Should I put my sons father on the Birth Certificate?

Lynn - posted on 03/04/2010 ( 59 moms have responded )

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My son was born Oct 11th, and Ive been waiting on getting his birth certificate.. Was waiting because I was going to see if his father was going to come around.. His fther left me at 6 weeks pregnant and I havent seen him since. I havent spoken to him since July! I kinda gave up trying to contact him. He wouldnt return calls, txt messages, facebook messages or emails.. So what would you do? Put his name down? Or put unknown?? Advice please! I need to get his birth certificate soon since we are travelling in May..

Thanks

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Fiona - posted on 03/07/2010

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Hi Lynn

My babies daddy left the day I told him I was pregnant (I was only two weeks into my pregnancy then). I did not put his name in the birthcert but he is now demanding that she be allowed to carry his name cos he visits every once in a while. (once a week)

Here in Malaysia, even if I did have his name in there, I cannot demand for him to support us in anyway. So I dont see how it will benefit me in any way.

He however, is ashamed that she doesn carry his name cos, well we have some 900 common friends (Malaysian aint that big hahaha) and everyone knows of Jada's existence.He wants thsi for all the wrong reasons and I'm not about to give in to that. I told him to go get a lawyer.

But Lynn, do tell...do you want your son to carry his fathers name because you want him to know who his dad is or because you want the financial support or is it something else? You need to indentify why you would want this in the first place and then weigh it out. If u can do without the fathers name , then let your son carry your maiden name. He is all you really need hun.

[deleted account]

Hi Lynn,
If he hasn't been in contact with you since being 6 weeks pregnant then I wouldn't put his name on the birth certificate. He's clearly not interested in becomming a responsible father so I can't see him wanting to pay child maintenance either!
I was in a similar situation and decided not to put his name on the birth cert. They informed me at the registrar office in UK that the fathers name could be added easily at anytime within a year, so it's not a big problem.

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Foxtrotter - posted on 06/11/2014

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My son has my last name and I did not include his dad on the birth certificate. My reason at the time for doing that: I carried my baby for 9 months in my womb and his dad needed time to think whether or not he was ready to be a father... at 32 years old!!!

Best decision ever! :-)

AB - posted on 06/10/2014

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I wouldn't put the fathers name on the birth certificate especially if you want to be able to travel freely with your child. My son has his dad on the b/c and whenever I take him outside Canada I need a signed note from his father saying he is aware we are travelling. I have sole custody. Good luck

Melisa - posted on 06/10/2014

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I thinke bebe Art is wrong. The man didn't think of you our you're child so screw him!!! Don't put him on

Bebe - posted on 11/07/2013

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Put his name down try thinking about how it will affect your child and not yourself they will want to get to know and maybe meet there father in the future, you already took away his right to have a choice don't do the same to your child.

Letitia - posted on 03/02/2012

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Dont put his name on it, i didnt with my now almost 2 year old, dad walked out 2 weeks after finding out we were pregnant and didnt want to know anything about her (until he married another single mum), i will explained to her when she is ols enough to understand why he isnt on it, but i also know that if i want a passport for her, or to move or if i ever decide to change her last name ( she has mine) i dont need his permission to do any of it....think down the track rather than the here and now, i learnt the hard way from my first born, he is ten and he still wont sign for a passport so i can take my son on a holiday....its a priveledge for him to be on it, not a god given right...

Jessica - posted on 01/11/2012

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I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL GIRL....I AM THE SAME EXACT WAY MY EX LEFT ME AND ABUSED ME AND ALL WHEN I WAS JUST 4 MONTHS PREGNANT AND I HAVENT HEARD FROM HIM SINCE BECAUSE HE WANTED ME BACK BUT I WAS AFRAID OF HIM AND NOW I CAN'T GET AHOLD OF HIM OR NOTHING AND MY SON NEED'S A FATHER AND MY FIANCE WANT'S TO PUT HIS NAME ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE BUT I'M JUST NOW GETTING CHILD SUPPORT STARTED CUZ THE STATE...

