, she had been worried that I wasn't going to keep her involved with my son if his dad wasn't part of his life. I've always like my son's grandma, and I made the decision that just because her son was a jerk to me didn't mean she deserved to not have a relationship with her grandson. I've always cherished the relationships I've had with my grandmothers and I wanted my son to be able to have the same kind of relationship that I had.
Ultimately it is up to you. Just know that if you decide to let them be involved that there is a chance your daughter will see her biological dad every once in a while, unless he disassociates himself with his family. But just because he gave up his rights doesn't mean grandma and auntie gave up theirs.

Candace - posted on 09/16/2010

If you want them to part of her life and can trust them to not let him be part of her life I would. My daughters grandparents and aunt have always been in her life even though her dad has not.

Raynae - posted on 09/15/2010

And remember his mother did raise him... so she is at least some what responsible for the way he turned out... just a thought.

Raynae - posted on 09/15/2010

I agree totally with Vanessa T. I have done the exact same thing with my child's father's family. It seems that if the father's family is involved it would be that much easier for the father to be involved, the child will figure it out eventually. May even be more hurtful in the end because it was that much easier for the father to be around.

Esther - posted on 09/15/2010

i left the door open for all the extended family.
they have not made one bit of effort appart from the occasional e-mail.
at the end of the day they will do the same as the donor, 'cos they still live with him in their lives.
it made me quite sad......
hope that helps you a little.

LeVonia - posted on 09/14/2010

I know you dnt know me but first things first. Hes trying to skip out on his responsibilities. you dnt lay down by yourself and have this child,he should have ran before hand. do not let another man not take care of his duties as the donor. And please take him now to child support you should not have to go through this alone like so many other single parent.He knows that eventually u will get the support needed so hes trying to skip. Fine if he dnt want to be there physically but monetarly he must support that child that you both created.And in the furture if anything happen to him your child is guaranteed to get anything coming their way.I would tell his family but dnt let him trick u into thinking this is whats best.think of the future of your child. the check small or big will help in some kind of way. lol

Brandy - posted on 09/14/2010

My sons dad walked out on us as soon as i said i was pregnant, he never told his family and i have not sought them out because i never knew them, i didnt know if they would want to know us as my son would be his fourth by four women and i also dont know them or where to even start looking for them. so if your in a similar situtation, then no dont offer because although it woud be nice for your child to know that side of the family, some day when you finally meet the right person it will cause friction especially if your child is calling someone else daddy. However, if you already know his family and have been in contact with them and are comfortable with continueing that relationship with his family then go for it!! Right now i am with an incredible guy who loves both my son and myself and treats both of us great, he's changed diapers, taken crash course in giving nebulizer treatments when my son had croup, read bedtime stories when i was gone to school and helped potty train my son, amongst other wonderful things like taking him for bike rides, and playing with him and his trucks, my son calls him daddy and i would correct him for it, i finally asked my boyfriend if it was ok as we are making plans for our future together and he said yes... my son can call him dad. hang in there someday you will meet someone who will love both you and your child and will love being a dad to your lil one and love being called dad by her!!! Know that your not alone in this matter and hopefully this helps.

Andante - posted on 09/14/2010

i am in the same boat, my asshole told me that he will find my son when he wants to see him. man that hurt! sad thing is that his brothers and sisters and mother all know about us and have not made a way to see him and i left the door open for all of them all i can say is do what feels right and dont get your hopes up. if you havent said anything to them i would and then just leave it up to them. at least you tryed. good luck!

Christina - posted on 09/14/2010

Of course you should! Just because he doesn't want to be involved doesn't mean they don't have a right to be. But before you do that, take him to court and sue him for sole custody. You don't want to get into a custody battle later on with his family (or him because he decides to be a jerk!).

Anna - posted on 09/14/2010

Thats a tough one. i mean, if he signs over his rights and wants nothing to do with her, how are you going to explain this grandma and aunt that keep saying how much she looks like her "daddy"? If he doesn't want to be involved at all, and he is 100% certain about that, than I would be very careful about involving his family. If they do want to be involved in her life (and he doesn't) I would make sure to set up some very strict ground rules from day one so that your daughter doesn't end up getting hurt.

Jacki - posted on 09/14/2010

Thanks guys for your comments! They have all helped out with my decision!

Janelle - posted on 09/13/2010

of course you should let them know they are welcome in your child's life. they are her family after all and she has the right to know them. if he wants to sign over his rights, that's his decision, and loss and shouldn't effect his mother/sister's rights to see their granddaughter/niece.

Meagan - posted on 09/13/2010

I wanted to add one more thing. There IS such a thing as "Grandparents Rights". It's the same thing as if a father filed for visitation, and, unless there is something really off about them, the courts WILL grant that. Now, if you know for sure that his family wants to be involved, it's best to allow it outside of court on good terms, because if his mother REALLY wants to see your daughter, she will take you to court to do it, and there is absolutely nothing that you can do to change that.

