Should i shut the father out

Tcombs0727 - posted on 02/15/2017 ( 13 moms have responded )

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Child is 10, father calls maybe 5 times a year, and seen her twice since 2010

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Ev - posted on 02/16/2017

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Tonya--I would still get it through the courts that way if he did take her he would have to be held accountable to send her back when time was up and/or face consequences. If you do not have that piece of court document the state of Texas won't budge. Texas does not abide by the same custody rules as Ohio does. All states have their own custody laws.

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Meaghan91483 - posted on 02/24/2017

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Hey Tonya~I'm really sorry that the father is not more involved. It must be really hard to do this all on your own. It must be tough to not have a father figure for your daughter as well. Its a natural reaction to want to shut out people who hurt us so that we don't have to hurt anymore. However, maybe it would be better to set some healthy boundaries with the father instead of shutting him out? He might make some better choices if you share that you appreciate the child support and that you want him to have a good relationship with his daughter, but that its tough to build a relationship on just a few calls a year.

Sometimes, hearing that for a man can be very encouraging and on their own they end up changing because they no longer see you as a threat, but as someone who is just trying to do the best they can. He's bitter, which means he's hurt, which means he needs to heal from something. Maybe this would be a positive step in the right direction for some of that healing to happen, so that he could start being a Dad to his child, and not just a father? Men really, really, really need encouragement and respect. Women really, really, really need love and appreciation. So, if there is a way to get that started on your end, things might be different in the coming months. I'm praying that things go forward in a new and good direction for your family. You are all so important and its worth the time invested by you so far to see things take a turn for the better.

And, from one Mom to another: There are a lot of good resources for co-parenting with your ex online at places like Focus on the Family, free podcasts on your phone, free ebook rentals from the local library or church library, and free family magazines like Thriving Family that are very encouraging to parents. Its nice to know that we're not alone and that there are other options out there to help us walk through the parenting years. ~Blessings Friend :)

Tcombs0727 - posted on 02/16/2017

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In ohio the mother automatically has sole custody if the parents were never married

Tcombs0727 - posted on 02/16/2017

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Yes i wouldnt send her without one, i just feel like he says things to her that really dont need to be said, she is 10 she dont know about child support and what its for, he is just a real petty person, you would think he would of grown up a little, i mean were almost 40, but all i ever get is, this is what you wanted.....sorry it not what i wanted, i didnt want to raise a child by my self.

Sarah - posted on 02/16/2017

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I see your concerns. I do think you really need to get a court order that gives you sole legal and physical custody. Especially since he has told you he'd like her to come visit. As it stands now, he does not need your permission to see her. He could come to visit and leave with her and you'd be left trying to get her back after the fact. Now, I am not saying he'd do this but better to have everything in order anyway.
IMO, I'd leave the door open between the two of them. Encourage her to write to him if she wants and try to remain neutral in your opinions about him. He may not be an active parent, but he is still her dad. She is entitled to be supported by both of her parents so i would not make a change in that arrangement.

Tcombs0727 - posted on 02/16/2017

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Also he would her to come there however, i will not do that with out a court order in place..he could easliy get her down there file for temporary custody then i wpuld have to fight to get her back...he dont know her like that, and i wouldnt feel comfortable sending her miles away with people she dont know...all i ever asked was that he come down here for one year regular or even 6 months, to actually get to know her, but he refuses...its all about the money to him, believe me, he thinks i sought him out to have a baby so i could get child support...lmao...im sorry that was mot my plan in life

Tcombs0727 - posted on 02/16/2017

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He doesnt actively parent, he makes a call several times a year, and he wouldnt ever move back here, he is from texas and his child and all family reside in texas

Tcombs0727 - posted on 02/16/2017

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Ive acutally offered to him, to get up his rights and he wouldnt have to pay support.. all i got was the usuall im a bitch, you want me for my money bull crap

Sarah - posted on 02/16/2017

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If you shut him out, would you elect to stop receiving support as well?
I don't see any benefit from closing that door. Someday, your daughter may want to get to know him, he may decide to move back to your area. He is her father, equally entitle to parent and equally obligated to support his child as you are. That he does actively parent right now is sad for both him and his child. She could have a great relationship with him and her half-siblings. Has he asked for her to come and visit him in his area?

Tcombs0727 - posted on 02/16/2017

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Well, there is no court order..he failed to show up to the trial in 2010, she was born in 2007, we seperated off and on untill 2009, when he left ohio and moved to texas, he had another child and thats why he didnt show up, he has seen her twice maybe since 2010, he calls on holidays and birthdays sometimes, but when he calls he is so bitter that he has to pay child support and shows it during his calls, ex.....he called my daughter on her birthday a couple days ago, asked her what she wanted and she said money so she can buy her own things, he said daddy sends mommy money every month ask her if she will give you some...he has never done anything for her out side of child support...i have been more than willing to let him see her, but he doesnt make the attempt...it was his choice to move from ohio to texas knowing he had a child, i will not let her go down there untill there is actually a relationship there, and also with out any paperwork, but he dont care....im torn between the decision to just change my number, he knows nothing about where we live, what school she goes too..nothing, i almost feel like he feels obligated to call because he pays child support....if he didnt pay i dont think he would call when he actually does....

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