Jessica - posted on 01/11/2012

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I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL GIRL....I AM THE SAME EXACT WAY MY EX LEFT ME AND ABUSED ME AND ALL WHEN I WAS JUST 4 MONTHS PREGNANT AND I HAVENT HEARD FROM HIM SINCE BECAUSE HE WANTED ME BACK BUT I WAS AFRAID OF HIM AND NOW I CAN'T GET AHOLD OF HIM OR NOTHING AND MY SON NEED'S A FATHER AND MY FIANCE WANT'S TO PUT HIS NAME ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE BUT I'M JUST NOW GETTING CHILD SUPPORT STARTED CUZ THE STATE...

Jamiah - posted on 08/22/2011

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I have a similiar situation and Iwould add the father's name to the birth certificate and definately enforce child support and move on with my life. I would never give a bozo the easy way out.

Jessica - posted on 08/22/2011

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My son's biological father did pretty much the same thing so on my son's birth certificate the father is "not recorded". Now that I'm in a stable long-term relationship, I'm beginning to think about what will happen if my bf and I get married and he legally adopts my son. Leaving the name off is probably better in the long run given your situation.

Mary - posted on 03/15/2010

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You shouldn't put the father's name on the birth certificate, since he isn't in contact with you. If you did put his name on the birth certificate, he would have to co-sign on pass ports, and ect. I put unknown on the birth certificate, it was easier, since I had her in South Korea. Now she has a passport, next step is getting a visa.

Nicole - posted on 03/15/2010

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I would not put the father on the birth certificate especially if he has not been in contact. I actually never thought once of giving my son his father's last name or putting his father's name on the birth certificate because the father never showed an interest and told me directly, "I don't want anything to do with it."

[deleted account]

I still have people giving me their "two cents" about me not putting my daughters sperm donor on the BC and not going after him for child support. And just so you know, my daughter's BC doesn't say unknown in the space for father... it just says nothing. It list me as the mother and there isn't even the word father on it. But do some research on your states family laws to educate yourself first and foremost. This is a decision that only you can make. Don't let others guilt you into anything and stick firm to your choice. Things always have a way of working themselves out in the end :)

Calandra - posted on 03/12/2010

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Well it's clear he's not trying to be contacted or looked for. He clearly doesn't want anything to do with you or the baby and that is unfortunate. Personally, it's your decision at the end of the day what you want to do, but for me I would put him on there anyway because he is the father. Doesn't mean he would have any obligations to the baby. He's just a father and that's it! If you want him to be more then that then you can pursue other ways for that to happen. Good luck sweetie!

Damali - posted on 03/12/2010

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if doesn't sign it... it won't be there anyway... he would have petition for paternity... so either way it doesn't matter... same thing happened to me i put my son's deadbeat on there... and due to that fact that he didn't sign... there are asterisks where it says father's name

Jody - posted on 03/12/2010

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DO NOT put his name on the BC ! 1) you're not married to him, you do not have to do it, 2) if he left you at 6 weeks, he has no plans on coming back now. You are the only parent that matters so do what is best an easiest for you and baby !!!!!

Asherly - posted on 03/12/2010

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Dont bother about him, put unknown cause the moment you put his name you will be hunting for him everytime you need to do something for the kid because of the surname difference. When he is over 18 then you can explain everything to him and he can change his surname

[deleted account]

no way would i put the father on that birth cert. if the name of the parent is on there then that is saying they are equally helping to take care of this child and then they automatically gets rights and visitation to this child and to change it you would have to go through the court system. in the end it just makes things harder on you.
later on down the road if you find somebody you would like to marry and you want everybody in your family to have the same last name, your then husband can adopt that child and it would be simple, but if you put the father on the birth cerfiticate then that father has to give up all his right.. most likely it wont happen.

DONT DO IT!

