should i stay or should I go??

Kimberley - posted on 03/17/2012

You asked what a person would do...........the answer is continue on with your goals and taking care of your toddler. He will regret his behavior in the future. He is acting like a child himself. I left my husband after his abuse, I had too. I am lost as well so I understand your feelings. I hope it gets better for you and your child.

Renee - posted on 03/17/2012

since we were divorced in 09 we have the parenting time and sole custody issue in the court papers. im not sure since we reconciled last year, if that changes everything. it stopped his child support so id have to go to court for that. but as it is, since he works for himself and doesnt claim any income to any taxes, he doesnt want me to go to court for that so he will just pay what i need. his other kids is court ordered and he keeps paying that. so as far as me moving and the legalities, i can go anywhere. he doesnt fight to see her as it is, hes not being mean to me as it is, to force me to stay away from my family. he is paying our way so we dont get thrown out on the street like what happened when we divorced. i lost everything and family wouldnt help me, it was a learning lesson. i was pregnant and needed my family to help and no one offered a room or couch for me, just his family. pretty sad to have to turn to your enemy at the time for help. my mom told me to move to a womens shelter. so, i have applied online to alot of jobs as im a hairstylist but they work long hours and weekends and alot of office jobs as ive had office manager experien,ce. im also working on finishing my degree to teach kindergarten so im online classes full time now and summer and fall and should be done. i dont want to go back to ks as i know my family still wouldnt help me if i needed money or sitter or if my car broke down. here at least, i can call him if i am stranded on the side of the road and he or his family wouldnt let us starve as my family wouldnt even spring for jars of baby food when i lived there close to them before. my grandma lives with my aunt her husband and they were very kind to me and cooked dinner and had family game night and fun stuff while i lived there so it wasnt that no body helped me. i want to do it on my own, not have to worry about others to help me, im grown, but it feels safe to know you have those ppl around in case you get in a bind. Its just my parents were never big on helping others, just themselves even when it came to their first grandchild. so this is why i clung to him and his family when i was at my lowest. i love where i live and have interviews next week for the resumes i posted last night. so, hopefully while hes paying the lease and bills i can work and put money aside, he wont know. the deal was to pay the bills til the lease was up in july and i get up on my feet. i have to apply for help with daycare or thats 600 a month. theres a 12 month waiting list for that and i applied for it before christmas. my head is turning, i want my little one to be around my grandma and aunt and cousins who love her and me unconditional. my parents are into their own lives with my brother and sister and havent seen them in a year or any presents at holidays for my baby...maybe its because i chose to be with him a second time, idk, but they have made mistakesin their lives so i dont know why they wont get past it no matter how much we talk about it. they never offered to let us stay wit them. i kinda want to stay around here but work since my online classes arent that difficult and i can get student loan money to help with living expenses. what do you think?

Sherry - posted on 03/17/2012

Personally, I think that you should stay. If he is paying for your lease.....that is definitely a financial burden that has been lifted from you. Plus you stated that you would have trouble finding a job in Kansas. Or if you truly have your heart set on moving back to KS, perhaps you could have a job lined up before you move there. Plenty of companies will fly you to and from your current city for interviews, and a lot of them will pay for your moving expenses if they feel you could be a benefit for their company.



Are you allowed to move out of state with you daughter? I know plenty of people who are stuck from moving out of state due to legalities in their divorce decree.

Sandy - posted on 03/17/2012

I think it's great that you are getting your college degree and raising a toddler! Getting that degree will open up job prospects for you that will help you support you and your child. It's probably tempting for you to stay because everything is paid for you while you are getting your degree, but only until July. What happens after July? I think if it were me I would probably leave and be with family that would support me emotionally and that sounds to me like your grandmother. Is it possible you could live with her? I think I would rather live on welfare that take money from someone who obviously is only thinking of himself and his future. I don't know if you are religious or not, but I have found that most churches have groups for single mothers and they help a lot because you find friends who are in similar situations as yours and they do provide emotional support and they usually have free or reduced child care available too. What you need to do despite feeling depressed and lonely is to reach out to family or join a group not only for your sake but for your child's sake too. I wish you all the luck and stay positive and strong and just know that these dark days won't last forever, there is a future ahead of you! God Bless you!

Melodii - posted on 03/14/2012

It sounds like you are frustrated because you have alienated yourself and painted yourself in a corner. Only *you* can free yourself.



If you're going to stay you need to make your own life there. Don't depend on him for your entertainment or make him your sole confidant.



As far as that city being beautiful, etc., there is beauty everywhere. Every city has beauty in it if you look hard enough. Home is where you make it. Live where you are at peace. If you move for a while, you can always come back later. Nothing is permanent.