Maybe unfair, but it's also to protect grandparents in this sort of situation. I mean, there are plenty that never do anything, and just live with it, and there are plenty that fight for their rights.

I would ask. Plan it out with them so she isn't confused. I mean, it is wrong to cut a child off from any part of their family, just because the father doesnt want anything to do with her. By saying "no", you would be punishing his family as well as her. Think of all the Christmas gifts she wont get! =P

Seriously, you may want to talk to them, just so they don't go a legal route.

Shannon - posted on 09/12/2010

well i know this sounds scetcy at first but bare with me i really do have an idea here.lol.ok now inn all seriousness.i kind of agree a little bit with each of the previous responses i have read to your post in some aspects.now i myself am currently dealing with a similair situation only his family for the most part is just like him,unfortunately that apple didnt fall far from the tree.i am however sure that he and the rest of them will live to regret it.i agree that u are right in wanting to give his family the option to see your child.but only if it will be a healthy thing to do for her.even if they are not easy people for u to deal with u are on the right track in putting your childs needs,feelings and best interests first.to be selfless when it comes to your child is always a sometimes hard but important part of being a parent.u just need to find that fine line in your particular situation in doing this.i mean you child has the right to know both sides og their family as long as they are going to be respectful of the child and u and the situation with the father not being involved.what i mainly mean by that is as long as they are not going to, as i believe some others here have said: talk badly about u to the child or be harmful to the child in any way.if they truely want to be a part of your childs life and contribute to it in a positive way as part of their family than by all means go for it but if not u may want to consider not allowing them in your childs life afterall you know what is best for your own child when it comes right down to it.but i wish u luck with whatever decision you make.and take care =)

Angelita - posted on 09/12/2010

It's a sticky situation. I'm leaning toward no. If your child is involved in the lives of her father's mother and sister but not her father, it probably will create tension in the family. It's good for your daughter to know her father's family, but that responsibility falls mostly on his sholders. He should open that door. Now if you are close to the family and feel comfortable dealing with them yourself, then keep up the relationship. If you are not comfortable dealing with his family on your own don't force it for your child. One day you are likely to find someone else who wants to be a father to your child, when that day comes she will have a whole other side of the family to know and love. I grew up knowing little of my father's side of the family because my dad didn't take me to see his family. I went to one family reunion once, met some uncles and aunts and didn't see them again until my father got sick and I saw some of them at the hospital. I found out about an uncle's death second hand. It hurts not knowing your whole family, but that's his fault.

Vanessa - posted on 09/12/2010

I'm going with NOPE!
My ex did that and his family were really hurt, but in the end I explained that it wasn't fair on my son to be getting confused - and he was confused! He was asking why daddy didn't want to see him but yet daddys family did. In the end i told the family to take it up with him as it was his choice to abandon his son and not mine.
It's not easy, but sometimes you have to draw a line in the sand! Good luck!!

Jamie - posted on 09/12/2010

Yes, if they are good people then I think they should have a right to still see the baby(if they choose to). LIke you said its not their fault that he is such a jerk!!

Meagan - posted on 09/12/2010

Offering an olive branch isn't the wrong thing to do. It's not fair to THEM if they do want a part of you daughters life. However, if they are going to bring drama and stress, then absolutely not. You don't want people in her life, even family, who would say "mommy doesnt love you enough to let daddy be part of your life" or any other twisted things like that. But, if they are normal people, absolutely. I mean, they may think their son is wrong about everything, and be DYING to see their little relative!



Already, her family is cut in half. If it can only be lacking 1 person, then go for it. but, if they dont want to be a part, then go on with your life. Ultimately, every single 1 of them will regret it someday if they dont want a part now.

Felicia - posted on 09/12/2010

Definitely extend the gesture. They ought not to suffer due to his immature asinine actions. If he doens't want to be in your daughter's life then haivng his mom and sister there could help connect her to her other family. So long as there's no drama, there's no reason to cut off the rest of the family.

Kayla - posted on 09/11/2010

yes you should! dont deny your daughter her family by any means.

Tara - posted on 09/11/2010

Absolutely you should keep in contact with them. This way she still has a relationship with that side of her family.

Mandie - posted on 09/11/2010

I am in contact with my sons fathers sister and its going fine

Nicole - posted on 09/11/2010

I want to tell you I am not in contact with my daughter's father either. I have not heard from him since my birthday of 2004 when she was born and he didn't really ask nicely about it either.
Right now I am in contact with his sister in law. We talk every so often and she see's pics of her all the time. I know he don't have a facebook and not sure if she talks with his parents or not, but it don't bother me if they know how she's doing. I know it's a lot and I know they would love to have some kind of relationship with your baby. My daughter can't see his parents or sister in law because they live in a different state. But if they lived close by I would let them see her...porble not let her stay over night, but just visit and all. Good luck in what you do. I do hope this helps a little