Sarah - posted on 03/11/2010

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hi i did not put my daughters father on her bc an i do not regret it a bit!!! she is 9 months old has seen her twice an hasnt spent a cent on her. he dosnt want to know her sent me a letter sayin he dosnt wanna b apart of her life!! the way i c it is if he has walked out of ur childs life then no he dosnt deserve 2 b down as the father!!

[deleted account]

It all depends on how you want to work your life - there are repercussions either way. If you do put his name on it, then just apply for sole parenting/sole guardianship of your son, then you call the shots on everything anyway.
If it's worth getting monetary assistance, you may want to.
The only obstacle I've had by putting my son's birth father on the b.c.(I live in Canada btw), is that my son's birth father refused to sign his passport, so I have to go to court now for sole guardian in order to have control and then I don't need his signature. He provides some child support via maintenance - they guarnishee his wages, and that is MOST helpful to me! My son goes through clothes and food like crazy....he's growing, so the money helps....also helps me pay for things like putting him in activities like football, camp, etc.
Do whatever feels right for you.

Josephine - posted on 03/10/2010

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Over here in England we have to register the birth within a time limit, and for the father to be on the birth certificate he has to attend the appointment with the mother. My sons father wasn't too interested at the time and didn't want him to have his surname, but i think he regrets that now. Despite that now my son is almost 8 we all have a great relationship as a family unit, even though we are not in a relationship. Probably just as well as Connor may have ended up with a Mother in prison for killing his father..... As things stand now I really can't fault him, its like having a free babysitter, he is always available to help out if I need it and it doesn't clash with anything he has already planned.

Katlynn - posted on 03/10/2010

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My daughters father did the same thing, just leave the father portion on it blank, if its anythign the same as ours here in alberta, in order for him ot get put on the birth certificate he had to coem sign the paper work which he refused to do, so on her birth certificate it just doesnt show any information about him, it also didnt affect (not havin him on hte BC) when i took him to court i still got full custody of her with a child support agreement!

Renae - posted on 03/09/2010

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I have that same trouble sick hey? The father of my son wishes to see him no more then 2 hours for 2 days twice a week, it would wreck "his lifestyle" Seriously? His lifestyle. He only took me to court because i found a man who treats us right and loves Azabiar and I more then anything. That's it, i made the mistake of giving my son his last name, and was hoping to change it back, he wont let me, just in spite, but its alright. It'll sort itself out.

Renae - posted on 03/09/2010

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Nope, if he doesnt wantto be around then dont do it!! As soon as hes name goes on the certificate, he has "rights" even if he hasnt been around for years. When your son is old enough, you can explain it if he asks, but dont give that idiot the right to make your son unappy.

Claire - posted on 03/09/2010

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I'm gonna say no, for a few reasons.

I was in a similar situation only I left the Father and moved to another country. (It's a looong story but we're not involved anymore at all)

Reason number 1: If you have the Fathers name on the birth certificate you're going to need a letter from him everytime you travel using a passport.

Reason number 2: Custody issues, if in the future, you want to claim soul custody and your ex opposes you the court is more likely to grant in your favour if you are the only parent on the birth certificate.

I suggest keeping the Fathers details written somewhere safe.
I have my daughters Fathers Name, birthdate, place of birth, things that will be helpful if she wants to look for him one day.

I hope I helped! But really, if you have soul custody, leave him off there, it'll make it much easier if you want to travel.
My Mum was a single Mum and when I was about 8 they actually took me into an office in the airport and asked if my Dad knew where I was going because of his name on the birth certificate. (He actually drove us to the airport but that's another story :P)

Jodie - posted on 03/09/2010

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if you can support your son without requiring child support from the father, then i wouldnt bother... it is important for a child to know their father but if their father has shown no interest, why would you subject them to that... in australia, fathers can fight to have their name put on the birth certificate afterwards but they will have to go through court to do so and that process is quite expensive... then you could have the fight for access of the child on your hands then too, so that they can reduce the amount of child support that they have to pay... like i said, if they have shown no interest, leave the name off

[deleted account]

coming from a mother in minnesota, i was forced to put my sons father on the birth certificate because of back owed medical expenses. if i had the option to leave him off, i would have however i didnt. looking at it now, after my son is a year old i am glad that he is included due to the fact that despite what had happened in the past between his father and i, it is still his father and he has a right to know later on in life who his biological father is. good luck, its a tough decision to make but if you follow your heart and the best interest of your child you should be fine.

