Jessica - posted on 05/26/2010 ( 18 moms have responded )
For the first three years of my DS’s life I was a single parent then I meet my BF and he has stepped up and been a dad to my DS. We have been together two years and have been living together for about 10 months. Our relationship is very rocky, we fight almost everyday and I feel like I can’t talk to him because he turns everything I say and uses it against me. Twice in our relationship he has e-mailed other women about wanting to sleep with them because I don’t “satisfy his needs.” I was going to college fulltime and working overnight on Thursday and Friday at a job that I loved. Because of all the fighting about me being to tired to do anything on Saturday night ( I was getting of work and going straight to class on Saturday’s) I quit my job because he would tell me that if I keep being so tired and working overnight “we will have serious problems”. Quitting my job did not help with fighting and we still do nothing together on the weekends. He says it is because I trained him to think I do not want to do anything with him and I just need to make him do something or I need to make him want to or I need to get him interested in me again. My mother told me that things will get better when I finish school but nothing has changed since I graduated. According to him it is my fault we fight because I don’t “care about his needs” he has even called me selfish and told me that I don’t care if his “needs” get satisfied. Recently he told me that this is why he was looking outside to get his needs satisfied. I will admit that after I found out about what he was doing I did not want him to touch me and I do not trust him. I am tired of the fighting and him calling me really hateful names and cursing at me. I did not sign on to be a slave to walk behind him and pick up after him, I have taught my 5yr old to pick up after his self and I don’t see why a 32 year old man can’t do it as well. And I really didn’t sign on to “give it to him” any time he says. I’ve tried doing everything he wants exactly how he wants, but I am really unhappy, if I say anything he tells me I am blowing it out of proportion or making a big deal out of nothing. If I cry he tells me I am being childish or a pantywaist. My problems is at the moment I am completely financially dependent on him and he knows it, but hopefully that won’t last long. I want to save money and get my own place by August at the latest. When the time comes I don’t know how to explain to my son that we will not be living with his dad anymore. My BF has no rights to my son because he is not his but I don’t want to separate them because this is the man that my son knows as his dad. So I want him to be able to see my BF and spend time with him because my BF is a great dad to my DS but we just can’t get along and have very different views about life. Please don’t judge me I know staying with him because I can’t support my child on my own at this moment is wrong. But I also stay because I am afraid of going back to being a single parent. I’m afraid if I leave my BF will not be around for my DS even though he has told me that he would be. I don’t know should I stay even though I am unhappy to keep my son with his father?