Linda - posted on 03/09/2010

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Hi Lynn. I would put him on here only for your child for down the road :) Good luck

Merrisa - posted on 03/09/2010

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its a sad state of affairs my dear i am in the same boat and have a silliar story 9 years later i am still waiting but this time i am wiser and stronger my son has a birth certificate but with no father 'unknown" it hurt me at first but after 9 years and quality time and memories build with my son i see that the fathers loss and my gain either way i win should i get married none of that legal paper work to adopt the kid for the new dad none of that legal guardian battle as well i would say one should not have to beg and track down a baby daddy to put his name on a birth certificate if he is not man enough to be there for paper work he will never be man enough for role of father and all that comes with it register the baby in yiur name fend for ur baby and pray that the good lord will provide u with wisdom and courage and guid a good man that will be there for u and ur son and just treat him as his own

[deleted account]

I didn't put my sons donor on the BC. In the state of Alabama the man has to Sign papers claiming that they are the father.

A Good reason not to, a friend of mine grew up never knowing that his dad and sperm Donor were two different people. When he went off to college he needed a copy of his bc so he and his dad went to the health department to get one. It was right then and there that he saw a name other than his dads on the bc. So what happened is that his donor left his mom when she was 9mths pregnant and she met his dad when he was 7mths old. The parents have now been married for 33 years. So there is hope for all us single mommys.

I just typed that on my phone so I hope it makes sense.

Sammi - posted on 03/08/2010

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hiya,just a note. I am currently going through court drama with my son's father,not sure where you are but where i am,mothers have no more rights than the father,so when you put his name on the birth certificate he is entitled to it all..if i had left his dad's name off birth certificate i could have had sole custody.live and learn! don't know if it helps and i'm sure your situation is different but look up child laws etc on the internet.

Codi - posted on 03/08/2010

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the father of my 4 month old son didnt ever come around after i told him i was pregnant... and i didnt put his name on the birth certificate... if ever he wants to come around and be in his life, i have the choice of puttin him on the birth certificate but til then, if then ever comes around, as it states on his birth certificate, my son doesnt have a father... but honestly... it is totally up to you

MeKel - posted on 03/08/2010

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He will come around but it depends if you want someone who could do that around. My son's father isn't on the birth certificate and he hasn't been around since. It has been four years and no child support or anything and finally an apology letter. I am not going to allow him to be on the birth certificate. Saves time, emotions, and explanations.

Chrissy - posted on 03/08/2010

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Hey, I was going through the same thing DO NOT put his name down for 1 if you want too take your baby out of the country you will need both consenting parents too sign, and also he needs too sign it. Thats my advice too you hope it helps :)

Sherayna - posted on 03/08/2010

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I never did - I left my youngest child's father when I was 5 weeks pregnant and he refused to acknowledge him so I simply put FATHER UNACKNOWLEDGED on the application.

Lynn - posted on 03/08/2010

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Thanks for all the advice..

I just want to let you all know that Keegan's father is not of his birth certificate. Keegan is all MINE.

Thanks again everyone :)

Lindsey - posted on 03/08/2010

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I went through this same thing a little while ago with my daughter. Her father has not been in the picture since I was about 2-3 months along.. I had a lot of people pushing me to put his name on the BC anyway, but depending on where you live you may be asking for more heartaches than good. For me if his name was on here, even if he wasn't paying any support or had any involvement what so ever if I ever wanted to travel with my daughter across the border I would have to have a letter signed by him stating it was ok to take her, this is all even if he isn't involved at all. This does mean I can't get any support but I don't want it. I'd rather do this on my own than have him around in her life. There are pros and cons to both decisions but atleast this way I do get to make all the calls for my child without having to first track him down and consult him. Plus the big bonus is if he does ever decide down the road to want something to do with your child you can make him take you to court, he would be responsible for paying for a dna test before they would start anything about custody.. so it's a lot of extra added expense and time that would definitely scare away any wishy washy types of dads. If he actually went through all that, then you would know he was serious about wanting to be around hopefully. Hope this helps

April - posted on 03/07/2010

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Depending on where you live you can't list anyone as the father (unless you are married at the time of birth) without the man being there, swearing and signing the birth certificate himself. I live in Ohio and my brother was not married to his son's mother. He had to swear to the nurse that he was the child's father and accepted all legal responsiblity for the child... including child support obligations and sign a paper stating the same. I was married when my kids where born and my husband did not have to do this. I asked the nurse why there was a difference and she said that since I was married he was already legally responsible for the children. Technically, not having a father listed on the birth certificate doesn't make a difference. If the father ever wanted any legal rights to the child, like custody or visitation, he'd have to either volunteer that he was the father or demand a paternity test. But he'd also run the risk that he'd have to start paying child support and other obligations (especially if you're getting any assistance through the state). Also if you ever get married your husband could adopt your child (accepting legal responsibilty) and a new birth certificate would be made with the 'new' father's name. So long story short, you can get the birth certificate without a father's name. If you want his biological father's name on it you'll have to get him to agree to it and it doesn't sound like it's something he'd be too interested in.

Tiffany - posted on 03/07/2010

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If you still hasn't come around to see his own son, do not put him on the birth certificate. Who knows that in the future he might just try taking him from you and being on the birth certificate gives him a better chance of doing that. Also if anything would ever happen to you, your son would most likely be sent to his father and you wouldn't want your son living with somebody who is too immature to come around for his own son would you? Obviously he doesn't want anything to do with his own son which is terrible, but that's his price to pay and you don't want him ruining you or your son's life later on.. another thing if you put him on the certificate is that if your future husband would want to adopt your son then you would have to have the father's consent and if hes not contacting back to you now he probably won't for that.... and maybe one day he might become a good father and if that does happen you can then decide to add him to the birth certificate, but until that day I say keep him off of it.. Hope this helped out

Nicole - posted on 03/07/2010

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My babys father is not on the BC and I'm happy about the decision my babys dad doesn't deserve our daughter and I can still get child support

Darlyne - posted on 03/07/2010

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it really depends on what your intentions and expectations are for you, baby and baby-daddy. do you want to put him on child support or dont you? Do you want him in your bay's life or out of it? i see you said you will be traveling soon with baby... know that if baby-daddy's name is on the BC when you do travel it will be required for you to obtain a noterized letter with his signature on it giving you permssion to travel outside the states with babu... so before you make a decision on whether you want his name on there or not,,, do your research and see what out weighs what.

Jayne - posted on 03/07/2010

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No way!!! He doesn't deserve that honour and besides which, you can't put his name on the certificate if he isn't there with you to register the birth here in the UK, maybe it's the same there in the USA?. Hurry, time is running out to do it anyway!

Colleen - posted on 03/06/2010

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You probably need to check with your state first. Where I live, if the father is/was not there to sign, then he cannot be listed as the father on the BC. And, If the father is "unknown" on the BC and you want to travel out of the country I don't think its a problem, I mean if you "don't know" who the father is, how do you get a letter of consent to leave...right? Anyway, also, in my state establishing paternity for child support has nothing to do with the BC...I haven't been asked to add the SD to my sons BC....
Do what you feel is right, IMO...a name on a piece of paper does not a father make.

Kristina - posted on 03/06/2010

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If he didnt sign the paternity of affadavit than you can't put his name down. If he signed one than do it. If he didn't sign the poa and he comes around later on and decides he wants to be apart of the child's life than he can order a genetic test that he will have to pay for to prove paternity. Once it is proven to be 99.99% accurate than he will be added to the birth certificate. For legal reasons, medical reasons, financial reasons and countless other reasons it may be important for your son to have a father listed. He will have to deal with what ever type of father he has don't be the reason why he doesn't know who his father is let his father be the one. I went through the scenario my kids' father not signing the poa, so we did the genetic testing and it was proven and now he is listed on the birth certificate. My children are benefitting from it. Yeah the father didn't deserve to be with his children but my children deserve to know and be with their father through visitations. My daughters will form their own opinion of their dad when they get older. Until he is listed on the birth certificate then you don't have to let your son see his father if he comes around until all legalities are resolved.

Cadi - posted on 03/06/2010

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If you plan on going after him for Child support I believe you will eventually have to put it on there, yet if you ever plan on traveling to other countries (i.e. Mexico)--this could potentially be a problem because you will need a letter from his father as well--and if he's not talking to you-chances are you wont get a letter. Maybe send for one without his name and then when the child support makes you put his name on there--you will have two. That's what I did!



Hope this helps!

Angie - posted on 03/06/2010

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I say it doesn't matter you can't make them be something they don't want to be - mine walked out after 11 years and hasn't looked back - moved on with his life just as if she never existed.

Rachel - posted on 03/06/2010

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sounds very familiar to my story and yes i'm quite happy the way things worked itself out. In TX where my baby was born i couldn't put his name down even if i wanted to so I'm glad his name is left off and we had agreed i would not seek child support (thank God i didn't need that) and he would not seek visitation.

DeLores - posted on 03/06/2010

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I didn't and now he cant see her without alot of paperwork. But mine is not willing to go through all that so, I have her all to myself : ) ... and that's exactly how I want it. My daughter's father disappeared at three months and then I found out how many other women he had gotten pregnant. if he wanted to file for visitation... he'd be arrested for back child support on his others. I would say no... that way the ball stays in your court... who cares what the rest of the world thinks

Claudia - posted on 03/05/2010

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Hey Lynn



I went through somewhat of the same thing that you went through, and I didn't put his name on there. That spot is blank. I figured if he wasn't there to sign he didn't have any right to be on it and have any type of legal rights to my son. I don't regret it and I don't think I ever will. Going through experiences like this makes you stronger and helps you realize you do not need that kind of stuff in your life. It is hard, I will admit, financially but in the end it is worth everything that you do because you know that you are doing it alone and that gets you tons of respect in the long run. My son is turning 3 in June and I the last time I talked to the "sperm donor" was around this time 2 years ago, and that has been the best 2 years of my life. If you do plan on pursuing child support, there may be laws that will require you to list him on the birth certificate, but if you are not looking for financial help, then just don't mess with it. You said you guys are traveling in May. If you travel, well, i know when I travel(and we travel to Mexico), for our passports they need the father's approval if he is listed. His isn't so it's pretty smooth for me, but I know if he was on the birth certificate, you would try to make my life impossible by not granting permission. Just a thought. You'll make the right decision I'm sure. Good Luck!



Oh! and by the way, he does not have his last name either. Just a little extra for you to think about. :)

Danielle - posted on 03/05/2010

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IF you put him on the BC..he can always come after you and try and get some form of custody 5 or 10 yrs down the track...You could raise your child by yourself for 10yrs and then he may want to get back in th picture and may get granted 50% custody..



if you DONT put his name on then you wont get child support...but you dont NEED it, you can survive without it believe me,lol...If you dont put it on how will your child feel in 10-15yrs time when they see their BC has "unknown" as the father?

if you DONT put it on then you dont have to worry about visitations..unless he goes to court and gets a DNA test to prove he is the father.



It is honestly something YOU have to think long and hard about..every child deserves to know their roots no matter how bad and ugly they may be. But that doesnt necessarily mean u have to put his name on...



I KNOW i havent given you an answer, but that is because i dont think anyone can give you one. Each persons situation is different. I have my ex's name on the BC and yeah sometimes i wish it wasnt there but for me at least when my daughter is older and sees her BC she will actually see his name linked with hers on a legal document stating that she DOES have a dad....



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